i am saying this wjth the most deadest of all ass. this menu is a fucking trip. whoever wrote this needs to lay off the drugz and maybe take a spelling class. or ten. let's break this shit down:
chese: looks like someone had a corker & decided to call it cheese. blahhhhhh. holy shitballs is that a brain masquerading as cheese? giving me serious zomb vibes man. chese, cheese's demented cousin. the lactose-intolerant's nightmare fuel. 1/5 stars, wouldn't fuck.
inger hirucing: sounds like something you'd need condoms condoms condoms! for. gesundheit motherfucker. looks like someone sneezed their asshole out and spread it up on this slice. 0/5 stars, hard pass.
sauze: sauce's edgelord cousin who probably wears sunglasses at night and calls everyone bro. it's not a phase mom, it's a midlife crisis. 3/5 stars, might fuck for selfies in the cool midlife crisis mobile.
cirgininged morie: holy shitballs, did cthulhu start a pizza joint? that's some lovecraftian fuckery right there. eldritch abomination on a crust. tentacle surprise supreme. actually that could be kinda tasty. 3/5 stars, would fuck them titillating tentacles tentatively cuz ya know i’ve got that nightmare hentai bod.
topping: ah yes the exotic topping. much descriptive. very specific. wow. is this what happens when an ai designs a pizza menu? mystery meat extravaganza. schrödinger's pizza garnish, is it topping or is it the void? is it delivery or is it (classified)? 2/5 stars, prob wouldn't even know how to fuck.
kanosic foffnge: lol thought it was frottage at first, something i fully support on the pizzular field or off. did someone have a stroke tryna kanosically frot the zombizza while typing this menu? this is some next-level asshattery. keyboard smash deluxe. autocorrect's fever dream. 4/5 stars, would frot.
comipzed memre: is this a pizza or a fucking c0mp00p0r error? either way, it's giving me the depresh. blue screen of death special. ram-ageddon pizza. byte me for bobs sake. 1/5 stars, wouldn't fuck.
ugly pusutule: wait, did i date this topping in 2023? points for honesty i guess. at least they're not trying to catfish us with this abomination. it's ugly and proud dammit. zit-za supreme. 0/5 stars, def wouldn't fuck (again) cuz last time his lazy ass just rolled over and went to bed after he popped his pustule, leaving my very engorged ripe one angrily throbbing in the breeze. what a dickhole.
puzze: pizza's evil twin now with extra existential crisis. the i is silent and judging your life choices. dough-pocalypse now? slice of regret? 3/5 stars, maybe if i’m high.
ulze: sounds like a rejected norse god… all hail ulze bringer of nausea, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea. gastrointestinal ragnarök. valhalla's vomit comet. romcom = more like vomcom amirite. 1/5 stars, nerp wouldn't fuck.
splt foot rodring: nothing says delicious pizza quite like a misshapen foot am i right? bon fucking appetit you adventurous bastards. toe jamboree. podiatrist's wet dream, but only because of the very expensive bill. 5/5, def plan to fuck but the podiatrist’s gonna spring for all my many condoms condoms condoms.
pift randing: i'm not even gonna try to decipher this shit. maybe it's better left a mystery like why anyone would order this pizza in the first place. area 51's secret menu item isn't for everybunny. 2/5 stars, might fuck if curious enough.
yo, will you follow my instagram or my tiktok? i'm just a prototerminal weirdcore artist who makes fun shit & has like 0 friends. plzthxlove <3
