A: Maybe you're not being avoidant. It's not like you are refusing to feel your feelings. You have acknowledged your disappointment and if you want to shift your focus to the beauty of your life, then you get to do that. The question is this -- does it feel in flow? This is the same practice -- we are not just trying to be in flow in relationship. We are trying to be in flow with our lives and ourselves. Ask yourself -- are you swimming upstream, pointedly ignoring the disappointment that is trying to get your attention? Or can you tell that disappointment 'I feel you. I get you. You're valid. And now I'm going to look and be in a different place. That doesn't mean that you are not important or worthy of being felt. I feel you. I feel you deeply. And I love you. I receive your message. And now I'm going to do another thing. Later, I'm going to come back and check on you and see how you're doing. And if you're still here, I will sit with you again. You are a guest in my house.' Disappointment is a guest in your house. You will bring it tea, you will bring it biscuits, and you will attend it, but you need to go into the world and you need to get resourced because you cannot be a good hostess if you are running on empty. As long as you're not acting out and doing anything funny! But you're going out into the world in order to connect with people, co-regulate, in order to experience joy, in order to vibe and thrive. The ways you go out into the world are healthful, so feel into it! I think it's a good impulse.
M: What’s happening right now is I’m still feeling through the disappointment from yesterday.
A: Yes! And that makes sense. Expanding your capacity to feel involves sitting with these feelings a little more each time but that doesn't mean you have to stay with the feeling all day. We just need to do a bit at a time. You go in and tell it, 'I'm with you,' let it talk for 90 seconds (or 30 if that's too long), then tell it 'thank you,' let it know you're going to go into you day but you'll be back to check in at night and see how that goes. Feelings are remarkably willing to work with us when we don't ignore them.
