#extra greasy

[doubledyke]

when you're hanging out with your crush and he puts on the brain surgery tape

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

My favorite diner has been closed for renovations for over two weeks now, so I broke down and settled for a different diner this morning, and lemme tell ya, the experience was beyond disappointing. The hashbrowns were soggy and tasted predominantly of vegetable oil, the eggs were the exact thickness and texture of a fruit rollup folded over itself, and the "biscuit" was inedibly dry and looked like they took a loaf of mountain bread from a grocery store bakery, cut it into quarters, and flattened the two cut edges so it would look like one bun by itself. I usually order French toast, but I knew the slices at this place could never compare to those sold at my favorite diner, so I made the regretable choice to order chicken fried steak instead. Do not do what I have done. I concede that what they served me was in fact beef, but you could not torture me into saying it was steak. Does a slice of roast beef count as steak? What about a McDonalds hamburger patty? What I got was a limp flavorless puck the exact size and shape of a drink coaster, covered in a wet layer of "breading" that sloughed off like Jeff Goldblum's skin in The Fly. Breakfast was not an enjoyable experience this morning, and it put a damper on the rest of my day.

If my favorite diner doesn't reopen next week, I am going to cry. If it goes out of business, I am going to self-immolate in the parking lot.

If you do not hear from me next Thursday, assume the worst.