continued from @falsedk1ng.
harvard university had one of the best microbiology courses in the americas. its microbiology department offered a collaborative scientific community whose members shared a passion for microbes and scientific exploration. as an aspiring biochemist, it was a stepping stone towards a dream that utterly enraptured her. but claudette had to choose between home, and another country entirely, far removed from the comfort and familiarity of montreal.
she chose harvard. from a litany of options.
the cutthroat, competitive nature of an ivy league college leaves a bitter taste in her mouth. as one of the few black members of the student body population, she felt isolated, surrounded by a sea of pale faces, trying to fit into a mold that never considered someone like her to begin with.
once or twice, she considered straightening her hair. in those moments, she knew something was deeply wrong with her, with what she was becoming under the grueling reality of american hegemony and white academia.
but erik was a different animal, entirely. where she expected solidarity, there was instead a cold, impassioned distance between him, and her. like always, there is a proverbial glass between herself and normal people. but, this time, it felt deliberate. with finality.
the greenhouse was a relief. a respite. even with erik. sometimes, especially with him. she is tired of feeling alone in a crowd.
"they don't have to love me back. i experience love just by giving it away." it is not poetic. it is practical. an encompassing knowing that seems to transcend the usual emotional firewalls installed by the ego. claudette struggles with socializing, yes, but she never struggles with love. she has her parents to thank for that; her family to thank for that. examples of loving that felt deeper than skin, deeper than blood.
"i-i mean. i know you probably don't love doing this work. but it's still something, isn't it?" she kneels down, touching the soft leaves of a fern. "so much happening in these moments, and most of us don't even think about it. i think that's worth knowing."