#fic.librarian

[yuechihua]

Fuckkkkkl dude your anaxa fics have my brain in a choke hold its not even funny anymore…

But also, what do you think would happen/wish to happen in a scenario where the soul exchange thing did happen and then anaxa went on to become the titan of reason of the next ?cycle? (I forgot what it’s exactly called when the heirs and the main trio ascended)

thank you for enjoying my anaxa fics so much!!! :) i'm always glad to hear when people like the things i've written!!!!

in a scenario where the soul exchange happened, and anaxa went on to become the titan of reason, i can think of a few possibilities. let's assume there's no interference from lygus or irontomb, and the world is reborn, like it is in the previous cycles, but everyone keeps their memories.

if reader is still alive, the most boring possibility is that it doesn't really affect anaxa or reader in any way. he's immortal, and they're human, but he's still veryyyy fond of his favorite librarian and likes to pester them often. a juicier possibility, though, is that due to having shared parts of their soul with each other, reader and anaxa both ascend due to some glitch in the system which processes them as one being, and they share the position of the titan of reason: one who seeks knowledge, and one who preserves it.

however, if reader is dead, i can imagine this going one of two ways: either they also posthumously receive some divine power (due to the shared soul) and revive and they and anaxa share the titan of reason role. OR they remain dead bc they're still very much mortal, and anaxa always feels like a piece of him is missing, and resumes his very blasphemous mission to revive them and bring them back to his side at any cost, this time with the fun addition of having godlike powers <3

oh, and as a special bonus, i think there's also a possibility that the soul exchange makes their roles all weird which means reader becomes anaxa's literal soft spot/his physical achilles heel, which means to kill one of them you have to kill both of them. lol. and maybe anaxa doesn't have full control over his powers, and reader gets some weird faux-divinity and neither of them are fully human OR god but they are each other's <3

[yuechihua]

anaxa fic moodboard

[yuechihua]

Going crazy imagining, assuming Anaxa does manage somehow to revive the reader without trading his own life, their reaction to what he’s done…

It’s not that the blasphemy that bothers you. That, you’re used to. You expect it, even. What perturbs you is facing who, or rather what, it is that you’ve come back to. You don’t think you recognise this scarecrow wearing the vague semblance of the man you once loved. You squint, but you can’t be sure it’s him at all. It scares you; disgusts you. You care for him, gods, of course you do, but this isn’t what you signed up for in loving him—if there is still a ‘him’ to love.

(And to add to the philosophical side of things… it would be super interesting to stick in a Ship of Theseus commentary as well (just in case you haven’t heard of the analogy, it’s basically this ship which, as it travels, gets replaced piece by piece until every board has been replaced by the time it returns to the place it set off. Question is: is it still the same ship?) How much does somebody have to change before they’re a different person? Is it still Anaxa if he’s taken out so many parts of him and replaced them with the artificial — or, in some cases, not replaced them at all? Is there any continuity here? Enough to mean the Anaxa you left is also the one you see now?)

If it wasn’t obvious… that last fic of yours altered my brain chemistry somehow

hi R!!! i'm glad you liked that fic altered your brain chemistry!!! it was changing mine as i was writing it!! ohhh anaxa. you and your crazy devotion...

so! to answer your question, i generally think reader has a high tolerance for freaky and blasphemous shenanigans, just because they're also a freak (tm) on a similar level to anaxa deep down. they've never been afraid to match his pace before. and i imagine there's some adjustment to suddenly being thrust back into life after spending quite a while being dead.

i think for a few days, there's just a creeping sense of unease as reader goes used to anaxa again. like. oh. there's so many differences between the person they left behind and the person they see now. it is very ship of theseus in the sense that anaxa has been so changed by his experiences, while reader has virtually remained the same, stuck at the moment of their death.

i think they are slightly perturbed by who anaxa is! it's almost like he's the one who came back all wrong from the dead, but it doesn't change the fact they still care for him. but there's something about how he acts so differently these days (he's done the impossible!), and how you can see the desperation and mania and madness simmering beneath the surface, barely contained.

i don't know if reader would ever outright admit to a feeling of disgust as much as feeling a general sense of unease, because everything has shifted in ways they can't quite name. but also, they're both bound to each other (metaphorically. and literally. anaxa ensured that), and anaxa is all reader has left lol. so even if things are wrong and different and this isn't quite the man they knew, would they even want to leave? as a result, i think they'll both probably fall into an even deeper codependent and obsessive dynamic....

[yuechihua]

I reread your Anaxa fic on ao3 and I just wanted to hop in and tell you how much I love your work TT this is going to be so long FORGIVE ME I'm just so in awe of your characterization. I've often seen people characterize Anaxa as someone who 'doesn't know how to cherish the things he loves' (as they perceive his obsession with research & disregard for his body a sign of such.) He usually ends up with tsundere aspects to his interaction with another character, and his snark turns into defensiveness. I really really like how your Anaxa is someone who will not hesitate to cherish those precious to him HARD. He will not hold back. Why should he? Anaxa cherishes the Truth, Dromases, and the dear Librarian. Thus he will always hold them in high regard, he will defend them and protect them and he will change the world just so these precious things can thrive. Anaxa isnt someone to have enough time to doubt himself, or entertain other people's doubts of him. I feel like if someone were to stride into his life and reveal themselves to be someone he could cherish, he would welcome it as easily and softly as he did with the Librarian. Things he does not cherish, like his Body, Fate, and Fools, he simply finds a way to turn them into something that will no longer impede him. People often perceive someone's stubbornness as one who is resistant to change. Anaxa is a very different case where he uses his stubbornness to push forward towards transforming himself and the world around him, he does not fear change. He has always been very clear and very purposeful with all his priorities, and anything in the way of his goal will simply be moved aside. In fact, why not dismantle these very things that shackle the world around him? No wonder he became a teacher, a professor, someone to reach the people and give them guidance. It is up to each individual student as to if they will take such guidance but he offers it nonetheless. In the AU fic where the Librarian dies and he works to bring them back, Anaxa's attitude towards the whole process as something as simple as bringing someone back to where they belong is SO HIM... He really doesnt have time for anything like doubts, if there's a change he needs to make he will make it. If the world is somewhere unfit for the things he cherishes then he will transform the world. His stubbornness towards not wasting any energy on things not worth his time is very intriguing to me!! I'm extremely happy with how you were able to bring that side out of him. I just adore his goals and his way towards them so much... your fic feeds me so well!!!!!!!!!!! And then on top of everything as my personal most favorite aspect, the Performer x Narrator structure and how the performer stepped off the stage and the narrator will never be able to change the things happening on stage. The idea that the 'world is a stage' and there are performers, audience members, narrators, back stage staff, and etc is one I love to roll around in my brain and this fic so perfectly fits into this + the world of Amphoreus I can't get over it!!! And how the whole fic is like the Librarian 'narrating' the story of Anaxagoras just as they promised... oh I am the most satisfied girl in the world THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! I apologize for all my messy wording english isn't my first language and I just woke up HAHA (morning crash-out over my favorite fics is a lovely thing to get rid of the effects of a nightmare)

oh my gosh hi!!!!!! thank you so much for this thoughtful and sweet ask!!! never apologize for sending long asks, haha, i love seeing people gush over my stories. it feels so rewarding to know that people enjoy my writing, and that they can resonate with how i view and interpret a character!!

about anaxa's characterization, i honestly can't fault people who see him as someone who doesn't cherish the things he loves because anaxa is very careful to present himself that way, haha. i think anaxa is someone who is, on some level, very cognizant of how he comes off to others, and he walks the fine line between not caring about other's opinions and taking advantage of how they view him.

he's both incredibly easy to read if you understand what makes him tick, and incredibly inscrutable when you don't. i think he obfuscates his motivations and desires on purpose, and though we as the audience have the benefit of getting to see a close-up of his mindset and his actions and his personal history, a lot of people in the narrative do not have access to that knowledge. the only person who does is ceres, and she also provides the audience a way into anaxa's head through her interactions with him, and how she challenges and encourages him in turn.

also. anon. grabbing your shoulders as we speak. i think you hit on so many vital aspects of his character because anaxa is the exact sort of stubborn who holds steadfastly to his beliefs and the necessity of change. it almost feels like a oxymoron, i think. using his stubbornness as a catalyst for transformation instead of an excuse to cling to outdated traditions or a stagnating familiarity... he is always pushing himself to change!

but. also. he's very gentle about it when it to comes to others. he pushes and goads and annoys people, but only because he cares so much and he believes in their capabilities. if he didn't, he wouldn't waste his time trying to challenge them!! reason really is a love letter to humanity, and anaxa loves humanity to the point he'd do anything to see them grow. he's such a good professor in that aspect. he loves knowledge and he love his students, and it's really cute how much he cares about them. if he becomes someone who stands in their way, he would absolutely encourage them to use him to fuel their own goals.

also. you're so right... he would ABSOLUTELY change the world to be more tolerable to the things and people he love, in the same way he immediately discards the things he doesn't care about or that get in his way. in the end, it all comes down to efficiency. he can't force others to do what they don't want or change the unwilling, but he can always control himself and his own actions, and he can act in certain ways to corner other people and get the results he wants. nothing is sacred when it comes to the things he cares about, especially not himself.

also. if i may toot my own horn. i do think the narrator/performer metaphor is really fun to write, and it fits so well with anaxa and the themes of amphoreus (reality, free-will, determination, etc) in general. anaxa is the exact sort of performer to have the gall to fall in love with the narrator, someone he feasibly shouldn't even be thinking about.

I feel like if someone were to stride into his life and reveal themselves to be someone he could cherish, he would welcome it as easily and softly as he did with the Librarian.

also this line... absolutely. he would be so soft about it! getting past his mask is the first challenge and test he ever offers to other people. if you do, and you prove yourself to be someone he can cherish, there would be no reason for him to play sly about his own emotions. love WOULD be so soft and easy with him... really the perfect words to describe how he feels at his core, even if he's so intense about it!!!

[yuechihua]

hiii i was reading some ingame texts and found out that

the nodism sage is actually in charge of books and documentation in the grove like librarian!reader hmmm how would that work

ohhhhh i had NO idea the nodism sage also did archival research. oops (<- she does not keep up with hsr lore as much as she should). in that case, reader probably works under them to some extent! archival work can't be managed by one person alone lol so i imagine there's entire systems in place, and reader just focuses primarily on managing the library! though another idea is reader is actually the nodism sage themself, haha. either way, i'm not too worried about how much my fic falls in line with canon tbh since i already take sm liberties with it

[yuechihua]

Wait wait or... (one final thought - sorry!)

An inversion of the previous idea, kind of: Anaxa brings you back, and you come back... wrong. Slightly off. Slightly not quite you.

Do you think he can bear the pain of doing the 'right' thing and wasting all his research & sacrifice by sending you back to your rest, where you can at least be whole again (with the exception of the fragment of you he still has inside him), or is he so desperate to have you back by his side that anything, even this poor imitation, will suffice?

Shoot... on that last point, actually (thinking as I type Imao) — imagine if it's actually lacking the part of your soul that Anaxa has which is preventing you from coming back right. Either he needs to let go of that part of you he's been clutching onto all this time, or he has to hold on to it at your expense... oughh

ooo so this is the classic case of throwing your entire being into bringing someone back, only they aren't the exact same as you remember them... honestly, if this happened to anaxa, after everything he's been through, i think, at first, he would be a little too desperate and too far-gone to really care if reader came back wrong.

like. he's been through a lot and he's missed them so much, that even a pale imitation is better than nothing at all. sure, he's a little too smart to fully lose himself in the illusion, and all the small things will start to really prick at him and his conscience--the slower reflexes, the lack of reaction, the jumbled memories.

honestly, if it was the piece of reader's soul that was stopping them from coming back right, i think it would force him to confront the reality of the situation lol. he would never really want to hurt them in any way, and he cares too much (about reader. about people.) to let the farce continue for long.

so. i think he would let them go in the end, after a lot of internal agony and debate lmfao... that's the happiest ending, because in the end, even though he's okay with suffering, he's not okay with reader suffering lmfao.......

[yuechihua]

anyways when i think of librarian reader from anaxa's fic, i like to think if they were a unit in hsr, they'd be wind/harmony and would serve as the best support for anaxa lmfao. and their outfit should have the same little cape/cloak that hyacine and anaxa do, and though it looks like their sleeves are connected to their shirt, it's not... surprise...

[yuechihua]

I have a hypothesis that:

If you died and his exchanged soul part from you returns to him, but your soul part doesn’t disappear along with your existence. Then will him use that part of yours to summon your whole soul? Or if he succeeds, what will be fhe price for this? And what’s the kind of things he uses to build your physical body?

I just wanna say your plot is awesome and it reminds me of a folk tale from my country. A part of it is belike this:

That story is about a man had a magical tree which could cure any disease and revive people from death with its leaves. One day, his wife was killed by the enemies of another country. They eviscerated her intestines and throw them to the river. The man came back home later and tried to revive his wife with the leaves, but they couldn’t bcs she didn’t have intestines. So his dog offered him its intestines to save her and he used the dog’s intestines. Magically, it worked. Then he made intestines from mud and keep it alive. But his wife, after using the dogs’ intestines, she had some kinds of Alzheimer symptoms.

And this is just a part of the folk tale. I know it’s (???) but the way Anaxa tried to summon the reader just makes my brain explodes with “what if” questions. Not only with the above story part but also a little Dungeon Meshi too. (Like, when they revived Falin with the dragon’s meat and made her a part of the dungeon?)

P/s: sorry for my broken English.

hi!!! thank you so much for enjoying my anaxa fic, hehe. i'm glad it could spark so much interest and curiosity on your part! i think the folktale sounds really cool! i love folktales/fairytales a lot, and i think this particular one shares a lot of similarities with the fic! there's something about how trying to bring someone back from the dead always come at a consequence or cost... it's a very old story theme.

so, to answer some of your questions! to be honest, i didn't put a lot of thought into the mechanics of anaxa's alchemy or the process of reviving reader lol. i was kinda going off what sounded the most fun to write, though i did take inspiration from fullmetal alchemist and dungeon meshi!

anaxa is using the piece of reader's soul that he has to summon reader back from the dead. the part of his soul that he gave to reader died with them. i never intended to have him succeed in reviving them, though if he did, i knew it would come at a great cost: reader wouldn't exactly be the same (missing memory, subdued personality, etc), and they're essentially just a living ghost. since anaxa doesn't have access to their physical body, he's rebuilding it from scratch using the basic elements that compose a body, ie, carbon and so on (though i left this part vague bc i wasn't sure about the science of it. and did not want to think about it. lol).