#filthy pirate

[vikingmagic33]

@beaumaismortel I don’t deserve you, but I love you just the same.

You just motivated me to work on my edits to the next chapter! Moonlit cove… a little rum perhaps?! Tension anyone?

Get caught up on AO3

Tags for my feral friends, but don’t forget… a little slow burn never killed anyone. 😎

@trashforazriel @mmiscbutterflies @sunshinebingo @captain-of-the-gwynriel-ship @headcanonheadcase

[killmebutneverinsultme]

You's ever wonder if th' back of Jones' head feels like a tit?

"In my experience tits don't pulsate."

[killmebutneverinsultme2]

It’s nearly the end of Sinday here and I’m about to go to bed but I dared myself to start writing a Dead Dove Do Not Eat Jack x Jones drabble. It’s barely got started but for you awful people who want to read what I’ve done so far, prepare your eyeball-bleach and then click the Keep Reading/Read More. Super triggery indulgent badness below, ye be warned. I’m going to the Locker when I die ok.

----

Jack woke to the harrowing chord of an organ. It slammed through his skull; made him cry out and flinch, which drew attention to the fact that his wrists were shackled, fixed to the base of the instrument that had rudely roused him. More alarming still was the fact he lay beneath the organist bench and the horrifying organist himself. The point of Jones’s peg leg rested just shy of Jack’s left ear, telling him how very easily it could be lifted and stomped into his face. Sparrow dared at last to look upward and meet the cold, blue gaze of the Flying Dutchman’s captain.

“How kind of you tae join me, Jack Sparra,” Jones spat, his tentacled beard writhing around a cruel smirk.

The captive pirate winced, his brain still screaming from the distant echo of the organ. “Welcome. Might I enquire as to why I’m not down in your delightful cells or being put to work on deck?”

“I have more than enough reliable crew on board. You are what I would call a trophy. You have caused me a great deal of trouble, little bird-dah. Trying tae squirm out of your debt, escaping from my Locker, and worst of all -,” he punctuated his next three words with discordant jabs of keys, “you – killed – me.”

“You look well for a dead man,” Jack replied through his brief tinnitus. The peg leg pressed suddenly against his windpipe, causing him to wheeze.

“I have a special punishment reserved for you. Every cage you are put in you manage tae escape. The solution therefore is tae ensure your suffering is something you can never leave.” Jones stood up, not crushing Jack’s neck but still placing enough pressure to make the man’s eyes bulge. Then he kicked backward with his wooden leg, sending the bench screeching across the cabin. With two dull thuds, Jones planted his knees either side of Jack’s waist.

The colour drained from Jack’s face. “What – what are you doing?” He pressed his head back into the floor in an effort to avoid the slithering facial appendages that loomed ever closer.

Jones’s smirk was wicked. “I am going tae ruin you, Sparrow. I intend tae humiliate you. Even if you manage tae weasel out of your service tae me, you will never escape the prison that is your own body. Calypso was able tae escape hers but you do not have that luxury. And you know, I know what you did. You fucked the woman I loved, captain. So now, now I will own you.”

Dread pooled in Jack’s eyes. He yanked hard at his restraints and tried to wriggle out from under Jones only to have the cursed man’s suckered hand clamp over his throat. “N-no! Please!” he yelped. “I – I – I’ll serve my sentence. All of it! Jones, you don’t have to do this. You don’t want to.” It didn’t bear thinking about but Jack couldn’t help his mind wandering to the unknown under Jones’s coat. His hands and feet were transformed, so was his face. What manner of hellish monstrosity would lie below his belt? He almost thought he might faint.

“Hwhatever makes you think that?” Jones mocked. “You are a beautiful man, Jack. Every harlot the world over knows your name and more than half of them have seen you on your back. You belong tae me. It is only fair that I get tae see what all the fuss is about.”

Jack cringed as tentacles curled around the prongs of his beard, another caressing the side of his face.

“Oh, now, don’t look so hard done by, captain. I am not so despicable that I would brreak and bruise you. You are going tae betray yourself. I will make you enjoy this and you will hate yourself for it until the day I finally allow you tae die.”

Tbc :)))

[killmebutneverinsultme]

I's escaped time out to gossip wif ya.

You's think Beckett squeaks like a plush toy in the bedroom?

"Worse, I reckon it's more like a deflating pig's bladder."

[killmebutneverinsultme]

Speakin o'which. How's much would ya give if someone fingered Jones lil filter spout on his face? Askin fer a friend.

"God, that mental image is worse than me Grandmama's cod soup. Thanks for that."

[killmebutneverinsultme]

What's your preference in men?

Women?

Ya got any piercings?

What's the wildest thing ya done in the bedroom?

Bush or no bush? I's heard Englishmen gotta 'problem' with their lasses avin' hair down there or anywhere really. Tha true?

Do Englishmen really goes about cuttin themselves down there? I's know the Church is tryin to make it some kinda new and popular thing. Wait--does that mean it happened to you?!

See this is whatcha get!!

He's bored, he's had a bit to drink. What the hell. Jack decides he'll humour Maccus with some answers.

"I like men who argue with me but still do what they're told. As liable to rough me about when I'm on me back as drop on their knees for me when I'm inclined. Best is when they're innocent enough I can make 'em blush.

"Women? Bossy, good conversation, not too clingy, preferably Spanish.

"No, no piercings. Don't fancy them getting snagged on anything."

He takes a big draught of rum.

"What was the next thing? Oh. Wildest in the bedroom?" He puffs his cheeks. "That would have to be what happened between me and T- er, an Obeah woman. If I'm honest, I can't remember half of it. Can't even describe it. There were shapes and things and stuff a mortal should probably never touch. Bloody incredible. Nearly fuckin' died. Amazing. Never doing it again. Probably.

"Last bunch o' questions, for starters I ain't English. I was born on the sea and raised between Shipwreck Cove, Madagascar, and the sea itself. Not true about the bushes. Most men I ever knew don't give a damn. Personally I'd rather they were there. Looks all weird an' I 'eard of lasses in the houses gettin' infected mucking about shaving down there. As for the other thing, I'm fully intact down there, thank you very much."

[killmebutneverinsultme]

@norringtxn​ continued from here because we’re idiots and must be stopped:

James jumped in his seat, startled by both sudden words and the unforeseen presence of strong hands on his thighs.

“J-Jack!” He spluttered, gazing down in alarm at the pair of dark devilish eyes that peered up at him from underneath his desk. “What are you-?! How did you-?!”

He was quickly quieted by a small squeeze to his thighs, voice morphing into a surprised squeak.

This was… most definitely a shock, to encounter pirate rival and lover hiding away in his study after a long tedious day at the fort, awaiting his return. Not an unwelcome presence, definitely not (especially if one considered the violent loop of arousal his stomach had performed) but… certainly not one he had expected to greet him in such a way.

“W-We weren’t supposed to meet for another week yet.”

The response came in the form of a filthy grin and a hushed, gravelly voice. “You know my name. That’s all you need to know as to how I managed it. And where’s the fun in turning up when you expect me?  Now, come, come, you’re so very tense, commodore. Best you… offload.”

Jack’s nimble fingers plucked free the buttons securing the opening to Norrington’s breeches. Wasting no time, he dipped his hand in to find what he hoped to coax to greater girth.

[killmebutneverinsultme]

Looking at all these muses with choking kinks and then there’s me with my choking phobia (not in written form, only literally if you jiu jiutsu me XD), Jack who nearly died from smoke inhalation and drowning when he summoned Davy Jones, and then there’s Loki.

RIP.