Waking up with your guts feeling like they are filled with lead.
Sitting up and feeling as if your lower half won’t move.
Forcing your legs to finally work begging them to not let the heaviness in your stomach be your anchor.
Standing, it feels like you are rising from a decade long slumber.
Shuffling your way to the bathroom in hopes of feeling empty.
Freeing yourself from the heaviness for a brief moment till you stand back up again.
Thinking about the fact that heaviness is back and has now made you feel sick.
Peering at yourself in the mirrior makes your stomach contents rush up into your esophagus.
Lurching forward over the sink whilst you try to hold back the demon from escaping your mouth.
Screaming internally at yourself for not making the right decision by saying no, knowing it was that moment that caused this one.
Mocking yourself for being selfish, quietly reminding yourself that you are nothing less than a sad excuse for a human being.
Realizing your being hard on yourself because that’s all you know how to be.
Feeling like you are a monster none the less, and it’s for not being honest.
Sobbing into your knees, for the lead has seeped back into your intestines and is begging to be released through your mouth.
Accessing your gag reflex with your finger, anything to release this demon that you call yourself.
Spewing the contents of your stomach into the toilet to make yourself feel better.
Wondering weather or not you are....
