Ethelred

[ethelred-the-peasant]

Hello, I'm a medieval peasant named Ethelred. I have nine or possibly more children (I can't count beyond that). I post here occasionally with the little time I have not spent tending to the fields.

[ashenmind]

“my lady, the peasants are revolting!”

“you know, I’ve always thought so.”

[princess-of-the-realm]

It’s true, why do you think my tower is so tall. It keeps me from having to breathe the same air as them.

[behold-a-knave]

My lady the castle is besieged

[ethelred-the-peasant]

that's not a nice thing to say :(

[behold-a-knave]

I can literally see you attempting to break through the gates

Left side of the battering ram, second from the front

[ethelred-the-peasant]

That has nothing to do with this. I said it's not nice to call me revolting, I bathe almost weekly!

[ashenmind]

“my lady, the peasants are revolting!”

“you know, I’ve always thought so.”

[princess-of-the-realm]

It’s true, why do you think my tower is so tall. It keeps me from having to breathe the same air as them.

[behold-a-knave]

My lady the castle is besieged

[ethelred-the-peasant]

that's not a nice thing to say :(

[king-vivian]

I demand more fancy cheese

[ethelred-the-peasant]

Sorry milord, there's kind of a famine right now :(

[king-vivian]

Im proud to announce that we have upgraded from a level 7 kingdom to a level 8 kingdom and have unlocked fancier walls and three new production buildings

[ethelred-the-peasant]

Does this mean I'll get non-dirt floors now?

[king-vivian]

I think I actually have to give you non-dirt floors in order to upgrade to level 9

[ethelred-the-peasant]

Yay! The annual peasant revolt has been canceled (for now)

[king-vivian]

Im proud to announce that we have upgraded from a level 7 kingdom to a level 8 kingdom and have unlocked fancier walls and three new production buildings

[ethelred-the-peasant]

Does this mean I'll get non-dirt floors now?

[starridge]

gruel facts for kids

[qin-shi-huang-di]

i know technically it has some use in British English specifically but i um. uhh. my lord we usually spell it dikes when we mean the geographical feature these days

unless...... 😳

I AM THE SON OF HEAVEN, IF I SAY DYKE IS SPELT LIKE THAT, THEN IT SHALL BE DONE

[qin-shi-huang-di]

GUARDS, EXECUTIVE THIS RUBE FOR CALLING ME BRITISH

[ethelred-the-peasant]

oh man i'd love some spelt right now...

[peterfromtexas-deactivated20250]

Reenactor throws a spear at a drone

[supapoopa]

What a time to be alive.

[tenthcorner]

“The medieval warrior, realizing the consequences of his impulsive act, immediately approached the owner of the drone and offered to pay for the damage.

The owner of the drone was so impressed by the brilliant attack that he suggested organizing a competition for bringing down “dragons” with short spears next year.

Drone owners have another year to develop a unique “dragon-like” design for their flying machines.” (x)

[kineticpenguin]

I am 100% cooler with this knowing that the spear-thrower realized “oops maybe I shouldn’t have done that” and tried to make it right, and that the guy who the drone belonged to was cool with it

[brunhiddensmusings]

just so everyone knows, this has already been memorialized in a runestone

[stephendann]

Everything about this post blesses those involved with a +4 on their next Today is Good Day roll

[fromaliminalspace]

a rough translation of the inscription on the runestone:

On the seventh day of May in the year of 2016 on hither spot the mighty warrior Ulf hath slain a dragon with his spear.

so yeah, happy birthday to this dragon-slaying event and to it only

[worldheritagepostorganization]

​World Heritage Post

[ethelred-the-peasant]

The monster has been slain! All praise the brave hero!

[queer-as-city-folk]

Big news: Serfdom is back in vogue!!

[queer-as-city-folk]

Come on and Vogue!!

[king-vivian]

Its about time, too

[queer-as-city-folk]

Fuck you, Peasant rebellion!!!!

[king-vivian]

HAVE THE ROYAL BAKER MAKE ENOUGH BREAD TO APPEASE THIS ANGRY MOB. AND QUICKLY!!!

[queer-as-city-folk]

As we go marching, marching, in the beauty of the day,

A million darkened kitchens, a thousand mill lofts gray,

Are touched with all the radiance that a sudden sun discloses,

For the people hear us singing: Bread and Roses! Bread and Roses!

[king-vivian]

THEY'RE GOING TO RAID MY ROYAL FLOWER GARDEN

[queer-as-city-folk]

<3

[ethelred-the-peasant]

I'm late, can I still join in?

[pukicho]

Do you think people in the past realized that their shit was old as fuck?

[pukicho]

They probably looked at the wagon wheel and thought to themselves "yeah this is pretty bad"

[ethelred-the-peasant]

But I just made that shit last summer! It's not old!

[medievaljournalist]

sorry to all the outlying villages but we cant do anything about the invading armies of the demon lord because all of our sword saints have decided to become maids for some reason

[ethelred-the-peasant]

:(

[dwinkus]

peasant visionary: & then it stood before me, a towering wheel of flame that beheld me with 10,000 shimmering eyes!

me: idk man it still sounds like an ocular migraine

peasant visionary: #MyGrain

[king-vivian]

What can i do to please the peasantry

[king-vivian]

How about a grand statue of myself in the town plaza?

[ethelred-the-peasant]

I think that maybe eradicating the plague or the famine caused by that swarm of cicadas over there would be nice

[king-vivian]

I already dug you a big pit to throw the plague victims in. What more do you expect from me???

[ethelred-the-peasant]

*gestures at the neighboring house being burned down* maybe doing something about that army over there, but i guess that's too much to ask

[king-vivian]

What can i do to please the peasantry

[king-vivian]

How about a grand statue of myself in the town plaza?

[ethelred-the-peasant]

I think that maybe eradicating the plague or the famine caused by that swarm of cicadas over there would be nice

[king-vivian]

Here comes the king here comes the big number one (bum bum bum bum)

King Vivian The Great is second to none (bum bum bum bum)

He's wise and holy and oh so grand

The people love him all across this wondrous land

[ethelred-the-peasant]

people love him [citation needed]

[smbc-comics]

Later she has to decide if broadcast fertilizing a lake without telling her is a kind of cheating.

Check out the bonus panel on the site.

───── ◆ ───── ◆ ───── ◆ ─────

SMBC ◆ PATREON ◆ INSTAGRAM ◆ BLUESKY ◆ STORE

Buy this comic as a print.

[ethelred-the-peasant]

ugh she's so selfish