#first love?

[tearinlan]

i kinda cringe when i re-read this poem but it was a feeling i felt so constantly in that period of my life, so i’m posting it!

[kazuwrites]

"The first person that you fall in love with will have an impact in your life."

This quote has struck me; from the move Fall in Love at First Kiss, a Chinese movie version of the manga Itazura na Kiss.

I was casually flipping through the pages of my poem notebook when suddenly, this quotation popped in my head, well with my opinion agreeing to it. It had dawned upon me how much I really liked (loved maybe?) That guy -- the one I might say is my first love.

It REALLY impacted my life as I have observed the contents of my notes. The amounts of poems, the adjectives, the structure, the story, etc. Somehow, when I was writing about him, it felt so natural, it felt so right. It kinda felt like home after a long travel around the world; the familiarity, the comfort, the love.

It was when I realized that I really didn't take my feelings seriously after "getting over" him. It took me quite some time to forget and get over him, encountering five different men in total.

The next thing I new, I became the epitome of this quotation -- five different men yet I was still looking for someone like him, someone that resembles him, someone that felt familiar.

I didn't know I was already hurting those men; I was internally comparing them to my first love, the way they all differ from him. It wasn't until someone seriously hit on me when I realized that I was utilizing some of these men to get over that guy.

I felt like a fucking playboy, entertaining suitors and admirers while still thinking of him. I corrected my mistakes and hoped to make amends. Not until the wreck; the destruction of my image.

I will not further elaborate the cause of my trust issues and the reason why I don't take suitors seriously anymore but yes, I made a mistake. I made it clear and apologized but I guess it wasn't enough for that person.

Somehow I found another guy to fawn upon, taller, smarter, purer and kinder. But in my notebook he only had two poems, each with four stanzas. The same story, the same adjective, the same everything, just in different ways and structure.

My first love had occupied one full notebook and a half, all with irregular stanza counts. Different stories, different adjectives, not just love but greed, anger, sadness, happiness, jealousy, name it.

And I just knew;

He impacted so much in my life, my type, my preferences, my hobbies and mostly my feelings but one thing is for sure --

My writing is always yours.

Well, it's been yours since the first day.

[pettyweeb]

"My first love...."

[sho0tinthedark]

i hated you for how deeply you had managed to bury the memory of you in my mind she occupies, she strikes she stirs the pot she doubts me i am not allowed to be happy not unless you are part of it, she says

[tallkindbrave]

I miss you and your laugh

[radiehnt]

I feel as though we were only for comfort.

[lissachan504]

FOLLOWER APPRECIATION WEEK SHOWCASE

 FAN FICTION:

Submission by @fandoms-and-music

The heavy rain drops were falling further and faster onto the hard dirt of the drive, creating small dots of mud. Two pairs of feet, one in drenched chucks and another in blue flip flops, slapped their way down the drive towards the small cottage in the woods. The pair giggled and smiled their brightest smiles as they finally reached the screen porch connected to the small but cozy home. The girls had arrived at the small getaway only that day, after a 10 hour drive. The drive had been nice, full of stops for fun roadside pictures and music blasting out of the windows, the pair singing sweetly and obnoxiously all at the same time. They had finally unpacked and taken an hour long nap, tangled in each other’s arms, when they awoke to a clock displaying in bright numbers the time – 5:46 PM.

Off to dinner and ice cream near one of the many lakes from the local ice cream parlor. One ordered a standard swirled cone, and another a sundae drenched in hot fudge and whipped cream. The taller of the pair leaned down and swiftly licked a dribble of cream and fudge off of the corner of the shorter’s lips. Both broke into bashful smiles, whispering nothings as sweet as the ice cream into each other’s ears.

Only when the pair decided to head home did the torrential rain break from the grey and overcast sky. The couple had walked to the town, but sadly carried no umbrella between the two of them. They ran, grabbing for each other’s slippery hands, keeping together as if their contact was their lifeline. Hearts were pounding and breaths were short, but neither cared. After nearly falling into the muddy dirt road several times, the pair made it back to the cottage. The smaller went immediately to the fireplace, grabbing some spare dry wood next to the stone sides of the fireplace and started to build a soon-to-be roaring fire. The larger went to the bathroom and quickly grabbed some soft and fluffy towels, wrapping the largest and softest around her partner.

Soon enough the pair were dry and content, sipping hot chocolates, disregarding the heat of the roaring fire in front of them. The rain had stopped, the world sitting in a silent haze, the nearby lake seemingly frozen in time with mist rising from the now cold surface. The taller had an idea.

Slowly, she coerced her partner to let her rise from the warm towels and blankets, placing her hot chocolate on a nearby table and running outside towards the lake. There were tall trees all around, shielding the small cottage from harsh daylight during the day while preserving long shadows at night. She ran onto the dock, checking for any sign of clouds, and smiled. She ran quickly over the trees’ fallen pine needles and green brush up to the cottage door. Opening the door, she ran past the large picture window that covered a whole wall of the house and into the next room. Nearly picking up her darling partner bridal style, the pair headed down to the dock, the smaller closing her eyes as instructed, and holding on for dear life as the other carried her.

It was finally late enough for the stars to lift away their veils of daylight, and it was miraculous. Small dots, large dots, some in clumps and some far apart dashed across the sky like freckles on summer skin. They rose high above the trees and past the sanctuary of the lake for miles. The couple loved space and the night sky, especially the smaller one – in the past they had spent many an evening sitting at windows or outside in green grass, chatting and contemplating anything and everything under the – well – moon. The smile on the smaller’s face was so bright it rivaled the sun. The pair sat on the edge of the dock, toes swirling in the lake water. Their toes stirred the stars in the water, creating milky galaxies that one could only dream about. The smaller stretched up slightly to the taller and gave a chaste kiss to the other’s lips, and smiled. Happiness is possible, especially under the wonders that are stars.

 THANK YOU FOR SHARING THIS AMAZINGLY CUTE PIECE!