Hey current followers! Ten years ago I wrote a Jeanmarco fanfic named Render for Attack On Titan (before it got. controversial) about a guy who 'inherits' the cyborg remains of his childhood best friend. It kind of holds up, and unfortunately the dehumanization of disabled and marginalized people continues to be relevant. And it's still miles and miles my most popular work, largely because fandom culture is... different now, at least in my age bracket.
I've got a bunch of old fanart from that period queue'd up under render anniversary queue if you wanna blacklist it. You are also welcome to read it! It's an alternate universe so a knowledge of SNK/AOT isn't needed except for picturing some of the characters.
Happy anniversary to me! And if you have been here long enough to remember this fic, I would be DELIGHTED to hear some of your favorite memories about it via ask or comment~
SCREAMS I WASN'T EXPECTING YOU TO SEE MY OLD FANART??????? DL;SFKSDFKD PLEASE IT'S SO BADD (i'll reread and redraw u a new one soon if u want 👉👈)
I wasn't expecting to see it either SKSKSJSJSJ and that's entirely up to you! I'm just happy to see that you liked it so much and you cared about Render even now! Hell, the fanfic itself is as old as the fanart, and I am NOT rewriting that. Y'all get what you got. I'm tired and keep forgetting it exists, lmao.
7) Were there any major decisions I made about the fic that could have made it go a whole different direction?
OH MAN WERE THERE (mild spoilers under the cut)
the originally first draft had: no Hitch, no Kingsguard, and was much more about Marco not having rights as a person (can’t shop for things, can’t get a job, etc.) and ended with him (oops) being ‘stripped for parts’ and discarded in a dumpster, causing Jean to get involved with the cause.
I dropped that idea mostly bc it was too depressing and honestly I’ve grown up with a lot of privilege, so I couldn’t accurately write about what it would be like to grow up at a societal disadvantage, and I REALLY didn’t want cis, white, able-bodied Jean to sweep in as some kind of Hero. I do still hope that some elements of Marco’s struggle made it through in the final cut, and that it didn’t end up becoming JUST a love story BUT overall I like the choices I ended up making.
And yeah, don’t forget Code Yellow, the “alternate ending”
hi! i was wondering, what was hitch's motive in render? before she got shot, she was saying that if she didn't capture marco, she'd be killed. since she was to be fired anyways, was kingsguard going to scrap her? did she get in trouble for using company money for muffins?
wow, I have not had to think about Render for a year plus! Anyway!
(MASSIVE SPOILERS FOLLOW, OBVIOUSLY)
Most of this is fairly implied, but Hitch is a pretty old Augment. Old enough that Kingsguard would prefer to scrap her rather than try to replace her parts. As she mentions in ch. 6 (ch. 5 if you have the book/fancy PDF version) finding JaegerCorp is personal; it’s essentially her last assignment before they get rid of her, and she knows this.
But Annie was telling the truth when she said Hitch went “rogue” at the end - Kingsguard wanted Marco, but they didn’t want him alive. (And Hitch hates her company, but like who wouldn’t hate a corporation who owns your body and wants to kill you just because you’ve been around a little too long to be cutting egde?) So Hitch kidnapping him herself wasn’t part of the plan, especially because by destroying Marco’s parts she stopped Kingsguard from getting their research - unless they kept her alive, since she memorized all the parts and how they functioned. She was going to be killed after she found Marco anyway, which is why she waited and took him on her own terms.
Way, way back at the start of Render, I always knew I wanted to have a bit of a “wrong place, wrong time” angle for whatever happened to Marco. The reason all those terrible things happen to him is incredibly impersonal business - pure greed, with no regard to human life. Hitch actually did like Jean and explicitly waited until Jean wasn’t there to kidnap Marco. She even attempted to keep Marco alive. She didn’t want to hurt anybody, but it was them or her.
But no, she did not get in trouble for spending company money of muffins. (I did crack up at reading that, tho, and i was tempted to tack it onto Hitch’s List of Crimes)
I feel like I might have mentioned this before, but Render was a long-ass complicated fucking journey.
I’m not sure if it started like a lot of my other works did (through vivid dreams - still with me and long road back to good are offhand examples of this) but I do remember that it was initially a RinHaru fic called Past Tense for Future Lovers (a title i am still saving for something one day).
PTfFL followed the son of a brilliant scientist (Rin) as he grew up alongside the pet project his father loved more than his own son (Haru) and then much later, when Rin inherited Haru in much the same way as Jean did with Marco. However, as I planned things out I was just starting to get into SNK and realized that Marco’s canon injuries would be an excellent excuse to replace body parts with robotic ones; and thus, Render was born!
I have to give credit to a couple people just for really important pre-lim stuff. My then-roomie @kaishun suggested the title (over Dis/ReMembered, which was pretty but hard to decipher) and of COURSE @sinelanguage who in general helped me with the initial outline (where Marco stayed dead as one of the options, and where Hitch/Kingsguard was never a factor)
Since Saro was celebrating Render’s anniversary today, I wanted to do a little something to celebrate. Here’s to a year of this amazing fic and it’s beautiful and talented writer <3
It’s been a year since I finished this 94k word monstrosity - a year filled with ups and downs. But I think that some of the best parts of my life in the past few years have been being with so many of my friends in the JeanMarco fandom. You guys have been amazing, and I could spent the next six paragraphs just talking about how much I love all you guys.
But instead, I’m just going to leave you with a link. A link to a more polished, book-formatted version of Render that I’ve been working on-and-off for the last seven months. Partly to test my abilities and patience, but mostly for the friends and fans, both new and old, who told me that what I could do was worth something even when no one else did.
So thank you. To everyone I’ve met and everyone I will meet. This is for you.
I don’t care if my writing more Render side stuff is me beating a dead horse, it’s my dead horse and I love it.
Anyway, post-Render, T-rated, no real spoilers
----
They've never taken the train in Sinapolis before. Not since Jean got his license and took every opportunity to exploit that fact, took a quiet pride in it that Marco understood as some manifestation of his need to be useful. Like a badge of honor that he could do things.
But it's been a good few weeks now and Jean is starting to relax around Marco again, enough to actually put some force in his playful shoves and hipchecks, enough to let his caustic wit loose, enough to slide his hands down Marco's scarred hips and--
"Everything good?"
Marco snaps out of his daydream and turns away from the train window to look at Jean. There's a trace of stubble along his jawline and faint shadows under his golden brown eyes, but an affectionate quirk to his lips as he studies his boyfriend. Marco smiles back.
"Yeah, it's fine."
Jean follows his gaze out the window to the blurring, jagged shapes of the Sinapolis skyline as they skate along. It's early on a Wednesday morning, so the sky is a blur of gentle pastels soft against the steely greys and electric neons that still linger on from the nightlife. Soon, those too will fade like stars in the light of the sun, but for now they're bright streaks too fast for either of his eyes to register.
It's easy enough to adjust his eyes from looking outside the glass to looking at their reflections; Jean's shoulders are broad even under his sweatshirt, the curve of his bicep and the tendons in his wrist accented by his grip on the hanging strap. And Marco's own right arm, textured black fibers and steel fingers a little looser on the strap and his feet wider apart to balance him, his right eye matching the blurring signs outside as it glows a gentle blue. Even now, he tries to keep his robotic side to the windows.
It's more from an effort to be polite than anything else. There's a child staring at him from the end of the train car, her blue eyes huge. Earlier, he'd tried to smile and wave at her, but she'd just pressed her face against her mothers side in fear. He's given up interacting with her, and instead pretends not to notice she's there. Same treatment he's giving the shrewish looking man seated just across the aisle, frown lines etched seemingly centimeters deep on his face as he watches Jean and Marco standing together by the traincar doors.
"You know, I helped lay the track for this train," cuts in Jean, his voice low and smooth. Marco's eyes flicker towards him.
"Yeah?" he prompts, glad for the distraction. Jean looks outside again, shifts his weight absently, and Marco's eyes just barely make it back to his face in time for him to turn back.
"Yeah. Back before I got you. Met you," he amends, then frowns slightly. "Uh... re-met? Was reunited with?"
"It's fine, I get what you mean."
"Inherited? No, that's-- anyway, last year. I started in March, did some menial shit like mixing concrete--"
Marco can't resist cutting in, even though he knows what will follow. "Language, Jean, there's kids around."
"Oh, fuck, sorry," Jean replies automatically, then pauses and gives Marco an offended look. "... Really?"
"No no, go on with your story. Please." He's laughing at Jean on the inside, and Jean knows it, and he knows Jean knows it. The blond rolls his eyes and resumes.
"So I did some menial stuff but what my main job was, was that I basically ran the machine that laid the rails down. It wasn't exactly difficult stuff, but I was like 15 years younger than most of my co-workers so they put me with a lot of the--"
Just then, the train hiccups; Marco stumbles, feels the distant tug as his Rendered arm keeps him upright, and nearly head-butts Jean in the nose. There's a tiny moment of fear rippling through the cabin, but the train continues merrily onwards and the passengers all settle back into their previous activities.
"Good job on those rails," Marco quips when Jean catches his eye again. The blond narrows his eyes, eyes that glimmer like the early morning sun, eyes that are brimming with laughter even as he lowers his voice to a deep hiss.
"Suck my dick."
And it strikes him suddenly that he wants to, that he technically could; not here, not now, but soon. That he's allowed to think these kind of thoughts about Jean, that they're not self-indulgent fantasies anymore. And just like it has every other time that he thinks about being with Jean, it leaves him dizzy. A tidal wave of emotion hits him low in the gut, and for the second time that day his arm has to hold his body up, as suddenly his knees go a little weak.
He wonders if Jean means to step closer, free hand snaking out of his pocket to hover, ready to steady, by Marco's shoulder. If it's not just reflex, his body moving on its own accord. Jean's always been fast and reactive like that, in control of his body all the way down to his fingertips-- and he should probably stop thinking about Jean's hands right about now, geez.
"You good?"
"Super," Marco breathes, glancing out the window again - but when he steals another little glance at Jean, his boyfriend is still studying him. And then Jean's eyebrows relax, and a delicious grin parts his lips.
"Whatcha thinkin' about?" he purrs, too giddy to actually sound seductive and yet Marco feels his face heat up.
"There are children in this car," Marco mutters, as low as he can; Jean picks it up, he knows by the way Jean bites his lip (really, he has to be doing that on purpose because it's not fair otherwise) and steps just a little closer, just enough to make Marco hyper-aware of every inch of Jean's ever-so-slightly broader-shouldered frame.
He knows what Jean means to do, so he takes a half step backwards, tosses a glance sideways to the man watching them even sharper now. Jean follows his gaze, playful expression faltering, and he gives Marco a weary look.
"Fuck the bigots, man," he whispers, but he doesn't send Marco another flighty look; they've had this conversation before, how Marco values civic peace over asserting his personal rights, and how Jean wants to shout from the rooftops that he is in love with his one-third-robot boyfriend. Fear of rejection fuels them on both ends, but today Jean doesn't seem up to arguing with Marco over it. Maybe it's just too early.
It doesn't stop Marco from wanting to kiss him, though; from wanting to be confident enough to lace their fingers together freely and boldly as they go shopping, from wanting to wear t shirts in the summer and feel the sun on his skin. But he can do those things later, just... Just not right now.
"Our stop's coming up," Jean notes, as a couple other passengers move to gather up discarded coats or briefcases. Marco hums in reply, still distracted by his thoughts and the blurring scenery.
He only realizes he should have been paying attention when the train starts to slow down, and it's not until he feels the gentle pressure of Jean's fingertips on the back of his neck that he comes back down to earth at all. And even then, his lips are already parting (for a question! Just to ask a question!) when Jean kisses him, fast and affectionate, just as the train doors open.
Jean's fingers slide in between Marco's as his boyfriend tugs him forward - Marco follows automatically, brain still a few steps behind and his lips tingling from the brief, searing contact. The cold air of Sinapolis hits him like the blankets being ripped off in the middle of a dream, and he sucks in a breath. Jean throws a look over his shoulder and laughs.
"Get it together, man, we gotta walk the last few blocks to Wings. Geez."
"I-- I can walk just fine," Marco protests, though he knows he's blushing and probably still starry-eyed. But when they fall into step beside each other, and Marco gives Jean a swift peck on the cheek that Jean responds to with a disgusted noise, that's ok too.
