#fionas diary

[fionanotonfire]

#2 who i am

after suppressing my feelings towards my own gender for years, i finally took time for myself to figure it out. to be honest, i wanted to ignore my own feelings for just a little bit longer until I could figure it out, without being away from all my friends and my boyfriend. but i realized that I don't need them physically with me to feel their support, so that's great.

i first figured out that i might not be cis, when I was 11 years old. i even came out to my mum, but she just brushed it off. so i started suppressing my feelings and got closer to my feminine side again. I used that time to figure out my sexuality and heal after some traumatic experiences.

now i got a great support system and my view on labels changed, so i don’t feel as much pressure, as i did when I was younger.

i figured out that i feel connected to my femininity and like wearing dresses or fun makeup. that doesn't mean that i feel comfortable with being called a girl, woman or anything else putting me in that or any other category.

if i had to use the best fitting label, it would be agender, but I'm not too big on labels anyway, so for now that's just something I know for myself.

pronoun wise I use they/them or just any pronouns.

[fionanotonfire]

#1 being a teenager

okay that title sounds cheesy. but i want to talk some more about why I'm rarely posting at the moment. it's simply, because i never felt so much like a teenager as i do now.

i finally got a great group of friends. even several groups? i have sleepovers with friends, stay up late from time to time and i get to experience teenage love? and i even actually like going to school. this is all i ever wanted

oh, for a hot second I also became topic of the school kinda? everyone kinda talked about a guy and me being together (while the two of us have never even talked about US??)

a while after that he became my boyfriend btw

the boyfriend part is still insane to me. it's definitely not what i expected (i don't even know what i expected), but it's cool.

I'm still really confused about my sexuality because i feel like i absolutely don't like any other male than my boyfriend? i actually absolutely despise most men. but well

we're both aware that it probably won't last forever, because we're literally teenagers and i think that's good? and i feel like he actually likes me. it's all so cliché. he really likes the parts of me where i feel like I'm "too much"

in conclusion, I'm just really happy right now.

PS: i can't just make a daily life update, so now I'm calling it my diary and it will get its own tag yayy!! #fionas diary, the only other post under this tag is about shrek. what a surprise.

[blindedbythesunnnn]

im. so. in. love. 🥺