Childhood Fatphobia Experience
**Apologies for sending this anonymously I am not Out yet** TW: fatphobia, child dieting, eating disorder When I was young I was obsessed with horses. Completely enthralled by them. I had fiction and nonfiction books about them. I had books on how to look after them too. I wanted nothing more than to see horses and be with horses. My family knew this and encouraged me by buying me toys and figurines of horses, and also bought me all the books I had. I found a place that was around 45 minutes away from my house that offered horse riding lessons for a reasonable price. My family was not struggling financially and we were very secure, owned our house etc... I asked my parents if I could learn horse riding. They said, “You need to lose weight, the horse is unable to carry your fat body.” I was 9 years old. I weighed 45 kg. I was so upset. I loved horses and this was the one barrier.. a barrier that I caused by being greedy and gluttonous and bad. I started dieting. My family encouraged it. I starved myself. I skipped breakfast, I gave away my lunchbox food to my friends at school. I only ate the vegetables at dinner. I lost a lot of weight! Yay! I was dizzy, my hair was falling, I had a lot of headaches, my mouth tasted funny, my breath was funky, I couldn’t concentrate in class anymore. A small price to pay... My starvation diet worked! I asked my parents if they could take me to the horse riding lessons because I fulfilled my end of the bargain. My parents kept avoiding it. Later. Not today. Not this week. Oh we’re busy now. Bottom line: they were too lazy to take me to the horse riding place. They wanted me to be thin. They didn’t expect that they had to follow through with their promise. I am now 14 years old. I am thin now. Too thin. I have a terrible relationship with food. My doctor said I have an eating disorder (I am getting help). My hair is like a rat’s tail, my skin is dull.. I think about food all the time and I never think about food at all. It doesn’t make sense. I blame fatphobia and lazy parenting. I feel like a brat for sharing this story but I feel like this is a big part for why I am sick now.