So I’ve had a bit of time to really look back on the last few days. I’ve spent the last four days in a city that for me, was my Cornelia Street. Everywhere I turned, the music city was just screaming their name, and I struggled with it. I’ve been struggling for months trying to get over the heartache, trying to sort my life out and just try and stay a float, keep my head above water. I came back to this city, the city where it all began last summer, to close out this chapter in my life, and begin a new one. It was easier said than done, and I struggled massively this weekend in every way. Mentally and emotionally, physically, it was all almost too much to bear at times. But I had some support with some incredible people who were there with me, be it physically, spiritually and even across state lines.
I came to Nashville to run a race. And I wanted this race to symbolize me no longer running backwards, to a past I can’t change, but running forwards. Towards a new beginning for me. The race was brutal, and I don’t just mean mentally and emotionally, but it was physically brutal as well. With extreme heat conditions, and a less than stellar organization of the actual event, I struggled. And I stumbled, and for the first time in all my years running, I actually didn’t think i was going to be able to finish this race. I had to stop numerous times and walk, which i have never done before (though with the heat conditions many seasoned runners on this course did the same). But I guess this race was just another metaphor for how my life has been the last few months, and so I took it as another test. Was I going to just give up and turn back? Or regardless of how painful and excruciatingly exhausted I am, continue forward?
I found out in the second half of the race when I came across and joined up with two wonderful and incredible women along the way. These women didn’t let me give up, and I didn’t let them give up, and together, the three of us cross the finish line together. We never gave up on one another, and we pushed each other to keep going. And I will be forever grateful to them for that. They reminded me that when you set out to do something, when you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything. And because of them, and because of my own perseverance, I crossed that finish line. And with it, I turned a new page in my life.
I will still have moments where I may look back on last summer, but it will all be the good moments, the moments that taught me so much, and I will look fondly on those times. I will still struggle, I will still have my moments of self doubt, internal battles I will always face, but this weekend has taught me that I can be and I am more than I think. I am stronger, and that even in the darkest of days, there will still be pockets of sunshine. And I need to hold onto that.
And so I just want to take this moment to say thank you to a few people who were there for me this weekend. My family of course, I love them dearly and they never stop believing in me. I want to thank @rainbowswift for being so amazing and supportive even being thousands of miles away, you are always the voice of reason and you keep me grounded, for making me smile every single day, and for your pup, Waldo because that dog is adorable. And I want to say thank you to @taylorswift. Your music has saved my life countless times, your music has and continues to be the soundtrack to my life, and your music is what always carries me across the finish line. You continue to inspire me and your music, it drives me forward, and not just across a finish line, but to continue writing new chapters in my life.
And I want to say thank you to the girl in Nashville who stole my heart last year. It was a very complicated situation, and there were so many ups and downs, and ultimately I got my heart broken which I knew was a risk. But, you got me to open up for the first time, and I mean open up in every single way possible. You were my first true love, and you taught me what it was like to truly love someone and to be loved in return. You got me to open up my heart to love. And I am always going to love you and be thankful to you for that. And I know we must go off on our own paths. You go find your wings. And I will go off and find mine. 💕
A new chapter begins. And I am off to find my wings once more.
