#finding the beat

[driftnthesun]

You gotta listen to the beat and find the rhythm before you start dancing

[contemplationofapoint]

10.20.24 Finding The Beat

[findingthebeatmovie-blog-blog]

Naked Brilliance

I am a sacred whore

daughter of Ishtar

incarnate of Babalon

I am the mirror-skinned

cup that is never emptied

but to be filled again

Men come to me to drink deep,

to be drunk on me

to be drunk by me

I am the Lady of the Night

Men seek me as the sun seeks the moon

they seek me for themselves

for the light I reflect back to them

They come to me to feel themselves

against the soft curves of my body

to be truly

men

I am a sacred whore

I fuck for money

I have been paid well to give head

in the back of an overpriced car

been paid better to lay back

on a sunlit bed and be licked to an orgasm

that left my fingertips tingling

I have been paid to be blind-folded and tied down

Paid to be the hand that holds the rope and wields the lash

I am an aspect of divinity,

Pilgrims come to me

seeking my favor

seeking my fury

seeking to prostrate themselves at my feet

and worship my naked brilliance

it is only right and proper

that each and every one of them come

bearing tribute

I accept

Because we whores deny no one

the chance to see their own light reflected back

Yes, I can show you how you shine and

Yes, there will be a price

But you do not seek me this way

My lover, my equal, my match

You seek me as the sun

seeks the earth

overflowing with your own brilliance

In your arms I am every aspect of divinity

I am whore, I am lover, I am mother of your someday child

I am priestess, saint, and pilgrim,

healer, and dancing mad god

You, my love, my goat-legged consort

You, my priest and king

With you I am purple

I am scarlet

With you, I am nearly

silent

For when we whores fuck

for pleasure

fuck for love

we do it

quietly

You do not come to me

seeking yourself

seeking blue

seeking your name in my throat

Only me

my love

only me

and you

know my ecstasy by the hitch

and shudder

of my breath.

[findingthebeatmovie-blog-blog]

Stiffness Be Gone

by Ben Simon

Though my inner insurgent gleefully sprints across the eight corners of a room filled with strangers

My body stiffens from social anxiety sometimes when those people have left

In front of a consistently filthy mirror, facial hairs once virile are now a matted bonobo beard

And an aristocratically handsome nose is replaced by a proboscis out of Buddy Bradley or on my worst days, Das Sturmer

But this is not one of those days

“Why don’t you write happy poems ever?” she asked after finishing “Green Widow” “That poem was cathartic,” I reply, but I do think I am getting a bit redundant sometimes

I may have found myself a Beat, but even Ginsberg gasped for air overhead his black swimming pool of melancholy confessions

Time to shake the stiffness off and toss it in the drawer where I keep my cheap Mojo punk comps

In a past poem, I suggested future freedom from a white bread penitentiary, and it seems my freedom has arrived this hour

I shall dance like WC Williams in front of that no longer filthy mirror, picking the stiffness out of my fur

I will later donate the stiffness to lying should-be-cons like Casey Anthony in order to keep them in line and in check while the rest of the living world bleeds from their irresponsibility

Because unlike that tramp, I have no good reason to feel pain.

[findingthebeatmovie-blog-blog]

Melting

by Leah Bodenhamer

in a roomafraid to thumb it alonea prisoneror a foreignerof battle blade ballistics fastening my fiststo fuzzy foamy blissful existenceenraptured in the innocencebuti’m touching youand you don’t even know iti’m touching your lipsand you will never show itcuz your lips are battle field malevolencetied to strings of childhood violencefor the name sakeof your mental earthquake,you will never show itfor the name sakefor the sea snakewho slithers through our little mistakesthe walls fall inwardbackwardbehind our identities beyond our own diseasea thousand seas wither and waveto the beat of a single thumbthat staysin waterfallsand prison cellsof mindscape, soundscape, red tape,saying No Women Allowedon the lonesome roads of thumbs and toes...alone, alone, alone at home,alone at last

[findingthebeatmovie-blog-blog]

What we talk about when we talk about film.

 by Yours Truly the Director of Finding the Beat

I make movies for a living. Oh, I also make TV.  I am primarily hired as a Producer/Line Producer/Production Coordinator. For those of you that are not knoweledable about the film industry, let's just say that I act as the business manager of a movie. Let me also point out that movies are an extremely hectic and crazy business. 

I am freelance and I love it. Although it is absolutley frightening at the same time.

I never really know where my next paycheck is going to come from and because I have not been in film my whole working life (only 4 years) the transition from a dependable paycheck + health benefits + sick pay to a life spent in constant competition was a hell of a transition.  

At the present time, "Finding the Beat", is a solo passion project.  When ever you read, "We appreciate, we want you to know"... the "We" is Me. 

You may also notice that the blog at times remains stagnant. Although I do my best to keep up to date with our subjects, contributors and Beat friends and I work tirelessly to keep our Twitter up to date  (and yes, that takes work) at times I am just too busy making other peoples movies to make my own.  

Finding the Beat has ALWAYS been more then a documentary. The literary blog is the heart and soul of the project and as anyone who has ever edited a blog will tell you, it too takes a lot of work. So because of this, when I am working and employed ( Yay rent! Food!) Finding the Beat takes the back burner.

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A FREELANCE MOVIE PRODUCER DURING PRINCIPAL PHOTOGRAPHY:

I wake up in a panic at 4:30am because I absolutlely know in every pore of my body that I have forgotten something I was supposed to have by call time. I try in vain to go back to sleep, so I make myself get up.

I know that call time is not till 8:00am and that since we work 12 hour days and I always work more then a 12 hour day (think 13-16) that I will not get a moment of shut eye for another 19 hours.....I get up because there is always something I could be doing. 

I get to set at 7:30am, coffee in hand with my computer in tow. From the time I get there problems have already surfaced: actor is going to be late, crew member is sick, equipment order did not get picked up. Every film set lives in the land of Murphy's Law and EVERYTHING goes wrong ALL the time.

One more cup of coffee.

From 8:00am-8:00pm I put out a million fires and all this time I am prepping for the next day and the 19 shoot days after that, in production once today is happening you should be thinking about tomorrow - today is done. This would be the ideal situation in an ideal world and we all know we do not live in one.

Wrap is called and everybody ate and no one died and I feel like I did my job. But wait! My work is not done, I have emails to send out and calls to make and new fires have started that will affect tomorrow. I don't panic, I remain calm. My experience tells me to keep calm. 

I try to stop myself from having one more cup of coffee.

I get home at 10:00pm and then I turn off my phone and vow to not check my email. I need some rest. I need a moment to myself and I need sleep desperately. This continues on for the entire 25 day shoot. We typically work 6 day weeks with only one day off and on that one day off, well, as a Producer or Director you don't get a day off. You use that day off to have meetings, put out fires, prep and...........

One morning in the middle of the chaos (maybe day 14?) I think, oh my god, "I haven't updated the Finding the Beat blog in two weeks". I attempt to look through our recently sent contributors work. I attempt to read my FB emails. I attempt to reply to all of our mentions on Twitter. 

I close my eyes and day dream that one day I will be on the road, making my movie. But then I am snapped back into reality. "What are you nuts?" The voice inside my head yells at me. "Did you make sure the scissor lift got picked up? An extra day means an extra $100....." It is ALWAYS an extra $100 that you don't have. 

The film ends and for the first couple days after I am an absolute zombie. On the fourth day after wrap the depression sets in. Where did everybody go? Where did the chaos go? Where did my life go?

You might think I am nuts but I live for this stuff and I absolutely (even on the worst of worst days) love it. I love the chaos and the insanity and the artistic temperments. I love being dirty and tired and over worked because I am getting paid to do something I love. I love the fact that at the end of a shoot we made a movie! A real movie. 

I love the fact that I left my cubicle dweller life and took the big leap and so far it has paid off. 

Sure, my love life is non-existent and my schedule is NEVER normal. Sure, life in LA can be difficult and living in the center of this sprawling city can be a bit lonely at times even though you are surround by people. 

"Be careful what you wish for", people often say and although this is true, sometimes what you wished for comes true and you find that all your sacrifices were worth it. 

On my time off I can concentrate on trying to turn FTB into a real documentary and I won't give up. I believe that a modern literary generation exists and that America has a voice and that those voices represent my generation of artists. 

I believe that the spirit of the Beats lives on, it lives in every artist who ever gave up their nine to five existence and made a go at living their dreams. 

So please dear readers, keep the faith and I hope that you continue to follow the journey of the making of Finding the Beat. 

Keep reading,

Keep sending work and most of all,

Keep Writing!!

Cheers, 

Trina

To submit your poetry, prose, short stories or just to connect email FTB @ [email protected]

[findingthebeatmovie-blog-blog]

Confidence

by Ben Simon Confidence hasn’t aided me yet, so will it ever? When I was constructed of self-doubt more people took a liking to me They envied my edge, comparing me to Salinger and Bukowski Just like they still weep for Cobain while thousands of today’s live talents remain small and unsigned Now they have nothing to compare me to, so they politely nod and misunderstand   And confidence so quickly disintegrates into arrogance Soon I’ll be reminding them all that I’m the Ubermensch And that they’re the Last Men I got a D+ in Nietzsche, so, really, what do I know? For the time being, I am not a slave to arrogance So I must nurture my confidence And start to aid it myself.

[findingthebeatmovie-blog-blog]

Jeremiah and the Future of Rain

by Jesse S. Mitchell

Jeremiah spoke a garbled tongue and claimed it was his. He spoke it fast just like he moved, darting quickly through the trees, the open trees beneath the canopies, the rustling shuffling leaves. The twisty turning motions that only a body can make, that only a body can make when it squeezes, opens and closes like a tune. He says, have you ever tried, learned, tried to count the rain drops that come pouring down like big fat steam, that come down like big fat drops, drops of something from up high in the great big sky. He says as he threads himself free in the open fields, the spaced-out-evenly places between the tree, beneath the canopies of green yellow rustling shuffling leaves. The sun comes through. The sun comes through at times and makes spots but only makes the rain shine brighter coming down in big fat drops from up high in the ugly grey open sky. He pauses by the road, he pauses, Jeremiah does, as the lorry passes. He pauses and watches the hard rubber tread splash out the rain in the deep muddy puddles. He pauses as the lorry passes. Truck tires divide the big muddy puddles and he watches the rain come splashing out and he says, my my there is so much violence in this world. He says to himself as he watches the puddle splash away, as the lorry passes, he says to himself, there is so much violence in this world.