The truth about now
I wasted time mostly, but I've found myself again. I don't know who I was before all of this, I can't seem to remember the kind of thoughts that would surround me at that time. This always happens, time does wash away everything. I think back, about what I could have done differently being with you. It all doesn't correlate either way: I am still stuck in between getting to know myself more. There was a time where I didn't think I could get out my head. But I did and I lived along the lines of my reckless and selfish decisions. I just turned 21, and already fucked up with reasoning and friendships. I wrote myself a letter, that I can't even phase to read it. I don't want to disappoint myself more than I already have. I feel useful working more than at school. I have moments at times where my head feels heavier than my body and my shoulders can't support it. Drake said what a time to be alive, he is right. I am alive, living and experiencing but I'm also exhausted. Which is what's scary because my life hasn't truly began, and I do think about you all the time. It's just different now, everything is my whole life. I don't know how to balance anything out. And I just want have everything okay and okay and be loved.