#failed adoption

[sailingfireshipz]

And what if I said Andrea is about to find a way to end this season with no Stellaride baby & drag this arc well into S14.... or abandon it altogether.

This has been sitting in my drafts since, like Saturday. I didn't post because I felt like I was being really negative, but I genuinely have felt this way since the adoption storyline was even introduced because they MISSED so many things.

[theworldoffostering]

I signed E and H up for t-ball this summer and have been really looking forward to them playing on their first sports team together.  We aren’t big into sports here, and our kids have only participated in a handful of them, but DD and DS both played t-ball when they were younger so I was excited for these two to do the same.  They were adorable when they were meeting their coach (they’re on the same team) and getting their uniforms (tshirt and hat).

T-ball here involves a lot of kids.  There are probably more than ten teams and each team has 10-15 players. They all play in one big park over the course of the summer.  All of that to say, we ended up running into Ms. 6′s previous adoptive family last night.  We knew it was inevitable.  We live in a small community.  They don’t live in the same town we do, but they live two towns over.  I had thought that maybe one of their kids would be signed up, but their town has their own park and rec so instead of driving 20 minutes, I had hoped that they would sign up locally. No such luck.

At any rate, Ms. 6 saw the mom from across the way.  Apparently the mom gave her a wave and allowed Ms. 6 to decide if she was going to come over to her and talk to her or not.  Ms. 6 came directly back to me and let me know that the mom was there, and then said, “I think they have adopted a little girl.”  I could see the wheels turning.  “Why did they adopt someone else, when they said that they were going to adopt me?”  (Note: The reason Ms. 6 thought they had adopted was because the “extra” child they had with them was not the same race as the rest of the family.  I have no idea if they’ve adopted or if the extra child was a friend or a foster child.)

Several hours after we left, I received a text from the mom.  It said, “ "Hey just a heads up.  We were at t-ball tonight and Ms. 6 saw me with my child on the playground.  I gave her a little wave, but wanted to give her the freedom to come over or ignore me.  She kind of tensed up, watching my kid for a bit to probably confirm it was us and then walked away with your little one.  Not sure if it will go unnoticed behavior wise, or if it will stir things up.  Just wanted to let you know in case she doesn't say anything."  (I did alter some of the spelling and punctuation so that it is a bit more readable.) 

Y’all, I’m livid that this mom is letting me know that she felt it was completely appropriate for Ms. 6 to have a conversation with her without another adult present after they promised they would adopt Ms. 6, asked Ms. 6 to call them Mom & Dad, and then ultimately sent her packing for a respite home and then residential facility for TWO years of her life because her behaviors were too much!  We told them before Ms. 6 ever moved in that it was not a good fit, that they didn’t have the experience to parent her effectively, and to please live with Ms. 6 for a bit before promising adoption, etc.  They did not listen.  They have never taken responsibility for their actions, and now they just feel like they can walk up to her and interact.  Nope.  Not happening.  I’m also super angry that the mom believes that texting me hours later instead of when it was happening was appropriate.  If Ms. 6 wouldn’t have told me about it, or if the other mom was genuinely concerned, then she should have texted me right away.  Finally, they still believe that Ms. 6 is this awful person who should not be living in a home with other kids.  Apparently, Ms. 6 can never change, or they can never imagine that their parenting may have actually caused some of the behaviors that they observed.  I need them to allow Ms. 6 to move on. 

I don’t know y’all.  This just brings up a lot of feelings for me.  A lot.  I don’t know how to handle it, but I better figure it out quickly because t-ball meets again tonight.

[unrestrainedchaos]

Mother’s Day

To the woman who is tracking every period and every ovulation cycle,

To the woman saving up for IVF,

To the woman who just had her second miscarriage,

To the woman whose baby was stillborn,

To the woman going through a failed adoption,

And to the woman who has been told she will never have children,

Your struggle is felt, it is understood, and it is real. This Mother’s Day, my heart and prayers are with you beautiful, strong women. May you find peace on this day and solace in knowing that you are not alone in your heartbreak.

[fostering-possibilities]

I found the answer to my question. Although this doesn't change or fix anything it gives me focus. So although I am probably about to lose the lil guy who has captured my heart I realize how blessed I am to have been there for so many of his first and to be able to be his mama.... even if it wasn't as long as I wanted.....

[hopeforwaitingarms-blog]

This is My Infertility • Day 3 Last but not least we are featuring Melanie's family today. Do you remember our prayer request a few months back?

[accidentallyadoptedazoo]

Bad News

My husband and I made a very hard decision for Sable today. We took a couple weeks to make sure it was the right one for our family. Sable was returned to the shelter because she presented too high of a bite risk for my stepson. If she had bit him, it would have likely resulted in her being euthanized and a long custody battle. Instead of putting either Sable or my stepson in that position, we decided it was better for everyone to find a more suitable home, either through the shelter or through rescue. I will be personally helping to get her into a rescue if a suitable adopter is not found here. Sable is not an aggression biter, but did bite hard and often when she wanted attention. She left six significant bruises on me that are taking on average two weeks to heal.

[superflyfrenzy]

I bought their annual Christmas tree ornaments today.

I can't seem to reconcile the fact that I know they'll never be mine, and the tiniest inkling of hope that says "but what if they do?"

[brekfastcycle]

Gruff has moved out!