TOUGH TIMES
**Originally posted on Reality in Relationships Blog in 2014**
The true measure of a person’s heart is learned when the going gets tough. When their spouse’s world shakes and shatters the road ahead and they are down, battered and bruised by the blow life has dealt, is when the truth breaks free.
When life is status quo to the way a person wants it to be, or at least the bumps that appear can be easily navigated without deviating too far from the path that they want to follow, compassion, love, support and empathy come easily. The words “I love you”, “I believe in you”, “I’ll always be here for you” can be honestly uttered and believed. When their spouse is “towing the line” and doing what is expected they are easily loved and supported because they are both doing their part in bring to fruition their joint plan. It is easy to hold to your vows to love, honor and cherish in the good times.
But that same vow continues “and the bad”. It is at this point that a person’s true feelings rise to the surface when they “show their natural ass” as it was put to me once. There is no romantism in hard times as the stories would have you believe, there is only raw truth and emotion. There will be anger, hurt and frustration, depending on the circumstances, and that is natural and healthy. It is how a person expresses these emotions and how they respond to their spouses needs that shows true depth of commitment and care.
If your spouse truly believes in and loves you deep in their heart, regardless of the circumstances, they will stand by you, help you pick up the pieces and get back on track before they address their feelings of anger, hurt, betrayal or frustration. They will understand that these feelings are fleeting and will be overcome with communication and understanding but getting you back on track is far more important to both your futures.
When your spouse’s response is abusive, derogatory or belittling they are showing you the truth of how little they truly believe in you, how low their regard is for you and how utterly selfish they are at heart. They are not “there for you” and, deep inside, they really do not love you or accept you as their partner. They will never be able to support you because they are too concerned with their own wants and desires; you are only a means to an end. As long as you are providing that means everything is fine but, if you stop being able to provide that means then you are another obstacle in the path of what they want.
If the truth that you see when the going gets tough is a true belief and support, regardless of the raw emotions then God bless you, do everything you can to repay that in kind when they need you to be loving and supportive even though you may want to blame them for the whole sorry mess! However, if the truth that you see is selfish and self-absorbed, then get tough and get going! It will never change, and you will never quite live up. This leads to a life of doubt, low self-esteem, and a constant sense of failure – none of which is conducive to the life that God wants you to have and that you have the right to enjoy!