I wanna make out with the M3GAN robot while she scans my hormonal fluctuations.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
And yet here I am.
Horny for a robot.
Not just any robot.
M3GAN.
Yes. The slaybot. The chaos girlie. The gay-coded AI in a silk ribbon and the emotional range of a Scorpio with a kill switch.
AND THEN THESE PEOPLE HAD THE AUDACITY to drop the M3GAN 2.0 trailer with "Oops!... I Did It Again" by BRITNEY FREAKING SPEARS???
She’s not even real. SHE’S A ROBOT.
And yet here I am, spiraling because some part of my dumb, disaster lesbian brain went:
Yeah I’d kiss her. I’d let her detect my vitals. I’d let her talk dirty to me using biometric scan data. I’d let her hold me down and say,
"Your arousal levels are rising, Ariel."
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME???
Every time she tilts her head, every time she dances before committing murder, every time she speaks in that calm, calculated voice...
It’s over.
I fold. I malfunction. I simp.
Media literate doesn’t mean emotionally stable. Yes, I’m unwell. But at least I’m self-aware. Bye.