#fall survival

[untilterminalfailure-blog]

I feel lucky to be in Texas today. The temperature is a perfect 70 degrees and i have been able to sit outside with my dogs and soak up the sun. In winter I spend so much time inside that I forget what the world outside of walls looks like. My mood always gets dark in winter but happily not today. Hope you are doing OK!!

I'm better than I've been in the past month, at least, so I'm counting today as a good day in my book. I can't wait until the weather is like that here in Jersey, and it reminds me that I'll have to be alive still to experience it. Thanks so much!

[untilterminalfailure-blog]

Hi! Just sending a quick note to say I hope winter's not getting you down too much. Curl up under a blanket with a hot drink and a good book. Take care of yourself!

It's not right now because strangely enough, I had just curled up under a blanket (and remembered I'd shaved my legs tonight because holy crap that felt delightful) when I logged on and I don't even need the hot drink and good book like bed. Bed. Holy shit bed. This feels so unbelievably fantastic right now for some reason like I literally can't even I am holding back squeals of delight

ANYWAY, near orgasmic delight aside, thank you! I'm trying. Winter's gotten me down quite a bit a few times but I've managed to bounce back every time so far.

[untilterminalfailure-blog]

i saw your post and i had a good day today so i thought i'd tell you about it, if that's okay? i wore my onesie pjs to school today, best experience ever, it was super comfy and warm and yeah. if i could, i'd wear pjs for the rest of my life. also i ate like 20 chocolate bars so i'm on a sugar rush right now. hope you're doing well :D

I love hearing about people's good days! It gives me hope.

I would die if I ate that much chocolate; I'm lactose intolerant and I just don't like sweets like that anymore. It's so weird. I used to love them.

And as for PJs, yep. I know that feel. I wear them all the time unless I am literally about to walk out the door and do something. I think the most common statement I use in my life is "shit, I need pants. Pants. Where the hell did I put them?"

[untilterminalfailure-blog]

November is always my worst month. I live in the Pacific Northwest and it's just so fucking gray that it feel like I've never seen the sun, never been happy. Two things really help me: reaching out to friends (which you did!) and anti-depressants (currently Wellbutrin). But maybe it's not helpful to know what helps someone else, so here's a Portland joke: How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank coffee before it was cool.

That is an amazing joke and I am stealing it

Anyway, yeah, I live on the East Coast and it gets pretty grey in November over here, too. I hate it. But the weather is not me. It's out of my control, and letting it dictate my moods is some chthonic Night Valian shit that I need to not do.

[untilterminalfailure-blog]

Positive message #19348739847 to swamp you: Doctor Who is pretty great, yes?

ONE WORD: MISSY

OMG I LOVE HER SO MUCH I CAN'T

[untilterminalfailure-blog]

I couldn't just not write something after reading your request for help. I've dealt with depression and self-harm before in my life, and now I'm married to a man with panic attack issues, so I know what it's like going through a rough patch - and for one I know that it doesn't feel like a "patch" when you're right in it. But it is, it really, really is. Find just one teeny, tiny thing that gives you joy (a dog in my case, but it could be ice-cream, excercise or whatever) and let it pull you thru

You are so right. Patch. Ugh. It feels like forever whenever I'm in the middle of it, but whenever I get out it's practically a distant memory a week later.

I have been reminding myself for a few days now to enjoy the silly little things and let those cheer me up and keep me grateful to be alive. Thanks. 

[untilterminalfailure-blog]

There is no "just" to surviving. You are surviving. That is amazing.

It's a hard thing to do in this world and I have to remember that it's all we do in this world. Thank you. :)

[untilterminalfailure-blog]

Happy ask: yesterday was my birthday and I got the best possible present: I was allowed to go home, definitively, after one year of treatment for bone cancer :)

OMG I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU AHHHHHHHHHHH

THAT'S REALLY EXCITING THAT HAS TO FEEL GREAT THAT IS LITERALLY THE BEST BIRTHDAY PRESENT I CAN IMAGINE GETTING IF I HAD A DEBILITATING ILLNESS LIKE THAT

HERE'S TO HOPING YOU STAY IN REMISSION!!!!