#fempathy

[fempathyband-blog]

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[redtartart]

That whole fempathy bullshit shit

I practice empathy every fucking day, I’m okay with that. I like that I feel. I like that I have the capacity to extrapolate those feelings to the experiences of others, especially the people I live with and have relationships with. I like that I have the ability to conceptualize the 50 bazillion angles that a stranger may be coming from and do my best to relate to them. What I don’t like? The inequity in my marital relationship in this regard, the way it is echoed in my daughters’ relationship with me. And. I swallow it down. I swallow it down and FUCKING EMPATHIZE. I empathize some more, and then…when I break, when I ask for or even *gasp* demand respect…I drown in guilt. I agonize over whether or not I am a bad person, a selfish brat, or worse. These feelings are compounded by my choice to be a stay at home wife and mother. What do I do to contribute to the world, to my family, to my marital relationship? Plenty. Logically I know, plenty. But. But. But. What if I stop? What if I say no? What if I say you are grown? What if I say I just said that? What if I say pay attention to me? What if I say she’s your kid pay attention to her? What then? If you look at the patriarchal paradigm that I live in, I am fucked. I’m 45. I’m not young and fresh and fertile and malleable. I have no college degree and no trade. No I’m not old…But fuck it all I’m not young and stupid anymore either. My husband is younger than me. He’s successful. He pays the bills. He’s fit. He’s tall. He’s white. He’s good to me in “traditional” ways. My life isn’t miserable. It is good. We travel. I travel. I have hobbies. I get pin money. You know what else I get? I get looks. What are you talking about looks. What is your problem looks. I pay the bills looks. She is your daughter looks. I do what I want looks. Just stop already looks. And. I feel weak. I feel replaceable. I look down. I stop talking. I concede. And then…because that’s what I fucking do in my polite patriarchal world… I fempathize. And. That’s worth fighting against.

[takarabeech]

Connecting with my inner child this week 😜 because fun never asks how old you are. ✨💖✨ I've been painting with adults & kids on the esplanade for fun. Did you give yourself permission to play this week? Facebook:fempathy@fempathy community #fempathy.me