I come here to complain about life

[wishtherewasmore]

PARENTS WHY?

[wishtherewasmore]

This week was somewhat productive I guess. I got some work done that I was planning on finishing by the end of the week. I finally sent in applications to two places - one of them pays a lot for clerical work which seems to be the only thing I can do and the other pays a $1000  more than my current job at minimum. The range of pay for this job is from $5000 to over $10,000 and the minimum requirements were literally nothing besides an education and I definitely have that. Hope I get a call about the second one. I have to start thinking about other jobs besides those two though because a lot of people have applied who are much stronger and bigger than me. Oh yeah that would have probably helped me out a bit bc it's an officer type of job and I am tiny. 

I also bought myself a month's supply of the medication for my face. It cost  $654 instead of the $700 I thought I was going to have to fork out. I know the $50 difference isn't anything much but it still is something. I was gonna pay for my bloodtests but the three tests will cost me $650 in all, so no. My sister is going to have to get it done for me. She's a fucking doctor dammit! Asking her for a favor is like pulling teeth even one that won't cost her a cent but she'll look like the bad one if she refuses now that the actual cost has come into the picture.

Life is going ok at the moment. Gotta find more places to apply to.

[wishtherewasmore]

I guess we watched this Bridesmaids pirated DVD one time too many. SHIT.

[wishtherewasmore]

Sigh. Life is going ok at the moment. There are few things I can complain about. But I have to say paying for your own shit really reduces your funds. I haven't really bought myself anything over the past three months even though I could do with some new clothes and some new work shoes. I keep wearing the same thing over and over again. And when I have a craving for something nice to eat, I DON'T go and buy it. So where has the money been going? New phone and graduation and just shit that I need.

I got myself a new phone as a graduation present and bc I wanted a smartphone dammit! And it's been a pretty good investment so far. I've read so many books on it and surfing the internet on it is so easy. I love my phone! And I had to do graduation bc I worked my ass off for four years and sometimes you just have to make an effort to make moments in your life memorable. I think I saved several hundred dollars on my dress seeing as I had it made instead of buying it and the material was sturdy and beautiful. The dress was made in a design I wanted and it fit me beautifully and best of all, the seamstress didn't take that much for it. Renting the gown cost a lot though and the accessories that I ended up buying. I don't regret getting them though bc they were some really nice pieces and went perfectly with the dress.

It hurts to see my balance being so little when I've been working for just over five months even without spending that much on things that I fancy along the way or food I crave. My job is only paying me $4000 without deductions and I'm a university graduate. I got a lot of experience and a nice recommendation but I'm going to have to get a new job soon.

My face is also a mess so my mother made an appointment for me to go to the dermatologist. He was a sweet, old man but boy did those fifteen minutes cost a lot. He took $400 from me and bc my face is such a lost cause, he prescribed the absolute last resort drug, Roaccutane. Nice. That's going to cost me $700 dollars a month for a four month course. $2800 down the drain so that I can get rid of acne once and for all and be beautiful. I have the money and I just graduated. I guess it's better to just spend it now and get my life in order rather than later when I'll want to spend money on things which I actually find worthwhile. The doc said I might have polycystic ovaries even though my periods are regular what with the perpetual acne and the odd hair growth on my breast, chin and under my navel. Nice again. I might need an ultrasound and that's gonna cost a lot. Also in order to start the Roaccutane, I'm going to need a blood test. My sister said she could get it done but I don't know when! It doesn't sound like she's going to make an effort to get it in a hurry. Sigh. She's a girl who really makes me feel bad about asking her for a favour. I think she's defensive about favours and money bc she thinks we wanna mooch off of her. I'll get into that another time because it bothers me that she absolutely splurges on herself and spends ridiculous amounts of money on food, clothes and other things but if one of us needs something, she becomes really defensive about her money. Like sweetheart we would not ask you or expect anything from you if we had money like you but we don't, even if we do work hard. 

So it's like I'd rather just pay for my own blood tests which might come up to $600 than ask her bc boy does she make a girl feel bad even if what I'm asking her to do won't cost her a cent.

So yes, this is my life right now. Wish I didn't have to spend so much money on shit and I wish I didn't even have to ask people for a favour.

[wishtherewasmore]

why am i so lame seriously

[visualgraphc]

[xxxxarachnexxxx]

I’ll start on these things when I finally get out of limboland i.e. university.

[nckolvr]

Sex is not a goddamn performance. Sex should feel as natural as drinking water. It should not require confidence. Sex should happen, because the moment is ripe. Ripening lips, ripening labia, ripening cock, ripening pupils, ripening state of being. Ripe and augmented and brimming. Your energy goes to your pumping heart, then to every external nerve, then to theirs, on fire. You bask, roll, play in it. You sigh, moan, laugh. It’s not about being “good in bed.” It’s about being happy. One should never worry if they’re doing it “correctly.” Sex is not factual. I don’t want your cookie-cutter sex, I don’t want your meticulously crafted, calculated, fool-proof fuck. I don’t want a show. I want you. Let your instincts, urges and whims define that. It’s enough. What do most girls like? Forget about it. Statistics are meaningless when there’s only one. Hello, here’s me. Here’s you. Don’t worry about taking it too slow. We got time. We got infinite rhythms, combinations, possibilities. Explore each fuck. Take our time. We can do a different one later. Don’t worry about making me come. I’m here. Right where I want to be. I am overwhelmed by wanting; you don’t have to convince me. I want you because I like you. So don’t put on a front. Don’t taint this. I’m frustrated—it’s just authenticity I want. It’s originality. It’s passion. It’s joy. Don’t say that something I like is ugly. Don’t compare yourself to the rest. You will live and die with and within your experiences like everyone else. If someone thinks you are amazing, they are not wrong. Their universe is as real as any other; it is forged through perception. I don’t care if you accidentally slammed my head into the wall, if you slipped out, if my arm cracked, if the delightful pressure of your wet lips on my anything made a silly sound. There is no right way and no wrong way. “Good in bed,” what. You’re good in my bed. I’m pleased you’re there. I feel it suits you. Shove your technique. Let your memory swallow it. Fuck me like you’d fuck me, fuck me like you feel. This isn’t a test.

(via even-a-small-love)

[xxxxarachnexxxx]

“Elephant Love” - A drawing I did a while back.

[wishtherewasmore]

A girl saw this on my other blog and fell in love with it and wanted to know if she could buy it. I directed her to my deviantart account and told her that if she did buy a copy to send me a picture of the print because I wanted to see how it looked in the print version. I thought she'd forgotten about it but she did buy it and she was so nice as to send me a picture of the print. I guess that this was a pretty cool thing that happened last year.

[wishtherewasmore]

Goals for tomorrow

Take picture of self

draw something cool

clean up room

start organizing passport related stuff

[wishtherewasmore]

12/12/12

I spent it "studying."

[wishtherewasmore]

Well it's Tuesday. I had my first exam yesterday and bullshit-my-way I did. Anyway, I'm still hoping for a decent grade. Friday is my last final for the semester. I really want to do well in that last one but right now all I want to do is relax and read the blogs of lost souls trying desperately to find their way back to the surface. They haven't updated in a while though so there can only be one reason for this - they are out there living their lives now and don't have the time to write. I should be happy for them and I am. And I have to find my way to the surface too.

[wishtherewasmore]

prepping up to bullshit my way through tomorrow's exam.

[wishtherewasmore]

Feeling so screwed at the moment.

[wishtherewasmore]

Why is it that I keep falling asleep?

[wishtherewasmore]

omgomgomgomgomgomg

[wishtherewasmore]

Is it bad that I still have two more days to study for this exam but I'm already admitting that I'm screwed? Yes it is bad. There is still hope. Yes, I don't know what I'm doing right now but I have to keep fighting til the end.

[wishtherewasmore]

Trying hard to study again.