Meet Sister Desiré Anne-Marie Findlay
Sister Desiré Anne-Marie Findlay is a Felician sister, dancer, writer and artist. She dances live on her Instagram (@sister_d) and blogs at Religious Life for Beginners. You can also catch her performances and videos about life as a religious sister on her YouTube channel.
In September 2020, Catholic Artist Connection’s Laura Pittenger spoke with Sister Desiré about dance, creativity in religious life, and how the Church can better serve its artists, particularly those of color. An edited and condensed version of that conversation is included below:
LAURA PITTENGER (LP): I have to tell you, I mentioned to a friend that I was going to interview a Felician sister about her art and my friend said, “Is this the sister who dances on instagram? I LOVE HER.” You have a lot of fans!
SISTER DESIRÉ FINDLAY (SDF): I joke with my friends that I’m like a “small big deal.” (Editor’s note: As of this writing, she has over 3,500 followers on Instagram. We think she’s a regular big deal.)
LP: Where are you currently living and where are you from originally?
SDF: I live in Pittsburgh, PA, but I was born in Biloxi, Mississippi and grew up in Albuquerque, New Mexico. I also lived in California and Connecticut for awhile. Right now I live with one other sister in my community, which varies wherever I go. I’ve lived with 20 to 6 sisters at a time. My favorite was when there were three of us. It was a cool balance, we all traveled a lot, two of us we’d hang out and welcome the third back home, and another would leave and return and we’d welcome her home. it was like a seamless kind of movement.
LP: How did you become a dancer?
SDF: It started when I was very young. My mom put me in ballet at three years old. We lived in Germany because my dad was in the Air Force, and I remember being in ballet class, running around in a circle on my tiptoes, and I started crying. Maybe because everything was in German! So when we moved back to the U.S., she put me in gymnastics. I went back into ballet for seven years, and in high school I joined the dance team. I learned other dance styles, jazz and hip-hop, those are my fun energy-based dances, but ballet has stayed my favorite. But what I do now is contemporary, not classical.
LP: Who are some dancers that you admire and who inspired you as a child?
SDF: Actually it was more like gymnasts. There were two I remember: Dominique Moceanu and Dominique Dawes. I don’t even think I considered this as a child, but now that I look back on it, it makes sense because they both have darker skin, or darker hair, or are from a different culture. They both reflected me and my sister, we looked up to them. They were just so good, and we could see ourselves in them. Watching them, it was like I could see myself in performing arts too.
LP: In the interview you did with America Magazine last year [above] you mentioned that dance for you is like a prayer. Could you share a little more about that?
SDF: I never experienced dance as prayer until I was invited to do a prayerful dance for an event. I didn’t know that was possible or that dance could be anything other than performance. The event was a dance to celebrate sisters who had spent 60 to 75 years in the convent. When I noticed that I was inviting all of us in the community to speak with God through my dance, I was like - dance can do this? I can speak to God with my entire body. I didn’t know why I hadn’t been doing that.
I don’t do a lot of formal dance as prayer. I do lead group sometimes or on social media, and people can join in if they want. It’s spontaneous. I don’t choreograph unless i’m leading, but I like to just find whatever song is standing out to me at the time, and let it move me. Sometimes you hear songs that you have to move to, very prayerful songs, some by Audrey Assad, for example, that let us reflect on God and our lives. Sometimes a song will come to me and be in my head for awhile and I just need to dance it out, or I’m in a mood, and look through my songs on my iPad and see what songs I have.
For example, in Advent, The Piano Guys have this cover of O Come O Come Emmanuel that’s instrumental. (I love that song, even though we hear it all season, I don’t get tired of it.) For some reason their instrumental version was stuck in my head, their version. I could not stop thinking about it, and I thought I’d dance it out. Even though there were no lyrics to it, I really felt that song. The line about captives being set free - I could express that through my limbs, that freedom, to be captive and set free by this amazing God who came to be human.
LP: What kind of support within the Felician community have you received for your dance, and how do you think religious communities can benefit from having artists in them?
SDF: My community has been very supportive of me in many things already anyway, but I would say when it comes to dance, on a personal basis my sisters will ask me about it, or send emails or call, or just when I see them at gatherings - “How are you doing? I’ve been reading about you! Keep up good work.” Or they ask if I’ve been using my dance, if they haven’t seen it lately. The community invites me to dance for events, like the Transitus of St. Clare of Assisi - when she passed away and went to her Spouse in Heaven, we have a ceremony to commemorate that. They asked me to pray that out in dance. So they’re not just encouraging me to dance, but asking me to do it for gatherings.
I’m not the only artist. We have so many creative sisters. The sisters have the space to really pursue their creative skills or put them to use somehow. One sister does all our communications and designs our prayer spaces and booklets. She probably would have been like an interior designer or graphic designer, but here she is enhancing our gatherings with her talents. Sometimes you need something to look appealing to make people want to care. Creativity adds to life, I think, color, personality.
LP: There are so many religious orders out there. What drew you to the Felician sisters?
SDF: I was in college when I met them, it was on a 100-mile pilgrimage. I didn’t know it was going to be 100 miles, or that it was to pray for vocations. I’m not a detail person - God just knows how to work with me! God’s just like, “Come do this.” I signed up for the pilgrimage for the cultural aspect, to walk through pueblos. I love my New Mexican heritage. I had no thought about it being a Catholic pilgrimage. I met these two Felician sisters on the pilgrimage, and I had never heard of the order in my life. They were so different, one gentle introvert and one loud, happy extrovert. I love that they are just themselves. They don’t have to be anybody else, to be like or look like or act like each other. They can just be. So I thought, maybe I could be myself. I had thought of religious life before, to be able to pray and serve, that’s cool, but it was never something I thought I saw in my future, until I met them.
LP: What is the formation process like for the Felician sisters?
SDF: Entering the Felicians is a nine-year process, minimum. Other orders can take six years minimum. It deepens in intensity as you go, but the first year I was still going to school and living on my own, so I’d visit with them and had a director. Then I moved in my second year and learned about the community and the saints. I became a novice and learned more about spiritual aspect of the community and my spiritual life. And then after that, four years later, I made my first vows. That’s when I moved out and was a sister, living the vows, but it still wasn’t forever, I could still change my mind. That stage is six years by itself. This August 15, 2020, was my one-year anniversary of making final vows. So it’s been 10 years.
LP: How do you think the Catholic church can do better, starting right now, in supporting artists - and in your case, artists of color? Or Catholics of color in general?
SDF: I think even just this conversation, reaching out to us. Because we can try and create our own spaces to voice what we want to voice and share art we want to share, but unless we’re invited to share, it’s not going to get into a larger space. A Felician sister is a member of the The Stained Glass Association of America, and she said lately they’ve been getting calls from churches with predominantly Black parishioners with churches with stained glass of only white people, and they’re saying, “This doesn’t reflect our church, and Jesus wasn’t white, and we want diversity, how do we do that? How do we go about changing these windows? How do we invite artists of color into this industry? How do we bring more diversity in, to reflect the church we have?” It’s just by invitation, that’s where it starts. The sisters invited me to do this dance. Invitation.
LP: What would you say to someone who feels drawn to both their art or performance but also might feel a call to religious life? Do you think art can also be a form of vocation?
SDF: Like I said, I’m not a detail person, so I wouldn’t have looked up or researched anything. I go as my life unfolds. I don’t plan things. I know there are people out there who think they need to research everything - I didn’t do any of that. Everyone has a different way of discerning. When it comes to vocation and living your full authentic self, including your creativity, whatever form that takes, your passion - it could be immigration policy - there are ways to incorporate that into your vocation, whether you’re married, a sister, or a layperson. Do a little research and say, “Is that community open to that?” In some communities, everybody has the same ministry. In mine, you get to choose your own. There are communities where you can be an immigration lawyer. If I wanted to be a heart surgeon, I can be!
You have to know what your non-negotiables are. The goodness of God - He already knew my non-negotiable was my creativity, and I didn’t realize that. God led me to a community at the right time and in a way that spoke to me. I just said i’m going with it. Nothing else seemed to fit.
We have a style of dress we like to wear as Felician sisters, but we have an option. You can be more traditional, or you can wear a dress and make sure you wear a crucifix. There are some guidelines, but you get to choose. You can be an individual.
Pay attention to what speaks to you. Pay attention to what brings resistance in a community. Knowing that I can be so creative is part of what makes my vocation so fruitful. I can design notebooks! I can share things on social media on my own time. I never knew that’s what i wanted. After I realized dance could be prayer, I want everything I do to have that kind of meaning. That was my non-negotiable. God said, “I gave you these gifts.” It reminds me of the story of Abraham and Isaac. When I was going to enter the Felician sisters, I thought that I’d probably have to give up dance, God said, “I gave it to you.” I was willing to give it up, but God gave it back to me a hundredfold. I’ve gotten to teach dance here and abroad. I never thought I’d do anything like that.
LP: Do you have any words of advice for other Catholic artists who may be struggling right now amid the COVID-19 pandemic and everything else in the world?
SDF: I was very much struggling when all this started. I was used to traveling and meeting lots of people all over the place. I felt very seen, very heard. Suddenly I was in my own little world, and I didn’t have to get up or go anywhere. Before, I was being invited to spaces, but now I have to create spaces for myself. I wasn’t posting dance videos until the pandemic happened. I wanted to connect, but couldn’t in the ordinary way. My suggestion would be to create the connection that you feel you’re missing, because a lot of us were connecting in ways we were used to: coffee, concerts...
Whether we are an observer or an artist, we’re used to connecting through creativity. Now we have to find ways to share that creativity and enjoy it in different spaces. So to be open to those, it means a lot of technology. It still matters and makes a difference for others. I’ve felt a change in myself, being able to connect with people through technology and through Zoom dance group. At first I didn’t want to do it, but people were asking to experience dance as prayer. The Zoom group is open for anyone, but now I’ve just been doing Instagram and Facebook live. I just tried it for the first time last month. I didn’t know people were craving this different type of prayer experience until people started sharing it. Even when I was unwilling, God created this space for myself and other people and I get to share this gift. Here we are praying together, with openness.
