I’ve had a full week of feeling so utterly despondent that I have to keep reminding myself to exhale. It’s so difficult to advocate for yourself when the level of pain you’re dealing with makes forming a coherent thought a challenge let alone trying to organize multiple doctors’ offices when they are understandably preoccupied with the crisis and most of them aren’t even scheduling procedures and tests that aren’t life or death let alone performing them yet. I’ve lost my job, my apartment, my community, and any semblance of independence in the last year or so from my decline and I’m exhausted from the constant dread that I will always ultimately lose what I cherish due to my health issues. I wish I still had some reason to keep fighting but I’m so, so tired. I know it doesn’t help that I’m taking my usual recourse of isolating myself and shutting down and out everyone and everything but I don’t feel capable of doing much else...
