#feudalposting

[ethelred-the-peasant]

Was in the pillory today and someone threw a tomato at me despite said vegetable not existing in me region until the 17th century.

[king-vivian]

i demand cake

[magbeth]

"don't shoot the messenger" was invented by Big Messenger to keep you from rooting out the true source of your fiefdom's insecurity. DO NOT stop executing couriers in response to ill news !!

[blade-and-devotion]

Stalwart and gallant champion ISO a noble and true lord to serve. Must be strong in will as they are in heart, and be open to a deep bond. Happy and willing to become your right hand, your sword, and your shield. Large tracks of land to protect appreciated, but by no means necessary. Open to discussion on long, sweaty, and maybe homoerotic training sessions.

[king-vivian]

Milord can we pleaase have a proper execution, I'm boooreeed?

- ethelred-the-peasant

I have recieved a private message that makes me think we might have such an opportunity very shortly. Patience, dear Ethelred, is a virtue. Stand at the ready.

[king-vivian]

I was going to sneak from my royal bedchambers down to the kitchen for a midnight snack, but - get this - the head chef was there, washing dishes, and he told me to go back to bed without letting me open the larder!

What the hell is he even awake for? It's 2 o'clock in the morning! Only thieves and witches make themselves busy at this hour.

[king-vivian]

There is no moon tonight - perfect for my spies to sneak into the neighboring kingdom under cover of darkness!!!

[king-vivian]

I really want a new cup to drink from. Something grandiose but not too gaudy. Perhaps a wooden tankard with an elaborate carving on the outside? Or a ceramic stein decorated with a painting of my castle? A cup made from the skull of a defeated enemy, perhaps? Or the helmet of a foreign general?

So many options to choose from... so many befitting of a king like myself.... but alas, I can only drink from a single cup at a time.