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A TV ad from a super PAC backing Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis in the Republican presidential primary uses out-of-context quotes from Nikki Hale

#nikki haley #fact check #ron desantis #fight right #2024 presidential race #hillary clinton

My New Favorite Everything

This goes back to my ranting about female characters just being male characters played by women, especially when it comes to action scenes or action packed storylines/genres.

Last night on the Rookie, two female police officers got into a fight with two much larger meth heads. One was a seasoned officer, the other was a first year rookie. The two women are both around 5′5″ - raging guy was easily over 6 foot. The rookie gets her ass handed to her, and the more seasoned officer took both culprits out. And the following conversation is something I will love the writers forever for:

Officer: Yeah, you’re probably really good with paperwork. But you can’t fight. Rookie: I can fight. I’ve gone toe to toe with plenty of suspects and won. Officer: Not that one. Rookie: He’s huge! Officer: And yet I took him and his buddy. [chuckles] You want to hit me right now, don’t you? Yeah, I can see it in your eyes. Someone a little more your size. Well. Come on. Rookie: What? Officer: Hit me. That’s an order. [Rookie takes half assed swing and is easily blocked] Officer: Hey. Do it for real. Come for me like that tweaker came for you! Now. [Rookie charges into her linebacker style, like we see every action character do in every fight sequence not involving ninjas and is easily thrown to the ground by officer in a classic self-defense move taught to women and smaller fighters in classes] Stay down, and get used to that position. Because in case you didn’t know, you are not a 6′2″ 180 pound man. Now Tim might be a good T.O, but he can’t teach you how to fight like a girl. We get a higher show of force, especially from men. So guess what, sweetheart? You are always going to be tested, and when you are alone against a desperate suspect, and you are between them and freedom, your thoughts can never be ‘Oh my, he’s bigger than me!’ [helps Rookie up] Look here. If you’re going to survive these streets as a 5′6″ woman, and one of color no less, you better learn what these boys don’t know how to teach.

Part of why this subject is kind of a touchy subject for me is I used to be a military police officer - but I am also 5′8″ and far from ‘dainty’ - I have been doing hard, heavy manual labor all my life, and I am just bigger than most women. As in, even if I weighed 70lbs less than I do, I still couldn’t fit into most women’s clothes because I can’t move my arms without tearing the shoulders like Bruce Banner’s Hulk, I have to shop in men’s shoes because women’s shoes don’t come in my size, and I have to wear rings and hats meant for men, too. I could do a lot of the moves that my male counterparts were taught. But I also worked with women 5′5″ and under and partially related to pixies, and there wasn’t a hope in hell that they could do even our most basic restraint holds, and they were always at the mercy of bigger suspects. And rather than teach them how to do it another way, the Navy just decided ‘well...we’ll just partner people up, big and little, and hope for the best’ [spoiler alert: it did not end well for anyone involved].

When I came back from the military, I went back to my old karate studio, and the instructors asked me to give three or four young ladies about to head off to college some helpful advice. Want to know what the biggest surprise was for them? Punching people hurts. It does. You’re colliding tiny, fragile bones in one of the most sensitive areas of your body at high rate of speed and force into the hardest part of someone else’s - where you can hit teeth, foreheads, necks (because no matter who you are, in real life, you’re gonna miss what you’re aiming at sometimes). If you don’t keep your wrist straight, you break it. If you don’t hit with your first two knuckles [which should be aligned with your wrist to make one long straight line from knuckles to elbow] instead of your last two knuckles, you’re going to break them. If you miss and hit someone much harder than a human being, you’re going to break a lot. And a lot of times, even if you are in a fight, you don’t actually want to hurt someone. Or yourself. It’s a natural thing. So you don’t throw a punch hard enough to knock someone out, or even really to stun them. People have a hangup like there’s some sort of etiquette to a fight - there isn’t. So what’s the most useful piece of Fight Advice I can give?

Make peace with the fact you’re not getting out of any fight unscathed. It’s going to hurt. The object of a fight is to hurt the other guy worse, by any means necessary. This means eyes, hair, groin, soft targets that we can gouge and claw and kick at, or, learning a style of self-defense/martial arts that doesn’t depend on you always being the same size or bigger than your attacker.

This bullshit that’s going on about ‘anything you can do, I can do too’ is great for most things - self-defense isn’t one of them, and I want women to be safe and confident in their ability to keep themselves that way. And this is the first show I have ever seen that point blank says ‘you cannot do what they do - we must be different, because our world is different’ and then immediately show you how.

Tl;dr? Go watch the Rookie for it’s accurate portrayal of action sequences and women’s fighting styles/self defense.

#the rookie #fight right #womens self defense #womens fight style #defend yourself #you can be a delicate flower #and still have thorns #learn to use them

... one flaw throws the loveliness of [everything else] into focus. I remember reading that Shakers deliberately introduced a mistake into the things they made, to show that man shouldn't aspire to the perfection of God. Flawed can be more perfect than perfection.

-Gretchen Rubin, The Happiness Project: Or Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun Get This Book

#awesomebookquotes #book #quote #reading #Gretchen Rubin #The Happiness Project: Or Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning #Clean My Closets #Fight Right #Read Aristotle #and Generally Have More Fun

Fight Right: How Successful Couples Turn Conflict Into Connection Fight Right: How Successful Couples Turn Conflict Into Connection Contributor(s): Gottman, Julie Schwartz (Author) , Gottman, John (Author) Publisher: Harmony ISBN: 0593579658 Physical Info: 1.4" H x 9.3" L x 6.5" W (1.3 lbs) 352 pages Conflict is the top reason couples seek help-but it's also an opportunity for greater intimacy, deeper connection, and lasting love according to this essential guide from the world's leading relationship scientists and bestselling authors of The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work"-- Biographical Note: Julie Gottman, PhD, is the cofounder of The Gottman Institute and cofounder of Affective Software, Inc. A highly respected clinical psychologist, she is the author of the national bestseller Eight Dates and the New York Times bestseller The Love Prescription. She is sought internationally by media and organizations as an expert adviser on marriage, domestic violence, post-traumatic stress disorders, gay and lesbian adoption, and parenting issues. John Gottman, PhD, is world-renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce prediction. Dr. Gottman has conducted over fifty years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples. He is the cofounder of The Gottman Institute and Affective Software, Inc., as well as the author of over 200 published academic articles and author or coauthor of more than forty books, including the New York Times bestsellers The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work and The Love Prescription and the national bestseller Eight Dates. Review Quotes: "Conflict is inevitable in any relationship--the trick is knowing how to handle it. Difficulty navigating conflict is one of the most common reasons that couples seek help from books and professionals. They're looking for guidance, but there is surprisingly little practical, accessible information out there. So who better than John and Julie Gottman to give couples the important tools they need? This book will be an indispensable resource that couples will use over and over again." --Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone and co-host of the Dear Therapists podcast "Couples need skills to fight better, and Fight Right is the book that all couples will want to read. Dr. John and Julie Gottman have crafted a masterful guide about the importance of fighting and the skills needed to grow from having necessary disputes. The Gottmans have spent years studying and teaching couples, and in Fight Right, they are teaching couples how to do it right." --Nedra Glover Tawwab, New York Times bestselling author of Set Boundaries, Find Peace "In a relationship, your goal is to help your partner find their purpose. John and Julie Gottman, with their decades of experience working intimately with couples, know that the road to finding your purpose and fulfilling your dreams is often through conflict. If we don't learn how to do conflict well, we're going to be stuck, disconnected, and unfulfilled. Couples today really need clear, compassionate, and science-based guidance in this arena, and as the world's leading love experts, the Gottmans are the trusted voice to guide them." --Jay Shetty, author of the #1 New York Times bestseller Think Like a Monk "So many couples out there are stuck in gridlock, and although they want to move forward, they don't know how. For the first time, John and Julie Gottman bring their decades of research to the hot topic of what we're fighting about, and how we can fight better. Crucially, this book begins by helping people understand their conflict style and where it comes from and addresses how we deal with our emotions and how that shapes our conflicts. I don't know of another resource out there like this one, with so much landmark science, vivid storytelling, and clear tools in every chapter. This book is a gift to its readers." --Susan David, PhD, bestselling author of Emotional Agility "A profound new take on conflict from the world's leading relationship experts, Fight Right is poised to be the kind of classic that 7 Principles has become. This book is for all couples, from those who are in crisis to those who may think they have a perfect relationship. We can all benefit from this simple and love-changing understanding of how we fight and how we can fight for connection and not separation. How couples fight affects their family, our community, and the world, and learning how to bridge our differences is one of the essential skills we need now more than ever. A brilliant paradigm shift on conflict, with clear guidance for how to repair ruptures right." --Daniel Siegel, MD, author of New York Times bestsellers Aware, The Whole Brain Child, and No Drama Discipline Publisher Marketing: NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER - LEARN THE 5 SECRETS OF SUCCESSFUL COUPLES Conflict is the top reason couples seek help--but it's also an opportunity for greater intimacy, deeper connection, and lasting love according to this essential guide from the world's leading relationship scientists and authors of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work and Eight Dates. "An indispensable resource that couples will use over and over again."--Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone How we fight predicts the future of our relationships. Most of us blunder into conflict without knowing what we are really fighting about and then quickly become overwhelmed by physiological responses we can't control and emotions we don't anticipate. The truth is the happiest and most successful couples fight--all the time. Conflict is human, and necessary. Through decades of research, Drs. John and Julie Gottman, founders of the world-famous Love Lab, have identified the five common mistakes we make when we are at odds. In Fight Right, we learn the five secrets that help us to get back on track and harness conflict to build stronger, healthier relationships. With kindness, clarity, and a deep understanding of the struggles couples are going through, the Gottmans show us that we each have a unique conflict culture, borne of how we were raised and how we experienced past relationships, and they take us through all the possible combinations, from Avoiders, to Validators, to Volatiles, and how they can best work together. Fight Right is an essential resource that will help couples escape the win-or-lose mentality in favor of a collaborative approach: calming down, staying connected, and really understanding, so that our fights can bring us closer.

#Fight Right #Turn Conflict #Successful

1. Research consistently indicates that couples are more likely to maintain their relationship long term when, during arguments, they engage in at least five positive interactions to offset every negative one during conversations, thus guiding their communication toward a constructive path.

Help me to be mindful to infuse my conflict conversations with numerous small repairs and positive gestures such as validation, affection, gentle touch, apologies, smiles, nods of understanding, humor, and empathy.

#fight right

They Didn't Defeat Me

Am trying to post content more regularly (at least weekly) so here's some lyrics for another song I finished writing this summer. It's become my mantra for never giving up :)

When is it time to stop the fight

Hoist up the flag that’s painted white

Send home the troops and call it a night

When they set the captives free

They tied me up around a chair

Broke all my bones and left me there

Took away my pride and made me scared

But they didn’t defeat me

All the ribbons not won were like

The mouths that all said no

But what remains to be protected

Their eyes say we’ll hold…