What's your story?
So this ask has been sitting here for a while now and I never knew how to answer it. I still have no idea how to answer it but here goes nothing.
My dad was deported when I was 16.
This is one of the biggest influences of my life. I lost my father in many ways, even though he is still alive today. It caused a huge financial strain on my family, affected my sisters, and most definitely affected my mom. But for me personally, it’s still strange not having him around. My dad and I weren’t very close to begin with, in fact I always felt like I was never good enough for him. It was always “why aren’t you getting better grades, why aren’t you first chair?” But I would much rather have that than nothing at all. I haven’t seen my dad in 4 years and I talk to him maybe once a month. I honestly have gotten really good at not thinking about the void that he left.
My story has always been who is worth giving up parts of myself for. Until recently, I never put myself first and I always sacrificed for those around me. I used to lash out at those who I could trust, I used to be extremely verbally abusive, and my self-esteem was pretty much non-existent. I used to think that I was worth less than dirt.
I always appreciated the little things in life, like the way a full moon illuminates the world, or the way tires sound on pavement when it’s raining. I’ve learned to love the little things because if I can’t notice and appreciate the little things in a day, life becomes dull. I’m always finding reasons why life is still worth living because one day I feel like I might go back to the mindset of “why should I even try?” I battle depression often, and it’s currently the worst it’s been in a really long time.
I was a student leader striving to build a community and a home within on campus housing. I constantly worked to ensure that people felt safe so they could experience college in a way that helps build relationships that will last and experiences that help them shape themselves. That has been my identity for the past two years and I’ve recently lost it because I couldn’t keep my grades up. I’ve lost a big part of my identity recently and 2016 will be finding a new identity.
Until recently I’ve discovered what it feels like to put myself first and it’s so rewarding. To become a better me makes each difficult day worth. I’ve learned to love every step of my journey because it helped me get to the person I am today (wow that was so cheesy, but so true). I can’t take back all of the mistakes of made, the people I’ve cheated on, the people I’ve hurt. I can’t take back the choices I’ve made. I can’t erase my history. I’ve spent too much time thinking that I’m a horrible person because of the horrible things that I’ve done. I know now that I can change and learn from my mistakes. I know now that I am the person that I am today. I refuse to waste my efforts on people who don’t deserve my time.
I don’t know if that answers this question but my story is still being written (lol still cheesy). I just take it one day at a time and trust that everything will work itself out in the end.
