Honestly I I feel that some of my problems would go away if I just... go on T. I'm a woman in STEM and I know how male voices and male names are prioritized over women's, I know that I would be better respected in my field (mathematics) if I had a male presentation. I already dress masculine and go by a male preferred name but I still "identify" as a woman (pronouns, etc. this ofc raises some eyebrows from my friends and uni faculty, as if GNCmity aren't a thing.) People typically think I'm a man until I open my mouth to speak. I know it's selfish, and it's cowardly, and it's society's misogyny, and other women are suffering too. But God the easy way out is so tempting. I wish I could have a male voice so that my female friends can safely call me when someone is following them at night. I remember my bestfriend calling her (ex-)friend when an old guy was harrasing her, and how he immediately asked for sex in exchange for helping her. I see my friend who has PTSD from sexual abuse afraid of leaving relationships because she believes she needs a man to protect her from 'the next rapist.' I've been successful in helping her get out of bad relationships so far and offering her a safe place. All the women in my life are in somewhat similar positions... having to rely on a man for their own survival... It's an irrational thought but maybe I can give them a sort of social protection if I present myself as a male person they can go to when they need help.
Do you feel/know if other detrans radfems feel the same way? Sorry deeply emotional as I write this and I needed a different perspective.
Hey, I'm sorry to hear you're going through these things. While I don't really feel the same, I've heard from many, many women who do. I'm gonna go one topic at a time here.
To be honest, my being a woman in science is actually a major part of why I HATED the idea of being viewed as male even when I was on T and a libfem. I never ever wanted to be a guy. First off, because ever since I was really really little and boys were mean to me for being a girl, I've been completely convinced that we are the superior sex, no matter what anyone told me. Men always struck me as weak, easily manipulated (they'll do literally anything if you challenge them or imply they're cowardly or wimpy), impulsive, rude, emotionally volatile, childish, self-centered, etc. They brag about things they have not earned. Boys I knew in elementary would brag about their ALLOWANCE. Like... bro, your mom gives you that from her income, you ain't did shit for it 💀 In STEM in particular, I felt that my accomplishments would be less deserved, less earned, if I were viewed as male. I HATED that idea with a passion. I read about that one FTM researcher who was told his work was "so much better than his sister's." He didn't have a sister. Fuck that, I want to make my name on as true merit as possible. So while I can't say I relate to your feelings on this, I certainly understand where they're coming from. The only advice I have is to try to see from the persepctive I described above and see if you find peace in that.
This is a bit more complicated. Again, I've never wanted to be a man, but I am fiercely protective of other women and girls, so I get why you feel that way. I understand feeling powerless to help in some situations as a woman. You may not be able to pull the "back off man, I'm her boyfriend" card or similar, but you can still look out for the women you care about, as you've shown by helping your friend get out of relationships before. It took time and conscious effort, but I trained myself to be brave and confrontational with men. With enough practice, it's become instinctive and reflexive. Meaning if I'm with a friend walking downtown at night and a man says some shit to her, I don't stop to think before I get in his face and tell him off. I will absolutely get in physical fights if necessary and have before. I also carry a knife and 1-2 pistols on me most times, which helps with the bravery bit, though I was doing this before I bought my guns or got my concealed carry permit. You might not be able to intimidate men by being one, but you absolutely can still intimidate or frighten them by being loud, aggressive, bold, and a little unhinged. AND you get the element of surprise as a woman.
As for the calling you when being followed, they should do that regardless. The threat isn't a male voice, it's the existence of a witness. If you're talking to a friend and she says she feels unsafe or threatened, then mysteriously the call cuts off, you're immediately going to call 911. I've found that even just faking being on the phone dissuades most creepy follow-y men.
Anyway, I don't know if any of this is helpful to you at all, but it definitely works for me. Please feel free to hmu if you have any questions or want to talk. Oh, and don't apologize for having emotions. You didn't do anything wrong, that's just femsoc & it isn't benefiting you 💕
If anyone else has anything to contribute please do!
