Jun 27, 2022
Mailman Ezra is friends with all the cats on his mail run
seen from Türkiye
seen from France
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Indonesia
seen from South Africa
seen from Maldives
seen from Russia
seen from France
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Norway
Mailman Ezra is friends with all the cats on his mail run
Elysian
A prospect au fic
Status: complete
Summary: Chasing the biggest payday of her life, Kalei heads to the Green to dig the famous Queens Lair. Once they land, the plan goes to shit and she’s met with a shady yet attractive prospector who makes an offer.
Warnings: base material stuff like killing, theft, injury, sexual and lusty feelings and content. Ezra comes with his own warning. There is some reluctance and denial about the soulmate thing.
✨ previews on tumblr✨ read chapters in full on A03 only (artemiseamoon) ✨
Chapters
One: The bullseye - preview - A03
Two: Pegasus - preview - A03
Three: Anomaly - preview - A03
Four: Fate - preview - A03
Moodboards
My very first prospect fic here, this is my love, I want everyone to give it a chance and check it out 💕 Both ocs meet Ezra on the green but they are separate stories, in separate universes.
No tags | @artemiseamoon-updates | A03
take my hand, wreck my plans
Ezra (Prospect) x reader, pirate AU
word count: 2,990~
warnings: piracy, mentions of death and murder (because pirates), swearing in general, no Y/N
summary: With Cee now on The Queen's Lair, there are adjustments to be made and conversations to be had.
my masterlist | previous
You learn that, while she doesn’t have a lot of possessions to her name, Cee takes care of what she’s got, carefully packing her few belongings into a sack to carry with her over to the Queen’s Lair and into her new life. One of these items being the book you found on the captain’s desk, the red leather cover embossed with the title “The Streamer Girl.” After Cee gathers the bag of her only earthly possessions, she faces the door and stands with her back straight, and you can guess that she’s gathering the courage to leave her old life behind. It’s only a few moments before she takes a deep breath, walks toward the door and opens it, striding into the hallway that leads to the steps above deck.
You’re trailing behind her as Cee leads you out of the captain’s quarters, and before you make the turn onto the stairs leading above deck, you catch the eye of your Captain. Nodding silently, you’re able to communicate that the girl is coming with your crew and is doing so amiably. He nods in response and knowing him so well, you can see the glimmer of appreciation in his deep brown eyes.
As Cee and yourself make way up the stairs, you stop for a moment to look behind you, catching sight of the Captain’s back as he makes his way into the office to finish what he started. Reaching the deck of The Harvester, you take the lead, ushering Cee across the gangplank over to The Queen’s Lair. She steps onto the deck of her new vessel, a long sigh drooping her shoulders minutely before she turns her attention to you, a neutral expression replacing the forlorn one from moments ago.
“Well,” she says, taking a long look around the pirating vessel. “Where will I be staying?”
You lead Cee into the pantry, closing the door behind yourself and leaning against the wall while she takes in the space. “This is where we keep most food supplies, obviously,” you say, gesturing to the stacks of crates and barrels of mead. “Most of the crew sleeps further below deck in a communal area, but since I spend most of my time in here, I tend to sleep in the corner there.” You use your hand again to point to the hammock swinging lazily in the corner of the room. “You’re welcome to use it while you’re with us, and I can join the rest of the men through the night.”
At the apprehensive look that crosses her face, you amend that statement. “Or I could always find some more blankets and make a pallet on the floor. Never know when we might need two sets of hands manning the kitchen.”
A flash of relief shows on Cee’s face and you think, briefly, how scared she must be that the thought of sharing a room with a woman she barely knows and only met today, is better than sleeping alone. You find it best in situations like these to go about business like you normally would, so you step away from your post against the wall and toward where you keep your personal items as you keep talking.
“I can take you around later to get a better idea of the ship, but right now, the crew are carrying cargo back and forth, so walkways will be a little clogged.” You shrug out of your jacket, the heavy leather doing its best to give you heatstroke below deck, and leave it on the wall hook until it’s needed again. You turn back around to face Cee and catch her observing your clothing. Men’s breeches with a linen top to keep cool, and an obvious lack of a weapon’s belt.
Cee leans her bag of possessions against the wall of the cabin, pulling herself into the hammock to sit facing you. After drawn-out silence, Cee’s curiosity gets the best of her. “How did you find yourself here?”
“Here in this moment in the pantry, or on the ship?” You’re deflecting and she knows it, raising a blonde eyebrow in prompting. There’s a stack of crates by the hammock that you use to hold your personal belongings and extra supplies for the ship, and you make a seat out of them as you hesitate to answer her. “It’s a complicated story.”
“Whose isn’t,” she asks rhetorically, leaning back on her elbows with a shrug.
A knock sounds from the doorway and Cee flinches, surprised, but the captain’s voice reaches you from the other side of it. “May I intrude for a moment?”
You look to your companion for confirmation, and at her nod, call out for him to enter. He closes the door gently behind him, walking a couple of steps into the room but leaving plenty of space for comfort, before addressing the girl. “In all of the…excitement earlier, we were not properly introduced. My name is Ezra, I am the captain of this here vessel. We will assuredly need to have a conversation later about what steps you would like to take next, but for as long as you need, you are safe aboard The Queen’s Lair.” She nods, her eyes meeting the captain’s briefly. “You’ve also got a hell of an arm, I have to admit.”
Amusement- and possibly pride- show in her expression, and this time when she makes eye contact with the captain, she holds it. “My name is Cee.”
“It is a pleasure, miss Cee, though the circumstances are unfortunate at the least.”
You watch as Cee draws back into herself, eyes taking another trip around the room and landing anywhere but on the two people in her company. Ezra takes this as a sign to move on, turning to face you more directly. “Moony, could we have a word above deck? There are some details about the safety situation-”
“You can speak in front of me,” Cee asserts quietly but with underlying strength. “I’m not a child, I can handle it.”
The captain nods, though the polite smile on his lips doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Very well, birdie. I was going to tell Moony that I’ve had a discussion with the rest of the crew. Our people tend to respect boundaries, but I’ve made it understood that the same rules apply to you as they do to Moony and the other members that do not fit the…archetype of a seaman. If you are approached in a threatening or inappropriate way, or if someone puts their hands on you in a way that is not welcome, the culprit will answer to me…that is, after Moony is done with them.”
A huff of a laugh escapes you, a murmured “if there is anything left,” and you see a small smile crack on Cee’s face.
“Alright then,” the captain claps his hands together once to dismiss this impromptu meeting. “I’ll let you get settled in. I shall see you both in a little while.”
The sun is near set as you make your way above deck on your nightly walk, and it’s near the bow of the ship that you encounter your captain. He sidles up to you as you’re enjoying the view, standing at your side as the ship rocks you both peacefully. You feel his eyes on you eventually, can sense that there are words on his tongue, and look away from the now-dark sky to meet his eyes, a small “yes?” entering the air around you.
There is slight hesitation on his part before he averts his gaze, walking a step or two up to the wooden railing and placing his hands upon it. “How is our newest member adjusting?” he asks, running one thumb over a divot in the wood there.
You think of your walk with Cee around the ship, giving her a feel for her new accommodations. Think of how afterward, while you prepared supper, she sat nearby and listened as you chatted lazily, mostly telling inane stories about the crew. How eventually, she started to respond to more than direct questions, breaking down a wall slightly and making non-verbal sounds to show that she was listening, even asking a few questions of her own. A smile, almost wistful, if a pirate can be considered as such, graces your lips. “She seems to be settling in well, given the circumstances.” The captain hums lowly, acknowledging your answer with a nod of his head, as you continue. “She’s been through so much change in one day, though, so I thought it best to give her the room for a while. What better time to take a stroll?”
He chuckles softly at that, sending a look over his shoulder that sings of fondness. “It wouldn’t be The Queen’s Lair without the queen taking her nightly walk,” he remarks.
A not very queen-like snort leaves you and you step up to the railing as well, sending a nudge into his side with your elbow. “I am no royalty.”
“Indeed, you are not,” warm brown eyes seek out your own, the unreadable emotions in them holding you there. “You are m- our Moony, and in my humble opinion, well…you’re even more important.”
Words escape you at the sincerity behind his words, and you can only manage a soft “thank you, Captain,” in response. Your eyes drift down to the sea, before being drawn to your hand being scooped up by his own broad one.
“You need not always call me Captain, my gem.”
“I know, Ezra,” is your near-silent reply. Letting the quiet consume you for a few more peaceful minutes, you watch the waves roll by as the captain’s hand, the one which is not cradling yours, comes up to rub circles across the back of your knuckles.
Once the sun is fully set and the moon is high in the sky, Ezra turns back to face you, breaking the silence. “Billy Bones has been keeping an eye out for you and the girl,” he mentions, “making sure no-one tries anything.”
You hum, taking in the information. “I doubt anyone will.”
“Even so,” the Captain insists. “He has volunteered to patrol through the night to make sure that your room stays clear. I told him that I would inform you of his intentions and see what you think is best.”
You nod, eyebrows drawn down as you think. “He doesn’t need to walk the corridors while we sleep,” you say, but pause. “Tell him to rest close by, though, just in case he’s needed.”
“I’d better let him know, then,” says Ezra, releasing your hand with one last brush against the back of it.
“I’ll get back to Cee,” you murmur, watching his movements. With a polite smile, you take a step back from him and mentally shake yourself out of the moment. “Have a good night, Captain.”
A huff of breath leaves Ezra, his head shaking in fond exasperation at you continuing to use his title. “Sleep well, Moony.”
Opening the door to your pantry, the flickering candlelight shows that your young companion has fallen asleep, and you notice as you step in that her eyes appear puffy from crying. Not that you’ll mention that to her tomorrow. It only takes a few minutes to make your bed, arranging your extra blankets into a semi-comfortable sleeping pad before you lie down, blow out the lone candle left burning, and settle in for the night.
When you wake next, it’s to the sound of the rest of the crew changing shifts from night to morning, the creaking of floorboards alerting you to the activity nearby. Stretching out the kinks from sleeping on the ground, you eventually make your way into a sitting position to find Cee still asleep in your hammock.
“Hey, kid,” you croak out, your voice not yet warmed up. Sitting up on your knees and shuffling a few feet to the edge of the hammock, you reach a hand out and let it rest on Cee’s arm which is hanging over the edge.
“No!” she exclaims, waking with a start, her right hand reaching over to wrap fiercely around yours which is still on her.
“Hey, hey,” you repeat softly, trying to soothe the startled girl. “It’s me, it’s Moony.”
“Moon-” she starts, her eyes finally registering where she is after having been awoken suddenly. “I, I’m sorry,” she says, her hand releasing you, and you both ignore the crescent moons left behind on your skin from where she had dug her nails in.
“You’re okay,” you intone, hoping she understands the double meaning laced there. “I’m about to start breakfast, I wanted to see if you wanted to come along or stay here and sleep a little longer.”
“I think I’m fully awake now,” a humorless laugh accompanies her words before an embarrassed smile creeps onto her face.
You finally stand, your knees protesting the exposure to the hard wood beneath them. “Good. You can make yourself useful, kid.” You’re grateful for the small genuine smile that Cee gives you, pulling on some shoes and heading into the kitchen for breakfast.
Cee peels potatoes to fry while you put together a batch of cornbread, the two of you working in comfortable silence. It’s while you’re cleaning up from the meal, your hands in dishwater as she wipes down the counters, that the captain comes to greet you both and asks to speak with her.
“I’m almost finished here, if you’d like me to accompany you?” You’re careful to phrase it as a question, and you’re glad you did when she shakes her head, sending an assuring smile your way.
“I’ll be okay, Moony. I’ll find you after?”
“Of course,” you say, turning back to your task.
“After you,” Cee gestures for the captain to go first and he does so, leading her to his office. She sits opposite the desk from him, meeting his gaze, his eyes appearing tight with discomfort.
“I thought it time you and I had a discussion about the future,” he pauses, “and the past.”
Cee nods, silent for a few moments as she looks away, expression thoughtful. “Was it you?”
Ezra takes a deep breath in. “If you’re asking if I’m the one that-”
“Killed my father?”
The rest of his breath exhales on a sigh, the sound tired and a little regretful. “Then yes, it was me.” Cee nods, already having accepted the probability. “I was unaware that you were on board The Harvester. The crew and I, we try to accomplish these things with minimal casualties, but it doesn’t always work out that way. I know,” he reaches a hand out, another gesture of peace, as his voice comes out with an edge of trepidation. “I know that excuses will make you feel no better, and I dislike having a part to play in how your life was upended. But unfortunately…the past cannot be changed. It is up to us, up to me, now to try and make things right in any way that I know how.”
Cee finally turns her gaze back to the captain, her eyes hard and jaw set in anger. “You’re a killer,” she says, tone hardened.
“I know.” Ezra’s shoulders slump, resigned to her judgment. “We’re all alone in here, there’s nothing stopping you from seeking vengeance. I wouldn’t blame you for your actions, either. But,” he says slowly, leaning forward to rest his forearms on the desk meaningfully, “If I am left to live another day, I will try to find a place where you feel like you belong.”
The fire in Cee is extinguished, and she shrinks to look smaller in her seat. “I don’t belong anywhere.”
Ezra’s brows draw up in surprise at the shift in the girl. “Surely you do. If you have family somewhere, we can track them down and-”
“I don’t,” she interrupts, shaking her head. “I don’t have any family left. My dad was the only person I had.”
The quiet in the office is tense, as though at any moment the whole room could shatter. With this information left to stew in his mind, Ezra’s thoughts are left to be uttered from his lips. “You and Moony share a common history.”
“Really?” Cee asks after a moment, voice quiet in the open office.
“Really,” he confirms, sitting a little straighter in his seat now. “Well, since you have no guardians or relatives to account for, and you are old enough, in my opinion, to do so, you will decide what happens to you.”
“So…you’re not going to leave me stranded on a desolate island?” Ezra is taken aback by her words at first until he registers the dry humor in her voice and in the uptick of one eyebrow.
A chuckle escapes on his next breath. “Not unless that is truly what you desire. Although,” the corner of his lips lifts in amusement, “I’ve no clue why you would.”
“Is…is it okay if I take some time to consider my options?”
“Yes, birdie, that’s just fine. But, we are touching down in Nassau in five days’ time, so if you would like to stay on the island or use it to jump to another port, you may want to know before then. We don’t stop there but every few weeks.”
“Okay,” she nods, standing from her seat. “I’m going to think about it. In the meantime, I told Moony I would find her after you and I talked.”
“Of course,” Ezra stands as well, walking to the door to open it for her, and pointing her to your most likely position. With a small amount of weight off his shoulders, Ezra closes the door behind her and sinks back into his seat, blowing out a breath. He can’t undo the past, that much he knows, but he’ll do his damnedest to protect this girl who’s just fallen into his care.
If you like my fic so far, please leave a comment or reblog and let me know what you liked about it to give me the inspiration to continue. Thank you so much for reading!
Everything tags: @greeneyedblondie44 @kickingitwithkirk @mad-girl-without-a-box @feelmyroarrrr @rosie-posie08
Pedro Pascal tags: @aficwhore @annathewitch @trickstersp8
Lost in Your Current tags: @fuckyeahdindjarin
Root Pearl: 1
Pairing: Eventual Ezra x female reader - musician AU
Word Count: 8,561
Rating: M. Language, mentions losing a parent, insecurities.
Summary: A budding friendship with Cee brings new opportunities for you, but it also raises questions in your relationship ... though not by you. Will meeting her in person change anything?
Blanket warnings: loss of a parent, character death, survivor’s guilt, learning to deal with the loss of a limb, infidelity (not Reader w/Ezra), blood, bodily injury, heavy angst.
Author’s note:
This is still a little bit of a setup chapter, but we’re getting more into it now ... and things are going to pick up.
I’m already working on part 3, so this one will hopefully come quick, even if I switch between a couple other things that I’m working on.
Let me know what you think / if you have any questions.
Catch up on the intro here
The heat of the sun made it difficult for you to concentrate, but you tried. Robbie’s sister’s voice came from one side and his mother’s from the other, the three of you sitting outside on comfortable chairs in their backyard. He was off somewhere with his dad, and that left you free to relax. But despite your best efforts, you still couldn’t focus. “I need to go inside.” Sitting straight up and looking between them, you gave his mother a small smile. “It’s too hot, and I need something to drink.”
“Go on. We’ll be right here. The house is all yours.” That had been the case since you and Robbie got serious and moved in together, and you were going to take advantage of the offer. Just for a few minutes. Heading inside, you stepped into the bathroom to splash water on your face before flopping down and onto one of the couches, the cool air washing over your skin.
Realistically, you could probably only get away with staying inside for a little while before one of them would come looking, and you decided to make the most of the time you had, pulling your phone from your pocket and unlocking it. There was a text from Robbie, telling you that he’d be back in a little under an hour, but there was also another alert - a follow request that you weren’t expecting. “Oh, shit.”
Cee (StreamerGirlCee) has requested to follow you
Shooting upright at the sight, you clicked on it in disbelief, chewing on your lower lip. Whether or not to add her wasn’t the question - what it meant is what you weren’t sure about. She hadn’t replied to your last message, though when you’d woken up the following morning, the indicator said that she’d read it. And as the days passed, you figured that there wouldn’t be a response - and that was fine. But I was wrong, because… Clicking “accept” on the follow request, it didn’t take long for you to see that she also sent over another message along with it, the girl’s reply much shorter than your original had been.
Thank you for sending that to me. It means a lot to know that people are still thinking of us.
I would like to have the video, if that’s still OK, and the pictures too. Since I worked at the merch table most of the time, I didn’t always get to see my dad and Ezra play.
Thank you for the offer. It means a lot. Send it over when you get a chance - either to my email or to my phone, whatever works.
Along with the text of the message, Cee had also included her phone number and email address. Her phone? I didn’t think… Blinking slowly, you took your lower lip between your teeth, staring at the words on the screen. It wasn’t a big deal - you were doing the same thing for her that you’d do for anyone else, but for some reason it felt like a big deal, the girl offering you access to something that was otherwise private.
After deciding to wait until you were at home and on your WiFi connection to send over the video and pictures, you stared at the screen for a few more seconds and then stood, tucking the phone back into your pocket. When you headed back outside to Robbie’s family, the smile on your face was larger than it probably should have been, and it had nothing to do with rejoining them.
They didn’t ask about it, though, still talking to each other about the same thing they had been when you’d gone inside. And even though you interjected a few times over the next fifteen minutes, part of you believed that neither of them would have actually noticed if you handn’t gone back out to sit with them, unlike you’d previously thought.
—
“She messaged me back.” Speaking up as the two of you walked through the front door, you turned your head toward your boyfriend. “Cee, I mean.”
“Yeah?” Robbie’s eyes met yours, the man letting you know that he was paying attention. “And?” Waiting until your shoes were off and you’d set your bag down to answer, you grinned, reaching for your phone.
“She wants the pictures and the video. Told me to send ‘em to her whenever, and she gave me her email and phone number.” He widened his eyes at that admission, but instead of saying anything, Robbie took a seat next to you, looking down at the device in your hands. “So I’ll probably try to email the video over and send the pictures through text, just because -”
“So are you guys going to be friends now? Isn’t that weird? She’s, what, 17?”
“She’s 18. And no, I don’t think this means we’re friends, it just means … she wanted the things I offered to send her.” And even if it did mean we were friends, why would it be weird? “I obviously took them on my phone, so maybe she just figured it would be easier to text them over.” But maybe it not a good idea, because just seeing all those pictures come through with no warning might … His arm winding around your shoulders, Robbie drew you closer and pressed a kiss to the side of your head.
“Well, I’m happy for you.” Without letting go, he continued. “And I’m also kind of relieved you didn’t message Ezra, too. Him sending over a phone number would have been a little strange, right?”
“I don’t think he would have.” Sighing, you copied the girl’s phone number and created a new contact, adding it and the email into their respective fields. “Partly because he’s recovering from a horrific accident, Robbie, and isn’t thinking about giving his number out to strangers, and -” Taking a breath, you closed your eyes. “And partially because email would work just fine.” Why are you being weird about this? Ezra isn’t even a part of this conversation.
“You’re right.” The easy smile back on his face, Robbie said your name and asked you to look at him. “I’m just being paranoid, I guess. The idea of you becoming friends with a rockstar, is -”
“Robbie, don’t be an idiot.” Rolling your eyes, you shoved him, phone still in your other hand. “Cee didn’t even mention Ezra in her message, except to say that she didn’t usually get to watch the shows. This is all about her and Damon. I’ll send her what I have, she’ll say thank you, and that’ll be it.” Why are you making this a big deal? “Give me a few minutes to send this, alright?”
Agreeing, he squeezed your shoulder and kissed the side of your head again before standing, the man making his way into the kitchen and opening the refrigerator. As soon as he was out of the room, you were finally free to roll your eyes, barely holding back a groan of annoyance as you opened your photo album, scrolling back to the pictures and videos from the concert. I have more than I thought.
It didn’t take you long to scan through them, picking out the ones you thought she’d really like. Most of them were focused on Damon, though a few of the ones you chose included Ezra, too. There was even a shot of the full band from right before they walked offstage that you included in the first group, attaching them to an email.
Once that started sending, you navigated to your text messages and opened a new one to her, hesitating before you started typing. Just explain. You introduced yourself in the first line, and also added a short message to the girl after.
I was going to send the pictures over through text, but then thought that seeing them all pop up out of nowhere might be too much of a surprise for you. I’m sending two emails - the first is all the pictures, and the second will be the video. That way, you can open them whenever you want to, not just because there’s an alert on the screen.
Take care of yourself, Cee. Enjoy these. If you want to post them, feel free.
After rereading the text, your eyes flicked to the kitchen, watching the side of Robbie’s head as he stood in front of the microwave, staring down at his phone and waiting for whatever he was cooking to finish. Lips twitching into a grin, you added one more thing before pressing send.
Except maybe… don’t post the video without asking Ezra. He didn’t seem like he wanted it out there yet.
—
She’s sitting on the couch next to him, the man’s eyes drooping as they watch the movie that she picked. The volume is loud enough to hear what’s going on, but not too loud in case one of them dozes off. It’s been a long day and Ezra’s physical therapy session was a difficult one, the man upset to find out that the completion of his permanent prosthetic arm was delayed due to a defective set of components vital to the function of the mechanized insides.
The news made him angry, and though he’d raised his voice and lashed out, everyone in the office had known it wasn’t at them. He’s just frustrated, she thinks as she glances over at him, the glow of the TV casting shadows over his skin. Frustrated because he wants … to be himself again.
The temporary arm that they fit him with is a decent placeholder; even he’s admitted that. But the one that they are waiting on is more, touted as the top of the line option, meant to give the wearer an almost full and natural range of motion after it’s integrated with the implanted chip. He might never be as good with it as he was previously, but at least with the permanent arm, there’s a chance - and she knows that it’s all he wants.
He doesn’t wear the one he has all the time, and she understands that, too, knows it’s likely just a reminder of what he’s lost. But she wishes he would, if only to get used to the feeling of using both hands again. He will when he’s ready. She sighs, shifting on the couch as her phone vibrates. The girl pulls it out and looks at the screen, a text message from an unfamiliar number visible. I wonder who…
But when she opens it, she figures it out, a smile on her lips as she reads through the message and an immediate surge of gratitude flowing through her at the continued thoughtfulness of a stranger. Giving you her number was a last minute decision, and Cee isn’t sure why she did it, except that she knows she wanted to. Now that you’ve replied in the way you have, she’s glad she did. “What’s got you smiling so wide, little bird?”
She glances over, seeing that Ezra has pushed himself back upright, his head turned to look at her. “I just got …” She licks her lips, taking a deep breath. “A text message from…” There’s a pause, punctuated by a the quiet ding letting her know that she’s received an email. Wow, that was fast. “From the woman that offered to send me pictures, Ezra.” She looks down at the screen, her heartbeat speeding up. “Of Dam… of my dad. From the show here.”
He’s surprised; she can hear it in the way he sucks in a breath, feel it when he scoots closer, his left hand reaching out to touch her arm. “That was kind of her.” Cee nods, agreeing even as her finger hovers over the screen, trying to decide what to do. “You don’t have to look right now. The pictures will still be there when -”
“She’s sending over a video, too.” Cee’s voice falters as she tells him, her phone screen going dark. “A video of the song you only played once, Ezra. The one that -”
“The Queen’s Lair?” He’s intrigued by that admission, the man’s voice full of more life than she’s heard in months, and Cee can’t help but feel a spark, too, gaze snapping up to meet his. “She recorded -”
“She said you asked her not to post it?” Teasing him with a smile, Cee uses one elbow to nudge the man in the ribs. “Said if I watch the video, I would -” Recognition crosses his features almost immediately, and then both of his brows shoot up, the fingers of his hand curling inward as he points at her phone. “What?”
“Will you let me watch it when you get it, Birdie? It would be mighty good to hear a song that I was so proud of one more time.” I wasn’t… I didn’t… Cee takes a breath and then nods, lower lip trembling.
“I don’t know if I’m ready to watch it yet, Ezra. Or to look at the pictures, but …” She trails off, clutching the phone between her fingers. “But I wanted to have them, and of course I can send the video to you so that you can see it.” He smiles, thanking her, and before either of them can relax back against the cushions, there’s another ding, and Cee knows that it means the video has arrived in her inbox.
Ezra hears it too, and even though she doesn’t check the file before she does it, Cee quickly forwards it to him, flashing the screen in his direction to show that she sent it. “Thank you.” He speaks quietly, clearing his throat. “I’ll watch it later tonight.” He returns his attention to the TV, and Cee decides that before she puts her phone down again, she’s going to send a message back to you. And that’s … the end of it.
Got both. Thank you again. I don’t know when I’ll be able to look at them, but having these means a lot.
She glances at Ezra, debating over whether or not to let you know that she sent him the video… and decides not to. He won’t use it anywhere. And if he does, he’d ask. She’s certain of that - certain of Ezra, and so once she’s sent the message, she tosses her phone onto the table in front of her and sighs, the knowledge that if and when she wants them, she has more pictures and a video of Ezra and Damon onstage to watch.
—
The days passed and just like you predicted, nothing changed. After the confirmation from Cee that she’d received the things you sent, she didn’t reach out again - and neither did you. Sure, you liked her stories and pictures when she posted them, and she did the same for you sometimes, but that was the extent of it. You did your good deed, and were satisfied with the knowledge that you were able to help, even a little, to ease a young woman’s pain and the feelings of loss she was likely experiencing.
You and Jillian ate lunch together most days, meals shared in the park switching back to ones spent in the break room as the days got colder. Ever since the night you’d gotten Cee’s reply, Robbie had been less awkward about the interaction, and you were thankful that he’d dropped it, the two of you falling back into the easy rhythm of your relationship.
Things were normal in your life, and you were glad. So when you checked your email almost two weeks later, you were shocked to see a message from Ezra waiting. What is he… how did he get my email address?
It wasn’t a long message, but each word was deliberate, and by the time you’d reread it for the fourth time, your chest felt tight.
When I asked you not to post your video anywhere, I did not believe you would listen - but I’m grateful that you did.
Thank you for offering such a kindness to Cee by sending her a lasting glimpse of the man her father could be. And thank you for providing me with the means to hear this song as it was in the earliest stages. I was not able to record it before the accident, and we did not play it at any other show, so you - and now I - possess the only known version of it.
Without you, The Queen’s Lair would have been lost forever, and now she won’t be. If there is ever any way that I can repay the favor, do not hesitate to ask.
Oh, and by the way … I wouldn’t dream of posting this video anywhere, so don’t worry about that.
You’d known that his manner of speaking carried over from stage to interviews, but you hadn’t known that it would be the same over text, and as you read, you couldn’t keep the smile off of your face.
He was grateful, and he meant it, and even though you had no idea how he’d gotten the video or your email, the only logical explanation was that Cee had sent it over, forwarding the message instead of attaching the file. Good. I’m glad I could help. Deciding that replying was necessary, you spent the next few minutes thinking about what to say - and when to send it.
You don’t want to seem overeager, replying right away, but you also don’t want to wait too long, giving the man a chance to forget that he messaged you in the first place. But he sent it early this morning, so …Frowning at the phone in your hands, you kept thinking.
Not even ten minutes later, you were sitting outside with your feet propped up on the second patio chair, the fading rays of afternoon sunlight warm on your skin. You’d typed and deleted part of a message at least three times, and even though you knew that it shouldn’t have been a big deal, it kind of was. Because I know he’ll see this.
Finally, with a long sigh escaping your lips, you started typing.
Ezra -
I was happy to send that video over. I’m glad that you have it. But like I said to Cee, if you want to do something with it, feel free. It’s your song - I just held up a phone for a couple minutes.
And I’m glad to hear that you picked a title for it. When you played it here, you were still working on that. I think it fits, though.
Don’t worry about repaying me, all I did was send over some pictures and a video. No big deal.
Take care of yourself.
PS: Thank you for all of the music you’ve made over the years. I’ve listened to you for a long time, and I think your solo album is some of your best work.
You’d tried to balance the contents of your message, not wanting to come off as a crazed fan, and so you read back through it multiple times before sending it. That has to be good enough. And if it wasn’t? There was nothing you could do about it, and it wasn’t like you’d ever have to face the man, so it didn’t really matter. You just hoped that you hadn’t crossed a line telling him that you’d enjoyed his solo music more than the songs he’d released with The Fringe.
Robbie found you on the patio when he got home, phone laying on the small side table and your head tilted back up, seeking out the final rays of the day’s light. “You look comfortable.” Opening your eyes, you saw that he was leaning against the doorframe, a half smile on his lips. “How was your day?”
“Good.” Pushing to your feet, you crossed the space to reach him, arms going around his neck as you kissed him. “You?” He nodded, hands on your waist. “Tell me about it?”
“Over dinner. I brought something home.” Agreeing, you followed him back into the house, taking a seat at the table. As the two of you ate, Robbie talked you through his day, beginning with the fact that his company had started the morning with an all-hands meeting, and that meeting had led to a one on one, Robbie and his boss talking in his office for over an hour. “I got the promotion.” He grinned, leaning across the table and closer to you. “I start next week, and even though it’s more money, it shouldn’t mean anything changes with my schedule, or -”
You stood, rounding the table and throwing your arms around his shoulders before leaning down and kissing his cheek. “I’m proud of you.” He turned his head toward you, catching your lips with his. “You’ve wanted this for a long time.” He nodded, hands at your waist. “Should we celebrate this weekend? There’s got to be something that we can do. A movie, maybe? We could go to that new Kamrean place that opened downtown, too.”
“That sounds great.” He was still smiling, Robbie’s expression relaxed as you let him go and stepped away, heading back to your seat and lowering yourself into it. “I think a couple of my coworkers want to go out on Saturday. Streli mentioned it when I told everyone today. So we could go Friday, and then spend Saturday with my friends?” Despite a brief flicker of annoyance at the mention of the woman’s name, you had no real problem with that plan. You told him as much, the two of you falling back into silence as you ate. A few minutes later, Robbie cleared his throat, setting his fork down. “How was work for you?”
Your day was much less exciting than his, but you answered nonetheless, shrugging your shoulders as you talked about a new travel itinerary that you’d put the finishing touches on. “It’ll be good for families that want to go to Lao and Central, but it focuses on longer term vacations, so it’s not for everyone.” The man nodded in response, taking a drink from the glass near his left hand. You took a drink, too, and then decided to tell him about Ezra’s email. I don’t want him to think I’m hiding anything, especially since he was so weird about it before. “Cee must have sent that video to Ezra in the last couple days, because I got an email from him today.”
It’s was brief but you saw it nonetheless, a flash in the man’s eyes as he watched you, gone almost before you could verify that it had been there. “How’d he get your email?” Good question.
“I’m not sure. The only thing I can think of is that she forwarded the original file to him, so it was still there from when I sent it to her.” You took a longer drink, shaking your head. “It wasn’t a reply, see?” Pulling your phone out and opening the email app, you slid it across the table at him. “He just wanted to thank me, mostly for Cee.” You watched as his eyes moved over the lines of text, and even though Robbie didn’t say anything right away, you could tell that he was annoyed, which was strange to you. He’s not usually like this.
It was the truth - you had plenty of male friends and coworkers, and Robbie was friendly with all of them, but when it came to Ezra - someone that you’d never actually met, things were different. And there’s no reason for it, especially now. He hadn’t ever tried to stop you from going to concerts or listening to the man’s music, but there was a definite chill in the air whenever you brought Ezra up - especially recently. And it makes no sense at all.
“He hasn’t sent anything back?” Robbie leaned back in his chair, eyeing you. “It’s been a little while.”
“He’s probably not checking his email every ten minutes, Robbie.” You started eating again, thinking. “And there’s nothing else to say. I really don’t know why this is -”
“Look.” He leaned forward, both hands on the tabletop. “I know I’m being weird about this, but I just have this feeling, you know?”
“No. I don’t.” Pointing at your phone, which was laying on the table between you, you shook your head. “Because I just showed you the messages. I told you when I reached out. He was supposedly dating that woman from the other band, the Mercs, Inumon? They were seen together a lot a couple months ago, right before this tour started. I’ve never even met him, and I hardly think that exchanging a couple emails with him and Cee qualifies as something for you to worry about. It’s not like they’re going to be touring any time soon, so it isn’t like we’ll be in the same place.” He said your name, then, the look on his face changing again. “What?’
“I really am glad that you were able to give that girl what you did. I know if my dad was gone and someone had pictures of him I’d never seen, I’d want them, too.” He took a deep breath. “Maybe it’s just me thinking about old relationships, but I just…” He looked down and then back at you. “You know that a girl I dated in college left me for a drummer, and it just…” Oh, shit. You’d forgotten about that and winced at the realization, a breath escaping from your lips as you closed your eyes. That makes a little more sense.
“This is a very different situation.” Smiling at him, you cocked your head to the side. “Robbie, like I said, I’ve never even met this man, so leaving you for him is impossible.” He at least had the decency to look ashamed, but still nodded, the warmth back in his eyes. “How about this?” you picked up your fork again, waving it in his direction. “If I ever get to meet him, you can come with me. That way you can meet him, too, and you’ll know for sure.” He smiled in return, agreeing, and for the rest of dinner, neither of you brought it up again.
But later that night, after the two of you had climbed into bed, Robbie kissing you goodnight and winding an arm around your waist, you laid awake for almost an hour, thinking. You’d never given the man reason to doubt that you were faithful. You’d never - aside from celebrities, which he was guilty of, too - even entertained the thought of talking about another person’s attractiveness. Does this mean he doesn’t trust me? Frowning into the darkness, you shifted in the bed, trying to get comfortable. Ezra was attractive, and you wouldn’t deny that. But I don’t know him. This is just … You sighed, closing your eyes. We’ll get past this. I did something nice for them, and we’ll get past it.
You finally managed to fall asleep a few minutes later, Robbie’s deep breathing from behind you helping to lull you into a dreamless slumber
—
A week later, you rode the elevator up to your doctor’s office, fingers rifling through your wallet as you looked for your insurance card. You had plans after the appointment, and hoped that you wouldn’t have to wait to long to get called back, but you had a book to read and music to listen to just in case.
Stepping out and into the large waiting room, you headed to the desk and checked in, scanning the card beneath the provided reader and waiting until you heard the beep to take a seat. There were only a few other people in the room, so you had your choice of chairs, opting for one against the far wall, next to a small table.
There was a girl sitting in one of them, her head ducked down and a blue hat pulled low over her hair. She was the only one on that side of the room, so you kept a few seats between you, setting your bag down and dropping your wallet back inside. You were almost fifteen minutes early, which meant you needed to figure out something to do. Music. I’ll leave one headphone out, and -
Before you could do that, though, you heard your name called from the direction of where the girl was sitting. Confused, you turned your head in the direction and your mouth dropped open in shock when you saw who it was. “Cee?”
—
She’s sitting in the waiting room like she does every week, waiting for Ezra. His appointments don’t usually take long, but they’re still long enough, and today there’s almost no one else in the room to look at. So Cee is focused on her phone, playing a mindless level of some game that she installed specifically to play while she waits. As she beats the level, movement catches her eye from the doorway, and the girl’s attention shifts to the woman that just entered the waiting room, wallet in one hand. She looks familiar.
The girl frowns, watching as you check in and then turn to look for a place to sit. As she sees your face clearly, Cee realizes that it’s you. What are the odds? Ducking her head down as you approach, she tries to decide what to do - and if she’s going to say anything. She still hasn’t looked at the pictures, though she’s watched the video of the song with Ezra multiple times.
Her attention hadn’t been on the screen, though. The girl’s eyes focused instead on the way the fingers of the man’s left hand moved against imaginary guitar strings, a small though somewhat pained smile on his lips. It was good to see him paying attention to music again, because he hasn’t even looked at his guitars in the months since the accident, but she knew that it isn’t enough. He needs more time.
And he needs encouragement from his medical team, too, something that she knows he gets during the weekly appointments. He gets it via progress marked on a chart as well as by the increase in strength and dexterity when it comes to using his temporary prosthetic. If she can see it and the doctors can see it, she knows that even if Ezra is being his typical stubborn self, he can likely see - and feel - it too.
So Cee accompanies him every week, the one consistent trip out of the house Ezra takes on a routine basis. And while she doesn’t go into the exam room with him, she still gets the rundown in the car on the way home. Sometimes he’s excited, other times he’s less talkative, but Cee knows that he’ll always tell her how he’s feeling, and she’s thankful for that. But your presence is new to her, and even though part of her thinks that she should just let you be and not say anything, Cee can’t help speaking up - just to see if it really is you.
It is you, and at the realization, she gives you a genuine smile, quickly standing and moving so that there’s only one chair left between you before she sits again. “Doctor’s appointment?” You nod, surprise in your expression, and Cee continues. “I’m here with Ezra. His appointment should be over soon, though.”
“I didn’t know his doctor was in this office.” You’re hesitant to make a comment; she can hear it in your voice, but the girl nods, still eyeing you. “Must be the other hallway, though. I’m here for a general appointment, and he’s got to be -” Cee cuts you off, pointing down the left hallway and you let out a hum of agreement, nodding. “Yeah. I’m on the right.”
You’re pretty. She thought so when she saw the pictures on your account, but it’s even more noticeable in person, and for a split second, Cee entertains the thought of introducing you to Ezra, just to see what will happen. She knows he hasn’t been feeling like himself since the accident. It’s apparent in the way he’s let his hair and beard grow, the longer locks curling over his ears, the ones on his face thick and for the most part dark, blotting out the typical bare patches on his cheeks. But then she remembers that you’ve posted pictures - recently - with a man on your profile, and the thought fades. “Thank you again for sending those over.” Cee sighs, glancing down and picking at the frayed knee of her jeans. “I still haven’t looked through the pictures, but we’ve watched the video. A lot, actually, and -”
“Don’t mention it, Cee. I actually have a few more if you want them, too, I just … they’re kind of blurry, and I didn’t want to overwhelm you.” You shift on the chair and Cee meets your eyes again, hers going wide. “There are more videos, too. Maybe I could put them onto a data stick, or something, that way you wouldn’t have to keep them in your email.” She wants to agree. The thought of more memories of the past is appealing, and even if it’s not entirely because she wants more pictures and videos of Damon, it’s still the truth.
“A bunch of people have reached out.” She sighs, removing her hat and running her hand through her hair, the platinum blonde strands messy no matter what she does. “Tagging him… us in pictures, sending me messages.” She sighs. “It’s a lot.” She can see that her admission makes you balk, and at the worry on your face, she reaches out, putting a hand on the arm of the chair you’re siting in. “No, you were fine. You asked if I wanted them. You didn’t just tag me in them without warning. And to be fair,” she continues, raising a brow and smiling. “I found your page.”
“If you say so.” You sigh, eyes flicking over to the clock and then back to her, your expression relaxing. “Can I ask you a question?” She thinks she’s prepared for whatever might come after she nods in agreement, but she isn’t. “How did Ezra get my email? He sent me a message last week to thank me for the video, but I never -” Oh, he did? He didn’t tell me that. Cee manages to keep her expression from giving anything away, and when she answers, her voice doesn’t falter.
“He asked if I could send it to him, so I did. I didn’t even think about your email being attached to it. I’m sorry. I hope he didn’t bother you.” Your laugh is quiet and light, but she likes the sound of it, watching as you grin in her direction. It makes you even prettier, she realizes, and for another brief moment, Cee wonders if it’s all because things with Ezra have been so strained for so long that the tiny, happy respite with you seems to hit her so hard. Probably.
“He didn’t bother me. Just thanked me and told me the title of the song.” You meet her eyes again, still smiling. “It just surprised me when I saw his name, that’s all.” That makes sense, and Cee wants to respond, but before she can, someone calls your name and your attention goes back to the front desk, where a nurse is standing, clipboard in hand. Kevva damn it. “That’s me.” You stand, adjusting the strap of your bag over your shoulder, and Cee looks up at you. “I’m glad we met in person, Cee.” You look down, eyeing the hooded sweatshirt that you’re wearing and then look back at her again, rolling your eyes. “Well, for the second time, I mean.”
She realizes you’re wearing one of the hoodies that had been for sale on the tour, and Cee feels a pang of regret that she hadn’t noticed it earlier. “You bought that from me?” You nod, turning to look at the still waiting nurse. “I’m sorry I don’t remember, there were so many people and -’
“Don’t apologize.” You waved a hand at her. “You were really busy. And like you said… lots of people every night.” Taking a deep breath, you sigh. “I really have to go, though. I’m meeting my boyfriend for lunch after this, and the sooner I’m done, the sooner I can eat.” Cee laughs, too, and says goodbye, her eyes on you as you cross the room and greet the nurse, the two of you disappearing down the hall and through one of the many doorways.
She’s still staring in your direction when Eza emerges from the other hallway minutes later, the carrying case for his prosthetic slung across his chest, his good hand gripping the strap. “What are you looking at, Cee?” Her eyes go back to him, and she searches the look in them to see what kind of a mood he’s in. He looks tired - as always - but not frustrated, and so she chooses to tell him the truth, standing and pulling keys out of her pocket as they head for the elevator.
“I just met the woman that sent us that video, Ezra.” He freezes for a moment next to her, but doesn’t say anything. “She walked into the waiting room, and I … I introduced myself.” What a small world, right? They step into the small space, doors closing behind them, and Cee risks another look at Ezra, the man’s expression thoughtful. “She was really nice. Said she had more pictures and a couple other videos from the show if I wanted them.”
“Do you?” He turns his head to look at her, the two words hitting hard. “You’ve turned down many other people asking the same, Birdie.” He’s right and she knows it, but Cee can’t bring herself to answer. Maybe it was the way you’d reached out, or maybe subconsciously she did remember you from the show, but Cee doesn’t know exactly why it is that she agreed to your offer - or why she continues to keep in touch with you. She’s grateful, sure, especially since your offer had given Ezra something, too, but the girl knows that there is more to it than that. There has to be.
“I think I do, Ezra. She was nice. She was actually wearing one of your hoodies today, if you can believe it, and -”
“I can.” He cuts her off as they reach the main floor of the building, the pair exiting out and into the main lobby. “I can and I do believe it.” They head for the doors, Cee spinning the keys on one finger as they make it outside, the slight chill in the air almost comforting. “Do you want to stop on the way home and get lunch? I am feeling …” He pauses, turning his face up and toward the sky, letting the sun warm his skin. “Good today. I don’t want to go home just yet.”
She can’t turn him down and so she doesn’t. When they pull into the parking lot of one of their favorite restaurants just under ten minutes later, both of them are smiling, Ezra already talking about the appointment he’d just had and giving her an update on the status of his permanent arm. She’s happy to hear that he sounds excited again because they have an arrival window for the missing components, and she hopes that his good mood lasts. But I’m not going to count on it.
Even that thought isn’t enough to distract her, though, as they sit inside at a table, Ezra sliding a menu over to her before he uses his hand to flip another one open.
—
You didn’t tell Robbie about meeting Cee, because you didn’t think you needed to. The girl had been friendly, though slightly timid, and you wondered how much she’d changed since the accident, since the friendly, bubbly girl you’d spoken briefly to at the merch table had been an entirely different person. At least she seemed like it.
Your appointment was mundane, and you were in and out of the examination room in under twenty minutes, on your way to meet Robbie for the promised meal. You drove separately, knowing that he needed to get back to the office after you ate. So when you pulled into a spot and headed into the lobby, you weren’t surprised to see that he was already waiting for you, eyes on his phone as he sat on one of the benches. He said your name when you entered, tucking the device into his pocket one he was standing.
“Our table’s ready, but I thought I’d wait ‘til you got here to sit.” You nodded, the man leaning in to kiss your cheek. “I’m starving, so I hope that it doesn’t take too long to order.” Both of you followed the hostess as she led you through the dining room, and just before you took a seat in your booth, you saw them. No, I see … him.
Ezra and Cee were seated at a booth a few away from yours, the girl’s back to you. Shit. He hadn’t seen you, but you didn’t think it mattered; you weren’t sure if he even knew what you looked like. Cee on the other hand, did know what you looked like, and if she’d been bold enough to say hello in the office, you figured that if she saw you again, she wouldn’t hesitate.
Ordering drinks and an appetizer, you focused your attention back on Robbie, the man staring at you. “How’d your appointment go? You got here quick, so it must have been on time.” You nodded, sipping the water that the waitress brought to your table.
“It was on time. And it was just like I thought it would be. The doctor was really nice, too.” He nodded twice, waiting to see if you’d say more. I guess I need to tell him. Just in case she sees me. “Cee was in the waiting room.” Struggling to keep your hands where they are, you shrug. “I guess Ezra goes to the doctor there, too, and he had an appointment today.” Robbie stayed silent, his eyes locked on your face. “So while we waited, we talked, and she thanked me again.” You reached for your glass, swallowing a mouthful of water. “I got called back after only a couple minutes, so it was a really short conversation.” He nodded. “But I thought I’d tell you because when we sat a couple minutes ago…” here we go. “They’re here, too. She didn’t see me, but she might on her way out.”
“They are?” He cocked his head, looking around the room. “Where?” You pointed, and when he realized that they were behind him, he nodded again, his eyes still warm. “Guess we’ll see if she says hi again, hmm?” He picked up his glass, still watching you. “I’m really glad it went well for you today.”
‘It was just a check up.” Scoffing, you closed your eyes and rubbed at your forehead. “But yeah, I’m glad, too. One less thing to worry about.” The waitress came back and took your actual order when she dropped off the appetizer, both you and Robbie digging in. “So how’s work going? Tomorrow’s your last day before you transfer, right?”
He swallowed what he was chewing and then answered, using one hand to gesture as he spoke. “Yep. They’re throwing me a party tomorrow for the last half of the day to say goodbye.” He grinned. “Streli and Gage are handling all of the details, and she said she’d invite you, but -” They are? That’s new to me.
“Yeah, I didn’t know anything about it.” You took another bite. “Doubt I’ll be able to leave work anyway, though.” Streli and Gage were Robbie’s closest work friends, and you knew that the woman had a little bit of a crush on him. “She must have decided not to tell me.” He frowned at the suggestion, but you kept going. “Or maybe she just forgot.” It was possible, and you knew it, but despite the casual friendship you had formed with the woman over the time you’d been with Robbie and the fact that you’d just interacted in a positive way the week before when you’d met his coworkers for a night out, you knew that she didn’t like you much. But I’m not weird about it. “It’s fine. It’s better that it’s just you and your coworkers, right?” Lifting and then dropping your shoulders, you wet your lips. “I see you every day, and they -”
“You again!” Startled from what you were saying to Robbie, you turned your head to see Cee and Ezra standing next to your table, the girl’s eyes filled with excitement. “You told me you were meeting your boyfriend for lunch, but didn’t say you were coming here.” She looked from you to Robbie, her smile staying in place. “I’m Cee. I ran into your -”
“She told me.” Robbie held out a hand, eyes on the girl. “It’s nice to meet you, Cee, I’m Robbie. I’ve heard a lot about you in the last couple weeks.” I mean that’s not 100% true, but … “I’m sorry for your loss.” She thanked him, her smile faltering briefly. “And you’re Ezra. I recognize you from the album covers.”
“Indeed I am.” Ezra still hasn’t looked in your direction, entirely focused on the man sitting across from you. “Although I am almost certain that those cover images make me appear far better looking than I am in person.” Cee elbowed him at that and laughed, but Ezra was still focused. “Forgive me for not shaking your hand, but -” He finally glanced down at his right side and so did your boyfriend, both of them eyeing the dark fabric that covered the end of the remaining portion of his arm. “My right hand is no longer available to me.”
Robbie withdrew his hand and set it on the table, eyes staying on Ezra. “Of course, man. Don’t worry about it.” Ezra nodded once and then looked over at you, his expression remaining even. Kevva he’s good looking. He was wrong about looking better on camera, and if he’d asked, you would have flat out told him that - Robbie or no Robbie. You hated the reason behind his slightly disheveled appearance, but thought it suited him nonetheless. “This is my -”
Ezra interrupted him with a slight tilt of his head, the look in his eyes warming as he said your name. “We have not yet been introduced today, but I know who you are.” Without thinking, you held your left hand out, angling your head up to look at the man, whose lips parted in surprise as he extended his hand to shake yours. “It’s nice to put a face to the email address.” He dropped your hand quickly, and even though his eyes lingered for a brief moment on your face, he looked back to Cee without much pause. “Come on, little bird. We should let them get back to their lunch.” She nodded, and you caught the confusion in her eyes before she looked at you again.
“We should have dinner sometime.” Cee’s words surprised all four of you, but you nodded, biting on the corner of your lip. “Just you and me, I mean. I usually eat with Ezra, but -”
“I can get by without you for one night, Cee.” His arm wound around her shoulders, the man pulling the girl close and looking at you again before averting his eyes toward Robbie. “As long as you promise to bring me home dessert.” Robbie laughed first, and the rest of you followed, but after only a few seconds, Ezra cleared his throat. “Really, though. It was great to meet you. Kevva knows we… I haven’t been the most social lately, so it’s always a pleasure to see friendly faces.” Though you weren’t sure that you would have called Robbie’s face friendly, neither of you disagreed, and when you’d told Cee to text you when she was free, they headed for the door, leaving you and Robbie alone.
“Well.” He raised his eyebrows, staring at you. “Now you can’t say that you’ve never met him before.”
“Yeah.” You sipped your water, thinking. “And like I said, you were with me when I met him, so…” Smirking at him, you waited long seconds and when Robbie laughed again, you were relieved. It had only been a little awkward, and even though none of the daydreams you’d had about meeting Ezra had been quite like the meeting you’d experienced, you were happy to have had the opportunity. You didn’t know what else to say, but you were saved when the man said your name, brow furrowed.
“If you can get away from your desk tomorrow, you should come to my party.” He wet his lips. “I’m sure that Streli either forgot to text you, or just assumed that I would have told you.” Both options made sense, and so you assured him that you’d try, even though you already knew it was going to be impossible. Especially on such short notice.
You made small talk through the rest of the meal, and when Robbie asked for the check, the server grinned, waving her hand. “It’s taken care of.” For a few seconds, you were confused, but then it hit you. Ezra. “The man and the girl told me to tell you that it was great to meet you, and to thank you again.” That was nice of them. Robbie took your hand as you walked out of the restaurant, squeezing your fingers.
“You should text her and thank them. Might look kind of like a dick if you don’t.” He wasn’t wrong, and you’d planned on doing so when you got back to your house, but at his suggestion, you agreed, telling him you’d reach out as soon as you were in the car. Robbie kissed you goodbye, lips lingering against yours for a few seconds and then he cleared his throat. “I might be home a little late tonight. I’m gonna move some stuff into my new office, and I’m only half packed.”
“Alright.” Reaching out, you put a hand on his chest. “Do you want me to come help? I took the rest of the day off today, so I have nothing going on this afternoon.” He thought about it - briefly - and then told you no.
“Couple people from the office will probably help. Gage said he definitely would, but I think it’s just because he doesn’t want to go home while his wife’s out of town.” You kissed him again and told him to let you know when he’d be back, and then the man was driving out of the parking lot, leaving you standing next to your car.
Once you were sitting down, you pulled your phone out and opened the messages with Cee, no hesitation as you typed one out to her.
Tell him he didn’t have to do that, but thank you. We appreciate it.
Hitting send, you stared at the screen for a few seconds and then typed another message.
And I mean it about dinner. Let me know when you have time, and we can meet up.
—
tag list coming separately!
in the shadows
not me writing a fucking fever dream because of the white suit? I don't even know what this is - but I couldn't type fast enough.
thanks for listening to my insane ramblings @frannyzooey @wheresarizona (thanks for the beautiful edit of the picture above!) & @foli-vora - I love you all.♥️
Pairing: Demon!Ezra x f!reader
word count: Under 700
warnings: smut(18+ no minors) I don't even know - this is a bit darker so corruption? allusions to sex / sexual acts.
masterlist
--
“I can make you feel better Petal.”
His voice sounds out from somewhere deep in the shadows, the two bright flames of his eyes tracking the way you toss in your bed. Restless, anxious; delirious with want. It would be so easy to say yes, to let him consume you in all the best ways. Let him creep into your bones and into your soul; into your wet, aching centre.
“Why do I feel this way Ezra?” His name tastes like sin, like honey and cloying fruit in your mouth.
“Because you need me.” There’s a smile on his face, you can hear it. “Don’t I always take care of you? Don’t I make everything better?” He stepped out a fraction, enough for you to see his white suit, the glint of the moon in his pearly white teeth.
The moan escaped your throat involuntarily, your cunt was a fountain of arousal flowing freely for him. Ambrosia.
“Please-“ Your legs kicked at the covers, offensive in the way were too warm, too heavy. He moved a fraction closer, way too far away.
“Please what exactly Petal?” You knew he’d make you say it, he always did.
“Make me feel good.” Your voice was a pained whine - the craving for the things he did to your body. He emerged, shining and resplendent - the answer to your prayers.
“Gladly.”
-
He’d said he was an angel, a guiding force, there to keep you safe and he certainly looked the part. He was truly beautiful, expertly tailored white suit - almost ethereal within the gloom of your room. He was a beacon, the source of all of your attention and when he spoke his voice was an entity unto itself. A spell that could make you do anything, weave its way into your limbs and despite the warning bells screaming out in your mind - you let it.
He’d asked permission, he always asked for permission and you gave it freely at first. Whispering the yes into his ear when he wanted to kiss you. Moaned it when he wanted to taste you, and all but screamed it when he wanted to fuck you.
Angels don’t do this do they?
The thought swam lazily in the blissful haze of your mind, the warning bells dulled to a mere suggestion when his tongue licked deep into your mouth, quieted to nothing by the heavy stroke of his cock.
“Look at you.” He cooed, velvet poured into your ear while his thumb pressed at the center of your universe, drawing dizzying circles - making you keen. “Look how well your pretty little pussy swallows everything I have to give her.” He spoke soft though his pace was hard.
Night Birds sang outside your window, just as you sang the pleasure you felt into his ear - unable to articulate anything but base sounds and harsh pants at the way he ripped the pleasure from your body. “That’s it Petal, give me everything you have. Soak me, get my cock all wet.” His tongue was quick to fill your mouth, to swallow the breath straight from the source.
In the morning he was gone just as he always was, gone - but never far. He was inside you now - shining out through your eyes and through your skin. Until he faded away, and came looking to fill you once more, to take more. Take take take.
You questioned whether it was some sort of a trick, maybe he was no angel at all. Maybe he was something darker - maybe he was taking more than you realized you were giving.
I don’t care.
Dangerous thoughts swam and swam and filled every corner after he wore off, when you no longer sparkled with the essence he gave you. Emptiness without him deep inside, without him biting and tasting and filling your mouth and body. Making you ache until he returned like he always did.
Take more. Please.
“Let me help Petal, let me make it all better.” You didn’t question it this time, you called him forth, opened your covers and your legs for him, ignoring the glint of triumph in his eyes.
--
Taglist: @danniburgh @greeneyedblondie44 @lola4pedro @ezrasbirdie @221bshrlocked @artsymaddie @supernaturalgirl20 @sleep-tight1 @softdindjxrin @sherala007 @marydjarin @cannedsoupsucks @thirstworldproblemss @ilikechocolatemilkh @lori-tovar @freeshavocadoooo @hrk-fic-recs @greeneyedblondie44 @maxwell--lord @princessxkenobi @the-feckless-wonder @kirsteng42 @thisshipwillsail316 @feministfanboi @dihra-vesa @gaiuswrites @stevie75 @sweet-creature98 @readsalot73 @pedrostories @tobealostwanderer @mandocrasis @elegantduckturtle @diogodxlot @alczysz17 @evyiione @absurdthirst @beskarboobs @andruxx @littlemissoblivious @1800-fight-me @goldielocks2004 @maievdenoir @gracie7209 @omlwhatamidoinghere @hellovanessax @magikfanatic @frankiecatfish @mrs-ghuleh @pedritoispunk @studythoreauly @missswriter @pintsizemama @mswarriorbabe80 @a-trial-run-on-paper @la-le-lu @chickadee-djarin @dobbyjen @rosiefridayrogersunday @ajeff855 @anaaaispunk @johnsrevelation @the-witty-pen-name @zombiesnips-blog @quica-quica-quica @sarahjkl82-blog @fan-of-encouragement @queenofthecloudss @mandosmistress @deadhumourist @felicisimor @tuskens-mando @no-droids-on-sunday @sophiefatale2495 @toomanystoriessolittletime @what-iwish-you-knew @pedrostories @athalien @bi-thewayy @literallydontlook @pedrosbrat @gamingaquarius @localddreamers @luxmundee @iamafadedmoon @nakhudanyx @littlemisspascal @grogusmum @recklessworry @heyitmelexie @killyspinacoladas @gothicxbarbie @evildxad @dragonslarimar @spideysimpossiblegirl @chemtrail-mix @maievdenoir @kissasith @breezythesimp @altarsw @artooies-scream @staygolddindjarin @lorosette @softsweetedbeauty @c4psicle @littlemisspascal @yuiopiklmn @ameliaofasgard @squidwell @allthatsleftbehind @just-blogging-around @bbyanarchist @girlofchaos @maddiedrmr @frasmotic @planetariumx @acourtofsnakes @buckybarneshairpullingkink @astoryisaloveaffair @harriedandharassed
Angelfish - Masterlist
Summary: You and Ezra met - and fell in love - when you were both going through standard training for Frontier Mining, the largest prospecting company operating in the Fringe. With both of you taking positions on an Aurelac team stationed on Bakhroma Green, you get to spend years living and working together… until you’re offered the job of your dreams - the job you’d joined Frontier Mining Company for in the first place. The catch? It means leaving the Green - and Ezra - for the deep blue depths of Lau’s Inullan Ocean. Interplanetary relationships are tough. But what was it Ezra said? No love too intimidating.
*This is a one-shot based series, and while I do have plans for some future installments, it is completely open for requests.*
Find You Again
Angelfish
When Land Touched the Sea
Open When…
Outshine the Dark - coming soon
Paradise
Really, Home (700 Word Smoochlets)
Pigment: Ezra x f!reader w/Cee
A/N: So this idea was kind of kicking around and then the Writer Wednesday prompt gave me permission. I know for certain that I'm not the only one who headcanons Ezra using writing and drawing as a way of building up dexterity in his non-dominant hand. Apologies if this is too derivative. This is fairly early in the Prickle 'verse timeline. Takes place after "Rain." Reader's nickname is 'Artichoke' but Ezra also calls her 'Prickle' or 'Prickle-girl'. Warnings: Mentions of old injuries. Mentions of violence. Food mentions. A little anxiety on reader's part. Mild language.
You didn't mean to look. It just kind of happened.
Acora is a trinary system, two main-sequence stars that orbit each other in a slow precise dance, and way out, past the smattering of gas giants and icy worldlets a T-class brown dwarf that the researchers on the bench nick-named Big Pink. Two suns means that certain times of day are unbearable for suit-work, so the three of you wait in the tent. The pod is mostly powered down, so not to overtax the coolant system and even with the scrubbers and chillers running no one wants to move much. You hear Cee shifting around in the upper bunk, tinny sound from her music player punctuated by snippets of singing. She forgets sometimes and sings aloud. You don't mind. Ezra sits propped up, scribbling in a spiral bound book resting on his knee, scratching away with a nub of graphite pencil. Probably running pull numbers or orbit curves, fuel-to-mass and all that. You wonder why he doesn't just use his tablet. Seems like it would be easier. You try to distract yourself from the rising heat, the tiny pinholes lining the tent's seams that sizzle like little stars, irritatingly bright while you try to read. It doesn't help that you've read this particular mediocre locked-room mystery multiple times. You already know who done it. That's how it goes. Most decent sized benches have some form of lending library, or at least junk dealers willing to make a trade. Paper books are surprisingly valuable out here. You don't have to charge them. They won't shit out if you drop them. Software glitches or botched updates won't turn them into useless bricks. Acora is not a decent sized bench. A skeleton crew of ice miners to keep her fueled and the flying, other than that it's all researchers. Geeks studying the workings of a trinary system. All of them seemed a bit wiggy, like when there was a dust storm back home and you'd have to seal everything up and kick on the scrubbers and try not to murder each other while waiting for the sky to come back. These aren't even real storms, your Gran kept saying, we aint had a real storm since they started dropping ice down the well. Still, by day four or five everyone would have tight smiles and big jittery eyes and once you'd watched your two older brothers start beating the shit out of each other in the kitchen because one ate the last sweet roll without sharing and Ma had to wade in with a broom to break it up. Not that you really expected a station full of scientists to start wailing on each other, but it didn't seem like any of them had been off bench in a good while. The rumpled botanist who's shelling out for live samples from this gruesomely hot little moon exuded that sense of being bottled up in spades. She talked rapidly and told the three of you far more than you needed to know for the task she hired you for, smiling big all the while. Your hand drifted downward to the thrower at your hip. Cee caught the motion and gave a little shake of her head. She was stimmed up to her eyeballs, she'd told you later. My father would get like that sometimes. As long as her money's good, who gives a shit, right? A quick and dirty little job while the freighter unloads and refuels, a three cycle turnover. You try to settle in and ignore the sweat sliming your skin, juicy rattle of the chillers struggling to cope. Best to wait for first sundown, Ezra told you, we'll still have plenty of light but a lot less heat. You peer at him over your book. He is deep in concentration, taps the eraser end of his pencil against lower lip and then against his forehead as if he could knock his ideas loose, brows pushed together in thought. Kevva, he's got pretty eyes, you think, and he glances up at you, a small smile quirking one side of this mouth and you wonder if you've said it aloud, feel heat creeping into your face. "Good book?" "It was the first time through." "Don't worry," says Ezra, "There'll be better pickings on Tirana. It's just a hop, skip and a jump. You can trade for more reading materials there." "Hop, skip and a jump," you echo, the both of you knowing full well that you'll be finishing this novel and then re-reading one of the other half dozen you've got stashed under your bunk before you hit Tirana Bench. "Right." Ezra chuckles and you turn your attention back to this foolish story. Bench-boss's asshole son gets snuffed and the plucky hero has to figure out who did it, all sealed up in a ring with the potential killers, femme fatale ship captain inserting herself into the mess. You know all the twists, familiar as the weight of your suit and body armor on a drop, as Cee's music, as Ezra's snores as he drops off into sleep, soft rasps off to your left, and you feel your own eyes growing heavy as well, a sort of reflexive slide into sleep, too hot to do much else, you rest your book on your chest and let your eyes fall closed, sinking into the unintentional rhythm of tent-noise, the chillers, soupy and rattling from sucking humidity out of the air, small comfort knowing the water is going right into the tanks, that it won't all be cycled piss, Cee's music, some Vayok synth pop she picked up two drops back, Ezra's small snores, and you're almost out yourself, right on the edge, things starting to turn soft and unreal, when a sharp sound snaps you back.
You push yourself up on your side. Ezra's notebook lays on the dusty floor, face down, front and back covers splayed like wings, pencil not far off. Must've fallen asleep writing. You frown. He's had that notebook since before you've been crew. He would not like to see it wrinkled and left on the floor. You pick it up and brush the dust off, straighten the pages, smooth the wrinkles back down and that’s when you notice that his technical notes are not notes at all, or at least not entirely. He has drawn Cee to the life, the tilt of her head, music player covering her ears, that far-away face she gets when she's listening to something new. A Central-standard date pencilled in beneath. You shouldn't look, you should place it beneath the corner of his bunk where he's got his data pad charging, and his stash of Shock-berry Limited Edition Bitz-Bars (as if he had to stash them, they were nasty on so many levels that you and Cee had handed over your share of them in a wordless trade for the regular kind, better the devil you know). You flip a page, curiosity getting the better of you. A cluster of heptagonal shapes, and you feel yourself smiling. The fossils on CJ's World, opaline red, winking in the sun as you pulled them out of the soft sediment. A good and easy haul, low risk. You'd seen a rainbow rising out of the distant sharp cut canyons, and found Ezra's hand folded warm around yours. That was a good day, you think, listening to Ezra's soft snores. "You sure you stripped the aux input panels?" He asks clear as day and you freeze, but then he shifts and the snores resume. One more page, you tell yourself, then we stop being a snoop. The next page bears your face and your name, not 'Artichoke', but the one you signed on the line when you joined this little crew. You in profile, but that can't really be you, can it? You recognize your tactical gear, the webbing that holds your thrower to your thigh, your knife-sheath, the tool belt you wear in place of armor when you're on a friendly drop, but there's a small soft smile on your face, a light in your eyes that he's somehow managed to imply in a few graphite strokes and paper left blank. He's drawing weak-handed, that must be it. You flip the sketch book closed and place it beneath the corner of his bunk with the rest of this things. You lie back in your cot and stare at the pattern of shifting light over the tent, waiting for your mind to settle. It takes some time.
Tirana Bench is a ramshackle hub but there are plenty of stalls in the commerce ring to poke around in. This is how it goes. Once the pod is supplied and the next job negotiated, there's usually a little time for the three of you to split up and get whatever incidentals you need for the next leg of your endless trek around the Great Arm, books, music cylinders, special snacks, extra consumables. Used books, a hand lettered sign reads, one for one trade. You've left what you mean to trade with the man running the shop, and you've got a few promising novels tucked in the crook of your arm when something else among the junk catches your eye. A flattish metal case the length of your hand opened to show wells of bright pigment, cracked, obviously used but with plenty left, a clutch of fine bristled brushes held together with a bit of string. Paint-kit, the tag reads, near new. You fold it closed and examine it, turn it in your hands. If Cee was here you'd ask what she thought, but she's off somewhere else in the commerce ring, making her own deals. The label is mostly missing, faded yellow against the plain grey metal. The catch is s small button and when you push it, the lid pops open on its own. That's what sells you. Ezra can open it one handed. You add it to the clutch of books. He's gonna think it's silly, you think, and the proprietor obviously agrees because the trade for the battered tin of colors is two novels. "That's highway robbery," you grumble. "Where else you gonna find honest-to-Kevva art supplies in a dump like this? Lose two stories or take your trade elsewhere." "Fine," you say and take the slimmest two volumes and slide them back across the counter, "We good then?" "We're good," he says and you tuck the remaining books and paint-kit into the bag slung over your shoulder. "Safe flight, spacer." You nod. Spacer as a form of address still feels weird, like a title you haven't earned. You wonder if that feeling will ever fade, if that small voice that says you have no business out here in the black will ever shut up.
You find yourself hurrying along the ring, suddenly wanting to reach the pod before anyone else, because now you're wondering how Ezra will react to your gift, your present, and you feel silly. You imagine his brow arched quizzically, what's this now, Artichoke? Kevva. You can almost hear him. If you get to the pod first you can stash your things without the others seeing, your books, your vac-packed saar jerky, some new socks because you wore holes in the ones you'd gone off world in, and this little tin of used but mostly good paints. And then you can just not think about it for a while. Gods this is stupid, why are you so worked up? So nervous at the idea of giving Ezra a gift? This is something friends do for each other. Give each other little trifles. Doesn't mean more than that right?
Of course Ezra and Cee are both in the pod when you get back, Ez arching an eyebrow at you. You're late, Artichoke. By, like, two sixteenths, says Cee, snapping one of the pods many storage compartments shut, rolling her eyes, you had a good half buffer. "That half might make the difference between us shoving off without you," says Ezra, "Clear?" "Clear. It won't happen again," you say, feeling heat rise to your face. "I trust that it will not."
You hurriedly stow your things and brace yourself for the change in grav as the can-hauler you're clipped to undocks, the flywheels spinning up to dampen the bench's spin and then transfer their momentum to the freighter's smaller ring, grav meant for passengers and cargoes that can't tolerate microgravity, a sick sideways upward lurch and it still doesn't feel right, you find yourself breathing hard, swallowing saliva that tastes metallic. "Here," says Ezra, reaches across and hands you a wrapped piece of candy, "Spice-root. It'll help your stomach. Hold it in your mouth for a spell. You'll be alright." You take the offered candy and tuck it into your cheek. "I always keep some of this on hand," says Ezra, "You never know when your inner ear's gonna decide that you're going backwards and sideways all at once." You try to slow your breathing and just listen to him talk, Ezra's voice is like a warm steadying hand. "Amateur," says Cee, with a teasing grin. You crunch your spice root candy between your teeth and give her the finger. Ezra chuckles. "Seems like you're about back to normal, there, Prickle-girl."
Privacy is an odd thing living in a drop pod for extended periods. Clipped to a bench it's not so bad, there are places you can go, things you can look at, food stalls, bars and the like. You can get away from each other for a little bit. Clipped to a freighter? It's been a mixed bag so far. Depends on the ship. Depends on the whims of them flying her. At best there might be a grotty little mess hall where you can get a hot meal. At worst you are locked down in your pod, with no view and nothing but the same shit rations you eat downworld. It's not entirely unfamiliar, being cooped up. The winds would kick up so high back home that the sand and flying dust could scrape you raw and bloody if you got caught out in it. Privacy is a matter of claiming it, and everyone agreeing to it. When Cee has her music player over her ears, you and Ezra know not to bother her, likewise when you are reading, or when Ezra is running points or calculations or drawing. Silence will fall between the three of you. Not unwelcome. Just everyone doing their thing, usually after you've eaten your last meal of the day, no rules, just an easy habit the three of you have fallen into. Except tonight you can't seem to settle in. You've read the first five pages of the horror novel you traded for on Tirana Bench at least a half-dozen times. It's not that the story or writing's bad, you just can't concentrate. That little metal box in your storage compartment is burning bright in your mind like a lump of radioactive material. You glance over at Cee. She's fast asleep, music player knocked askew. You know eventually she'll take it off in her sleep. Ezra is still awake. Of course he is. Better now than when Cee is awake. She'd probably roll her eyes and call you a goof-ass, but it's not her judgement you worry about. She'd probably also tell you to quit waffling. You abandon your novel on your crash couch and fetch the paint kit from your storage locker. "Hey, Ezra?" "Yeah?" You turn to him, holding the little box behind your back. "I, uh, found something I thought you'd like. On the bench." He's sitting up on the edge of his crash couch, legs hanging over, sketchbook spread across his lap, looking at you expectantly. You offer him the paint-kit. He looks at the battered metal box and then back up at you, that little line starting to stitch itself between his eyebrows. You feel yourself starting to smile a little at his confusion. "Push the button," you say and he does and the dented lid springs up. You set the box on the sketchpad, flat surface folded open and step back, hands worrying at each other. Ezra raises his hand to his mouth. His face runs through a complication of emotions. "I saw some of your drawings. I didn't mean to pry, you fell asleep and dropped your book and I didn't think you wanted it getting all dirty, and I saw this kit and thought you might like to try some colors," Your face and neck go hot. You're rambling. "I mean, you always say how you gotta have the right tools for a job and I saw this and figured I'd get you some tools. It doesn't mass much more than a book. I thought--" "Get me a squeeze bulb with some water, yeah?" "Yeah okay," you say, and snag a squeeze, "You're gonna try it now? It's kind of late-" Ezra makes a dismissive noise. "We've got fifteen and a quarter cycles cooling our heels in this pod," says Ezra. You look at him and he is beaming, dimples sunk into his scruffy cheeks, eyes warm and crinkled, he glows and you feel yourself warmed by him, feel yourself mirroring his smile.
"Plenty of time to sleep," you say and plop down next to him with the squeeze bottle of water, "I think this big well is meant for the water." "I think so too," says Ezra, and his smile falters slightly, "Can you hold the paints for me? I can finagle some sort of lap board later, maybe one of the grading trays--" "Sure, Ez, I've got you." You rest the box on your knee so he can reach. Ezra wets the brush and dips it into one of the paint-wells, long dried pigments soaking up into the fibers. He strokes the bristles over the paper, a long blue squiggle, experimenting with pressure and thickness. Dips a second brush into the clean water and uses it to draw the blue across the paper, staining the fibers, fading color like some sort of magic trick. "How do you know how to do that?" Ezra shrugs. "My mother drew and painted when she had the time," he says, "I used to watch her and she'd let me try my hand at it, but I was never any good." "Well that's bullshit," you say. The blue squiggle becomes a fractal pattern, an oxbow river seen from orbit. "It's not though," says Ezra, rinsing the blue out and going for a deep green, "Cee got me my first blank book. I had to teach my weak hand how to be clever. I meant to teach myself how to write again. I'd copy out my letters over and over and my hand would cramp after a spell. Drawing helped me loosen back up." A constellation of green dots and drips make a forest, tiny pink pin-pricks a field of flowers. "My handwriting is still utter dogshit though," he muses, fully focused on the sketchbook in his lap, "Funny how that works." "Kevva might take a lot from you, but she always gives something back," you say, one of your Gran's expressions popping out of your mouth unbidden. "Just so, Artichoke, just so."
Helter Skelter (cult leader!Ezra x f!reader) - Chapter 5
MASTERLIST - TAG LIST
Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4
Pairing: cult leader!Ezra x f reader, dark!Ezra x f reader
Series summary: When you meet a mysterious thinker named Ezra, you join up with his followers and become a part of their family. Your new life is full of psychedelics, sex, and mind bending experiences. But there’s something dark lurking in Ezra’s philosophy. Will you discover it before it’s too late?
Words: ~2.5k
Rating: E 18+!
Warnings: SPOILERS dark!Ezra, elements of dubcon (this is a cult so there is psychological manipulation), cults (obviously), mentions of drug use, mentions of pregnancy, vomiting, one racial slur, there isn’t actually sex in this chapter
a/n: Okay hello, remember this fic? I’m still on hiatus but I’ve had this chapter knocking around and I said I’d do some revisions but I’m lying to myself. So I might as well share it with you. There’s only one more chapter after this. I haven’t written it. I won’t pretend to know when it’ll be done. But I hope you enjoy!
Big thanks as always to @wordsnwhiskey for reading this over and living for this fic.
PATIENT INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT EXCERPT [NAME REDACTED] ALIAS “STAR” September 22, 1969 -Why did you stay, Star? -I wanted to. -You never considered leaving? -Where would I go?
The next day there were new things occupying your thoughts. The conversation you’d overheard ran through your mind and you tried desperately to wring meaning out of what Cee and Ezra had said. You were so lost in your own thoughts that you hardly noticed the fact that Tracy was sitting in Ezra’s lap at the kitchen table. You couldn’t eat. You’d woken up nauseated yet again but today nothing would relieve it.
“I can’t believe you’ve never heard the Rolling Stones,” Tracy giggled.
“Is it so inconceivable?” Ezra replied with amusement.
Everyone else was in great spirits, even Cee. You were sure she’d been upset, had heard the fear in her voice. Your throat twisted with acid but you clenched your jaw shut and bounced your foot under the table.
“Well, Harmony, you’ll have to regale us with one of their tunes,” Ezra said.
“I can play Paint it Black,” Reive offered.
“Do you know Lady Jane?” Tracy asked.
“I think so,” he replied.
You could feel the energy in the room though you weren’t listening to the conversation. A faint smile ghosted on your lips to mimic Tracy’s.
“Star, what’s your favorite?” she asked but you hadn’t been paying attention.
You opened your mouth and blinked.
“Your favorite song. By the Stones,” Tracy tried again.
You didn’t give a fuck about the Roling Stones, not right now. But Tracy was waiting excitedly and Ezra eyed you.
“They play Under My Thumb on the radio all the time,” you shrugged.
“See. Everybody knows the Stones,” she told Ezra triumphantly.
Ezra shifted Tracy off of his lap. “You two should rehearse while Star accompanies me on a constitutional,” he said.
He was standing in front of you expectantly. Yesterday it would have thrilled you to have a moment alone with Ezra but now you felt uneasy. Before you even knew what you were doing, your feet were obediently carrying you out to the porch. You heard the screen door close with a thwack and Ezra nodded for you to follow him.
“Something’s troubling you, Star,” he said and his eyes scanned the horizon as you walked towards the trees.
You shook your head.
“I know Cee is your confidant but if she’s said something that upset you, I want you to inform me. There shouldn’t be secrets between us.”
“She didn’t,” you answered honestly. You could have told him what you’d overheard but it scared you. You didn’t want to repeat it, didn’t want to go down that path. But it was gnawing away at you.
Ezra looked at you for a moment, nodded to himself.
“I got the impression you were enjoying Harmony’s company,” he tried.
“Yeah. She’s outta sight.”
Ezra left a long pause. You knew he was waiting for you to say more because he was always so quick to fill a silence.
“Did you know there are inhabitants on the Green? Settlers?” he finally said.
He began telling you some story but you could barely hear anything more than the melody of his voice. One question circled your mind over and over, tightening your chest and pressing your heart up your throat. You were afraid it might come up when you spoke.
“What happened to the old woman?” you eventually blurted out.
Ezra scratched at the scar on his cheek with his index finger.
“She crossed the great divide, shuffled off this mortal coil,” he said without hesitation.
“Yeah but how?”
“The method is not wholly important or interesting,” he told you.
You stared at him, unsure if you wanted to press him. Something told you that if you did, you’d hear things you didn’t want to know. You thought about Eve in the garden of Eden with her lips to the apple. You didn’t want to take the first bite. But how could you live in the dark?
“I’m interested,” you said.
Ezra stopped walking and leaned his weight on one leg. He was breathing heavily in the sun, his shoulders rising and falling. He looked at you for a long moment, then tilted his head and shrugged.
“She was killed,” he said.
Your heart squeezed and you swallowed hard.
“By who?”
“By us,” he said plainly. He didn’t look proud of this fact but he hardly looked remorseful.
Your eyes darted around. You hoped you were dreaming.
“All of you?” you asked, imagining something gruesome.
“All of us,” he said, nodding his head towards you. “We’re a family. You’re part of it.”
Tears came to your eyes and you blinked to keep them back. It couldn’t be true. You couldn’t picture Cee or Clo or Reive murdering someone. Ezra had killed before but that was in a war, not some old lady.
“I don’t want to kill anybody,” you choked out.
“It is unpalatable but sometimes necessary,” Ezra said.
“Necessary? Why?”
He let out a soft laugh. “I thought you’d learned. In order to survive, one must sometimes partake in those actions we find so detestable. Made only so by these rules society imposes upon us.”
Suddenly your cheeks felt damp and you shook your head. You recalled the kind face of the woman in the photograph on the dresser. You’d been living in her house, wearing the clothes you found in her closet, fucking in her bed.
“Star,” Ezra said and stepped towards you but you stepped away. He put his hand up. “If I were on the Green and there was one man between me and a warm bed, and a hot meal–”
“That’s different,” you reasoned. You couldn’t figure out how but it couldn’t have been the same.
“The things that we require in this world, unfortunately, we must take. Simple as that,” he spoke over you.
“I can’t…” you sobbed.
“Star, you already understand,” he said and his eyes darkened. “Tell me you haven’t considered doing the very same to Harmony.”
“No!”
Ezra chuckled. “You can lie to me but you can’t deceive yourself.”
Your whole body quivered and you thought you might be sick. He was right and you hated yourself for it. You would have wrapped your hands around Tracy’s neck like Ezra had done to you. But you wouldn’t stop. You’d watch her turn blue and swollen as she clawed against your grip. You’d feel her body spasm until it went still. The image of her, cold and motionless beneath you, made you panic. You ran.
The screen door snapped shut behind you as you tore into the house. Everyone was still lounging around the table like nothing had happened. Reive picked at the strings of his guitar and Clo watched with her chin balanced dreamily in her hands.
“Star?” Cee asked, a smile fading on her lips.
How could they be so blithe?
“We’re going to sing ‘Mother’s Little Helper,’” Tracy announced.
Seeing her face only tightened your chest. If you stayed here, you’d suffocate. If you didn’t go, you’d snap and wring Tracy’s pretty neck, smash her face into pulp. You’d be just like the rest of them.
You tripped up the stairs. The quilted bag you’d brought with you had been discarded in the corner of one of the bedrooms. You had no idea what was even in there anymore but you snatched it up and raced back downstairs.
You wiped tears away with the back of your hand once you reached the road. The trees stacked thick along the shoulder shielded the farmhouse from view. You realized that you had no idea where you were exactly, had no clue which direction to even head in– you’d been asleep for most of the drive to the farm and hadn’t left since.
Still, your feet chose a path and you started marching down the deserted road, hoping someone would pass by and pick you up. It didn’t matter how long you had to walk as long as you were away from them. How had your family, once again, turn into monsters? You gulped for air and wiped snot on the sleeve of your dress. The old woman’s dress. You shuddered.
Eventually your feet got tired and you leaned against a tree to catch your breath. You waited for a long time, your heart finally slowing and exhaustion overtaking you. You folded yourself in half and buried your face in your hands. The sun was sinking lower in the sky and a cold breeze rustled your skirt against your knees.
A noise came behind you, and you turned, ready to stretch your thumb out to the road.
“Star, come on back,” Cee begged. She was ten feet behind you, her cheeks red from the exertion of chasing you down.
You couldn’t look at her, fall into the blue of her eyes. You kept your attention fixed on the road, craning your neck around her, desperate for a car to come by.
“Talk to Ezra. He wants you to stay,” she tried.
“He killed that lady,” you said, finally looking at her.
“He didnt,” she said, deflated.
You searched her face for more but she looked at the ground and then back up at you. You were shaking again.
“Come on. You’ll stand out here all night,” she reasoned. “Just come back. Talk to Ezra. If you want to go in the morning, Clo will drive you to the station.”
You felt yourself nodding and soon you were following her back up the road.
Ezra sat in a high backed armchair in the living room as if he was a king holding court. The others were sprawled out around the room and a record spun lazily on the turntable, clicking softly as the needle swerved close to the label. It seemed like no one had the energy to flip to the b side.
As you came in, you heard Ezra send Tracy for more wood from the yard and she obediently stood from the floor and left. Your chest had loosened on the quiet walk back with Cee but being back in Ezra’s presence suddenly made your throat thick and constricted.
“Star, are the hysterics really necessary?,” Ezra turned his bored eyes to you.
“You— how could you do that?” you stuttered.
“I’ve already explained it to you,” Ezra said.
“Don’t lose sleep over it, Star. That old bitch called me a gook,” Clo informed you. “I’m not going to miss her.”
“You don’t have to leave,” Cee said, entwining her fingers in yours.
“I think I should,” you said. It was painful to get the words out. “Besides you have Harmony now.”
Ezra didn’t hide his eye roll.
“But…I don’t have any bread,” you said. You could hitchhike but eventually you would need some money.
“Unfortunately neither do we,” Ezra shrugged. “Money’s of no use to us here.”
You were on the verge of tears again.
“I’m not going to tell anyone. I just, I just want to go,” you said.
“You are free to depart at your leisure,” Ezra said. He sat forward on the edge of his seat. “But where will you go? To the city? Back home to those awful parents of yours?”
The idea stuck you and your chest started to burn.
“You’re upset. Once you take the edge off, you’ll see. This is your family,” he said. His voice sounded so deep you could drown in it. He got to his feet and put his hand on your shoulder. “The rest of the world disposed of you like garbage. No one out there sees what I see in you. You belong here. And I could not describe the melancholy I would feel if you were to abandon me.”
You were so tired and scared. You needed to be held so badly in that moment that when Ezra pulled you against his chest, you let him embrace you, run his hand down your back and whisper into your hair.
“That’s alright. You see.”
You cried into his shirt, balling your fists into it.
“There’s no need for all that,” Ezra assured you, rocking you back and forth. “You’re with me.”
You stayed in bed the next day, watching the sun pace the sky through the window, the shadows crawl across the floor. You felt nauseated, sick with guilt and fear. You knew you should go, walk down to the road and continue on until your feet gave out. That poor woman.
But you knew Ezra was right. There was nowhere to go. No one gave a damn about you. Here they loved you.
Cee slipped in throughout the day and stroke your hair. Each time it would bring fresh tears to your eyes. How could you leave her? How could you believe that they had ever done anything cruel?
Your mind went up and down the slide so many times that finally, you were ill. You flung back the blankets and raced for the bathroom again. You choked up bile that burned the inside of your throat. It was a horrible sensation, even worse than the last time, your body rebelling against you. Once the fit had passed, you saw Cee had come in and sat down in the doorway.
You leaned back against the claw foot tub, trying to draw the cool of the porcelain into your sweaty skin.
“Star, don’t go,” she said.
You couldn’t, not in this state. You felt wrung out, your abdomen aching from retching, your eyes were bloodshot and your knees trembled. You tried to focus on the way Cee’s legs bent across the door jamb, toes arched against the frame, to keep yourself from another wave of nausea.
“Not after this long. You’re part of us,” Cee went on.
You wracked your brain. How long had it been since you’d even arrived at the farm? You had taken multiple trips to the Green with Ezra. How many hours had passed here on earth? It had to have been months since you’d left New York.
Losing time had been easy without the usual indicators. You didn’t live by a schedule, there were no calendars. Something dawned on you and you felt dizzy. You put your forehead against your knees, staring down at the tile below you.
There was one marker that had disappeared. You hadn’t even noticed it was gone. And without it, you had no reason to count the weeks.
Panic set in and your heart hammered again. Then, just as quickly, you were calm. Like a choice had been taken out of your hands, pressure leaving you. You stood, weak but determined, and stepped over Cee into the hall. You heard her call after you as you went downstairs.
“I suppose this is farewell,” Ezra said when you came out to the porch. He sat in the old rocking chair, a disinterested look on his face.
“I need to talk to you,” you demanded.
“You’ve said your piece,” he replied.
You frowned and took his hand. You’d never commanded him in such a way before but you didn’t care anymore, felt no need to be timid any longer. You pressed his hand into you, low on your stomach and stared into his brown eyes as they melted from annoyed confusion to wonder. A warm sensation emanated out from under his touch. He shook his head slightly and it seemed that he had been stunned silent for the very first time.
Ezra sank to his knees in front of you. He brushed his hand over your belly, so careful, and he looked up at you with shining eyes.
“The first child of the Green,” he said, his voice a low rasp.
He put his lips to you softly beside his fingertips and nuzzled at you. He felt so warm and tender there. You gasped and something between a sob and a laugh came out, new tears spilling down your cheeks. These were different. Happy.
-- chapter 6
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