#extremely personal tbh

[pies]

[saltyraph]

a thought about abortion and friendship, discretion is advised also very sorry if you're on mobile and you don't see the read more sign. x  

tonight i was feeling vulnerable as i was panicking about my period being late because of my panicking i became paranoid and got to the conclusion that I’m pregnant. rest assured I’m pretty sure I’m not pregnant being a virgin and all but my panic made me do some research on minors getting abortions and the cost of abortions. i found out abortions are really fucking expensive, like crazy expensive. 

after finding out the price of abortions i kept asking myself how i would get the money if necessary (all of this under the circumstance that my parents are unaware of what is happening by the way). I started asking two of my closest friends if they would help me out with money if i needed an abortion. the results surprised me. keep in mind that this isn’t an attack on one of them and they’re both pro choice. 

so one of my friends said that she wouldn’t help because she doesn’t have money and that hit me a lot. i guess if one of my friends needed an abortion i would help them, maybe it was the way she said it affected me or that she wouldn’t help. either way that got me quite sad, as well as feeling quite alone.

on the flip side i had asked my other close friend if she would help me pay for an abortion if i needed it. she said she would help. i guess that one line made me smile. that someone would help you even if they didn’t necessarily have tons of money to spend on something. 

I’m not shitting on one of my friends honestly, I’m just quite curious and had this thought about friends and abortions, I’m lucky to have family and friends who are pro choice and believe in the choice of abortion. I just had that thought and needed to share, i guess it shows the priorities and how in certain situations its better to go to certain people financially.

[totallv]

whenever I see my friends get suicidal again or self-harming again I just feel so terribly sad I wanna go to their houses and sit on their bedroom floor and let them lay their head on my lap and sob as much as they wanted and I'd kiss all their scars and then slowly lean down to their ear and as two tears rolled down my cheeks I'd whisper

If I were you I'd put that away

See you're just wasted and thinking about the past again

Darling you'll be ok

And then after some minutes of trying to control sobs they would just 

If you were me you'd do the same

'cause I can't take it anymore

I'll draw the shades and close the door

Everything's not alright

And I would rather...

And I'd just hold them really tight and stay in silence and be there for as long as it needed for them to understand how much I love them and how much they matter because I hope you're reading this YES THIS IS FOR YOU TWO and if you ever feel like no one cares and if you ever think you can't handle it anymore just remember I'm struggling too and I care and I know I don't talk much but give me a break I'm kinda anxious around new people ok