On first date
Me: would you like a golden gaytime?
Her: what?
Me:

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On first date
Me: would you like a golden gaytime?
Her: what?
Me:
First impressions
They are certain things you wanna avoid when youre breaking the ice with a gal. It should go without say that telling a girl the day she was conceived is one of them......but thats EXACTLY what i managed to do today. We were chatting, conversation turned to zodiac signs and how shes a scorpio, her younger sister is a scorpio and her dad is a scorpio, but the sisters birthdays were a day apart and the dads was within a week. Reflexively i figure out the most likely explaination and tell her. "Thats not so uncommon, it is 9 months after valentines day" then i watched her face as she processed that meant she was likely the product of her parents Valentine's day romance. Which was followed by disgust as she wasnt fond of that running through her head and then anger as she blamed me for scarring her for life. (I turned it around, but we are talking about my failures here😂)
Okay, so I went on a date for the first time in my life (I'm almost 22) and we were driving around in his car and he held his hand out to me and I literally looked at it and went "what do you want?"
He wanted to hold my hand
I just have the worst luck ever.
It's ok though. Being patient because he's worth it :)
Wow thank you you worthless piece of shit. I am ready for the date and all you do is dump me after I am ready to go, because you feel 'tired'. Fuck you. You should have told me earlier and not about an hour before we were supposed to meet.
breaking up a douche who pretends he is into science and shit
Me: Do you subscribe to the multi-verse theory?
Dude: What?
Me: Do you believe in multiple universes? You know, where all actions are taken and happen at the same time and only one action reflects in the plane which you are currently aware of?
Dude: What? No. Why?
Me: Because if you did, you would know that in at least one universe we continue dating but not in this one.