TW: toxic dating.
A little blurb of my history...
Everyone knows that I love fat men. It's the one thing I've always been outspoken about... literally since I was too young for me to say. But, my constant vocalness about it was for my own benefit.
I had to make sure all my friends and acquaintances knew what I was into. It was hard to find fat men who would believe that I was into them for their weight. Usually... well, almost always... they didn't believe me when I gave them positive attention and flirted. It was almost pointless for me to try. So, having everyone around me knowing what I was into... was an insurance policy. They could verify that I was legitimately attracted to fat men. They could back me up and say with all honesty that I really was into someone's size. That it was not a joke or a lie.
But my vocalness towards my attraction also came with problems.
There were men who I was NOT into... and they would gain weight to get my attention. I NEVER asked them to. I NEVER encouraged or even hinted that I would be into them if they got fat. And early years... I'd feel responsible: "Oh, this guy gained 80lbs to get my attention... I'm not into him... but I guess I'll give him a try."
It obviously never worked. They weren't into being big. They just made a stupid decision to get my attention. Then I'd try to ignore their personality that I didn't like... because, well, they got big for me. (And I have to stress the fact that I NEVER hinted at or asked them to. And half the time that this occurred with someone... I was already taken. These men would get fat for a woman who was vocally not into them and was literally with another man at the time.)
So, yeah, I've had some toxic dating experiences.
But it taught me something. That... I needed to be with a man who enjoyed his size, whether I was with him or not. The first man I met with the fat kink... we ended up getting married. And his weight has fluctuated a lot. I loved him at his fattest, and I've loved him at his thinnest. What matters to me is that he finds the same pleasure as I do towards his size. There will be YEARS where we can't indulge in the kink... but, at least we both still know that it's there.
And fantasy can work just as well as reality. He might need to diet. But we can do one night a week of feeding and gluttonous enjoyment, diving deep into the kink... knowing that the next day, we will return to reality, and encourage healthy habits.
I know that I encourage wannabe feedees through my writing. And I definitely call out those "feedees" who don't gain until they get attention from a woman. And it seems antithetical to my life experience.
If you are a man who wants to get fat... don't do it for a woman/partner. Do it for yourself.
And if you're a man who doesn't want to get fat; but figures you'd get female attention if you did... for the love of God, don't do it. The stress and pressure I went through as a young FFA, feeling that I had a responsibility towards these guys who would gain weight for my attention... it never worked out. They weren't into the kink: they were into me. And they knew that, if I was only attracted to fat men; if they got fat, they'd get my attention.
I think back all those years ago, and realize how crazy and toxic these guys were... I mean, willing to gain 80+lbs... just to manipulate me into dating them. It's crazy to think back on.
So, be true to yourself. You're a gainer/feedee? Enjoy yourself. Get big, eat to your heart's content. You'll find a feeder who wants it just as much as you do.
You're NOT a gainer/feedee, but you met a woman who is into that? If she's single and you want to explore it... okay, give it a try. But if she's taken, and she has no interest in you... don't.
Just don't.
