#feelsomethingforothers

[mountains-moving-91]

Da Hood Don't Fall When the Bones are Good

Here’s the thing, ya’ll - we all come from somewhere. And sometimes, that somewhere gets a little bumpy. Some people can/will figure out to swerve when that happens. And some people fall the fuck down for a minute. Who are you to say that a little character wouldn’t be so good for the home team? Basically, what I am saying - is that if you look deep within, no matter where you are from, or how far you have fallen - you can get back up. And it is totally not a bad thing to fall down for a minute. We all do. And if you don’t, you should - because that means you are holding onto a whole bunch of stuff that you need to let go. 

And that’s the thing with choices - and the whole “Your Plan/God’s Plan” theory. How long do we have to strive for perfection before we realize that perfect is so last year…and that really the past sucks for everyone in some form or another. And in other forms - the past, dirt and all, should cut a clear path for some heroic Wonder_da_hood_ Woman type shit to take place. What’s that mean to you? Run with me…let’s see where we go. 

It doesn’t matter the type of hood that you grew up in - went to - are currently in - or strive to be in. We all live and we all learn. And sometimes, we wouldn’t be who we are if it wasn’t for who we were. See, I came from a pretty good family. Meaning, we didn’t want for a damn thing and the house was true with intent and love. BUT we didn’t talk about any of the hard-type-of-shit. And I kinda grew up thinking that we all lived in this little perfect Disney Land - kind of - world, filled with little fairy god-princesses. And then I actually grew up. But before I was technically ready to grow up. I started making grown up choices before my brain was even close to making grown up decisions for me. And I came from a family that didn’t technically see the world for what is really was/is. 

We didn’t talk about shit in my house…let’s just keep it real. I didn’t get the “Sex” talk…really we didn’t even talk about the possibility of the creeps that could be out there, and we def had to fast forward through all the sex scenes when we watched movies as a family. And to this fucking day - talking about shit like that makes me uncomfortable. But in a backwards and twisted scenario. Let’s get down to the dirty now. I have two OLDER brothers…who I have always been very, very close too. And sometimes I like to joke around and say that they raised me…or that I was raised by Werewolve’s. And that’s because they were my role models from an early age…only difference was that they were boys and I was (and still am, in this new growing-age) a girl. Clearly - that was a map for disaster...

I was also the "oh so shy with a mean type of temper” kinda girl, which I got from my dad’s side. Oh and I am still sometimes that same"oh so shy with a mean type of temper” kinda girl, just repping my own last name…which came from my dad’s side. And to restate the obvious, I am also still born on what I like to call the worst of Gemini’s birthdays…and go Twins..so basically - I was kinda doomed from the day I was born. And I had each one of my brother's by my side until the day they graduated high-school, and went on to fly with their newly_and_ever_so_freshly_built_wings. And you guys - guess what, right when the last brother left, I had never felt so alone…and guess why? I was going through puberty and had my very first big girl traumatic experience - which was getting cut from my soccer team. And from there, I had no back up. So I found new friends - that had my back - at the time. And  then I came to crossroads with different devils, by myself. And found new “friends” that didn’t have my best intentions in mind…but be real - I def didn’t either…and even during my worst moments, around the worst people that I once hung around as friends, and in the worst types of areas (like real-deal type hoods) I still met people that had my back. Which is a very solid reason that I am still here, living_and_breathing_and_writing. And just so you know…it isn’t all bad...the hood can actually be a very beautiful place to be…if it is filled with the right type of people…because it definitely has the right type of art…

And that’s why your past shouldn’t follow you, in the wrong type of way - but only if you choose to walk in a different type of light. See, it doesn’t matter where your actual feet are walking, currently. You can still find good people.Even in your darkest moments. And you never know...you might just find that different types of hoods will cross paths with other type hoods, just born and braised by different type meat, and they might just do it at the same time - just in order to grow together. 

And that’s why Da Hood Don't Fall When the Bones are Good. Sometimes there is good within the broken, and you might just find that there is beauty within the innocent.

[mountains-moving-91]

Just Keep Breathing

On your last breath, how strong would you be? How long could/would you keep swimming, IF it meant you would live to breath one-more-day? Let’s think Titanic gone Gods of the Galaxy, taking down the bad in Harry Potter…where in the world could I be going with this one? Um’-On, Daisy…Get real, already - this is Dora Finding Nemo. What I am saying - asking rather - is when you are at your very lowest/scariest/hardest/weakest moment - in a sink-or-swim scenario - how far would you be able to swim? Well, because I’m me, and we are - healing-while-writing/reading  (and I had me a mini-painting therapy sesh since I started this…) Anyways, think with me…go back to Disney and how we prepare our kids for their first dream crush (Rudolph <= Santa.)…only to keep crushing their creative_and_ever_so_growing brains as they turn into teenagers. Eventually those kids have to fly - with or without us - and as parents, we gotta teach our babes how to fly - Because at some point, they are going flyn with or without your ass. 

Now keep rolling…backwards. As adults, we can’t continue to blame our parents for doing their damn best, with what they had at the time. That’s the thing with trauma - it exists within generations. And it exists within science…and education…and learning from the past. At some point, our parents have to become our friends….even though we are born-braised-and-raised to believe the opposite is true. My past kept me from allowing myself the opportunity to let go of some other things (aka - let your brain run wild with me, I’ve lost a lot), like missing people - my ol’ school homies - that I didn’t realize I could find, without looking. 

This is where trauma gets tricky…and don’t get me wrong. I ain’t no doctor…but I have dealt with it personally, so I am breaking it down - from the opposite kind of angle. Sometimes we have more than we even know. And sometimes the hurt feels so strongly, that some of the bad portions start slowly creeping up. You guys…in the midst of my wildest-fucking-break-down, I basically mind-mapped the darkest_days_of_my_past, like the things you are taking to your grave with you (from your rents, that is), and gave it to my dad in an effort of letting him help me pick up the pieces…so jokes on me - or was at first. Now, I am trying to laugh in the humility of the entire awkward experience that we shall never speak about…because that’s how it went in my house. Come back to family now - because, sometimes, when nothing else exists, your family is there holding the pieces and helping you glue them back together.

And that’s actually where I learned how to be so strong. See, crazy story about a super-hero type of man that raised my dad…His name was Edward Hergott and he was my Grandpa. He was a man of few words, at least around me, but he didn’t always have to say very much. And I don’t know the whole story - so long story short, he was honored with a Purple Heart from the time he served with the Army - for basically telling his commanding officer to stand the fuck down - in order to save his troop  I never got to say goodbye to him (from cancer years and years later, like well into my life) but I do believe in a certain type of reincarnation, the Disney Moana version of course - and I know if he were still here in some type of way, that he wouldn’t have any question where his Wonder-Woman-n-en granddaughter would end up at. 

And that comes back to blood - and some being thicker than others. You don’t have to go out like whatever you are currently at. You can always find a way to grow. To Co-Exist with the other-side. To at the very fucking least, be more understanding of. We all have things that are burning inside of us. We all have things from our past that we are not the most proud of. And we can either live with those things or we can learn to let go of them. 

[mountains-moving-91]

Change Your Judgements, GAMER1

As I mentioned, in my previous 9lives, I was a frequent-rehab-flyer and you can probably imagine some of the other drunks and junkies that I met. And some of them were really good people, just trying to get out of the sideways choices they were making. That’s the thing, though. Sometimes good people get put, or put themselves, in the middle of very sketchy situations. And sometimes they cross paths with people that seem good @ the time but in reality, they are truly evil people - down to the bones. I learned it the hard way - All it takes is one misstep with the wrong crowd to end up going down the wrong path. Keep in mind, even if you go down the wrong path, it doesn’t mean it’s over for good. It just means you gotta find a way out. And if you happen to fight for it - YOU WILL find it. And when you find it - YOU CAN CHANGE it. But that choice is still up to you, GAMER1.

The first friend that I lost (like truly lost, 4ever) died from a herion overdose shortly after high school. He wasn’t even old enough to drink alcohol legally. Crazy story…his addiction was so bad that he left rehab to get high and never made it back. And I promise you, when he made the choice to walk out of that safe place, he wasn’t planning on accidentallykilling himself. And that’s why the drug game isn’t one to fuck around with - you literally have no idea when the devil gets to win. To make things even crazier, I met his rehab counselor a few years later, in rehab, as my roommate, which means her addiction to alcohol came back after she was treating people for addiction. That’s the thing with that specific devil - that game is EVIL. You are literally playing poker with the devil and that little bitch can see through your cards…doesn’t sound very fair huh? 

Plot twist…ready, set…go!

If someone was once a fuck-up, by your own Reader 1 personal definition, how long do they have to pay for their consequences before you starting treating them like a normal part of society? How long do they deserve to be treated as less than? Say someone was once evil, and did a truly evil thing, AND SERVED THEIR TIME, BUT has also since CHANGED...then what?... And I don’t mean “stopped doing bad things as part of their court ordered probation program”. I mean truly - down to the core - changed, and 110% for the better. How long does the world get to frown down on them for? Rhetorically speaking…that is. 

I’m a people watcher by default. I live through watching the world from an outsideR, GAMER2 mode. And I do still find myself passing judgements, by default. But I’m human and I am working to lessen that, as part of my own chance to change. Honestly though, sometimes I find myself wanting to ask people if they notice that they are wearing their internal thoughts all over their face.  To me - that’s why SOCIETY is falling short as a whole. Call yourself out…you looking up or down right now? See - as I sit back and watch others I find myself judging the world we are living in and I don’t find myself asking why it is so dark. I personally feel like I know why - even just in the month or so that I’ve been in a better spot (mentally speaking, that is…still JOB_more_ORless over here).

My belief:

It’s us. It’s all of us. Where’s the help at? And I don’t mean the PROTECTING THE PEOPLE kind of help. I mean the SERVE OTHERS kind of help. We all have flaws. We are all human. And we are all passing the wrong kind of judgements. And it needs to stop. We shouldn’t be making others feel so badly just to me our one-self feel better. 

LOOK - We live in such a fast fucking world these days, that no one slows down to notice anything anymore. Everyone is so busy with just their day to day lives, myself included, that we don’t see the world for what it is. We sit at home, within our own family circles and check off items on our daily honey_2_do lists-of-less-than-nothing accomplishments. And then we look out the window from our 3rd-story-mansion-sized-homes, from the outside PERSPECTIVE.  That’s me speaking figuratively, of course. My way of saying - we are clueless to what happens behind closed doors, yet we feel entitled to look down on others by default.  

Today - if you read_or_hear this - do ONE thing. Realize that you are above no-one, no matter what they look and act like. WE ARE ALL HUMAN. And we can all have super-powers if we want. We just gotta work together to get there. Think Toy Story gone PJ Masks.

Stay with me, and you won’t be disappointed.