you'd think it would be easy to be out &* proud in new york city at an arts school , surrounded by dancers &* singers &* actors that were themselves out &* proud. yet , there is ryan , nervously tapping his foot as he eyes the post on his phone. it's no real secret that he is gay ------- closeted himself , but ... well , everyone knew. guessed. accused. even his parents had asked &* ------ the look of relief that flooded their expressions when he denied it has never left his mind. he's come to experiment under the heavy weight of alcohol at the club scenes in new york. but in the waking hours where he is ( * mostly ) sober ? there , he is just a guy who does not date &* focuses on his craft !
but ... one guy at the club that he drunkenly made out with gave him some details about an app where lgbt people could talk &* connect with anonymity. completely private -- no need for revealing anything about yourself ! a safe space.
so , at the moment , he's looking over his intro post ----- nothing telling , just that he's twenty , lives in new york state but has been all over , that he studies dance &* musical theater , &* that his family is unaccepting &* that he's gay but closeted. the words i'm gay glare at him on the screen. he deletes it ----- chooses questioning instead. says he just wants people to talk to that don't know him for once. ' the spotlight is nice at every other moment , but not for this. ' signs the post as JAZZ instead of his name or anything close to it.
before he can convince himself not to post it , he hits the send button &* sets his phone down with a nervous , frustrated little groan. the internet moves fast , but who knows when someone will reply ? if he sits here waiting , he'll delete it. instead , he chooses to leave his phone in his apartment &* go to class as usual instead. if nothing is there when he gets home , it's clearly a sign ! he'll delete it then.
plotted starter w/ @feylived
