Falling Is Hard
Written as Castiel’s thoughts Rated - General Audience http://archiveofourown.org/works/12164670
Falling is hard. Only others who have experienced it would know. It starts off slow, like a pull from behind that you can’t escape. You can scratch and claw and try to hold on, but it’s pointless. There is no stopping it. It’s stronger than any force ever known to exist.
As everything you’ve ever known slips into the distance, the speed increases. You're pulled faster and faster, heat creeping up your body until you feel like you’re burning up. There is a sudden realization that you need air, but you can’t seem to remember how lungs are supposed to work. Your throat becomes parched to the point you feel like your entire body is devoid of water. Still you remain under the control of this powerful strength that keeps you immobile as you plummet.
Then you hit the ground. Hard. Any hope of breathing is taken away as you slam against the hard earth, feeling as if death would have been less painful. The shock is so strong, you can’t even scream. It’s as if you have been robbed of your voice. You’re left in a crater in the ground, wondering what just happened, arguing that it can’t be real. You can’t be going through this.
Air at last fills your lungs and the flush starts to dissipate. Everything is new and unfamiliar. You experience sensations that you never knew existed. Like the tingling that seems to fill your body from the sole of your feet to the top of your head as you become accustomed to what your world is now becoming. There is nothing to do but drag yourself out of the crater and try to make sense of things you’d never understood.
Yes, falling is hard. I would know better than anyone. I’ve felt it more than once. I’ve had the experience last over a period of months and then I felt it all again in a single moment. The reason for my fall was not always apparent to me...at first. I am well aware now. I have felt the exact same effects again and again, but on a much smaller level, like an echo of my drop from heaven. It happens every single time I see him smile, see him wink, hear his voice, feel his touch upon me. Yes, falling is hard, but it is so worth it. He is worth it.
“Dean,...”
