Maybe I’m overthinking this but I’m thinking about the religious weight of genuflection. Dean got on one knee in his prayer to Castiel, overwhelmed with emotion... He later tried to punch God in the face. Words are hard for me in this moment but there’s something there!
oh my. you’ve made words hard for me by putting these words together in this order :’D
The last time we saw Dean on his knees, praying to Cas (after specifically seeking out a chapel in which to pray), was in 9.01. When the angels were falling, and he didn’t know if Cas was among them, if Cas was even alive... He didn’t have a “proper chapel” in Purgatory, but he had one hand on that tree as if that alone could ground him, could become his chapel in that moment.
And boy did he ever punch God in the face. Heck. That had such “Mary punching Lucifer in the face” vibes for me, my first thought was “he’s his mother’s son.” But heck, I love Dean making a stand for himself against Chuck, after feeling manipulated and hopeless all season, wondering what was even real. And his turning point happened in Purgatory, in finally being able to get the right words out and begin to have that real conversation with Cas. Purgatory was always pure like that.
Is there something more there to talk about? I’m going with yes. But I’m gonna bask in this for a while before trying to lump more words on it. :’D
Your ficlets blow my mind. Can I request a destiel one where they fall in love online first? If there was chubby!dean I would probably cry
Cas has been suggesting they meet up for a while now.
It was easy to deflect him at first. They don’t live in thesame city (though they do both live in California), and Dean really is busy with work. But he doesn’t likelying to Cas, and what semi-real excuses he does have wear out quick.
He hasn’t yet told Cas the real reason he doesn’t want tomeet up, because it’s embarrassing as hell.
The truth is, Dean always had this idea in the back of hismind that before he and Cas finally met up he’d have gotten himself in shape.
They’ve talked on Skype a few times, and Dean has beencareful about angling the camera right so Cas can’t see any of his excess fat. Ifthey do meet in person, Cas would probably be disappointed. He’s a good guy, sohe’d hide it, but Dean would just know.There’s a reason he hasn’t dated guys in a few years (girls tend to be lessdiscerning when it comes to shape, for whatever reason).
But Dean wants tomeet up. Cas is his best friend, has been practically ever since he startedmessaging Dean about the Dr. Sexy meta he was writing two years ago (Dr.Piccolo deserves better, okay?). And they’re as good as dating by this point;both of them have made their interest clear. They’ve even sexted a few times.
So yeah. Dean wants to be perfect for Cas, but perfect hasbeen a long time coming. Every time he loses a couple of pounds he seems togain them back just as fast. It’s not that he’s fat, really, but he’s definitely gained some weight since college.
But when Cas tells him he’s gonna be in Santa Barbara onbusiness, every excuse Dean can think of flies out the window. Too expensive totravel? Cas is coming to him. Busy with work? What, he can’t afford fiveminutes to meet up? Not wanting to leave his cacti alone at home? Cas wouldwater them for him if Dean let himinside his apartment.
He feigns excitement the best he can. He is excited to finally meet Cas face toface. It’s just that he also feels like crawling under his covers and notreemerge until the weekend is over and Cas is a safe distance away.
They arrange for Dean to pick him up at the bus station. Despitehis misgivings about the situation, Dean arrives ten minutes early. As much ashe hates the thought of Cas not finding him attractive, he hates the thought ofhim waiting alone at the bus station for someone who won’t be coming even more.
The bus ends up being late (surprise, surprise) and Dean brieflyabandons his spot, deciding to grab a drink from a vending machine. He’s stillconsidering his options when someone puts their hands over his eyes.
“I hope you are who I think you are,” the hands’ owner saysfrom behind him. The voice is familiar, the deep rumble of it causing Dean’sheart to speed up. “Because otherwise this could get awkward.”
Dean’s lips twitch, the tease slipping instinctively pasthis lips, “You do have a talent for making things awkward.”
The hands drop and when he spins around, he’s greeted by Cas’blinding smile. They take a moment to drink each other in, and Dean is toodeliriously happy to feel nervous. Then the moment passes, and his stomachclenches at the very obvious way Cas’ eyes linger over certain parts of hisbody.
Before he can form any kind of response, Cas is pushing himagainst the vending machine, kissing the living daylights out of him. Deanmoans into it, hand grabbing desperately for Cas’ shoulder, needing him evencloser.
Cas pulls away before their kiss gets too filthy –thankfully one of them remembers they’rein a public place – and smiles bashfully. “Hello, Dean.”
Dean licks his lips. “So… glad to see me?”
“How could I not be?” Cas says, pulling him into a hug. Hishands land on Dean’s waist, fingers digging into the soft flesh there, and Deancan’t help cringing.
They separate, Dean hyper-aware of how red his cheeks haveturned.
“You’re, uh,” he clears his throat, “not surprised byanything?”
Cas looks over him again and frowns. “No. Should I be?”
Dean opens his mouth. Closes it. Looks for any trace of alie in Cas’ expression, but comes up with nothing. “This really doesn’t botheryou?” he asks, moving his hand up and down to indicate his body.
“Bother?” Cas looks genuinely confused. “Why should it? You’rebeautiful.”
Dean’s cheeks turn somehow even redder. “I don’t know. Someguys are kind of… picky. But never mind,” he adds when Cas doesn’t seem to beany closer to understanding him. “I guess that’s not a problem for you.”
“You’re gorgeous,”Cas says, still looking confused. “I’m not sure what my problem should be.”
Dean smiles, relief blooming in his chest. He tugs Cas infor a brief kiss. “Doesn’t matter. I guess I had nothing to worry about.”
“Never,” Cas says earnestly.
“C’mon, then.” Dean grabs his hand, leading him out of thestation. “I’ve got a lot of stuff to show you. Starting with my apartment.”
Cas laughs. “I would like that.”
The apartment ends up being all he really sees. Turns out,the business excuse was really just that, an excuse. Dean finds he doesn’t careabout the lie. Especially not since Cas will hardly let him out of bed duringthe entire weekend.
I wish you would write another deancest fic where Dean Winchester completely and utterly wrecks Dean Smith. Ties him up with his ties and gags him with his suspenders and fucks him so good he cries ;)
god yes please. like normally i think of demon!dean and dean smith but what if you give me moc!dean and dean smith? he’s so hard around the edges and fucking scary and just takes everything he wants. and like, we all know that dean smith is the subbiest sub to ever sub.
it’s wrong. no… it’s more than wrong and dean smith doesn’t know how the hell it’s happening in the first place other than the fact that it is and there’s nothing he can do to stop it. not that he would want to. not now.
he almost choked on his tongue when the guy, him, walked into his office, step full of cocky swagger. the kind of guy that dean smith would absolutely bend over for if he was at the bar and someone approached him. only, it was himself. except, it really wasn’t. this guy who walked into his office seemed taller, gruffer, rough around the edges and dangerous and yet dean smith didn’t send him away.
he said that his name was dean winchester and for whatever reason they were in the same timeline. and nearly in the same breath, dean winchester demanded him to stand up and strip. if it was anyone else, dean smith would have scoffed and called security and demanded that the guy be thrown out.
dean smith didn’t though. and against everything he knew, he did what this dean winchester said.
and that’s how he found himself, tied up with his own tie, hands behind his back as he was pressed against the window of his plush corner office as dean winchester slammed into him from behind, hard and fast and it was everything that dean smith wanted. needed.
when dean winchester was done, he winked and promised that he would be back and against dean smith’s better judgment, he scribbled down his address, almost begging for dean winchester to be there when he got home.
he had gotten this small taste of himself and he was already addicted.
Hi Emily! Do you ever feel down about your writing? What do you do if that happens? Or how might you encourage someone else, if not?
oh gosh, YES. of course I get down about my writing. it happens regularly - sometimes for a few seconds, sometimes for a few months. it’s paralysing and annoying and just all round the absolute worst. if you’re asking this question because you’re experiencing a problem with feeling down about your writing, I’m really sorry. it’s just so frustrating <3 let me see now.
I think the first thing that I do is try to identify the reason why I’m feeling down about my writing. originally I would just always try the same exact things to get over the feeling, but I reckon this is kind of the equivalent of hitting the TV when it’s not working right and expecting it to somehow be fixed. it’ll work maybe 10% of the time, but the other 90% it won’t, and it’s more a question of figuring out precisely what’s up and making it right.
there are a several possible reasons I can be feeling down about my writing. for example (in the style of Fall Out Boy song titles):
I Expect my Writing to be Perfect on the First Try ft. Forgot Editing is a Thing
I Compared my Writing to Someone Else’s and Obviously I Will Never Be as Good as They Are at What They Do but I Am Not Doing What They Do, I am Doing What I Do
My Writing Skill Level Has Increased the the Point Where I’m Good Enough to Notice New Flaws but Not Good Enough to Correct Them and I Am in Hell
I Didn’t Plot to my Strengths (I Should Have Thought This Through Better)
It’s a Bad Time for my Feelings Anyway and I’m Not Being Kind to Myself because [Extended Yelling Noise]
so, for each problem there’s a different solution. like, I experienced the first problem at the end of last year pretty hardcore, where I was trying to write a selkie!Cas fic and just couldn’t DO THE THING because every time I wrote something and it wasn’t perfect, I just deleted it. incredibly - I know this will shock you - nothing I wrote was immediately perfect and I ended up deleting a lot of stuff. moving on from this problem was as simple as giving myself permission to suck at the first draft.
some of my other remedies include: taking a break, not taking a break and writing at least 100 words a day, listening to music and thinking about my story and generally getting hyped enough for the plot to happen that I forget to be self-conscious about what I’m writing, reworking the plot, getting a new perspective on a scene that’s making me go bleh, talking out the issue with a trusted friend (especially recommend this one), patting myself on the head occasionally as I write to remind myself I am doing pretty okay, working on a different story for a little while to regain some freshness, attempting to draw some art to remind myself that even though I think I suck at writing I could be sucking way worse at another creative activity... the list goes on.
my main advice is to get introspective!! maybe try and figure out where these bad feels are coming from. remind yourself that your writing exists independent of you - that there will always be people who like your writing and people who don’t. ask yourself why, at the moment, you’re falling into the latter category, when you belong in the former. when you’ve maybe figured it out, apply a solution - and if that doesn’t work, try something else. if you keep trying for long enough, you’ll get there. your brain enjoys getting what it wants, so if you want to like your writing for long enough, it should give you that. you know??
if all else fails, go full tortured artist. hate your writing. cry about it. live in a tower with bats in it and publish your work by throwing it out the window to the masses. cry more. this will definitely not help but it will feel so right.
