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Experiencing Hell

Bethany’s POV

They were right. They were all right. They told me not to trust him. They told me that he was scum, and make me feel like it too. They told me his little game. They told me everything. But I was stupid enough to push that all aside and fall for him.

My name’s Bethany. I’m 14 years old, and I’m in year nine. But when I was 12 years old in year 7, I experienced hell.

His name was Andrew. I had heard rumours about him. He was the most hated boy in our year. His jokes were hurtful, his acts were offensive and evil, he was just not the kid you would want to associate with.

We were on a school field trip. And my friends in the years above me told me about this place. That it was drama filled, and almost lose your friends. But I was never one to those girls that loses her friends easily. So I didn’t think much about that rumour.

I will never forget day three of the trip. My so called ‘friend’ started a rumour about me and it got around the whole grade. No one talked to me that day. The rumour was horrid, I’m not going to repeat it. Anyway, we had free time for about 20 minutes or so each day, and that day I spent sitting on a hill kind of secluded from everyone.

Excuse me, if I start crying during this, I’m terribly sorry.

I was sitting on the hill with my knees up and my elbows rested on them with my head tucked in. That way I can’t see anyone, and no one could see me. I sobbed quietly to myself until about 10 minutes passed by, and I heard the old leaves crunching around me become louder and louder—someone was coming. I don’t bother to look and see who was approaching. But I yell into my body, “Go away, I don’t want to talk right now.” The person ignored my order, and just sat down beside me wrapping an arm around me and pulling me towards my left to rest against his chest. I knew it was a boy, because I smelled his Axe deodorant. Girls don’t wear that.

He didn’t say anything, he just shushed my tears away and rubbed my back until I sat myself up and wiped my face. That’s when I turned to my left and saw him. I didn’t even think he knew who I was. But he knew I knew him. I tried to not be so mean to him, because I thought what if it was just a reputation and that’s not what he really is?

“Andrew? Why are you here?” I say as I wipe my tears off my stained cheeks.

“I couldn’t help but notice you were all alone here. No one should be alone when we’re on a class trip.”

I didn’t answer. I didn’t want to engage in conversation with him, not after all the years I tried to stay away from him.

“Where are your friends anyway?”

“Don’t act like you don’t know.” The tears somehow managed to continue falling from my eyes and I repeatedly have to wipe them away.

“Mmm.. no I really don’t. What happened?”

“Listen, Andrew, I know you mean well, but I just, I really don’t want to talk about it.” My voice fades out as I stand up and start walking away. Then I realize, where am I going? No one is talking to me, my friends—forget it. I have no where to go. So I end up walking around the whole free time area.

It’s the morning we’re leaving, I walk into the cabin building and walk up the stairs and down the hallway and stand outside my room. I hear my ‘friends’ talking and I stand outside to hear. “I know! And she was talking to Andrew. I think Beth has really hit rock bottom,” and I walk in on their laughter. The sight of me shuts them up, but it’s useless because I already heard their conversation. In one swift move, I pick up my luggage and make my way out of the room which I will never see again. We were told to pack up our stuff last night before bed, so we would all be prepared when we left this morning. Since all my friends were huddled together, probably talking about me, I think I was the only one that actually gathered my things last night. I’m the only one standing outside waiting for the buses, faculty and the rest of my grade to meet outside.

I put my luggage with the rest of everyone else’s and find a seat on the bus. I sit directly in the middle, and I swear, I’m the first student on my bus. It’s not like I had anything better to do. As the rest of my peers board the bus, my friends one by one pass me and go straight to the back of the bus. I just plug in my iPod and tune out everyone. Then I feel the seat next to me dip down, indicating someone’s sitting next to me. I turn my head and take out a headphone. It’s Andrew. I put my headphone back in.

“Oh, come on. Don’t be like that.” he says to me trying to resist me putting in my headphone.

“What do you want, Andrew?” I say not even looking at him.

“I just wanted to talk. Get to know you.” I roll my eyes and put my headphone back in looking out the window. He doesn’t get my hint. “You can’t deny that we had a bonding moment yesterday.” I can hear through my music.

“No, we didn’t, Andrew. I didn’t know it was you.”

“Well who else would it be?”

“I don’t know. I just didn’t think you’d be the one to come pick me up off my feet.”

“I’m really not the guy you think I am, Bethany.”

“Then who are you?” I look at him and take out both of my headphones.

“Someone you should give a chance to and find out.” Smooth. He was very smooth.

I still didn’t trust him though.

The bus stops at our school and I wait for my mum to come get me. Andrew’s playing with my iPhone until his mum came to get him, he hands it to me and within seconds I feel my phone vibrate to an unknown number. I open it and it reads, “Hey, it’s Andrew.” Frankly, I didn’t want to respond. I was barely letting him talk to me on the bus ride home, but how can I ignore someone that’s right next to me?

But of course, I was being nice. So I responded to him. But I kept my answers short. I was home now, and I didn’t want to talk to anyone.

After about a week of talking, he started to change. He was being nice to me, complimenting me, asking me to hang out, sticking up for me. Basically, he was there when my friends weren’t. Then he popped the question. I’ll never forget it. It was a Friday after school. He called me once I got home, and he just came out with it. “Will you go out with me?”. I was young. I was vulnerable. I was never asked that question. I was stupid. I said yes.

Weeks pass, and he treated me like I didn’t exist. I didn’t feel like a girlfriend—his girlfriend. I remember thinking about breaking up with him, but he beats me to it with a text. “I’m breaking up with you.” He couldn’t be anymore blunt.

I’ll be honest. I did cry. He was my first “boyfriend”. I thought he was capable of making me happy. The things he said to me were so sweet, it was so new to me that someone actually thought that way about me. But I was wrong. And he wasn’t worth my tears.

A week goes by and we don’t talk. But my friends come back to me. One by one, they all apologized. But to this day, only a few of them stayed with me. Bless them.

Then, I don’t know how, but Andrew introduced me to hell. Not even a glimpse of it. The whole effing experience.

“I just wanted to let you know, that I didn’t even like you. I just felt bad for you that your friends hated you.” That text message hurt. But I didn’t cry. I just didn’t respond to him.

Once every other week he would send me a hurtful text. Each time I was hoping it was an apology, or something sweet that he always used to say to me. One time I even hoped for a plead to take him back. But I was wrong—each and every time.

“You’re a bitch.” “You have no friends.” “I never liked you.” were only some of the hurtful things he said to me. The others are to remain for my memory only. I don’t want to express to everyone those words.

He fed me these hurtful words for 8 months. Eight months. I swear, I spent those eight months crying, and thought I was worthless. Sometimes I would even get a call from him, and he would say just the meanest, and rudest things to me. I even cried on the phone. He’s heard me cry. You would think that’s someone’s weakness, so he’d have to apologize, but no. He laughed right into the phone. Laughed right into my ear. His laugh was so evil. I winced as I heard him laugh at my tears and hung up the phone.

He would even mask his hurtful acts by starting with a normal greeting and conversation. Then when I least expected it, he would shut me down. It’s like it’s all he lived for. All he wanted was to know I was upset, hurt, and even physically crying.

Then it was that one night that I will never ever forget, even if I tried. I was home alone while everyone in my family was everywhere. I was sitting on my couch watching a movie and eating popcorn while texting my friend. I hear my phone vibrate and I pick it up to feel it vibrate again as I read, “Andrew” on my screen. I ignore the call. I realized that whenever I ignored the calls, he wouldn’t try to call again. So I did so.

I wait for my friend’s reply still, and I hear my phone vibrate again. It’s him. He never calls again if I don’t answer the first time. I always think, well, what if it’s an emergency? What if something’s wrong, and I’m a last resort? So, I answer it.

“Hello?”

“Beth?” He doesn’t sound like it’s an emergency.

“Yeah.”

“Did you know, that no one likes you?”

I didn’t answer. I just let his words pour out, and I almost ignore all of it. But how can I?

“That—that you’re a huge whore and everyone thinks you are?”

Again, I dare not to answer. I can’t give him his satisfaction.

“Oh, and that I never liked you, I just felt bad that everyone hated you? All the sweet things I said to you was a lie. It was just an act. I never liked you, and no one does. You have no friends and everyone actually hates you. You should hear what people say behind your back! You’re worthless and unimportant. Why don’t you just go kill yourself?”

He’s lucky I didn’t choke on the popcorn that I was eating as he was telling me all of this. But maybe that’s what he would have wanted. His words cut like knives. I can’t take it anymore. Andrew, had won.

“Ok, I will.”

As I draw the phone from my ear I can hear him asking me to wait so he can change his words. But there’s no taking it back. What’s said is done.

I don’t even hesitate a second once I hang up the phone, I get up and walk into the kitchen, not even bothering to pause the movie. I walk straight up to a pad of paper and pen that happened to already be on the counter, and I write,

Andrew, you win.

I place it next to my phone and stack of knives. I hold the knife against my skin, shaking as I do so. The tears never failed to constantly fall from my eyes and onto the blade and my wrist. The shaking becomes intense and I fall to the floor. I didn’t cut myself, nor kill myself. But I wanted to. Oh bloody hell, I wanted to.

He made me feel like I had nothing to live for, he even told me. I sat there on the kitchen floor, drop the knife arms length away from my body and sat there, crying.

And then it comes to me. He doesn’t have the power to tell me when my life ends. And that’s when I reach up onto the counter and grab my phone dialing his number. It rings a few times and then I hear his voice frantic, like he had been freaking out at our last phone call. “Hello?! Beth?!”

I choke back my tears,“You. You have the nerve don’t you? What makes you think, that you can just treat me like shit for eight months straight and get away with it, huh? Do you think it’s funny to send me those text messages and call me when you’re with your friends to tell me that I’m worthless, ugly, a whore, and any other of the words you said to me? I’m on my breaking point and you’re damn right as hell lucky that I didn’t take that blade to my neck. Don’t you EVER call me again, and don’t you EVER even dare to talk to me. I never want to see, hear, or think of you ever again. Goodbye, Andrew.”

The nerve that kid has. I can’t believe it took me eight months, and a knife to my skin for me to stand up to him.

It’s been one month since that phone call. He hasn’t said a word to me since. And just to think, one simple paragraph for me to recite off the top of my head to him is all it took for him to stop harassing me. All of my friends knew about what he had done to me. But none of them knew about the knife. They just think everything was all in one phone call. But it wasn’t.

I should have trusted my first instinct. I should have pushed him away. Why did I ever let him into my life?

That one night, that one glorious night. He decides to text me again. Starting with a normal conversation.

“Hey”

“Hi.” I reply.

“How are you?”

“Good. How are you.”

“Great.”

“Ok. Bye now.”

“What? Bye?”

“Yes. Bye.”

I wasn’t going to let him take over my life again. After that conversation, I deleted his number from my phone and I’ve never been happier since.

One year later…

I’m now in year nine, and that’s where I am now. Andrew and I met and dated at the end of year seven, so summer and fall past and the whole… event happened in year 8 in late November.

I’ll never forget my first day of year nine. This is when my year moves into the high school and different towns go to one school. I remember walking in the hallway and spotting the most attractive lad I’ve seen in ages.

Each lesson passes, and that lad is in almost every one of them. I over heard his friends talking to him, and his name is Harry. Harry Styles. I heard he was a total sweetheart, but I also heard that he’s a complete ladies man. I mean, how could he not be? Those curls, those green eyes, those dimples, ugh it’s too much for one guy. And he probably is in a committed relationship already, so I’ll save myself early and not even bother to crush on him.

A few months pass, and I excuse myself from class, one which Harry wasn’t in. He and I have never had a conversation, and I don’t have a crush on him, but I do keep my eye on him every now and then.

So, I leave class to use the washroom, and when I finish my business to leave to go back to class, I look left and right in case I ran into one of my friends. I look to my right, and I see Andrew. I give him a glare and look to my left and start walking since that was the direction back to my classroom. I see Harry walking toward me, and flashes me a smile out of courtesy.

I hear Andrew whisper, “Beth! BETH!” I ignore him. There was no way I’m ever getting involved with him.

“Beth! I have to tell you something!” I roll my eyes and Harry notices as he passes me. I hope he doesn’t think it was for him…

“WHAT ANDREW.” I hiss turning around to see he’s a few feet away from me.

“I just wanted to tell you that—” I cut him off and start walking toward his frozen body.

“No, you don’t want to tell me anything, remember? You made my life HELL!” I said ‘hell’ rather louder than I wanted it to be, because I notice Harry turn around beyond Andrew was standing, and tries to hide himself by getting a drink at the water fountain.

Andrew tries to speak again and I lunge myself at him wanting to just hit him, and slap him, and do such school illegal things to him! Harry can’t help himself but run up to us and try to break up my attempted fight. He succeeds to hold me back from Andrew as he tells him to scram. My rage turns into tears and Harry tries to calm me and shush away my tears.

“Hey—hey, hey,” he says trying to hold me still.

My watering eyes just stare into his perfect green ones.

“What was all that about?”

“Do you really care? Or are you going to treat me like scum like he did.” I gesture toward the direction he ran away in, and tried to get out of Harry’s hold. He just pulled me back into place holding me a foot away from him.

“No, I actually care. I’ve heard about him.”

“Hah, so have I. And then he made my life hell.” I attempt to leave his hold again. He just holds me in the same place.

He narrows his eyes and tries to put puzzle pieces together, “You’re Bethany.” he says to me.

“Yes, and you’re Harry. We’re in a few classes together.” I say sarcastically.

“No, no I mean you’re Bethany. The Bethany. I’ve heard about you.”

“Lovely.” I say unenthusiastically, and again. Trying to get back to class. I fail from his grip.

“No, I mean, I’ve heard about what he’s done to you.” He pauses, and relaxes his tight grip. “I’m so sorry.”

“No need to be sorry. I just need to stay as far away from him as possible, or else I’ll physically destroy his face.” I say my last sentence in a hushed tone glaring down the hall Andrew ran away to.

He lightens the mood, “Well then I’m glad I walked the halls when I did.” One of his signature smiles grows on his face and he lets go of his grip trusting I won’t run away.

Harry and I spent the rest of the 10 minutes left of class sitting on a bench against the window near where we had our first conversation. We just talked about Andrew, what Harry’s heard about him and what Andrew did to me. Harry gave me his condolences.. and our first kiss.

Here I am today, I’m going to be in year 10 in the fall, hoping to never see Andrew or get involved with him ever again. But if he does, I know I have Harry by my side to kick his ass!

#experiencing hell #harry styles #lily