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Hey!!

Dez (crashedonplanetearth) just messaged me to let you know that e has deleted their account for a bit, but e's alright :)

ooh ok!! ty for letting me know! hope e’s able to do what e needs to do!

#i say things sometimes #featuring jay #and dez by association lol #good luck!!

About That Glass of Water...

Michael expected monsters to lurk just around every corner since fleeing the east, but he never expected to find one as adorable as Jay sitting alone and watching the tranquil sun set over the waters of Santa Monica beach. He hoped the little guy had forgotten their previous encounter in October of 2014, when they conspired to start Halloween early. It was still a sore subject fifteen months later and within certain circles. He approached with caution.

"Hey, little man. Are you all alone?"

Jay's head snapped up with astonishment written on his face. "You can see me?"

"Of course I can. Why?"

"My invisibility charm didn't work, then."

"What are you doing here?"

"Waiting for Charlie." He sighed. "We got separated."

"What happened?"

"We banished a Cthulhu." Jay looked up at the horizon. "Honcho said he'd fix everything, but I guess he's still working on it."

"Those things actually exist?" Michael sputtered.

"Yes, but they can only be summoned by the Cult of Aeon."

The name rang a bell with Michael, who heard all manner of strange things during his evacuation from the east coast--among them a peculiar disturbance bringing out every nutloaf, fruitcake and psychopath from every corner of the earth. Michael found it no small coincidence he crossed paths with Jay.

"Where is Charlie now?" Michael asked tentatively. "Where's Honcho?"

Jay broke into a loud, wailing sob. "I don't know! We banished the Cthulhu, and then I was in the air until I crash landed in that ocean. Honcho reached out to me only once, and that was to let me know Charlie was on her way."

"Do you want company?"

"You'd stay?"

"Sure I'd stay," Michael said. "Who wouldn't think we were just a father-and-son duo spending time at Santa Monica pier?"

"Can we get something to eat?" Jay glanced over at a nearby diner. "I haven't eaten in three days."

Michael led the way to the diner, where they took a booth with the view of the spot where he met Jay. They'd be the first to notice when Charlie arrived--if she arrived. They ordered a plate of Oaxacan mole and salsa, even though Jay didn't know what any of it was. Michael also ordered a plain glass of water.

"Why just water?" Jay asked, self-conscious of his soda.

"Because it's cheaper than going to the liquor store." Michael laughed and took a delicate sip, which made him shudder. "That's some good water."

After the food was delivered, Jay ate with gusto and talked exhaustively about his jaysome adventures in the time since they last met. Michael's face grew ruddier as he listened, so much that Jay stopped talking altogether and looked inquisitively at him. Michael smiled indulgently and lifted his glass of water as if in a toast, and urged Jay to continue.

And so the talking continued, which included even obscurer accounts with Spirit Talkers, amorphous colors and shape-shifting polecats--all trying to wreak havoc on the world as most humans knew it. Jay talked with a breeze he hadn't felt in a long time, since Michael didn't appear to be like most humans. After all, he had once said he was a monster himself.

"What's this?" Jay said, holding up a habañero pepper.

"It's spicy," Michael replied absently. "Don't eat it, unless you want to taste fire."

"Oh! I've tasted fire before." He popped the chili into his mouth and munched vigorously.

The change occurred in a matter of just a half-second, but because Michael was inebriated, it drew out over a long series of moments, beginning with the flush of Jay's cheeks and ending with him reaching for the glass of water to wash away the heat perpetually blossoming in his mouth. What followed was the most spectacular belch Michael had ever seen in his life, in which actual fire leaped into the air and caused everyone to gasp in unison.

"Maybe we should get out of here." Michael said, looking at everyone looking at them.

"Are we in trouble?" Jay looked around sheepishly.

"No, but we will be if we stick around."

"What do we do?"

"Slowly get to your feet and follow me out the door." Michael laid a couple of bills on the tabletop. "With a little luck, we'll escape this with nothing more than a few dirty looks."

"Get them!" cried one of the patrons.

"The devil walks among us!" cried another.

Michael swept Jay into his arms and together they fled the restaurant. Under normal circumstances, they would have gotten a few dumbfounded stares and perhaps a request to leave--but ever since Jay banished that Cthulhu, normal circumstances became increasingly rare. If Charlie or Honcho was going to do something, now was definitely the time. Or forever hold your peace. Amen.

Jay looked up and saw someone standing next to the bench upon which he'd sat for the past three days. His face brightened and he wriggled free from Michael's arms, rushing up to her in a run that was both excited and frightened.

"Charlie! Charlie! You won't believe what I just had! It most definitely was not water!"

The woman glared at Michael suspiciously. "You gave him alcohol?"

"Not on purpose. He didn't expect that chili to be so hot, and drank from the glass before I had a chance to react."

"Except! It gave me an even bigger burn!" Jay giggled gleefully, despite the mob of angry patrons advancing upon them. "Now I feel all funny."

Charlie sniffed at Jay. "Moonshine?"

"Ayuh. White lightning. One-forty proof."

"Honcho," said Charlie into her watch, "do you hear this?"

"Loud and clear," replied a dry and stern voice. "Hang on. I'm about to put you all in a time loop."

Everything around Michael, Jay and Charlie froze in place; or rather, moved so slowly that every passing minute meant only one millionth of a second had lapsed for everything else. Which meant time was still limited in their current state. Clearly this was an even bigger mess than their Halloween shenanigans, and much harder to clean up.

"Do you have any idea what you've done?" Charlie seethed.

"Unintentionally blew up Jay's mouth, got him tipsy on 'shine and aroused a mob of unreasonably religious barbarians?"

Charlie slapped her forehead. "You not only obliterated Jay's invisibility charm, you attracted the attention of The Cult of Aeon--who we were trying to banish along with the Cthulhu they summoned."

"Don't blame nonsense for this Mikey!" Jay said, coming between the two.

"It's also a good thing," Charlie added, shooing Jay to the side. "If you hadn't let loose that belch, we might never have found you--at least not for a long time."

"Enough, everyone." Honcho's voice came from Charlie's watch-device. "I've just thrown a smoke screen and given you thirty minutes to get out of the area."

Thirty minutes was just enough time to get out of Santa Monica altogether, since all three traveled by foot. When the time loop closed and reality returned to its regular flow, Charlie knelt beside Jay to examine him. Some of the ruddiness had gone from his face but he still wobbled standing still. She glared up at Michael, her eyes glinting with fury.

“Why is it whenever you come into the picture, all hell manages to break loose?”

Michael shrugged. “Trouble just follows me, I guess.”

“Unacceptable.” She rose to her feet and got in Michael’s face. “You fed alcohol to a non-human, which broke his protective charm, and nearly lost all the ground we covered in containing the cult. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.”

Michael nodded solemnly and looked at the sky, which had lost all its light. It was clear from this latest encounter that whenever he and Jay met, it would result in a near-cataclysmic disaster. He had given up his humanity a long time ago--perhaps people like Charlie and non-people like Jay had yet to realize that--and it was going to take some doing on Michael’s part in order to limit its destructive power.

“All’s well that ends well?” he said by way of apology.

Charlie threw up her hands and let out an exasperated sigh. “Well, thank you. At the very least, you helped Honcho and I find Jay.”

“He’s just part his doing!” Jay said with unconvincing gravitas.

“Hey, little man. I’ve got to be on my way. You’re with your people now. Let’s hope if we meet again, what follows won’t be the end of the world.”

Jay took Michael’s hand into his and shook energetically. An electricity passed between them, causing Jay to shrink back in horror. Charlie and Michael watched him with confused awe, not knowing what caused the reaction. It was as if the contact--and what resulted--scared him cold sober. It took a minute for Jay’s breathing to slow, but when it did he pointed at Michael.

“What is it?” Charlie asked. “What happened?”

A moment passed before Jay regained his composure. He let a smile creep across his face. The change in his demeanor was as stark as it was unsettling. Neither Michael nor Charlie got a chance to ask again what happened; Jay cut them off. “We’ll definitely meet again. Michael is a vessel.”

“Oh, God,” Charlie groaned.

“What does that mean?” asked Michael with mounting panic.

Before he got an answer, both Charlie and Jay disappeared into thin air. Honcho did something from wherever he was that transported the two to safety. Michael remained with Jay’s cryptic words circling his brain. What did Jay mean by Michael is a vessel? What did Charlie’s reaction that mean? Why did they have to part so abruptly? So many questions and no answers.

Michael shook his head and drifted to the nearest restaurant. All he ordered was a glass of water and a lemon wedge. Salt was already provided on the table. He was going to have to wait a while for his next encounter with Jay, but until then he could reflect on his latest run-in, and in the meantime he was glad to have some damn fine reposado water to sip on. -- for @fakesurprise and @randomlyjay

#prose #fiction #featuring jay #who is jaysome #fakesurprise #just a little story