An extract from the book I will never write
As soon as I heard the savage howl I dropped my bag like a sack of potatoes and decided to make a run for it. It was quite apt as what I was carrying just happened to be a sack of potatoes. I was making chips for tea you see. Anyway, I was close enough to home to think that if I made a run for it now I could make it home before they caught me.
But with every stride I could feel them gaining on me. Closer and closer. Faster and faster. Gaining and gaining until I could hear their bark closer than ever.
I looked back and counted at least five. Five savage dogs unleashed to take me down once and for all. I'm no canine expert but these were mean looking hounds. Snarling, saliva dripping from their mouths as they got closer to taking me down. Trained to hunt, to hunt to the death and this time I was the prey.
I was running like never before, the cold air catching the back of my throat with every breath. I could see my house. "Just keep going!" I thought. "You're almost there, a few more steps and you've ma..." And with that I crashed to the ground. I wasn't used to running at such pace and my unkown speed had caused my legs to tangle and sent me crashing to the ground. I managed to get my arms up to prevent my face from taking the full force of the concrete paving slabs but the pain was still immense.
I tried to pick myself up from the ground but they were too close now. I felt the first dog pounce on me. "Oh shit!" I thought, "Savaged to death by dogs. What a way to go!" I closed my eyes and prepared for the pain. Then I waited. And waited. "Eww, what's that?!?" Was it trying to lick me death? It's rough tongue was all over my face like I was its best friend. Suddenly all five of them were on me licking me all over. What was going on? Had I mistakenly covered myself in Pedigree Chum rather than Calvin Klein this morning? Confusion was not the word!
I tried to push them off and get back to my feet when from out of nowhere a sixth dog appeared. Snarling at me, it looked me right in the eye, let out a howl and sunk it's teeth into my leg......