I hear those whispers in my head. The ones that tell me the lies. I'm not good enough. I don't matter. I am powerless.
I know, rationally, that these are lies. That these voices are my past trauma speaking to me. That these are the voices of depression unleashed.
They are only whispers for now, held at bay. Little demons that sit crouched and hidden, so that all I can hear are their voices yet I can't see them. But I know how easily they can become louder. How easily they can come to a crescendo, a cacophony of words. And how easy it is to slip into believing them.
I am struggling with that now. With those whispers. They've been gone for a long time, held locked in little boxes in my mind. But they've broken free of their cages now, and the whispers are starting again.
I know the signs now. I know how quickly those voices can become all I hear. I am on guard, fighting to put them back into those cages and silence them. But it's not easy. It never is.
I nearly lost that battle before, 18 months ago being the most recent. I cannot...will not... let them take control again. No matter what it takes, I am going to fight this time, and not succumb to the lies and the what-ifs.
