The Return
Originally written as a 2015 feelsforfili event submission. You can also find it on my Ao3.
She had never seen so many dwarves in one place. Laughing, talking, drinking, dancing, fighting - she waded through the sea of bodies, blinded by the bright clothes and shining gems. There were no familiar faces. She imagined most of these dwarves were those who had returned to Erebor from the Iron Hills, after the battle had been won. She had always hated being surrounded by strangers, and so as soon as she could, she made her way to the far edge of the feasting hall, where a set of steps led up to a balcony overlooking the festivities. This was where she was hiding, sipping on a glass of cool wine, when she heard someone call her name.
There he was, coming up to from the left. Her heart fluttered in her chest as she watched the dwarf approach. As he neared, she dropped into her best curtsy, one of the few things she remembered from her mother.
"Your highness," she began, only for him to interrupt her.
"Róa, please. It's always just Fíli with you." His smile was brighter than the gold that glittered in his hair and on his fingers. "I'm so glad you made it. You look..." He struggled for a moment, seeming unable to find the words. Róa took pity on him.
"It's so amazing to be back. Erebor is beautiful. I honestly didn't believe it could look like this, what with how it was before." She turned to look out over the hall once more. "Everyone seems to have settled in well."
"Aye, we have completely rebuilt everything that monster destroyed, and Thorin reopened the mines two years ago." Róa felt the air change as he leaned against the stone railing next to her, and she shifted enough to keep their arms from touching. She wasn't sure she could handle actual contact.
"How is Thorin? And your brother? I know Oin was having leg trouble when I left, has he recovered? What about--" His laughter cut her off, and she gave him a questioning look.
"Have you been worrying about us all this time?" he asked, grinning at her. She had to force herself to focus on something other than his mouth to answer.
"Of course I have. I can't trust you to stay out of trouble, I know better," she replied, trying to tease. He turned to look at her properly, and she thought her heart might very well break when his smile faded to a small frown.
"Then why did you leave?"
Róa was at a loss. It was a simple question, one that she could answer easily whenever she asked herself. To have Fíli ask left her breathless, and she found her voice had vanished. When he did not receive an answer, the expression on his face made Róa wish Smaug would return to swallow her up. She hated being responsible for his poorly-hidden disappointment, but was unsure of what to say to mend the air between them.
“I want to show you something.” He suddenly took her hand, and she found herself being dragged along the balcony. He pressed his hand to the stone wall at the end of the walkway. A blast of cool evening air blew back her loose hair as he led her out onto what he simply called a porch, but what looked to her to be a giant, open room carved into the side of the mountain. Stone pillars lit with torches lined the wall to either side of the door, and the railing that protected visitors from falling to their deaths. He tugged her over to the balustrade, pointing out across the dark landscape.
“You see those mountains there?” Róa squinted, but even with her decent night vision and the light of the moon, she saw nothing. He continued. “Neither can I, really. But I know they exist there, to the west, because we crossed them together once. We crossed the mountains and braved the wilds and fought side by side. You remember that, don’t you?”
“Of course I remember --” She stopped when he gripped her wrist, his face more serious than she had seen it since the battle.
“Why did you come here, Róa?” She frowned at him.
“You invited me for your name-day, you dolt.”
“Yes, but you haven’t come the last four years. Why now?”
“Because,” Róa began, then found herself without words once again. She had been sitting at home in Bree when she received the letter, just as she had four times before. The handwriting was the same, a bit messy, with R’s and K’s that leaned to the left, and M’s that could barely be read. She had told herself she wouldn’t come, only to pack a bag and invite Bilbo along for the trip. “I don’t even have an answer for myself, Fíli, so I don’t have one for you. I’m sorry. I should have just stayed home.” She tried to pull away, and his hold tightened.
“Róa, please, I am glad you came,” he said softly. She made a small noise, and he loosened his grasp, his hand instead moving up her arm. She shivered beneath the soft touch. “I am glad you came...and I would be very glad if you stayed.” Her gaze shot up, and she was reminded of just how close he was standing when she could see nothing but his eyes.
“Fíli?”
“I want you to stay here with me, Róa. I wanted to ask you before, after the battle. But you left so quickly…at first I feared you had fallen, until Bilbo told me you had headed back to the Greenwood with a group of elves.”
“I am sorry to have worried you.” Her mouth was dry, her voice just a whisper. She felt his fingers brush her cheek.
“I was just happy to know that you were safe. But I have missed you. That’s why I invited you, each year, to come for my name-day. I had hoped that we might--”
“Please stop,” she whispered, pulling away from him. She took a breath and closed her eyes, so she would not have to see the blond dwarf’s face. “Prince Fíli, I am nothing but a straggler your uncle’s company picked up along the way. I’m not even a proper dwarf. I just…” Her voice failed and she turned her back to him. She tried to ignore the way her heart ached as she squared her shoulders. “Please forget about me, as I have tried to forget you.”
“Róa.” Strong arms wrapped around her waist and a warm chest pressed against her back. “It matters not to me if your mother was a human. I wouldn’t care if you had no dwarf blood at all. All I care about is you.” He turned her around and cupped her chin in his hand, lifting her face so that their gazes met. He smiled at her, and she marvelled at just how close in height they were. He was only a hair’s breadth taller.
“Fíli, I…” He silenced her with a soft brush of his lips against her own. His next words were barely a whisper.
“Come with me.”
-----
The bedroom of Erebor’s crown prince was not something she had ever thought to see in her life. It was grand, and big enough for her living room and kitchen combined. But it was sparsely decorated, with just a few rugs, a table and chairs, and a large bed. Weapons lined the walls on either side of the hearth. It was so like Fíli.
She was running her finger along the furs on the bed when she heard the door open again. Fíli entered, juggling a wine bottle and two glasses. He set it all down on the table and filled both glasses, offering one to Róa. She accepted with a shy smile and sipped slowly. She did not want to get drunk. Fili knocked back his own glass, and she felt his gaze as it traveled over her form. With her cheeks flushing pink, she sent him a look.
“Can I help you with something, prince?” He chuckled and gave her a cheeky grin. She thought her heart might burst - she was sure he could hear it pounding.
“Nothing at all, lass. It’s just that I don’t believe I have ever seen you in such...fitting clothing.” He set his glass down and stepped closer. “While we were fighting for the mountain, you wore trousers and a coat, like all of us. But this dress…” His fingers slid down her side, tracing the simple embroidery that disguised the stitching. “Where did you get it?”
“I made it.” She was regretting the tight bodice she had sewn. Her breath was coming shorter, and she wished she could loosen the strings binding her chest and stomach.
“It suits you.” He touched her hip. “You are beautiful, Róa.”
Róa took as deep a breath as she could manage and carefully set her glass aside, her hand trembling. She risked a glance at his face, and his expression sent shivers down her back. Heat began to collect in her stomach and spread through her blood like fire.
“Do you truly think so, Fíli?” she asked, reaching up to press a hesitant hand against his cheek. He took her hand and brought it to his mouth instead, his lips caressing her fingertips.
“I do. Would you allow me to prove it?” He placed both hands on her waist, lightly, and she could see the fear of rejection in his eyes. She smiled and leaned her head close to brush her mouth against his ear.
“Please.”
