In which I am troubled by representations of Carol in much Caryl.
"@AnnMightSay: Is Carol going to own up her obvious attraction to Daryl?"
Even from those who support the possibility of this love story, there is an undercurrent that suspects that no matter what...this thing will always be somehow one-sided. It's a very common presumption that Carol is 100% certain of what she feels for Daryl. I've seen this reflected in several common reactions to their relationship:
"If Carol does/doesn't do [this] she's going to lose her man."
The overwhelming number of fanfictions that have Carol nearly sick with how unrequited her love is as she waits on Daryl to "be ready" or to "realize" he loves her.
The tendency for fans to presume that Carol will accept any behavior from Daryl at the current time because she once might have allowed him to strike her (which is quickly dismissed as an impossibility because Daryl is "too good a man").
The sheer rarity that I've seen the question posed: Does Carol want a relationship? or, Is Carol ready for a relationship?
Why is this? Is it because we presume that since she's "alone" she will feel desperate for a mate? Do we still see her as the sympathy vote in this situation, even for as often as we say "she's beautiful" and "she's strong"? Is it because we presume that the fictional characters of The Walking Dead see Daryl as equally attractive as we see Norman Reedus - even though we have not had any evidence of female characters treating him in that way? Is it because we presume that a woman must want a relationship more than a man? Is it because we presume that we would want Daryl and so she should? Is it because we think she deserves a reward and Daryl is her prize? Is it because we think that Daryl won't be able to do anything unless she forces him? Is it because we think that Daryl doesn't have the capacity for growth and healing that Carol has?
I can already guess that even asking those questions have probably gotten a few readers a bit...warm...about the collar. Let me be plain: I wish for Daryl and Carol to be a romantic partnership. I'm not a naysayer or an anti-shipper. They are also my favorite romantic pairing of all romantic pairings. I also like each character. No dislike of any kind here. Yet, I've done those things. At times, in certain conversations, I could have been found saying things that would have supported a "yes" answer to those questions. And each of those ways of talking treats the relationship as variously one-sided.
The point of asking the questions isn't to make anyone mad. It's to slow us down a bit, even as we keep hearing so much wonderful news. (If you follow my blog, you can testify to how much I've been participating in that celebration.)
We are forever (and ever and ever and ever, endlessly) hearing from each other about what "Norman wants" for Daryl from this pairing. I'll go out on a limb here - I don't care about that anymore. I know what he wants. We've all known it for more than two years. I'll go even further: I'm not going to quote him to justify that my way of talking about the relationship is the "real way." We've been there and done that...over and over and over. We have our answer to that question.
I would be way more interested in some space...for what Carol wants. (And notice, I didn't say Melissa McBride.)
Not Carol who is formulated like the heroine of a teen drama series. Carol is not a teen and appears to have worked out how to stay balanced in the worst of circumstances, feeling both sorrow and joy when many have lost the ability to feel either. Not Carol who lives in a world where she has to be the "last choice" while she is passed by for so many other women. She is a leader now, with status, with skills, and with a personality that endears her to others - a first choice for men younger, older, or her own age.
And not Carol who will accept just anything from Daryl.
That doesn't mean she wouldn't welcome him for the fully flawed and fully divine being that he is. But, it doesn't mean that she would accept any and all treatment she received. It doesn't mean that she would consent to a relationship where they weren't equally invested, committed, prepared and participating. And it doesn't mean that she would accept a relationship where she did all the emotional labor - overfunctioning while a partner, even Daryl who she loves dearly, under functions.
So, what troubles me about the question at the start and about Caryl talk that isn't careful - at least sometimes - to listen to itself is that we can reveal patterns that we (I fully include myself here) really don't want to create. If we don't want to create them, it does take conscious care. Even, perhaps especially, in fan mode. If we don't think Caryl is at its root one-sided then we need to refuse to talk about it as if it is.
