How great would it be if we lived till the end of our lives. I know it's scary that someone lost their life right outside of where you work. It would be selfish of me to say not to work there anymore. But we can't avoid going outside forever. I just wish that outside wasn't so scary. I wished people didn't have guns in the first place.
I hope that I can be with you until the end of time. If I died before you, please don't be sad. We shared a lot of happy memories together. You made me laughed so much. I'll be lying if I said I wasn't afraid to die, but honestly, death scares me to no end. Before you asked if I think about it, I do but I wouldn't be able to tell you everything I think about. The list would get too long. I can name a few things here. The existencal crisis has been plaguing my mind since I was a child. I was in 2nd grade when my teacher said there was a end. Questions that children would normally think of,started forming. "Am I going to see anyone of my family and friends?'' "Where do I go when I die?" "What's the point of trying so hard when in the end it doesn't matter?" I think it got worse in my adolescent years. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when I was hospitalized. I wish I could be a better sister to you. My biggest fear is that I won't be able to see you again or remember you. I don't want to forget you. I hate thinking about parting ways from you. I want to be able to control these thoughts better. I hope you can heal through this grieving time.
