#fandom expectations

[denofmalcontent]

I'm reading this book called I Was Born For This by Alice Oseman and it is about this girl who is in a fandom for this boy band called The Ark. She is so deeply involved in this fandom that her entire identity has become being their fan. So much so that she ignores everything and everyone around her.

At one point in the story she is at their concert and she witnesses something bad happen to the band and all she can think about is how it affects her. Multiple times she is confronted with the reality that her fandom, hopefully to turn into a real life, friend is going through something major but all she can do is change the subject to talk about her love for the band. She is constantly talking about her favorite band member, Jimmy, as though she personally knows him and how he will think and who he loves.

She is so round the bend for Jimmy and the band that even after she learns about how her fandom friend's real life is crumbling around her, she chooses Jimmy. She abandons her friend to be with this young man she knows nothing about other than the fictional character she has created out of scraps of the real person she's seen through random social media posts and music videos and press clips.

This story has got me thinking about the Heated Rivalry fandom and every fandom I've ever witnessed. It has got me thinking about how fandom reduces actors like Hudson and Connor into fictional characters with no agency of their own. To be used and discarded as we see fit. To get mad at when they fail to live up to unreasonable standards set by people they will never meet and who will never meet them.

Depending on the day they are either the hero of our story or the villain oftentimes occupying both spaces depending on who you talk to. There are moments in the story where the reader is given a glimpse into what it must be like to have so many strangers' expectations thrust upon you whether you want them or not. To suffocate under the crushing weight of adoration and obsession. Just wave after wave of love and hatred.

[busanlove9597]

on listening, even when it’s hard

lately i’ve been thinking about what community really means. because whether we always feel it or not, we are one. a collection of people who share a space, a love for the same thing, and a history of moments we’ve experienced together. not the picture-perfect kind that’s easy when everything’s calm, but the kind that has to stretch and bend when the weight gets heavier. especially in fandom spaces where we share so much of the same love, but not always the same perspective.

community, to me, isn’t just a shared interest. it’s the threads that keep us tied together when the fabric is pulling at the seams. it’s trust, empathy, and the quiet choice to show up for each other even when we see things differently.

we’re such a mix here, from different places, languages, and histories. we’ll never process everything in the same way, and i think that’s what keeps this space vibrant and alive. it’s the differences that keep us learning, that keep us grounded, that keep us human.

but sometimes, when emotions run high in fandom, the conversation starts to feel like it’s pulling apart. and i guess this is my reminder, to myself first, that it’s not about being right or wrong. it’s about making space for each other even in the middle of disagreement. i think it’s good to have a voice of reason, but what good is it if using it drowns out someone else’s voice? this isn’t about who speaks the loudest, it’s about making sure no one feels silenced.

making space for each other also doesn’t mean tolerating harm. it’s okay to set boundaries, to step back when you need to, and to protect your own peace. community works best when care goes both ways, when we respect each other’s limits as much as we respect each other’s voices.

it should be okay to change your mind, to grow past certain opinions, to step away, to come back, or to stay but see things differently than before. community isn’t meant to hold people still. it’s meant to let them shift without losing their place, and to allow that movement without resentment.

i think of it like a quilt. not every patch matches, but together it’s warmer, stronger, and far more beautiful than it could be alone. pull out the pieces that look different and you lose the very thing that makes it whole.

so for me, the goal was never perfect agreement. it’s keeping the light on for each other so that no matter how the conversation changes, there’s still room here for care, for listening, and for the love that brought us together in the first place. at the heart of it, we’re still here for the music, the memories, and the moments that made us stay.

[airbuilder7]

Fandom: We want an awesome Jack-Ashi fight and some of that wholesome father-daughter content! Genndy: Gives you everything you want the way Anno gives you everything you want Fandom: AHHHHHHHHH

[busanlove9597]

I think a lot of jikookers hyped jikooks possible behavior post-discharge too much and now they/their followers are disappointed because they havent gotten what they wanted. what I mean is that accounts here and on twt were going on and on about how things had changed, said that jikook would be more open, vulnerable and honest, affirmed that they were trying to send a message by enlisting together and were even possibly preparing us and themselves to come out to the public, and other over the top stuff. people created such big expectations in their heads and shared it online, basically convincing themselves that it would happen, that a couple of weeks without seeing jikook/them being reserved is affecting them more than normal.

anon that is actually such a solid read, and i think it’s true for a chunk of the fandom. it’s okay to have expectations. it’s natural, especially when you’ve been waiting two years for someone’s return and imagining what that might look like.

but somewhere along the way, i feel like the “post-discharge era” became this mythical golden age in people’s heads. it was as if jikook would descend from the barracks hand in hand, immediately start giving joint weverse lives from their shared home, and confirm all our conspiracy boards in one press release.

“said that jikook would be more open, vulnerable and honest, affirmed that they were trying to send a message by enlisting together and were even possibly preparing us and themselves to come out to the public”

yeah, i think this is where a lot of the expectations really started to snowball. over time, takes like this got repeated so much that they started to feel like a sure thing, even though it wasn’t based on anything they’d directly said. so now, when things are quieter or more private, it can feel like a letdown. but that’s because people are comparing reality to the version they’d already imagined.

there were also messages from them that people read in a very specific way. like in jm’s weverse letter from jan 29 2025, where he mentioned that he and jk had been talking more about the future as the days to meet army got closer. some connected this to their own ideas about what post-discharge would look like, but i’m just referencing it here without speculating on his meaning. and then, with jk building what’s basically a private fortress that’s way too big for one person, it was easy for people to imagine them moving in together and taking that as another “sign.”

and while i understand why people were hopeful, because the enlistment felt like a huge and deliberate choice, they never promised anything beyond… existing together. reality looks more like two men resuming idol schedules in an industry that still isn’t safe for them, so when they’re quieter or more private it feels ominous, but that’s because the bar was set so high by created narratives, not because something is wrong.

and i’m not trying to mock anyone for having expectations! honestly, having them and even talking about them is not a bad thing at all. it’s a normal part of being a fan and looking forward to something you care about. and this isn’t me taking a holier-than-thou approach either. i had my own bits of speculation about what their life might look like after discharge, just nothing concrete. like, i wasn’t imagining them running off to vegas or anything 🤥 lmao but of course i’d thought about certain ways things could pan out. i just think it helps to remember when those expectations are built on speculation rather than anything they’ve said themselves, because that’s when reality can feel smaller than what you pictured.

it’s the classic self-inflicted expectation hangover. the enlistment choice was already loud, but it wasn’t a contract to change their whole public approach. sometimes it’s less about them “scaling back” and more about the fact that we’re just back to normal. and if normal means they’re living their lives, spending time with each other when they can, and keeping what’s theirs safe from public scrutiny, that’s not just okay, that’s exactly what they should be doing.

[overworkedunderwhelmed]

Is it just me or is the ML fandom really quick to turn on its main heroes as of late?

Sadly, that’s not really anything new.  At least since the first hiatus, this fandom has always been quick to turn on something; it’s really just more a shift in targets.

There are and always have been a lot of unrealistic expectations of both the show and the fandom...within the fandom.  If anyone ever puts one step wrong, there is never a shortage of people quick to dogpile on and spew hate and salt.  

Of course, everyone is entitled to their likes and dislikes.  It just feels more generally that the salt posts and disapproval posts have gotten more traction and visibility, so a much wider audience within the fandom feels empowered to air their grievances.

Unfortunately, there is this also pervasive, almost unreasonable expectation that ML should actually be this groundbreaking body of work, done always early, without a single animation flaw, and under budget by a very limited staff.

With a perfectly perfect heroine (and supporting hero) who can never do any wrong, perfect foils for the usual superheroic tropes.  And a masterfully developed villain who never stoops to cheap ploys..or does anything villainous.  All within a very formulaic, very nostalgic format that is tried and true since the good ole monster-of-the-week days of sentai (like Sailor Moon and Power Rangers).

Also, everyone has a different favorite character, so the rest of the cast is not allowed to make a mistake either.

(And let’s not even get started on the creators...or some of the more genuinely controversial topics with actual merit...)

*shakes head*  The point is, not matter how hard any creator tries, they are never going to make everyone happy.

People have always sorted into tribes and cliques of support, and that’s certainly not anything new within any fandom.

But now we’re now well past the exposition phase, so characters have been allowed to make some more impactful mistakes,  due mostly to our endless comedy of communication errors and secret identities.  As some people’s favorites have been the ones to make them, the salt has only flowed more freely.

The thing is, at heart, this show is filled with tropes and various pop culture nostalgia, mostly for the parents who are watching, too (just as you would see with Disney/Pixar movies.)  Once they decided to develop the show more towards the younger audience, it really was the obvious path forward.  

Outside of telling the main story, part of the show's goal is to give kids a window to hopefully learn the lesson from a show and not have to learn it the hard way in life. To do this, the core cast of younger characters need to be a little flawed.  It makes them more relatable to the kids who are watching.  They need the chance to live and learn -- to show their true mettle and capability -- especially under this powder keg of circumstances.  

I mean, even the adult characters have been shown to have a motive and be selfish -- even if that selfishness is sometimes in aid of others.

Then again, we should want to see the whole cast grow and learn as the plot slowly builds and become more complex.  Static characters just aren’t as interesting...you don’t get so invested in watching them struggle week after week.

Consider it this way: If Chat Noir really opened that door in DjWifi, and found out who was hiding behind the mask, would so many of us still be clamoring for every single episode release?

[thecaptainsays]

So I think tumblr has given me unrealistic expectations about life. At nights I find myself wondering "Will I ever find someone to wax poetically about my eyes" like seriously guys: pools of blue, breathtaking green, sunflower eyes.