Author’s note: 9 Pedro Characters. 9 Birthday Smooches. These are very lightly edited because they're supposed to be quick. Wanted to give all of you a gift to celebrate my birthday - Here comes Ezra.
I think there will be a few people that are very happy to see this one.
There were still nights when you woke up, gasping for breath, and expected to hear nothing next to you.
In the moments where you were still coming to, heartbeat racing in your ears, you were reminded of the time he’d been gone - and how much those rotations had hurt. You remembered every night that your eyes had opened and you’d reached for him, only to remember that he wasn’t there, and that your hand would only find smooth, cold sheets, the silence feeling as suffocating as the suit he wore likely was.
But that night, you weren’t greeted with silence or empty space. You still woke with a start, but almost immediately after opening your eyes, you heard him, the sound of Ezra’s deep, even breaths almost as soothing to you as his words were. And the warmth of him beside you was even more comforting, the scent of his freshly washed hair filling your nose with each breath you took to steady yourself.
It didn’t take you long to calm down entirely, your eyes adjusting to the almost perfect darkness of your room. When you moved closer, you were careful because you didn’t want to startle him. That was important, because Ezra’s lengthy recovery process and reintegration into everyday life wasn’t as simple as either of you had hoped it would be and you didn't want to reverse any of the progress he'd already made.
But he didn’t move, even when you pressed your lips to the back of his shoulder, his skin warm to the touch. And his breathing didn’t change when you took a deep breath and turned your head toward the pillow, pressing your cheek against it while your forehead made contact with the space between his shoulder blades.
Ezra did react, though, when you didn’t move to touch him further, the man sighing and inching backwards, closing the space between you. “I’m awake, and I know very well that it is you here with me.” His voice was thick with sleep, but at the sound of it you felt yourself shiver, your right arm immediately rising so that you could wind it around his body.
You were careful of the still-tender wound on his stomach, but didn’t shy away from trailing your fingertips over it, choosing to do exactly what Ezra had told you that he preferred you do and face his new condition head on. He already felt sorry enough for himself, he’d said, his eyes blazing with anger and shame, and he didn’t need you to pity him, too.
You showed him that you didn’t as often as you could, your hands and mouth on him, your gaze never dropping, even when he was being difficult, your spoken promises aligning with your behavior. It was slow and it was hard, but as the cycles passed and both of you began to understand that Ezra was home, and that you were too happy about that to care about the parts of him that hadn’t made it back, it became easier.
“Go back to sleep, Ezra. I just …” You swiped your thumb across his skin in a slow arc, smiling at the sound of your name as it reached your ears, his voice a little stronger than it had been only moments earlier. “I woke up, and I had to make sure that …”
“What time is it?” He turned slowly, rolling onto his back and then turning his head toward you, clearing his throat. “How long have you -”
“Only a few minutes. And I don’t know. It’s got to be almost morning, but …”
“If it’s morning,” he began, carefully shifting his weight. “Then it means that today is my favorite day.” You sucked in a breath, unable to form words before Ezra continued. “Another rotation. Another trip around the suns. The anniversary of your creation, something that Kevva herself could not have -”
You felt the tears leaking down your cheeks as he spoke, your hand reaching out again and sliding slowly up and down his side as you inched even closer, though you were mindful of what remained of his arm on the bed between you. “I’m so glad you’re home, Ezra.”
You choked the words out, the tears coming harder. Somehow, he found you in the dark, his lips kissing the tear tracks on your cheeks before they retreated and then landed against yours briefly.
You tasted salt when you licked them, but didn’t get a chance to speak before you felt his hand on your cheek, the man’s palm warm and welcome, though his fingertips were rough as they circled over the space in front of your ear. “There aren’t adequate words to describe how glad I am to be home with you, Starlight. And that is on a regular day. Today?” He leaned in again, kissing you softly. “Today I have even fewer.”
You gasped, fighting back another sob.
That time, you didn’t hesitate to tighten your grip on him, your lips already parted when they met his. He kissed you hard, his fingers sliding over to curl around the back of your head. And when he deepened the kiss, tongue pushing past your lips to meet yours, it was him that reacted first, the man’s sigh turning into a groan.
“Then show me, Ezra.” Kissing your way over his cheek and then taking his earlobe between your teeth, you tugged on it. “Don’t tell me, show me.”
✨ this masterlist is a compilation of wonderful writers* that have blessed us with their amazing works ✨
FICS | HEADCANONS | IMAGINES | PROMPTS
The Masterlist
if you don’t reblog this it’s all good, but r e m e m b e r to REBLOG and maybe reply too, ya know? that’s also nice the original posts bc these people are blessing us with their writing for f r e e!!! likes are nice and all but they don’t get writings anywhere really! having a lot of notes is cool and whatnot but actually reblogging something is ✨💕😭🎉💖 so yeah be the real mvp and reblog the author’s works bye!
*if your stuff isn’t here: it’s not you, it’s me! i’m a lazy ass! and also i couldn’t keep up with the amount of works being posted 😅 if you would like to be added pls just message me or fill this form! i know adding absolutely everyone is impossible at this point, but i’d love to add as many people as possible, i mean it 💙
Prospect was an interesting movie to watch and I didn't quite get my mind around what it meant entirely, but Ezra is such an interesting character between his vernacular and his personality. I love the way writers incorporate that into stories!
This list will be updated with the weekly recs I post!
** indicates 18+ or NSFW and should not be consumed by those under 18
☆ HOLD ON TO THESE WORDS
BY OPHELIAELYSIA
Reader struggles with insomnia and late-night anxieties
☆ WILDFLOWER
BY OPHELIAELYSIA
Reader is exploring nature one morning and finds flowers that reminds you of Ezra
☆ ZENITH
BY OPHELIAELYSIA
The feelings that come along with Ezra's kisses
☆ CONNECTING THE DOT
BY BISON-WRITES
Ezra meets Dot, a beautiful mute gal, in the med bay after losing his arm and they soon become business partners
☆ **BENEATH THE MOON’S GAZE
BY OPHELIAELYSIA
NSFW! Just some intense smut
☆ **AKRASIA
BY OPHELIAELYSIA
NSFW! Reader and Ezra are locked down in their ship before being able to dock and part ways and sexual tension arrises
☆ **THE EXACT COLOUR
BY OPHELIAELYSIA
NSFW! Artist!Ezra painting his muse, the reader, both in a physical and literal way
Pairing: Eventual Ezra x female reader - musician AU
Word Count: 8,561
Rating: M. Language, mentions losing a parent, insecurities.
Summary: A budding friendship with Cee brings new opportunities for you, but it also raises questions in your relationship ... though not by you. Will meeting her in person change anything?
Blanket warnings: loss of a parent, character death, survivor’s guilt, learning to deal with the loss of a limb, infidelity (not Reader w/Ezra), blood, bodily injury, heavy angst.
Author’s note:
This is still a little bit of a setup chapter, but we’re getting more into it now ... and things are going to pick up.
I’m already working on part 3, so this one will hopefully come quick, even if I switch between a couple other things that I’m working on.
Let me know what you think / if you have any questions.
Catch up on the intro here
The heat of the sun made it difficult for you to concentrate, but you tried. Robbie’s sister’s voice came from one side and his mother’s from the other, the three of you sitting outside on comfortable chairs in their backyard. He was off somewhere with his dad, and that left you free to relax. But despite your best efforts, you still couldn’t focus. “I need to go inside.” Sitting straight up and looking between them, you gave his mother a small smile. “It’s too hot, and I need something to drink.”
“Go on. We’ll be right here. The house is all yours.” That had been the case since you and Robbie got serious and moved in together, and you were going to take advantage of the offer. Just for a few minutes. Heading inside, you stepped into the bathroom to splash water on your face before flopping down and onto one of the couches, the cool air washing over your skin.
Realistically, you could probably only get away with staying inside for a little while before one of them would come looking, and you decided to make the most of the time you had, pulling your phone from your pocket and unlocking it. There was a text from Robbie, telling you that he’d be back in a little under an hour, but there was also another alert - a follow request that you weren’t expecting. “Oh, shit.”
Cee (StreamerGirlCee) has requested to follow you
Shooting upright at the sight, you clicked on it in disbelief, chewing on your lower lip. Whether or not to add her wasn’t the question - what it meant is what you weren’t sure about. She hadn’t replied to your last message, though when you’d woken up the following morning, the indicator said that she’d read it. And as the days passed, you figured that there wouldn’t be a response - and that was fine. But I was wrong, because… Clicking “accept” on the follow request, it didn’t take long for you to see that she also sent over another message along with it, the girl’s reply much shorter than your original had been.
Thank you for sending that to me. It means a lot to know that people are still thinking of us.
I would like to have the video, if that’s still OK, and the pictures too. Since I worked at the merch table most of the time, I didn’t always get to see my dad and Ezra play.
Thank you for the offer. It means a lot. Send it over when you get a chance - either to my email or to my phone, whatever works.
Along with the text of the message, Cee had also included her phone number and email address. Her phone? I didn’t think… Blinking slowly, you took your lower lip between your teeth, staring at the words on the screen. It wasn’t a big deal - you were doing the same thing for her that you’d do for anyone else, but for some reason it felt like a big deal, the girl offering you access to something that was otherwise private.
After deciding to wait until you were at home and on your WiFi connection to send over the video and pictures, you stared at the screen for a few more seconds and then stood, tucking the phone back into your pocket. When you headed back outside to Robbie’s family, the smile on your face was larger than it probably should have been, and it had nothing to do with rejoining them.
They didn’t ask about it, though, still talking to each other about the same thing they had been when you’d gone inside. And even though you interjected a few times over the next fifteen minutes, part of you believed that neither of them would have actually noticed if you handn’t gone back out to sit with them, unlike you’d previously thought.
—
“She messaged me back.” Speaking up as the two of you walked through the front door, you turned your head toward your boyfriend. “Cee, I mean.”
“Yeah?” Robbie’s eyes met yours, the man letting you know that he was paying attention. “And?” Waiting until your shoes were off and you’d set your bag down to answer, you grinned, reaching for your phone.
“She wants the pictures and the video. Told me to send ‘em to her whenever, and she gave me her email and phone number.” He widened his eyes at that admission, but instead of saying anything, Robbie took a seat next to you, looking down at the device in your hands. “So I’ll probably try to email the video over and send the pictures through text, just because -”
“So are you guys going to be friends now? Isn’t that weird? She’s, what, 17?”
“She’s 18. And no, I don’t think this means we’re friends, it just means … she wanted the things I offered to send her.” And even if it did mean we were friends, why would it be weird? “I obviously took them on my phone, so maybe she just figured it would be easier to text them over.” But maybe it not a good idea, because just seeing all those pictures come through with no warning might … His arm winding around your shoulders, Robbie drew you closer and pressed a kiss to the side of your head.
“Well, I’m happy for you.” Without letting go, he continued. “And I’m also kind of relieved you didn’t message Ezra, too. Him sending over a phone number would have been a little strange, right?”
“I don’t think he would have.” Sighing, you copied the girl’s phone number and created a new contact, adding it and the email into their respective fields. “Partly because he’s recovering from a horrific accident, Robbie, and isn’t thinking about giving his number out to strangers, and -” Taking a breath, you closed your eyes. “And partially because email would work just fine.” Why are you being weird about this? Ezra isn’t even a part of this conversation.
“You’re right.” The easy smile back on his face, Robbie said your name and asked you to look at him. “I’m just being paranoid, I guess. The idea of you becoming friends with a rockstar, is -”
“Robbie, don’t be an idiot.” Rolling your eyes, you shoved him, phone still in your other hand. “Cee didn’t even mention Ezra in her message, except to say that she didn’t usually get to watch the shows. This is all about her and Damon. I’ll send her what I have, she’ll say thank you, and that’ll be it.” Why are you making this a big deal? “Give me a few minutes to send this, alright?”
Agreeing, he squeezed your shoulder and kissed the side of your head again before standing, the man making his way into the kitchen and opening the refrigerator. As soon as he was out of the room, you were finally free to roll your eyes, barely holding back a groan of annoyance as you opened your photo album, scrolling back to the pictures and videos from the concert. I have more than I thought.
It didn’t take you long to scan through them, picking out the ones you thought she’d really like. Most of them were focused on Damon, though a few of the ones you chose included Ezra, too. There was even a shot of the full band from right before they walked offstage that you included in the first group, attaching them to an email.
Once that started sending, you navigated to your text messages and opened a new one to her, hesitating before you started typing. Just explain. You introduced yourself in the first line, and also added a short message to the girl after.
I was going to send the pictures over through text, but then thought that seeing them all pop up out of nowhere might be too much of a surprise for you. I’m sending two emails - the first is all the pictures, and the second will be the video. That way, you can open them whenever you want to, not just because there’s an alert on the screen.
Take care of yourself, Cee. Enjoy these. If you want to post them, feel free.
After rereading the text, your eyes flicked to the kitchen, watching the side of Robbie’s head as he stood in front of the microwave, staring down at his phone and waiting for whatever he was cooking to finish. Lips twitching into a grin, you added one more thing before pressing send.
Except maybe… don’t post the video without asking Ezra. He didn’t seem like he wanted it out there yet.
—
She’s sitting on the couch next to him, the man’s eyes drooping as they watch the movie that she picked. The volume is loud enough to hear what’s going on, but not too loud in case one of them dozes off. It’s been a long day and Ezra’s physical therapy session was a difficult one, the man upset to find out that the completion of his permanent prosthetic arm was delayed due to a defective set of components vital to the function of the mechanized insides.
The news made him angry, and though he’d raised his voice and lashed out, everyone in the office had known it wasn’t at them. He’s just frustrated, she thinks as she glances over at him, the glow of the TV casting shadows over his skin. Frustrated because he wants … to be himself again.
The temporary arm that they fit him with is a decent placeholder; even he’s admitted that. But the one that they are waiting on is more, touted as the top of the line option, meant to give the wearer an almost full and natural range of motion after it’s integrated with the implanted chip. He might never be as good with it as he was previously, but at least with the permanent arm, there’s a chance - and she knows that it’s all he wants.
He doesn’t wear the one he has all the time, and she understands that, too, knows it’s likely just a reminder of what he’s lost. But she wishes he would, if only to get used to the feeling of using both hands again. He will when he’s ready. She sighs, shifting on the couch as her phone vibrates. The girl pulls it out and looks at the screen, a text message from an unfamiliar number visible. I wonder who…
But when she opens it, she figures it out, a smile on her lips as she reads through the message and an immediate surge of gratitude flowing through her at the continued thoughtfulness of a stranger. Giving you her number was a last minute decision, and Cee isn’t sure why she did it, except that she knows she wanted to. Now that you’ve replied in the way you have, she’s glad she did. “What’s got you smiling so wide, little bird?”
She glances over, seeing that Ezra has pushed himself back upright, his head turned to look at her. “I just got …” She licks her lips, taking a deep breath. “A text message from…” There’s a pause, punctuated by a the quiet ding letting her know that she’s received an email. Wow, that was fast. “From the woman that offered to send me pictures, Ezra.” She looks down at the screen, her heartbeat speeding up. “Of Dam… of my dad. From the show here.”
He’s surprised; she can hear it in the way he sucks in a breath, feel it when he scoots closer, his left hand reaching out to touch her arm. “That was kind of her.” Cee nods, agreeing even as her finger hovers over the screen, trying to decide what to do. “You don’t have to look right now. The pictures will still be there when -”
“She’s sending over a video, too.” Cee’s voice falters as she tells him, her phone screen going dark. “A video of the song you only played once, Ezra. The one that -”
“The Queen’s Lair?” He’s intrigued by that admission, the man’s voice full of more life than she’s heard in months, and Cee can’t help but feel a spark, too, gaze snapping up to meet his. “She recorded -”
“She said you asked her not to post it?” Teasing him with a smile, Cee uses one elbow to nudge the man in the ribs. “Said if I watch the video, I would -” Recognition crosses his features almost immediately, and then both of his brows shoot up, the fingers of his hand curling inward as he points at her phone. “What?”
“Will you let me watch it when you get it, Birdie? It would be mighty good to hear a song that I was so proud of one more time.” I wasn’t… I didn’t… Cee takes a breath and then nods, lower lip trembling.
“I don’t know if I’m ready to watch it yet, Ezra. Or to look at the pictures, but …” She trails off, clutching the phone between her fingers. “But I wanted to have them, and of course I can send the video to you so that you can see it.” He smiles, thanking her, and before either of them can relax back against the cushions, there’s another ding, and Cee knows that it means the video has arrived in her inbox.
Ezra hears it too, and even though she doesn’t check the file before she does it, Cee quickly forwards it to him, flashing the screen in his direction to show that she sent it. “Thank you.” He speaks quietly, clearing his throat. “I’ll watch it later tonight.” He returns his attention to the TV, and Cee decides that before she puts her phone down again, she’s going to send a message back to you. And that’s … the end of it.
Got both. Thank you again. I don’t know when I’ll be able to look at them, but having these means a lot.
She glances at Ezra, debating over whether or not to let you know that she sent him the video… and decides not to. He won’t use it anywhere. And if he does, he’d ask. She’s certain of that - certain of Ezra, and so once she’s sent the message, she tosses her phone onto the table in front of her and sighs, the knowledge that if and when she wants them, she has more pictures and a video of Ezra and Damon onstage to watch.
—
The days passed and just like you predicted, nothing changed. After the confirmation from Cee that she’d received the things you sent, she didn’t reach out again - and neither did you. Sure, you liked her stories and pictures when she posted them, and she did the same for you sometimes, but that was the extent of it. You did your good deed, and were satisfied with the knowledge that you were able to help, even a little, to ease a young woman’s pain and the feelings of loss she was likely experiencing.
You and Jillian ate lunch together most days, meals shared in the park switching back to ones spent in the break room as the days got colder. Ever since the night you’d gotten Cee’s reply, Robbie had been less awkward about the interaction, and you were thankful that he’d dropped it, the two of you falling back into the easy rhythm of your relationship.
Things were normal in your life, and you were glad. So when you checked your email almost two weeks later, you were shocked to see a message from Ezra waiting. What is he… how did he get my email address?
It wasn’t a long message, but each word was deliberate, and by the time you’d reread it for the fourth time, your chest felt tight.
When I asked you not to post your video anywhere, I did not believe you would listen - but I’m grateful that you did.
Thank you for offering such a kindness to Cee by sending her a lasting glimpse of the man her father could be. And thank you for providing me with the means to hear this song as it was in the earliest stages. I was not able to record it before the accident, and we did not play it at any other show, so you - and now I - possess the only known version of it.
Without you, The Queen’s Lair would have been lost forever, and now she won’t be. If there is ever any way that I can repay the favor, do not hesitate to ask.
Oh, and by the way … I wouldn’t dream of posting this video anywhere, so don’t worry about that.
You’d known that his manner of speaking carried over from stage to interviews, but you hadn’t known that it would be the same over text, and as you read, you couldn’t keep the smile off of your face.
He was grateful, and he meant it, and even though you had no idea how he’d gotten the video or your email, the only logical explanation was that Cee had sent it over, forwarding the message instead of attaching the file. Good. I’m glad I could help. Deciding that replying was necessary, you spent the next few minutes thinking about what to say - and when to send it.
You don’t want to seem overeager, replying right away, but you also don’t want to wait too long, giving the man a chance to forget that he messaged you in the first place. But he sent it early this morning, so …Frowning at the phone in your hands, you kept thinking.
Not even ten minutes later, you were sitting outside with your feet propped up on the second patio chair, the fading rays of afternoon sunlight warm on your skin. You’d typed and deleted part of a message at least three times, and even though you knew that it shouldn’t have been a big deal, it kind of was. Because I know he’ll see this.
Finally, with a long sigh escaping your lips, you started typing.
Ezra -
I was happy to send that video over. I’m glad that you have it. But like I said to Cee, if you want to do something with it, feel free. It’s your song - I just held up a phone for a couple minutes.
And I’m glad to hear that you picked a title for it. When you played it here, you were still working on that. I think it fits, though.
Don’t worry about repaying me, all I did was send over some pictures and a video. No big deal.
Take care of yourself.
PS: Thank you for all of the music you’ve made over the years. I’ve listened to you for a long time, and I think your solo album is some of your best work.
You’d tried to balance the contents of your message, not wanting to come off as a crazed fan, and so you read back through it multiple times before sending it. That has to be good enough. And if it wasn’t? There was nothing you could do about it, and it wasn’t like you’d ever have to face the man, so it didn’t really matter. You just hoped that you hadn’t crossed a line telling him that you’d enjoyed his solo music more than the songs he’d released with The Fringe.
Robbie found you on the patio when he got home, phone laying on the small side table and your head tilted back up, seeking out the final rays of the day’s light. “You look comfortable.” Opening your eyes, you saw that he was leaning against the doorframe, a half smile on his lips. “How was your day?”
“Good.” Pushing to your feet, you crossed the space to reach him, arms going around his neck as you kissed him. “You?” He nodded, hands on your waist. “Tell me about it?”
“Over dinner. I brought something home.” Agreeing, you followed him back into the house, taking a seat at the table. As the two of you ate, Robbie talked you through his day, beginning with the fact that his company had started the morning with an all-hands meeting, and that meeting had led to a one on one, Robbie and his boss talking in his office for over an hour. “I got the promotion.” He grinned, leaning across the table and closer to you. “I start next week, and even though it’s more money, it shouldn’t mean anything changes with my schedule, or -”
You stood, rounding the table and throwing your arms around his shoulders before leaning down and kissing his cheek. “I’m proud of you.” He turned his head toward you, catching your lips with his. “You’ve wanted this for a long time.” He nodded, hands at your waist. “Should we celebrate this weekend? There’s got to be something that we can do. A movie, maybe? We could go to that new Kamrean place that opened downtown, too.”
“That sounds great.” He was still smiling, Robbie’s expression relaxed as you let him go and stepped away, heading back to your seat and lowering yourself into it. “I think a couple of my coworkers want to go out on Saturday. Streli mentioned it when I told everyone today. So we could go Friday, and then spend Saturday with my friends?” Despite a brief flicker of annoyance at the mention of the woman’s name, you had no real problem with that plan. You told him as much, the two of you falling back into silence as you ate. A few minutes later, Robbie cleared his throat, setting his fork down. “How was work for you?”
Your day was much less exciting than his, but you answered nonetheless, shrugging your shoulders as you talked about a new travel itinerary that you’d put the finishing touches on. “It’ll be good for families that want to go to Lao and Central, but it focuses on longer term vacations, so it’s not for everyone.” The man nodded in response, taking a drink from the glass near his left hand. You took a drink, too, and then decided to tell him about Ezra’s email. I don’t want him to think I’m hiding anything, especially since he was so weird about it before. “Cee must have sent that video to Ezra in the last couple days, because I got an email from him today.”
It’s was brief but you saw it nonetheless, a flash in the man’s eyes as he watched you, gone almost before you could verify that it had been there. “How’d he get your email?” Good question.
“I’m not sure. The only thing I can think of is that she forwarded the original file to him, so it was still there from when I sent it to her.” You took a longer drink, shaking your head. “It wasn’t a reply, see?” Pulling your phone out and opening the email app, you slid it across the table at him. “He just wanted to thank me, mostly for Cee.” You watched as his eyes moved over the lines of text, and even though Robbie didn’t say anything right away, you could tell that he was annoyed, which was strange to you. He’s not usually like this.
It was the truth - you had plenty of male friends and coworkers, and Robbie was friendly with all of them, but when it came to Ezra - someone that you’d never actually met, things were different. And there’s no reason for it, especially now. He hadn’t ever tried to stop you from going to concerts or listening to the man’s music, but there was a definite chill in the air whenever you brought Ezra up - especially recently. And it makes no sense at all.
“He hasn’t sent anything back?” Robbie leaned back in his chair, eyeing you. “It’s been a little while.”
“He’s probably not checking his email every ten minutes, Robbie.” You started eating again, thinking. “And there’s nothing else to say. I really don’t know why this is -”
“Look.” He leaned forward, both hands on the tabletop. “I know I’m being weird about this, but I just have this feeling, you know?”
“No. I don’t.” Pointing at your phone, which was laying on the table between you, you shook your head. “Because I just showed you the messages. I told you when I reached out. He was supposedly dating that woman from the other band, the Mercs, Inumon? They were seen together a lot a couple months ago, right before this tour started. I’ve never even met him, and I hardly think that exchanging a couple emails with him and Cee qualifies as something for you to worry about. It’s not like they’re going to be touring any time soon, so it isn’t like we’ll be in the same place.” He said your name, then, the look on his face changing again. “What?’
“I really am glad that you were able to give that girl what you did. I know if my dad was gone and someone had pictures of him I’d never seen, I’d want them, too.” He took a deep breath. “Maybe it’s just me thinking about old relationships, but I just…” He looked down and then back at you. “You know that a girl I dated in college left me for a drummer, and it just…” Oh, shit. You’d forgotten about that and winced at the realization, a breath escaping from your lips as you closed your eyes. That makes a little more sense.
“This is a very different situation.” Smiling at him, you cocked your head to the side. “Robbie, like I said, I’ve never even met this man, so leaving you for him is impossible.” He at least had the decency to look ashamed, but still nodded, the warmth back in his eyes. “How about this?” you picked up your fork again, waving it in his direction. “If I ever get to meet him, you can come with me. That way you can meet him, too, and you’ll know for sure.” He smiled in return, agreeing, and for the rest of dinner, neither of you brought it up again.
But later that night, after the two of you had climbed into bed, Robbie kissing you goodnight and winding an arm around your waist, you laid awake for almost an hour, thinking. You’d never given the man reason to doubt that you were faithful. You’d never - aside from celebrities, which he was guilty of, too - even entertained the thought of talking about another person’s attractiveness. Does this mean he doesn’t trust me? Frowning into the darkness, you shifted in the bed, trying to get comfortable. Ezra was attractive, and you wouldn’t deny that. But I don’t know him. This is just … You sighed, closing your eyes. We’ll get past this. I did something nice for them, and we’ll get past it.
You finally managed to fall asleep a few minutes later, Robbie’s deep breathing from behind you helping to lull you into a dreamless slumber
—
A week later, you rode the elevator up to your doctor’s office, fingers rifling through your wallet as you looked for your insurance card. You had plans after the appointment, and hoped that you wouldn’t have to wait to long to get called back, but you had a book to read and music to listen to just in case.
Stepping out and into the large waiting room, you headed to the desk and checked in, scanning the card beneath the provided reader and waiting until you heard the beep to take a seat. There were only a few other people in the room, so you had your choice of chairs, opting for one against the far wall, next to a small table.
There was a girl sitting in one of them, her head ducked down and a blue hat pulled low over her hair. She was the only one on that side of the room, so you kept a few seats between you, setting your bag down and dropping your wallet back inside. You were almost fifteen minutes early, which meant you needed to figure out something to do. Music. I’ll leave one headphone out, and -
Before you could do that, though, you heard your name called from the direction of where the girl was sitting. Confused, you turned your head in the direction and your mouth dropped open in shock when you saw who it was. “Cee?”
—
She’s sitting in the waiting room like she does every week, waiting for Ezra. His appointments don’t usually take long, but they’re still long enough, and today there’s almost no one else in the room to look at. So Cee is focused on her phone, playing a mindless level of some game that she installed specifically to play while she waits. As she beats the level, movement catches her eye from the doorway, and the girl’s attention shifts to the woman that just entered the waiting room, wallet in one hand. She looks familiar.
The girl frowns, watching as you check in and then turn to look for a place to sit. As she sees your face clearly, Cee realizes that it’s you. What are the odds? Ducking her head down as you approach, she tries to decide what to do - and if she’s going to say anything. She still hasn’t looked at the pictures, though she’s watched the video of the song with Ezra multiple times.
Her attention hadn’t been on the screen, though. The girl’s eyes focused instead on the way the fingers of the man’s left hand moved against imaginary guitar strings, a small though somewhat pained smile on his lips. It was good to see him paying attention to music again, because he hasn’t even looked at his guitars in the months since the accident, but she knew that it isn’t enough. He needs more time.
And he needs encouragement from his medical team, too, something that she knows he gets during the weekly appointments. He gets it via progress marked on a chart as well as by the increase in strength and dexterity when it comes to using his temporary prosthetic. If she can see it and the doctors can see it, she knows that even if Ezra is being his typical stubborn self, he can likely see - and feel - it too.
So Cee accompanies him every week, the one consistent trip out of the house Ezra takes on a routine basis. And while she doesn’t go into the exam room with him, she still gets the rundown in the car on the way home. Sometimes he’s excited, other times he’s less talkative, but Cee knows that he’ll always tell her how he’s feeling, and she’s thankful for that. But your presence is new to her, and even though part of her thinks that she should just let you be and not say anything, Cee can’t help speaking up - just to see if it really is you.
It is you, and at the realization, she gives you a genuine smile, quickly standing and moving so that there’s only one chair left between you before she sits again. “Doctor’s appointment?” You nod, surprise in your expression, and Cee continues. “I’m here with Ezra. His appointment should be over soon, though.”
“I didn’t know his doctor was in this office.” You’re hesitant to make a comment; she can hear it in your voice, but the girl nods, still eyeing you. “Must be the other hallway, though. I’m here for a general appointment, and he’s got to be -” Cee cuts you off, pointing down the left hallway and you let out a hum of agreement, nodding. “Yeah. I’m on the right.”
You’re pretty. She thought so when she saw the pictures on your account, but it’s even more noticeable in person, and for a split second, Cee entertains the thought of introducing you to Ezra, just to see what will happen. She knows he hasn’t been feeling like himself since the accident. It’s apparent in the way he’s let his hair and beard grow, the longer locks curling over his ears, the ones on his face thick and for the most part dark, blotting out the typical bare patches on his cheeks. But then she remembers that you’ve posted pictures - recently - with a man on your profile, and the thought fades. “Thank you again for sending those over.” Cee sighs, glancing down and picking at the frayed knee of her jeans. “I still haven’t looked through the pictures, but we’ve watched the video. A lot, actually, and -”
“Don’t mention it, Cee. I actually have a few more if you want them, too, I just … they’re kind of blurry, and I didn’t want to overwhelm you.” You shift on the chair and Cee meets your eyes again, hers going wide. “There are more videos, too. Maybe I could put them onto a data stick, or something, that way you wouldn’t have to keep them in your email.” She wants to agree. The thought of more memories of the past is appealing, and even if it’s not entirely because she wants more pictures and videos of Damon, it’s still the truth.
“A bunch of people have reached out.” She sighs, removing her hat and running her hand through her hair, the platinum blonde strands messy no matter what she does. “Tagging him… us in pictures, sending me messages.” She sighs. “It’s a lot.” She can see that her admission makes you balk, and at the worry on your face, she reaches out, putting a hand on the arm of the chair you’re siting in. “No, you were fine. You asked if I wanted them. You didn’t just tag me in them without warning. And to be fair,” she continues, raising a brow and smiling. “I found your page.”
“If you say so.” You sigh, eyes flicking over to the clock and then back to her, your expression relaxing. “Can I ask you a question?” She thinks she’s prepared for whatever might come after she nods in agreement, but she isn’t. “How did Ezra get my email? He sent me a message last week to thank me for the video, but I never -” Oh, he did? He didn’t tell me that. Cee manages to keep her expression from giving anything away, and when she answers, her voice doesn’t falter.
“He asked if I could send it to him, so I did. I didn’t even think about your email being attached to it. I’m sorry. I hope he didn’t bother you.” Your laugh is quiet and light, but she likes the sound of it, watching as you grin in her direction. It makes you even prettier, she realizes, and for another brief moment, Cee wonders if it’s all because things with Ezra have been so strained for so long that the tiny, happy respite with you seems to hit her so hard. Probably.
“He didn’t bother me. Just thanked me and told me the title of the song.” You meet her eyes again, still smiling. “It just surprised me when I saw his name, that’s all.” That makes sense, and Cee wants to respond, but before she can, someone calls your name and your attention goes back to the front desk, where a nurse is standing, clipboard in hand. Kevva damn it. “That’s me.” You stand, adjusting the strap of your bag over your shoulder, and Cee looks up at you. “I’m glad we met in person, Cee.” You look down, eyeing the hooded sweatshirt that you’re wearing and then look back at her again, rolling your eyes. “Well, for the second time, I mean.”
She realizes you’re wearing one of the hoodies that had been for sale on the tour, and Cee feels a pang of regret that she hadn’t noticed it earlier. “You bought that from me?” You nod, turning to look at the still waiting nurse. “I’m sorry I don’t remember, there were so many people and -’
“Don’t apologize.” You waved a hand at her. “You were really busy. And like you said… lots of people every night.” Taking a deep breath, you sigh. “I really have to go, though. I’m meeting my boyfriend for lunch after this, and the sooner I’m done, the sooner I can eat.” Cee laughs, too, and says goodbye, her eyes on you as you cross the room and greet the nurse, the two of you disappearing down the hall and through one of the many doorways.
She’s still staring in your direction when Eza emerges from the other hallway minutes later, the carrying case for his prosthetic slung across his chest, his good hand gripping the strap. “What are you looking at, Cee?” Her eyes go back to him, and she searches the look in them to see what kind of a mood he’s in. He looks tired - as always - but not frustrated, and so she chooses to tell him the truth, standing and pulling keys out of her pocket as they head for the elevator.
“I just met the woman that sent us that video, Ezra.” He freezes for a moment next to her, but doesn’t say anything. “She walked into the waiting room, and I … I introduced myself.” What a small world, right? They step into the small space, doors closing behind them, and Cee risks another look at Ezra, the man’s expression thoughtful. “She was really nice. Said she had more pictures and a couple other videos from the show if I wanted them.”
“Do you?” He turns his head to look at her, the two words hitting hard. “You’ve turned down many other people asking the same, Birdie.” He’s right and she knows it, but Cee can’t bring herself to answer. Maybe it was the way you’d reached out, or maybe subconsciously she did remember you from the show, but Cee doesn’t know exactly why it is that she agreed to your offer - or why she continues to keep in touch with you. She’s grateful, sure, especially since your offer had given Ezra something, too, but the girl knows that there is more to it than that. There has to be.
“I think I do, Ezra. She was nice. She was actually wearing one of your hoodies today, if you can believe it, and -”
“I can.” He cuts her off as they reach the main floor of the building, the pair exiting out and into the main lobby. “I can and I do believe it.” They head for the doors, Cee spinning the keys on one finger as they make it outside, the slight chill in the air almost comforting. “Do you want to stop on the way home and get lunch? I am feeling …” He pauses, turning his face up and toward the sky, letting the sun warm his skin. “Good today. I don’t want to go home just yet.”
She can’t turn him down and so she doesn’t. When they pull into the parking lot of one of their favorite restaurants just under ten minutes later, both of them are smiling, Ezra already talking about the appointment he’d just had and giving her an update on the status of his permanent arm. She’s happy to hear that he sounds excited again because they have an arrival window for the missing components, and she hopes that his good mood lasts. But I’m not going to count on it.
Even that thought isn’t enough to distract her, though, as they sit inside at a table, Ezra sliding a menu over to her before he uses his hand to flip another one open.
—
You didn’t tell Robbie about meeting Cee, because you didn’t think you needed to. The girl had been friendly, though slightly timid, and you wondered how much she’d changed since the accident, since the friendly, bubbly girl you’d spoken briefly to at the merch table had been an entirely different person. At least she seemed like it.
Your appointment was mundane, and you were in and out of the examination room in under twenty minutes, on your way to meet Robbie for the promised meal. You drove separately, knowing that he needed to get back to the office after you ate. So when you pulled into a spot and headed into the lobby, you weren’t surprised to see that he was already waiting for you, eyes on his phone as he sat on one of the benches. He said your name when you entered, tucking the device into his pocket one he was standing.
“Our table’s ready, but I thought I’d wait ‘til you got here to sit.” You nodded, the man leaning in to kiss your cheek. “I’m starving, so I hope that it doesn’t take too long to order.” Both of you followed the hostess as she led you through the dining room, and just before you took a seat in your booth, you saw them. No, I see … him.
Ezra and Cee were seated at a booth a few away from yours, the girl’s back to you. Shit. He hadn’t seen you, but you didn’t think it mattered; you weren’t sure if he even knew what you looked like. Cee on the other hand, did know what you looked like, and if she’d been bold enough to say hello in the office, you figured that if she saw you again, she wouldn’t hesitate.
Ordering drinks and an appetizer, you focused your attention back on Robbie, the man staring at you. “How’d your appointment go? You got here quick, so it must have been on time.” You nodded, sipping the water that the waitress brought to your table.
“It was on time. And it was just like I thought it would be. The doctor was really nice, too.” He nodded twice, waiting to see if you’d say more. I guess I need to tell him. Just in case she sees me. “Cee was in the waiting room.” Struggling to keep your hands where they are, you shrug. “I guess Ezra goes to the doctor there, too, and he had an appointment today.” Robbie stayed silent, his eyes locked on your face. “So while we waited, we talked, and she thanked me again.” You reached for your glass, swallowing a mouthful of water. “I got called back after only a couple minutes, so it was a really short conversation.” He nodded. “But I thought I’d tell you because when we sat a couple minutes ago…” here we go. “They’re here, too. She didn’t see me, but she might on her way out.”
“They are?” He cocked his head, looking around the room. “Where?” You pointed, and when he realized that they were behind him, he nodded again, his eyes still warm. “Guess we’ll see if she says hi again, hmm?” He picked up his glass, still watching you. “I’m really glad it went well for you today.”
‘It was just a check up.” Scoffing, you closed your eyes and rubbed at your forehead. “But yeah, I’m glad, too. One less thing to worry about.” The waitress came back and took your actual order when she dropped off the appetizer, both you and Robbie digging in. “So how’s work going? Tomorrow’s your last day before you transfer, right?”
He swallowed what he was chewing and then answered, using one hand to gesture as he spoke. “Yep. They’re throwing me a party tomorrow for the last half of the day to say goodbye.” He grinned. “Streli and Gage are handling all of the details, and she said she’d invite you, but -” They are? That’s new to me.
“Yeah, I didn’t know anything about it.” You took another bite. “Doubt I’ll be able to leave work anyway, though.” Streli and Gage were Robbie’s closest work friends, and you knew that the woman had a little bit of a crush on him. “She must have decided not to tell me.” He frowned at the suggestion, but you kept going. “Or maybe she just forgot.” It was possible, and you knew it, but despite the casual friendship you had formed with the woman over the time you’d been with Robbie and the fact that you’d just interacted in a positive way the week before when you’d met his coworkers for a night out, you knew that she didn’t like you much. But I’m not weird about it. “It’s fine. It’s better that it’s just you and your coworkers, right?” Lifting and then dropping your shoulders, you wet your lips. “I see you every day, and they -”
“You again!” Startled from what you were saying to Robbie, you turned your head to see Cee and Ezra standing next to your table, the girl’s eyes filled with excitement. “You told me you were meeting your boyfriend for lunch, but didn’t say you were coming here.” She looked from you to Robbie, her smile staying in place. “I’m Cee. I ran into your -”
“She told me.” Robbie held out a hand, eyes on the girl. “It’s nice to meet you, Cee, I’m Robbie. I’ve heard a lot about you in the last couple weeks.” I mean that’s not 100% true, but … “I’m sorry for your loss.” She thanked him, her smile faltering briefly. “And you’re Ezra. I recognize you from the album covers.”
“Indeed I am.” Ezra still hasn’t looked in your direction, entirely focused on the man sitting across from you. “Although I am almost certain that those cover images make me appear far better looking than I am in person.” Cee elbowed him at that and laughed, but Ezra was still focused. “Forgive me for not shaking your hand, but -” He finally glanced down at his right side and so did your boyfriend, both of them eyeing the dark fabric that covered the end of the remaining portion of his arm. “My right hand is no longer available to me.”
Robbie withdrew his hand and set it on the table, eyes staying on Ezra. “Of course, man. Don’t worry about it.” Ezra nodded once and then looked over at you, his expression remaining even. Kevva he’s good looking. He was wrong about looking better on camera, and if he’d asked, you would have flat out told him that - Robbie or no Robbie. You hated the reason behind his slightly disheveled appearance, but thought it suited him nonetheless. “This is my -”
Ezra interrupted him with a slight tilt of his head, the look in his eyes warming as he said your name. “We have not yet been introduced today, but I know who you are.” Without thinking, you held your left hand out, angling your head up to look at the man, whose lips parted in surprise as he extended his hand to shake yours. “It’s nice to put a face to the email address.” He dropped your hand quickly, and even though his eyes lingered for a brief moment on your face, he looked back to Cee without much pause. “Come on, little bird. We should let them get back to their lunch.” She nodded, and you caught the confusion in her eyes before she looked at you again.
“We should have dinner sometime.” Cee’s words surprised all four of you, but you nodded, biting on the corner of your lip. “Just you and me, I mean. I usually eat with Ezra, but -”
“I can get by without you for one night, Cee.” His arm wound around her shoulders, the man pulling the girl close and looking at you again before averting his eyes toward Robbie. “As long as you promise to bring me home dessert.” Robbie laughed first, and the rest of you followed, but after only a few seconds, Ezra cleared his throat. “Really, though. It was great to meet you. Kevva knows we… I haven’t been the most social lately, so it’s always a pleasure to see friendly faces.” Though you weren’t sure that you would have called Robbie’s face friendly, neither of you disagreed, and when you’d told Cee to text you when she was free, they headed for the door, leaving you and Robbie alone.
“Well.” He raised his eyebrows, staring at you. “Now you can’t say that you’ve never met him before.”
“Yeah.” You sipped your water, thinking. “And like I said, you were with me when I met him, so…” Smirking at him, you waited long seconds and when Robbie laughed again, you were relieved. It had only been a little awkward, and even though none of the daydreams you’d had about meeting Ezra had been quite like the meeting you’d experienced, you were happy to have had the opportunity. You didn’t know what else to say, but you were saved when the man said your name, brow furrowed.
“If you can get away from your desk tomorrow, you should come to my party.” He wet his lips. “I’m sure that Streli either forgot to text you, or just assumed that I would have told you.” Both options made sense, and so you assured him that you’d try, even though you already knew it was going to be impossible. Especially on such short notice.
You made small talk through the rest of the meal, and when Robbie asked for the check, the server grinned, waving her hand. “It’s taken care of.” For a few seconds, you were confused, but then it hit you. Ezra. “The man and the girl told me to tell you that it was great to meet you, and to thank you again.” That was nice of them. Robbie took your hand as you walked out of the restaurant, squeezing your fingers.
“You should text her and thank them. Might look kind of like a dick if you don’t.” He wasn’t wrong, and you’d planned on doing so when you got back to your house, but at his suggestion, you agreed, telling him you’d reach out as soon as you were in the car. Robbie kissed you goodbye, lips lingering against yours for a few seconds and then he cleared his throat. “I might be home a little late tonight. I’m gonna move some stuff into my new office, and I’m only half packed.”
“Alright.” Reaching out, you put a hand on his chest. “Do you want me to come help? I took the rest of the day off today, so I have nothing going on this afternoon.” He thought about it - briefly - and then told you no.
“Couple people from the office will probably help. Gage said he definitely would, but I think it’s just because he doesn’t want to go home while his wife’s out of town.” You kissed him again and told him to let you know when he’d be back, and then the man was driving out of the parking lot, leaving you standing next to your car.
Once you were sitting down, you pulled your phone out and opened the messages with Cee, no hesitation as you typed one out to her.
Tell him he didn’t have to do that, but thank you. We appreciate it.
Hitting send, you stared at the screen for a few seconds and then typed another message.
And I mean it about dinner. Let me know when you have time, and we can meet up.
Pairing: Eventual Ezra x female reader - musician AU
Word Count: 12,314
Rating: M. Language. Infidelity. Talk of drug use and character death.
Summary: Life goes on, and as you attempt to find time for everything in it, new information comes to light ... which might just make the future a little less certain.
Blanket warnings: loss of a parent, character death, survivor’s guilt, learning to deal with the loss of a limb, infidelity (not Reader w/Ezra), blood, bodily injury, heavy angst.
Author’s note:
Answers, finally. Hope you all enjoy this one - it’s a very important chapter in terms of pushing the story forward.
Catch up here: Intro / Part 1
After running into them at the restaurant, your contact with Cee was steadier than it had been, even though you wouldn’t call it regular. You were busy at work, thanks to taking on a new client that needed three separate itineraries prepared, and it meant that you stayed later at the office a few days a week, making it difficult to plan a dinner with the girl.
Robbie’s new job was another reason that you held off, because even though his responsibilities hadn’t changed, it did require more time working, which meant less time to spend together. And you wanted to see him whenever you could - so it meant being home at night to spend a few hours with him whenever he managed to make it back from the office.
But after two and a half weeks of that arrangement, you decided to take things into your own hands, ordering dinner from your desk while you finished your last call of the day. After clocking out, you picked it up and then headed for his office. He’d texted you to let you know he was working late that night and would grab something on his way home, but you hadn’t wanted him to go hours without eating.
As you parked, your phone vibrated, a message from Cee popping up on the screen.
Ezra’s got plans tonight, so I’m free. Dinner?
Briefly, you wondered what the plans were but decided that it wasn’t any of your business, typing out a reply to her and including a shot of the bag of food on the passenger seat.
Can’t. Taking dinner to Robbie. What about tomorrow?
You didn’t wait for her response, getting out of the car and carrying the bag through the front doors and into Robbie’s building, pressing the button to call the elevator. As you waited for it to take you up, you felt your phone vibrate again, but didn’t have a chance to check it before the doors slid open and revealed his company’s lobby to you.
You knew where his office was, and so you headed past the empty front desk to get to it, finding the door almost all the way shut. Raising one hand to knock, you paused when you heard a woman’s laugh from inside, the sound familiar. Streli. Lips pressed together firmly, you rapped your knuckles against the door and then pushed it open, steeling yourself for whatever you’d find inside.
It wasn’t as bad as you’d imagined, but it was still not great - Robbie sitting on one side of his desk, the woman across from him and food spread out between them. His eyes snapped to your face and then widened, the man pushing to his feet as he let go of the cup he’d been about to pick up. You paused a few steps into the room as he said your name, and even though you wanted to, you didn’t look at the woman, wanting to see your boyfriend’s reactions instead. “Hey, I wasn’t expecting you. What are you -”
“Thought I’d surprise you with dinner on my way home since you said you were working late, but I see that it’s not necessary.” You glanced at the desk and then looked back at him, reminding yourself that he wasn’t technically doing anything wrong - at least that you’d seen. It just doesn’t match with what he said. “I -”
“Robbie knew we were both going to be here late today.” The other woman finally spoke, turning the chair so that she could face you. “So he offered to get us dinner while we worked on the case, since I bought last time.” Last time? You couldn’t quite place it, and you didn’t know if you were overreacting, but there was something in the woman’s voice that you didn’t like - a hint of haughtiness like she’d won something - and it was coupled with a look of satisfaction in her eyes.
You looked again at the food, realizing that they were almost finished with it. And that means that he would have had to order right around the time he texted me… or before. “Well I hope you enjoy it.” You forced a smile, looking down at the bag you carried. “You could have told me that you were eating here when you messaged me earlier, Robbie. I would have just gone home.” You didn’t mean to but let frustration creep into your voice, closing your eyes and exhaling. “Don’t let me interrupt. I’m sure you have a lot more work to get back to when you’re done.”
You paused, giving him a few seconds to move toward you, to tell you to stop, to ask you to stay. You waited to see if he’d tell the woman to leave and give you a few minutes of privacy, but when he didn’t, you nodded once and turned back toward the door, still holding the bag. “Wait, where are you -” He finally answered, crossing the room to get to you and touching your shoulder, his hand resting there. “Why do you look mad?”
“Because you lied to me.” You kept your voice low, locking eyes with his as you turned back to face the man. “You lied to me about when you were going to eat tonight and who you were going to eat with.” You gripped the bag handle tighter, head shaking back and forth. “And it makes me wonder if you’re lying about anything else, too.” He didn’t say anything, the man standing in one spot and just watching you, and so you scoffed, closing your eyes and lowering your head. “Great talk, Robbie.” Leaning over, you let the bag of food drop into the man’s trash can, the containers making a quiet thud as they hit the bottom of it. “I’ll talk to you later.”
Not saying anything else, you spun away from him and reached for the door, ready to pull it open so that you could leave. “Wait, why’d you throw it away? You could have taken it home, and -”
“I’m not hungry anymore.” Not bothering to look back, you stepped into the lobby, wondering if he was going to follow you. He didn’t - even while you waited for the elevator, and once the doors closed behind you, you finally deflated, bringing both hands up to cover your face as you gasped out the breath that you’d been holding. Am I overreacting? They weren’t doing anything wrong, they were just eating.
But even though they were only eating, it was clearly not the first time it had happened - and it had previously happened enough times that they were on a schedule, trading off on who bought and ordered. That, along with with the feeling you got about the woman’s opinion of you and the fact that she and Robbie had spent a lot of time together while he prepared for his promotion interviews made you somewhat suspicious. Maybe I should have been all along. You hated being that woman, but didn’t want to let it slide, and knew that when he got home that night, there’d likely be an argument. Shit.
Finally making it back to the car, you climbed in and then put your forehead against the steering wheel, taking a deep breath. You sat there for long minutes, trying to steady yourself, and when you heard your phone vibrate from inside your bag, you reached for it, wondering if it was Robbie. But it wasn’t - it was Cee, the girl’s reply to the message she’d sent minutes earlier very short and to the point.
:( Ok. Boo, but ok. Tomorrow works.
Hope your food is good.
It probably would have been, but now I won’t know. Holding the phone in one hand, you bit your lip as you stared at the screen, You didn’t want to go home. You didn’t want to sit alone in your car. You didn’t want to stew and get lost in your own thoughts. So you opened up the messages and typed a new one back, fingers flying over the keys.
Plans changed. You still free tonight?
—
You’re waiting in front of the apartment building when she steps out the front doors, pulling her coat tightly around her body. Cee immediately heads for the car, smiling, and when she sees your expression, her smile falters slightly. Something’s wrong. But your greeting is friendly enough, and so Cee relaxes against the seat and then, at your request, gives you directions to her restaurant of choice.
It’s a short drive over, and so you don’t speak much, but after you’ve been seated, she stares at you, watching as your eyes scan the drink menu. “Tough day?”
“Kevva, yes.” You roll your eyes and sigh, glancing up. “Work was fine, but … Yeah. I need a drink.” You pause, closing your eyes. “Is that alright? I don’t know if -”
“It’s fine.” She waves a hand, blinking. “I can even drive you home if you need, I have my license.” She still doesn’t know what happened, but she can guess, based on the fact that it wasn’t work related, and you’d just come from an absurdly short dinner meeting with your boyfriend. “I had to drive Damon around sometimes after he’d had too much to drink.” She sips her water and then licks her lips, remembering the nights he’d gotten ahold of her, speech slurred, and told her that she needed to come and get him. But that was just because he felt like drinking, this is …
“One should be alright.” Sighing, you point out a drink on the menu and then tap the touchscreen on the table to order it. “I’m going to need to be sober when I get home, because…” You trail off and Cee leans forward, waiting. “It doesn’t matter. It’ll be fine.” Cee understands what you’re doing - trying to keep whatever the problem is to yourself, not wanting to burden her with it.
But after months of living with Ezra and learning the best ways to make him talk about what’s bothering him even when he doesn’t want to, she knows it’ll be easy to get you to open up. Even though we don’t know each other. “Well I’m here to listen. I know I’m kind of a stranger, but sometimes it helps to talk to someone that isn’t… involved.” You nod, eyes going back to the menu. “I’m glad that you texted back. Ezra’s having a couple people over tonight, and if you hadn’t wanted to meet, I was going to have to go to a movie by myself.”
That gets your interest, your gaze rising to meet hers. “Yeah? That’s got to be a good sign that he wants company, right? He’s been laying pretty low since the accident, so -”
Cee waves her hand in the air, rolling her eyes. “It’s just the band. He’s seen a few of them once or twice, but this is the first time they’re all coming over together. I guess they want to do some sort of benefit show, and they need to talk to him about it because it’s all his music.” She takes another drink, shrugging her shoulders and fighting back a wrinkle of her nose. “I think they’re a little upset that he did his solo thing, but that’s just me.”
“But he’s the singer.” You’re frowning, biting your lower lip, and for the first time that night, she sees something that isn’t frustration in your eyes. “How can they do a benefit show without him? Someone else could play guitar, but the vocals, he…” Exactly.
“That’s why Inumon’s there. They think that she can convince him to sing with them.” She sees it - a fleeting look of annoyance on your face at the mention of the other woman’s name, and Cee can barely keep her own expression even at the thought that you might feel the same way as she does about Ezra’s former fling. For different reasons, but still. “They’re wrong about that, but…” She shrugs again, gesturing for the tablet. “Ready to order?” You nod, sliding it across the table toward her, and once both of you have made your decision, Cee leans back, still watching you and waiting.
When your drink is delivered - something purplish-pink and vaguely glittering, you take a long swallow, closing your eyes. But when you open them, your question surprises her. “This probably makes me look like I know too much, but …” Using your thumb to dry your lower lip, you sigh. “Why wouldn’t he listen to her? Weren’t they together a couple months ago? I thought right before the tour started, they were…” You frown, thinking of the best way to phrase it. “Seeing each other?”
“Yes and no.” Cee rolls her eyes again. “She was trying to make something happen. He was just… going along with it because he knew he wouldn’t have to deal with her while they were both on tour.” She grins, raising her eyebrows. “He figured that any stories about him or them before the tour would help to sell tickets, and it did. We were sold out for the first three weeks, and …” She trails off, closing her eyes. “The rest of the shows were close, too.” Ezra was so excited.
She feels your hand on her arm and when Cee opens her eyes, you’ve leaned forward, lips parted. “I’m sorry I asked. I didn’t mean to -”
“No. No, it’s alright.” Cee nods, glancing up at the ceiling and then back at you. “There’ll be another tour. Once Ezra gets the permanent prosthetic and gets comfortable again, it’ll happen.” She’s close to tears and you say her name, drawing Cee’s attention. “Hmm?”
“He’s lucky to have you, Cee. He’s lucky that you’re there for him and that he’s not alone.”
“I’m the reason he’s missing an arm.” Her eyes are welling with tears but she’s determined not to let them fall. “He protected me when we crashed. I wasn’t even hurt, and he…” Cee draws in a shuddering breath, swallowing hard. “So no, he’s not lucky. If he wouldn’t -”
“Cee, I don’t know him at all and I don’t know you well. But you can’t blame yourself. He made his decision, and who knows - if he hadn’t tried to protect you, both of you might not have made it.” You lean in again, eyes focused on hers. “But you did. And there has to be a reason.” You’re right - and she knows it. It’s something that Ezra has repeated to her time and time again, but she also knows that it’s going to take time to believe it. “And like you said, when he gets his arm, things will be different. It won’t be exactly how it was before, but it’ll… you’ll see.” You believe what you’re saying, and she wants to agree, but the words won’t come.
Instead, the girl stares at you for long moments, the silence only broken by the delivery of your food to the table. It looks delicious, and you both start eating, but after a few minutes, Cee decides to be bold. I opened up, so maybe she will, too. “Why do you think that you need to be sober when you get home tonight?” Chewing, she waits a few seconds to continue. “Did something happen with -”
“Yes. Maybe.” You scoff, raising and lowering your shoulders. “I think my boyfriend might be lying to me about a coworker, and I caught them together in his office tonight.” Cee’s eyes widen and you’re quick to continue, waving your fork in the air. “They were just eating dinner, but the thing is that he specifically told me he was going to stop on his way home and get something, but when I got there, they were already almost done, which means that when we talked, he … he’d already ordered.” That’s shitty.
Cee stays quiet for a few seconds, thinking. She’s only met your boyfriend once and for a few minutes, but much in the same way she she dislikes Inumon, she wasn’t a fan of him - or the way he’d treated Ezra. It was subtle, the way he’d called attention to Ezra’s injury, but it had prickled the hairs on the back of Cee’s neck in a way that she hadn’t appreciated. “Are you going to ask him about it?” Cee takes another bite, narrowing her eyes. “And do you think he’ll tell you the truth?”
“I’m going to have to.” You shrug, sipping your drink. “Not knowing would be worse, I think.” Exactly. Cee understands that, knows what keeping thoughts and feelings to herself feels like - and how much it can hurt when and if things finally come to a head. Like they did with Damon. Averting her eyes, she sighs, looking down at her plate. “It’s not like he can lie about lying tonight, right? I saw them. And she … she’s never liked me much, so it wouldn’t surprise me, but still. Maybe I’m just overthinking things. We’ve been together for -”
“Look. I’m really young.” Cee sighs. “And I don’t have much relationship experience, but honestly?” I might as well say it. “You’re going to know really fast what kind of person he is no matter what he says.” You look confused and Cee continues. “He might tell you the truth about what you saw, and if anything’s going on, and you can decide what to do next.” Cee raises an eyebrow, tilting her head. “And if he lies, even though you know what you saw? Well that’s as good as an admission, too.”
You stare at her for a few seconds and then nod, a look of surprise on your face. “You sure you’re only 18, Cee? That’s some pretty adult advice.” Grinning, Cee rolls her eyes and laughs.
“That’s what Ezra says to me, too. But I’ve been through some shit, so…” You laugh, too, the sound genuine - and it warms Cee from head to toe, even though she knows it's only a brief moment of relief for you. “Maybe I should write a book about it.”
You both laugh again, and for the rest of dinner, the conversation is lighter.
—
After dropping Cee off, you drove home, taking the long way. There weren’t any missed calls or text messages from Robbie, but you knew that he was home - the door alert had gone off when he unlocked it about 45 minutes earlier, and he hadn’t locked it again. So he’s there.
Meeting Cee had helped to get your mind off of Robbie and Streli’s dinner date, but no matter how good a time you’d had with the girl, it didn’t erase what you knew you’d have to deal with when you got home. You knew that you couldn’t put it off forever, and so when you pulled into the driveway you didn’t sit idly in the car - you walked right in, locking the door behind you.
Robbie wasn’t in the living room, and so you headed upstairs and toward the bedroom, even though it was still early - only 9 PM. He was there, laying on top of the blankets and watching TV, the man not even turning his head when you entered the room. You waited for him to say something, but he didn’t, his eyes glued to the screen. This is how it’s going to be? “Are you really just going to sit there in silence?”
Curling your fingers toward your palms, you faced him, and when Robbie turned his head to look at you, you knew that whatever was said between you was going to be worse than you’d imagined. “What do you want me to say? Do you want me to explain what you saw tonight? Do you want me to ask where you were? Should I get up and -”
“Either of those is a good place to start, yeah.” Flipping the light switch on, you leaned against the door frame, waiting. “Because I’m willing to listen, Robbie. I’m -”
“Where were you?” He swung his legs off of the bed and then leaned forward, eyes on you. “You left my office hours ago, and -” That’s what you choose to start with? You shouldn’t have expected anything different, but the question hurt nonetheless. “Did you go out somewhere and meet someone?”
“I did.” You laughed. “To be honest with you, I met Cee for dinner. I initially told her no because I was going to eat with you, but we know how that ended, so -”
“Was he there?” Robbie’s lip curled, the man’s eyes darkening. “Did the three of you -”
“I walked into your office and found you eating dinner with the woman that’s been trying to fuck you since you first got hired, Robbie. You lied to me about working late and what you were doing, and then you’re accusing me of running off and meeting another man? That takes some fuckng balls.” Narrowing your eyes, you crossed your arms over your chest. “No. Ezra wasn’t there. He was at home with the guys in his band and Inumon, which is why Cee wanted to get out of there in the first place. Not that that’s any of your business, but -”
“I did work late.” He sighed, his shoulders slumping. “I didn’t lie about that.” But nothing about Streli. Nothing about what I said about her wanting to fuck you. “I have been working late. Ever since I applied for the promotion, it’s been stress at work, even though I didn’t think it would be. And you don’t get it. Your job is so different. And it’s easier for me to talk about what I do with -”
“With Streli.” You nodded. “Got it.” Your heart was pounding, and the words that came out next caught him off guard, but you didn’t regret them. “Are you cheating on me?” He recoiled, staying silent. “I know you lied about tonight, and that’s one thing. But I think I deserve the truth about whatever else is going on, too. If you’re sleeping with her, then you obviously aren’t happy with this, and -”
“I am.” He stood, stepping closer to you and saying your name. “I didn’t know how to tell you. It’s only been a few months, but -” It should have shocked you - but it didn’t. As the moments passed, Robbie’s explanation and excuses fading into a dull hum, you realized that the signs had all been there - and you’d ignored them. Him working late. Him always on his phone. Him working so closely with her in the leadup to the promotion. The distance he put between us. His accusations. “Hey, are you listening to -”
“You’re sleeping with another woman, and you have the fucking nerve to get pissed at me for emailing someone about a fucking song they wrote and got to watch a video of?” Uncrossing your arms, you used one hand to rub at your forehead, groaning. “You accuse me of shit that you’re actually doing, and you think it’s OK?” He tried to cut in, the man’s head shaking back and forth, but you didn’t let him, feeling your anger building. “It’s not. It’s not even close to being ok.” You were shaking - fighting to keep yourself from outwardly reacting, and in a final burst of self restraint, you stepped further away from the door before pointing at it. “You need to leave. I don’t care where you go, but if you think that after telling me that you’re sleeping with someone else, I’m going to let you stay here in my house? You’re delusional.”
“Where am I supposed to go?” He stood, running his fingers through his hair. “It’s almost 10 at night, I -”
“Go to Streli’s. Go sleep in your office. Go to your parents’ house. I don’t care where you end up, Robbie. I’m done. You’ve apparently been done with me for a couple months now, so it shouldn’t be too heartbreaking for you.” His jaw dropped but you stood firm. “I’ll stand here while you pack a bag. I’m serious. You’re not staying here tonight. We’ll figure out when you can come and get the rest of your stuff in a couple days, but right now, you need to go.”
“You’re kicking me out? We’ve been together for over a year. How -”
“I am.” The fucking nerve he has. “And yeah, we have, haven’t we? But I guess a year means nothing to you. Pack your shit and leave, Robbie. I mean it.” You took a deep breath, staring directly into his eyes. “Get. Out.” He stared at you for a few more seconds and then the man moved toward the closet, yanking the door open and reaching for one of his suitcases.
It only took him a few minutes to pack it, grabbing clothes from their hangers and stuffing them in before he moved toward the dresser and did the same, muttering under his breath the whole time. You couldn’t tell what he was saying but you knew that he was angry, so you stepped backwards, giving him more space while you watched him. “I was wondering how long it would take you to figure it out.” He snapped the suitcase shut, turning his head to look at you. “I’m actually kind of glad you know. Now I don’t have to -”
“Kevva help me, Robbie, I don’t want to fucking hear this. Get. Out.” Raising your voice for the first time, you pointed at the doorway. “Now you don’t have to hide it anymore. You don’t have to sneak around with her. You don’t have to come home and pretend that you care about me or this relationship, so I hope that’s what you wanted.” You laughed, bringing a hand up and chewing on your nail for a few seconds as he watched you. “I hope it was worth it for you.”
He didn’t say another word as he lifted the suitcase and headed out the door and down the stairs, you close behind. The man paused in the living room, looking around, and then turned back to stare at you. What now? “And I hope that this is worth it for you.” He sneered at you and then he was gone, the door closing behind him.
Once you heard the sound of his car pulling out of the driveway and disappearing down the street, you let yourself sink down onto the couch, face in your hands. You hadn’t expected him to be so honest, but part of you was thankful that he had been - because it meant that the situation hadn’t been prolonged anymore than it needed to be. What an asshole. You rubbed at your eyes, lifting your head and staring into the darkness. I knew it. I knew something was up, but I just … didn’t want to believe it.
You thought of Cee when you stood up, the fact that the girl’s intuition had been right - you’d known immediately upon the man opening his mouth exactly what the truth was. Maybe I’ll tell her sometime. Locking the doors - and changing the code - you made your way back upstairs and into the bedroom, the TV still playing in the otherwise darkened room.
You’d assumed that that night would be difficult, but when you were ready for bed and had slipped beneath the blankets, turning the TV volume down and closing your eyes, it only took a few minutes for you to fall asleep.
—
She hasn’t heard from you since the night you met for dinner, and despite the fact that it’s only been a week, Cee is worried. When you dropped her off, you told her that you’d talk to her soon, and even though Cee understands that you’re probably busy, she doesn’t like the fact that she knows you were going home to confront your boyfriend - and that there’s been radio silence.
You’ve been online - posting a few things to your social media story and feed, but it’s not anything substantial; just a picture of the sunlight shining through the tree branches outside of what she assumes is your house and a few songs that you’d been listening to. She wants to reach out, but doesn’t want to intrude, the same way that she feels about inserting herself into Ezra’s business any more than she has to.
But sometimes it’s necessary, like when his phone rings during a physical therapy session and it’s Inumon, the woman’s voice frostier than winter on The Pug. Cee grits her teeth as she listens - and then agrees to - the request for her to let Ezra know that the band needs a decision soon if they’re going to be able to book the show. “He should know more this week or next, Inumon.” Cee sighs out a response, eyes on the hallway that Ezra is down. “About his arm, I mean.” The woman acknowledges this information and then tells Cee to be good before hanging up, and the girl thinks that if she rolled her eyes any harder, they’d probably make it clear across the waiting room. Be good. Who says that?
But when Ezra returns to the large room and Cee sees the grim expression on his face, she knows that that won’t be the day she relays the message. She gives him his space, the man standing silently beside her as they ride the elevator down and back to the parking area. The silence continues in the car, Ezra sliding into the passenger seat and staring out the window with his lower lip pushed out in a more pronounced pout than usual. When they’re halfway home, Cee can’t help but speak, her eyes still on the road.
“Do you want to talk about it?” His answer is immediate, a single word that cuts through the car’s interior like a laser scalpel.
“No.” But she isn’t deterred, taking the final turn toward their apartment before she tries again. Because I know he does want to tell me about it.
“Ezra, I’m going to find out anyway. Just tell me now, and get it off your chest.” His reply is halfway between a laugh and a growl, the man shifting in his seat so that he can look at her. “It can’t be that bad, it -”
“They informed me today that even when my new arm is delivered, it cannot be implemented right away.” What? Why? “The wound I sustained did more damage to my nervous system than the doctors originally thought, and even though they’re hopeful that someday it will be different, right now …” He paused, looking down and then reaching over, his remaining hand rubbing along the covered end of his missing arm. “Right now there would be a rejection failure if it was introduced into my body.” Oh. Oh, that … She grips the steering wheel tightly, remaining quiet until they park, and then the girl looks at him, her lower lip trembling.
“I’m sorry, Ezra.” She means it, though she doesn’t know what else to say, since she’s already apologized what feels like a hundred times. “It’s only been five months, though. I’m sure … I’m sure that you’re close. And they didn’t say that it would never work, right? Just that it needs a little longer to -”
“How am I supposed to get back on my feet and make music if I cannot even hold a guitar, Birdie?” His tone bitter, Ezra slams his fist down on the dashboard, head whipping back and forth. “How am I supposed to continue my career if my strumming hand is -”
“Slowly.” Turning the car off and pulling the key from the ignition, she eyes him warily. “No one expects you to be able to play the way you used to right away, Ezra. But you haven’t even tried to play with your temporary arm.” She scoffs. “I bet you could. I bet you can.” You just need to want to. “And even if you can’t play, you can still write, can’t you?” She leans closer, unblinking. “I listened to Damon making excuses for my whole life. I’m not going to listen to you do the same when I know there’s no real reason for it.”
She gets out of the car then, slamming the door behind her and heading for the lobby, but it only takes him seconds to follow her, the man calling out her name. She stops, spinning back to face him and when she does, she collides with his body, Ezra’s arm winding around her and pulling her close, the man’s hand pressed against the back of her head as he crushes her to his chest.
“Thank you.” He mumbles the words into her hair as her arms go around his waist, the two of them standing just beyond the small, grassy area in front of their building. “You are wise beyond your years, little bird, it still surprises me somet -” She laughs; she can’t help it, and when Ezra asks why, she pulls out of his embrace and leads them toward the main doors, clicking the button to lock the car doors behind them.
“You’re not the first person to tell me that, Ezra.” They ride the elevator up, and she continues, telling him that you said something similar while you were at dinner the previous week. He doesn’t respond right away, but when he does, he asks if she’s heard from you, or if there’s been any update. And it pains her to tell him no, but she does anyway, reminding him of your situation. “She said that it wasn’t going to be a good time when she got home, because she needed to confront her boyfriend. I didn’t like him much, and she’s been online some, but it -” He squeezes her arm as they reach their door, the man finally speaking up.
“I admit that he didn’t make the best impression, Cee, but maybe …” Ezra pauses, stepping into the apartment and bending over to undo his bootlaces. “Maybe her silence is for the best?” How? What? “They might just be taking the time to work things out between them.” Maybe. But Cee isn’t convinced, the girl flopping down onto the couch and pulling her phone out, even as Ezra makes his way into the kitchen, opening the cabinets one by one. “Should we order something to eat tonight? You cooked yesterday, and …” She’s listening as he begins, but as she scrolls through her newsfeed, Cee sees an update from you from about an hour earlier - a picture of you standing in front of an empty closet with a smile on your face captioned “Got rid of half of everything in my house today … and I didn’t have to touch any of it.”
Cee sits straight up and gasps, her eyes going wide as she rereads the caption, and Ezra immediately moves from the kitchen and back into the living room, asking if she’s ok. “I’m fine.” Her smile grows, the girl turning the screen so that he can see it too. “I think I know why she hasn’t said anything, Ezra.” Good. Good for her. She looks over at him, watching as Ezra’s eyes lock in on the picture of you, one side of his mouth lifting in the smirk that she hadn’t seen in weeks. Hmm. He nods, his attention moving from the device to her, and when Ezra speaks again, she hears the amusement in his voice, her cheeks turning red at the compliment he gives her.
“She must have taken your advice to heart, Cee… and that makes a strong case for me to do the same.” He leans forward, pressing a quick kiss to the top of her head. “Now. Let’s pick something to eat before it gets too late.”
—
The following weekend, Cee emerges from a shower, toweling her hair off as she heads into the main living space. To her surprise, she finds Ezra fully dressed and leaning against the counter, his phone in one hand. “Are you going somewhere?” She doesn’t mean to sound so surprised, but she can’t help it - his hair is clean and somewhat styled, and the shirt he’s wearing isn’t one of the comfortable undershirts that he’s favored since the accident. Instead, it’s a short-sleeved one, the covering on the end of his arm not the one that’s meant to sit inside of the prosthetic. “You look…” She blinks, fighting back a smile. “You look like yourself, Ezra.”
“I feel more like myself today, Birdie.” He sets the phone down and straightens up, wetting his lips. “And I am going somewhere, but we need to talk for a few minutes first.” Suddenly wary, she lets him lead her to the couch, sitting next to him and waiting, mind racing. “I… am going somewhere tonight, and it’s somewhere that I should have gone weeks ago.” She waits, eyes on his face. “I’m meeting the others to let them know that I want to do the show.” He looks down, taking a deep breath. “But it’s not just going to be a benefit for Luke’s family.”
“What?” On one hand, she’s thrilled that he’s going to play music again, but on the other, she doesn’t understand who else the amount raised could be for. “Ezra, wh -”
“It’s for you, too, little bird.” He reaches over, settling a hand on her knee and staring straight into her eyes. “And before you -”
“I don’t need charity.” She tries to keep the anger out of her voice and mostly succeeds, but she knows that he still hears it - that he can probably see it in her eyes. “I’m not -”
“It’s not charity. Just give me a moment to -” He sighs, closing his eyes. “You were supposed to continue on after our tour was over. You had another job lined up. And yet here you are, months later, staying here to take care of me.” He says her name and she forces herself to look at him again, chest rising and falling rapidly as she tries to control her breathing. “It isn’t a handout, Cee. It’s going to take the place of the amount you would have earned if you’d been able to go to your next job, and hopefully give you a little breathing room until -”
“Ezra, I didn’t…” She trails off, looking down at the floor. He doesn’t need to do this. He shouldn’t do this. “Your medical bills are … you need the -”
“My medical bills are already taken care of.” He lifts his hand, waving it through the air. “I have been very careful with what I’ve earned, Cee. And the accident led to a surge in sales. Don’t you worry about me.” He sighs and then clears his throat. “I’ve already told you that you are welcome to stay here for as long as you want, but I know that it won’t be forever. And I want to make sure that when you decide to go, you’re going to be alright.” Damon would never. He never even…
“But he had kids. They need -” Ezra shakes his head, lips pressed together.
“Trust me on this. There’s plenty of funds to be made with just one show. More than enough to go around.” She wants to believe him - wants to believe that she won’t feel guilty accepting the proceeds from the benefit along with what goes to the other man’s family. But I won’t know until it happens. “Let me do this for you, little bird. Helping Luke’s family is one thing, but knowing that I’ve made a difference in your life is …”
“You already have.” She smiles at that, the assertion genuine. “And …” She looks up, focusing on the ceiling and then back on him, nodding. “Ok. I accept. But only if I -”
“No. You’re not going to be sitting behind a table at the show selling t-shirts. You’re going to watch it.” He smiles - a wide one, though it’s still not as brilliant as the ones she knows he’s capable of. “I’ll know more details after tonight, but …” Ezra sighs, his hand lifting to scratch the side of his head. “But I guess this is going to happen.” Good. This is good.
“Are you just going out with the guys in The Fringe tonight?” She leans back against the arm of the couch, eyes on him. “To figure out -’
“Yes. Them and Inumon. We’re going out for dinner to talk over the details, and then we might have a drink or two before I come home.” She barely hides her wince at the mention of the woman’s name, but Ezra’s eyes are on the clock across the room, so he doesn’t notice. “She says she has some ideas for a tribute for Damon and Luke, so -” What?
“That’s funny.” Cee rolls her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest. “Last time she was in the same room with Damon, she didn’t want anything to do with him, and now -”
“What?” She realizes what she’s said too late, the girl’s eyes going wide. Shit. Shit, oh shit. “I thought that they were fri-”
“They were friends.” Cee sighs. “If that’s what you call it.” This isn’t how I wanted to tell him. She’s been keeping it quiet for months because with Damon gone, there was no reason to dwell on it. “Ezra, they dated for like … three months at the beginning of the year. She ended things right around the time you announced your tour.” His eyes narrow as she speaks, but the man stays quiet. “I thought you knew at first, but then Damon told me that you didn’t, so…”
“They what?” He blinks slowly, sitting up straight. “I was not aware of that. Neither of them …” He trails off, averting his eyes. “Is that why you don’t like her? Why Damon always …” He’s confused and trying to quickly work through the revelation, and Cee reacts as fast as she can, repositioning herself on the couch so that she can face him when she speaks. Of course they didn’t say anything.
“I don’t like her, Ezra, because she’s not a good person. She treated me like a kid back then, and she still does. When she ended things with him, she said it was because being with someone on tour was going to be too hard, so they needed to cool it for a while, and then …”
“And then she tried to … with me.” He swears under his breath. “Cee, I had no idea that it was -”
“I know.” She laughs, the sound bitter. “And it wouldn’t have been so bad if she hadn’t been leading him on. But when it came out that the two of you had gone out a few times together, he didn’t … he didn’t take it well, and he confronted her over it.” Cee sighs, remembering the conversations vividly, Damon’s raised voice countered by the woman’s calm one as she tried to convince him that he had nothing to worry about, that it was just because she’d known Ezra for a long time. “She told him that being seen with you was just to sell tickets, Ezra. And I think he believed it, because he kept saying that when both of them weren’t on the road anymore…”
“The Mercs were a day behind us in a few cities on the tour.” He sighs, covering his face with his hand. “Two days after the accident was the first one, actually. We made plans to stay there for an extra night so that we could watch their show. Damon was unhappy at the thought …” Ezra swears again, standing, and suddenly Cee’s heart is hammering in her chest, her mouth dropping open. He knew? So Damon knew that he’d have to see the two of them together?
“Ezra, are you saying -” He spins on his heel, facing her again and shaking his head back and forth.
“I’m not saying anything.” But he’s saying it without actually speaking the words, and they both know it. Damon knew. Damon knew and that’s why he … “Forget it, Cee. No matter what the whole truth might be, the fact is that Damon made his choice. I made it very clear that I wasn’t looking for anything long term with her, that we were just playing it up for the publicity and having some fun.” He swipes at his beard, groaning. “But now that I think about it, maybe that wasn’t what he wanted to hear, either.”
She feels dizzy, closing her eyes and swallowing hard as Ezra speaks. He never knew how to handle himself. He never knew how to cope without the drops, and the thing with Inumon probably didn’t help. It … he … “Ezra, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. It doesn’t help, and -”
“It does help, though.” Ezra kneels in front of her, reaching out with his hand and squeezing one of hers. “It makes it clear as pure aurelac that I made at least one right decision when it came to her and I.” Damn straight. “You did nothing wrong. I’ll deal with this.” He’s frowning and she doesn’t like the expression on his face, but she knows there’s nothing else she can do.
“Are you going to be ok seeing her tonight? You’re not -”
“It’ll be fine.” He nods. “I can be cordial when I need to be. And this isn’t about me. It’s about you and Luke’s family and putting on a good show.” He winks. “I can play nice for a few weeks, Birdie, as long as the reward is worth my time.” She knows that it’s the truth, and after a quick pause, she nods in his direction, letting out a long sigh. “Good. That’s what I want to see.” Ezra stands, looking at the clock again. “What are you going to do tonight?’
“Nothing.” She points at the screen on the opposite wall. “Maybe I’ll order some pizza and watch a movie.” He nods at that, and she cocks her head to one side, thinking. “Where are you going, and will you need me to pick you up? You said you’d be drinking, so -”
“I can always call a car if I need one.” He shrugs. “Not a problem.”
“Neither is me coming to get you.” She grins - a real one - and continues. “And you won’t even have to pay me, so that’s an automatic win for you.” His laugh is quiet, and when they lock eyes again, she sees that he’s still a little unsettled by the things she told him about Damon and Inumon, though he’s trying to hide it. “Just tell me where you’ll be, Ezra. I can come and get you.”
He tells her the name of the restaurant, and it’s one she knows well - one of his favorites. It’s close, too. “I won’t be late.” He winks, reaching for his phone. “Zed’s here, though. I’ll send you a message when - and if - I need a way home.” She tells him that that’s fine, and to have a good time, and when the man disappears through the front door, she collapses back onto the couch, turning her head toward one of the pillows.
She screams into it, the sound muffled, and when Cee rolls onto her back and stares at the ceiling, she feels even worse. It doesn’t matter what Ezra tells her; she knows the truth. It may not be the only reason that Damon chose to use heavily while on the tour, but Inumon and Ezra’s actions likely contributed to it - and the fact that she was going to be present only a few days later had likely led to an increased use on the night of the accident. Because he didn’t know what else to do. She covers her face with both hands, and while she feels a dull ache in her chest at the realization that once again, Damon’s decisions are the cause of suffering - something she hadn’t even allowed herself to think of before that night - there’s no surprise.
He was always selfish, she thinks. It was always about him. Sitting up again, Cee stares at the wall, her hands braced on the cushions on either side of her body. This time, other people had to pay the price, too.
She only gives herself a few seconds to dwell on it and then Cee does exactly what she told Ezra she was going to do - orders food and settles in to watch a movie while she waits for it to arrive. But once she’s done eating, her attention drifts and the girl picks up her phone, deciding to check her feed.
There’s a new post from you - a picture of you out at a restaurant with a female friend that she’s seen a few times before in pictures and stories, but the caption is what catches the girl’s attention.
Can’t decide where else to go tonight. Any suggestions?
She smiles when she realizes that you’re likely out for the first time after your breakup - and looking for a good time with your friend. But maybe… The idea comes to her quickly, the girl opening up your text message and typing.
Saw your post. If you’re still looking for a place, there’s one that Ezra loves.
Cee bites her lip as she sends it, thinking. He’s going to need a distraction from the band and Inumon, and she’ll… she only got to talk to him for a few minutes when we saw her, so… She sees that you’re typing back, but before you can answer, she sends over the name of the restaurant that Ezra’s at, her earlier bad mood fading as she stares at the small screen, watching as a series of texts from you comes in.
Oh yeah? What is it?
We’re actually right down the street from that place. I’ve never been there.
Jillian says it’s a winner. Thanks for the suggestion!
Cee nearly squeals at that - tapping one foot on the floor and nodding her head rapidly. Perfect. She contemplates messaging Ezra to let him know, but thinks twice about it when she imagines the look of surprise on both of your faces when you see each other. That’s a better option. She’s grinning when she stands, still looking at her phone to see if you’ll say anything else. She doesn’t know you well enough to know if you’d approach Ezra if you saw him, but she does know the man. And he’ll walk right up.
Her phone buzzes as she’s putting away her leftovers, and once Cee closes the door of the refrigerator and pulls it out, she can’t keep the smile off of her face - or stop herself from sending a grinning face to you in reply.
Heading there now.
—
“This place is packed tonight!” Jillian spoke into your ear as she squeezed your bare arm. “You’ll have to thank your friend for recommending it.” My friend? I guess that’s what we are. She nodded, her eyes scanning the crowd, which was much busier than the last place you’d been. “I’m going to go and get us another round. Keep the table?” You nodded in reply, keeping your eyes on your friend as she weaved through the people and headed for the bar. When she disappeared, you finally looked back down at your almost empty drink.
It was strange to be out without Robbie - and even stranger to feel so indifferent about it, but you liked the feeling. Because it means that ending it was the right thing to do. Your ex hadn’t tried to reach out more than once or twice in the days following your confrontation, and by the time you’d given him options for coming to get his stuff out of your house, it seemed like he’d gotten the hint entirely.
You didn’t know where he was staying - and you didn’t really care. Thanks to Jillian’s husband’s help, it had only taken a few hours for Robbie to get everything packed and out of your place, the two men making quick work of the hastily packed boxes and bags. The house didn’t feel as empty as you thought it would, and you were thankful for that, too. But I lived by myself for years, so I guess I’m not too surprised.
After taking another drink through the small straw, you raised your eyes at the sound of a loud cheer from one corner of the room - over in the VIP section - and what you saw froze you in place. Is that … “Hey, you’re not going to believe this, but I think -”
“Ezra’s here.” You cut Jillian off, nodding. “The whole band is. They’re over in the corner.” After setting your drinks down, she slid back into her seat, watching you. “How did -”
“Zed just ordered a round of drinks next to me.” Jillian kept her eyes on you, waiting. “How did you figure it out?”
“They all cheered just now.” You shrugged. “ He must have brought the drinks back. I happened to look up when I heard it, and saw … them.” Saw him. Saw him actually smiling. But you’d also seen who he was sitting next to, and that took away some of the thrill. “It seems like they’re having a good time, and I’m glad. He needs it.”
“Wait, didn’t Cee tell you to come here tonight?” Jillian raised an eyebrow, leaning in. “That has to -” She did. “You should walk over and say hi.”
“No. I’m not walking over to the VIP area, Jillian. That’ll just look desperate.” You pointed. “Look. Someone’s trying to talk to them, and…” She turned her head following your eyeline, and both of you watched as two people - a man and a woman - approached, trying to get the attention of the group.
For the most part, the band ignored them, but you watched with some surprise as Ezra’s head rose, the man giving the two a quick nod and a small smile before he looked away - and in the direction of your table. You tried to avert your eyes but didn’t do it quickly enough and even from across the room, saw recognition in them, the man giving you a nod, too, his smile growing. “Shit.” Breaking eye contact, you looked down at the table.
“Well I don’t think you’ll have to walk over there now.” Jillian turned back to look at you, grinning as she took a long drink. “He definitely saw you.” Yeah. He did. You didn’t know what good it would do, though - Ezra didn’t have anything but your email address, and you didn’t think that he’d leave the roped off area just to come say hello. He looks like he’s having a good time with them. I hope he is. “Are you going to ask her about this? I would.” Jillian took another drink, tucking her hair behind one ear and leaning forward. “Now I’m curious about why she suggested this place out of all of the -”
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you here before.” You heard him speak at the same time as you felt his presence next to you, and before you could stop yourself, you turned your head toward the sound. He trimmed his beard. And his hair doesn’t look as messy. Smiling up at Ezra, you opened your mouth to answer, but Jillian beat you to it - extending her left hand.
“I’m Jillian.” He took her hand, pumping it up and down a few times before releasing it and then letting his rest on the table next to you. “And no, I’ve been here before, but this is her first time here. We’re celebrating.” Stop it. He doesn’t want to -
“If you’re celebrating the occasion that I think you’re celebrating, then you’ll let me buy you a drink.” Ezra met your eyes again, the hint of a smile on his lips. “Cee showed me a picture that you posted last week.” Of course she did.
“I don’t want to keep you from your friends, Ezra.” You gestured with your chin at the group in the corner, finding that Inumon was watching the the interaction with some apprehension on her face. “Or from -”
“You’re keeping me from nothing.” He paused, eyes narrowing briefly as he looked back over his shoulder. The motion gave you a chance to glance at Jillian, the woman’s fingers moving over her phone screen. What are you doing? “To be truthful, I could use a break from them. We’ve been talking business all night, and -”
“I’m actually getting a phone call.” Jillian interrupted, letting out an exaggerated sigh. “I’ll be back in a few minutes, it’s too loud here.” Before either of you could say anything, the woman darted away from the table and toward the door, leaving you and Ezra alone. Subtle. Really… subtle.
“Do you want to sit, Ezra?” Pointing at the seat your friend just vacated, you smiled at him. “She might be gone for a while.”
‘I think that was the point.” He smiled again as he sat, and for the first time, you were able to look at him freely - from two feet away away instead of from in the crowd while he was onstage and lit from behind, or from 20 feet across a dark barroom. “Can I ask you a question?” His voice interrupted your thoughts, the man’s head cocked to one side - but you nodded, waiting. “You’ve never been here before, really? This place is very -” He wrinkled his nose, and you watched as the remaining portion of his right arm moved, like he was raising it. But after only a few seconds, he lowered it, swearing under his breath. “I’m still getting used to …” You nodded once, eyes on him.
“I’ve never been here before, no. Jillian - my friend - comes here a lot, and so when Cee suggested it, we -”
“Cee?” His demeanor changed again, the man grinning as he leaned in. “Cee suggested that you come here tonight?” You didn’t want to implicate the girl, but you also didn’t want to lie, so you nodded, your own smile tugging on your lips. “Oh, that girl. That girl is …” He chuckled, lowering his chin toward the table. “Well, I hope you have a good time.” He lifted his left arm, using that hand to ruffle the hair at the back of his neck as he looked at you again. “It would appear that you are.”
“Yeah.” Lifting your drink to take a sip through the straw, you nodded. “This place is better than where we were before.” You looked around the room again, eyes passing over the corner where Ezra’s group was still sitting before you focused on him, deciding to be honest again. “And it’s good to see you.” His eyes widened but he didn’t look away, instead arching a brow. “Out in public, I mean. Cee told me that you’ve been mostly staying at home unless you go places with her, so…” You shrugged. “You look like you’re having fun, too.”
“I am now.” Ezra tapped his fingers against the tabletop, nodding. “Don’t tell anyone, but we’re here planning a show.” A show? “A benefit. For Cee and for Luke… Number Two’s family.” He sighed. “It should have been planned sooner, but I wasn’t … ready.” His words made sense to you, but you heard Ezra’s tone, understanding that he didn’t like to admit to his hesitation, even if it was the truth. “Someone else will have to fill in on guitar, but I think I’m still good to sing a few of my favorites.”
“I’ll be the first to buy a ticket.” Finishing your drink, you wiped your lips with the back of one knuckle. “As soon as they go on sa-”
‘No, you won’t.” Ezra shook his head, saying your name for the first time that night, the sound of it coming out of his mouth catching you by surprise. What? “What you’ve done for Cee, and what you gave me with that video you sent over is worth more to us than the cost of a ticket. You don’t need to worry about buying one. I’ll get you in.”
“Ezra, you don’t -” But the man stood, shaking his head back and forth without looking away.
“That’s not an argument that you’ll win. Not with me.” He licked his lips, tongue moving slowly over them, and even though you tried not to stare, you couldn’t help it. He has to have seen that. There’s no way he missed it. “How about that drink?” Ezra leaned in again, eyes still focused on your face. “Not only to celebrate the end of a relationship, but maybe …” He squinted at you briefly and then nodded, the smile returning to his face. “To celebrate the beginning of a new friendship?” With him? This is …
“Ezra, I’m sorry that Robbie was an asshole to you. The whole handshake thing? His attitude? He shouldn’t have been that way with you, especially since -”
“You owe me no apologies for his behavior. I’ve known many men like him” Ezra rolled his eyes. “But if you’re going to apologize for that, then I feel like I should apologize for Cee. She means well, but she… she’s still very young, and doesn’t always … think things through.”
“You mean tonight?” He nodded. “Oh, I think that she thought this through.” Leaning back in your seat, you watched him closely. “I think she wants us to be friends, Ezra.” Reaching out, you grasped the straw in your drink between two fingers, swirling it through the remaining ice and the little bit of liquid left in the bottom. Go for it. He said he’d get you into a show for free, and that he wanted to buy you a drink to celebrate making a new friend. You’ve got nothing to lose. That wasn’t entirely true, but it didn’t stop you from saying anything further. “And I’d like that, Ezra. You buying me a drink? As long as it won’t …” Your eyes flicked over toward the VIP section and you hoped he’d understand what you were insinuating. “Be a problem.”
His eyes lit up - you saw it clearly in the muted glow from overhead, and when Ezra spoke next, his voice had dropped, the rasp much more pronounced. “It is a bold offer, I know.” He took a breath, holding eye contact with you. “But I am thrilled to hear that you accept.” His smile grew, spreading over his face until you could see the dimple in his cheek, even through the dark hair of his beard. “And there isn’t a problem. I am just as unattached at the moment as you are.” Before you had a chance to respond, he tapped his fingers against the table and cleared his throat. “Now, tell me what you’d like me to order to drink so I can make it happen.”
Somewhat stunned, you stammered out a drink order and Ezra turned from the table, heading for the bar and leaving you seated. Shit, I didn’t tell him what Jillian was drinking, and she might - “Where’d he go?” Your friend’s return to the table was quick and quiet, both of her brows raised. “Don’t tell me you’ve been sitting here all alone this entire time.”
“He’s….” You blinked in an attempt to gather your thoughts and then took a deep breath. “He’s at the bar, getting drinks, and I think he was flirting with me, Jillian, he - “
“You should go help him.” She spoke quietly. “It’s going to be a little difficult for him to carry multiple drinks back here.” Shit, you’re right. You stood, searching for Ezra’s head - and his blonde patch - in the crowd of people. “I’ll watch the table.”
Cutting away from her and following the path Ezra took, you found him only a few seconds later, the man patiently waiting his turn to order. “Ezra.” He turned to look at you as you approached, and before you could stop yourself, you reached out, gently touching the back of his right shoulder to let him know where you were. “Jillian came back, said you might need help carrying the drinks, so she’d watch the table.”
“I will need help.” His smile was sad, but it didn’t linger long, quickly replaced with one that was friendlier. “Thank you.” You told him not to mention it, and when you realized that your hand was still on his back, you pulled it away, apologizing. “Why are you apologizing? That’s the best way to get my attention here.”
“Because we basically just met, and I don’t know you, and …” The woman in front of him moved out of the way and Ezra stepped forward, ordering himself a drink and then ordering yours before turning his head and asking what Jillian wanted. “Oh, um… just the same thing as the second drink.” You nodded at the bartender, eyes on her as she turned and started grabbing things to make the order for you. “I’ve seen a couple of your shows, Ezra, how people grab at you if you get near the crowd, and I don’t want to be like that.”
“You are not.” He turned to the side, the right side of his body next to the bar, and then beckoned you closer. “And like I said, a hand on my shoulder is very different.” His drink was ready and he slid it closer to himself, nodding in thanks. “I would tell you if what you were doing bothered me.” You believed him - you had no reason not to, and so you decided to drop it, attention moving from him to the ice-filled glasses on the bartop. “I’m going to have to go back over to my friends in a few minutes.” Ezra sighed, leaning against the bar but keeping his eyes on you. “Even though I’d much prefer not to.” What? “I’d like to make you another offer.”
“Another offer? What?” Blinking quickly, you looked between him and the woman as she slid the other two drinks toward you, asking Ezra how he wanted to pay.
“Put them on my tab.” He pointed with one finger at himself. “Ezra. I’m over in the -”
“I’ve got you.” The woman winked at him. “I know who you are.” He laughed and nodded, thanking her before the two of you turned away from the bar and made your way back to the table. You still had no idea what he was going to offer - or ask of you - and you didn’t know if he was still going to make it in front of Jillian.
“We come bearing drinks!” Ezra spoke up over the conversation around your table, and you reached out to hand your friend her glass. “We’ll make a toast and then I’ll head back over to my friends so the two of you can continue your night.” Jillian’s laugh was loud, and as she raised her glass, she looked first at you and then at the man, grinning.
“A toast to my friend finally getting rid of all the dead weight.” You watched Ezra’s lips twitch, but he stayed quiet, waiting. “And -”
“A toast to moving forward,” you continued, looking straight at Ezra. “Even when it’s hard.” His eyes widened, a glint in them that you hadn’t seen yet, and when Ezra interjected, you understood what he’d meant about making an offer.
“To new friends and not relying on a teenager to put us in contact again.” You laughed hard at that, nodding. To new friends. As he swallowed, he kept his eyes on you and when you set your drink down, he winked, doing the same with his and then reaching into his back pocket to pull out his phone. “I’m going to give you my phone number. Use it if you want to. And if you don’t… well, I guess maybe then I’ll just have to keep bothering Cee when I get curious about how you’re doing.”
It shouldn’t have surprised you, but his words gave you pause. Keep bothering her? Does that mean he’s asked before? “I’ll give you mine, too.” You opened the camera and then scanned his code, the number autosaving into your address book. “And if you don’t want to use it, then -”
“You can stop right there.” He said your name, waiting until you’d set your phone back on the table, code on display on the screen. “Because I plan on using it.” He tapped a few times on the screen after holding it over your phone and then showed you once he’d saved your number. “Have a good rest of your night.”
“We will. Thanks for the drinks.” Jillian raised her glass again and Ezra nodded, first at her and then at you. But before he walked away, he gave you a small smile - followed by another wink - and then, drink in hand, he turned back toward his group of friends. Once he was far enough away, Jillian reached out, her hand gripping your wrist. “What the fuck was that? He -”
“I don’t know.” You sipped your drink again, focusing on your friend. “That was … weird. Really weird. Kevva, Jillian, he -”
“Isn’t he here with that woman that -”
“He said he was single.” You took a drink, shaking your head slowly. “Inumon’s here with them, but he said he was just as unattached as I was, so I don’t …” You looked down and then back at her, noticing that she was watching in the direction of Ezra’s table. “Stop staring, Jillian, you -”
“I’m not staring, just … observing.” She looked back at you, her smile sly. “That’d be the ultimate ‘fuck you’ to Robbie, hmm?” She took another drink and then bit her lip. “That kind of an upgrade?” You felt the heat rising in your cheeks as you ducked your head, trying not to even think about what she was suggesting.
“That isn’t why I would … I don’t want to…” He did make it a point to tell me that he wasn’t with her. And he was the one that offered his number. “We’ll see what happens, I guess.” You took another sip, shrugging your shoulders. “We’ll see if he actually uses my number or if he was just trying to be nice because he was right here.” She rolled her eyes at you, but didn’t say anything else about it.
Instead, you and Jillian spent the remainder of your time at the bar laughing together about other things, her presence helping you to relax completely for the first time since your breakup. By the time you left, catching a ride back to your house after saying goodnight to her in front of the building, you’d decided that you were going to reach out to Cee about her not so subtle manipulation. But not because I’m upset.
You washed the makeup from your face and changed into pajamas, padding through your house and into the kitchen for something to snack on. As the microwave ran, you thumbed open her text thread, eyes on the screen. It was late, but not too late, so you typed out your message and pressed send.
Thank you for the suggestion tonight, Cee. You were right. I did like it. And it was nice to talk to Ezra for a few minutes… it was almost like you knew he was going to be there or something.
The timer went off and you set your phone down, pulling your food out. I want to know how she’s going to reply. After sticking a fork into the bowl, you saw that the screen was lighting up, and so you grabbed for the device, still smiling.
Or something. Glad you had fun.
There was nothing else you needed to say, so you set it back down and ate the food you’d made, replaying the conversation with Ezra in your head. He approached me. He offered drinks. He told me about the show and offered me a ticket. You rinsed the bowl out, setting it in the sink. He gave me his number.
You didn’t know if you’d use it, but just having it was exciting for a reason that you couldn’t quite put your finger on. It was there, saved in your phone, waiting. You wondered if he’d tell Cee that you’d exchanged contact information, or if he’d keep it to himself, and because of that, you decided not to tell her about it unless she asked you directly. Because there’s nothing to tell and if he wants her to know … He’ll make it happen.
You weren’t an idiot; you knew that Ezra’s life was very different from your own. Being able to contact him was very different than being in contact with him. But he said he wanted to be friends. He said -
Your phone buzzed in your hand just as you reached your bedroom, and before you could stop yourself from looking, you raised it enough to see the screen.
I hope you made it home safely, my friend. Tonight was a pleasant surprise, and hopefully we can make it happen again.
Your fingers tightened around the phone, teeth digging into your lower lip as you tried to decide how to respond. Your thoughts were interrupted, though, by another message coming through.
Maybe not by surprise, though.
You laughed out loud, closing your eyes. “Oh, fuck.” You still didn’t want to get your hopes up, but as you typed a reply back to Ezra, you couldn’t help it.
I’m home, about to get in bed. And I’d like that.
A few seconds later a reply came back - and even though it was just a single winking emoji, your intake of breath was audible.
