Feb 19, 2023
Just who are the press getting these informations from
seen from United States
seen from Bangladesh
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from Germany
seen from China
seen from China
seen from Germany
seen from Sweden
seen from Russia
seen from Singapore
seen from United States
seen from Canada
seen from Australia
seen from China
seen from China
seen from Netherlands
seen from United States
Just who are the press getting these informations from
Vast open sky, Could do no harm. Like an embrace, From mother's arms. In sunlight. In sunlight.
In sunlight. In sunlight... Lyrics from: No Sunlight by Death Cab for Cutie
Painful Phone Calls
Prompt for @stagnantnostalgia90: It’s about few months after Adrian leaving and Deran gets a phone call and it’s the first time he hears his voice since after he left. Basically Adrian is broken, says he’s scared and lost being alone, apologies for that one line and Deran just worries all the more. Basically they’re an emotional mess on the phone.
Days turns to weeks, weeks turns to months and life in Oceanside moves on from Smurf’s death. People questioned Adrian’s disappearance but even then, most people have moved on. Except for Deran. Deran feels numb, he feels cold and every second that passes by is just as painful as the one before.
He stays loyal to his brothers, tries to help out with Craig. Getting him things he needs cause he is not going to hold that baby. He tells Pope and J what they need or want to hear. Nods his head and stays quiet. He knows his brothers are worried about him but he can’t find the strength to ease their concerns. He made his choice, his loyalty to his family but the weight of staying behind, not knowing where Adrian actually is. He constantly wonders if he is safe? Did he make it there?
“Hey, are you okay?” Angela asks, breaking him out of his thoughts remembering he is at the house, following one of their meetings. He looks over to the woman, sees her hand on his arm and he pulls away.
“I’m fine.” He mumbles.
“Are you sure? You don’t look fine.”
“Angela I really need you to stop asking me if I am okay every time you see me. It is getting annoying.” He spits at her, knowing Pope would probably chew his ass out for it later. He felt his phone vibrate in pocket and goes to grab it, walking away from the her.
He sees an unknown number and usually he doesn’t answer it but something stops him from declining the call.
“Hello?” He answers only to be met with no answer. He can hear choppy breathing on the other end but no one speaks.
“Who is this?” He says, moving to his old bedroom and closes the door.
Finally something comes through on the other end and it almost knocks Deran off his feet.
“Deran.”
“Adrian.” Deran breathes out, dropping down on the floor, sitting up against his old bed. “How… What… Are you okay?” Deran asks struggling to find the words to say.
“What do you think? I am alive I guess.” Adrian mumbles out. His voice rough and scratchy. “But no I am not okay.”
Deran swallows hard, tipping his head back as the familiar burn comes to his eyes. “Adrian-”
“Why did you ask me to come back? You should have just left me at Jess’s place. Or better yet you should have just let Smurf kill me. I don’t know anybo… Deran I AM NOT OKAY.” Adrian lets out, emotions flooding his voice.
Deran doesn’t answer, his heart aching hearing the other boy cries on the other line. All his fears are answers as he hears the pain. He kept telling himself that if he got Adrian away from here, he would be safe. That as long as Adrian was alive, he would be okay but it turns out he was wrong. Nothing about Adrian was okay.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know what else to do. You weren’t safe here.” He tries to explain.
“Yeah I know, I heard you the first time. When you left me alone to leave the only place that was home for me. Why Deran? Just answer me that. Did you really think I could do this on my own?”
“I was going to go with you. I had every intention of going. I wanted to, Adrian please, believe me. I just I saw the car and I couldn’t leave. My brothers needed me.” He pleads, feeling this monster clawing at his throat, begging to be let out.
“AND I DIDN’T? Deran I have no one now and I can’t ever come back. I wish I didn’t listen to you. I can never see Jess again, I can’t watch Charlie grow up and I can’t.. I can’t come home.”
By that time both Deran and Adrian are crying so hard, neither could tell which sob was coming from whom.
“Why couldn’t you just let me go to jail? I wouldn’t have said anything. I never betrayed you before, I wouldn’t have-” Adrian begs.
“You don’t know that. Prison..You saw what it did to Pope and that was for only four years what do you think it would do to you? If it didn’t kill you, it would have made your life a living hell.”
“It isn’t any better than where I am now! I am alone and heartbroken in a foreign country where I don’t know anyone or anything. I am already in hell Deran.”
“Adrian please.” Deran sobs out desperate for it to stop. Hearing everything he feared, everything he regretted, out in the open from the one person he knows he hurt the most. The knife that has been lodged in his chest just gets pushed deeper and deeper with every word Adrian is saying.
“What can I do?” Deran whispers.
Adrian lets out a whimper as Deran hears a thump on the other end of the phone. Deran doesn’t think he ever experience such a painful phone call. He has been hurt before but this.. He hasn’t even had nightmares that hurt as bad as this.
“I don’t know anymore. There is nothing you can do I guess. I just.. I miss my home, I miss my family. Gosh even though I hate you right now, I miss you. I miss you and your stupid oily greasy hair, and your scruffy face, I miss our over expensive wooden house, I miss our bed and our shower. I just want to come home.”
Deran bites down a cry as Adrian continues talking. He wanted to go with Adrian so badly that night but half of him just couldn’t leave Pope and Craig. He tries to tell himself he did the right thing. He got Adrian safely out of oceanside. He wants to believe his brothers would never harm Adrian, he couldn’t make that promise. Who knows what Smurf put in J’s head before she died? Or what if the drug cartel that Adrian flipped on caught wind that it was him? There was no way Adrian could stay but he hated himself for not going with him.
“I’m sorry. I am so sorry.” Deran finally breaks down, holding the phone tightly to his ear as he falls to the floor not knowing he was being watched.
Pope and J has been watching as Deran crumbles down, begging for forgiveness. Pope has hated seeing his brother like this. A shell of his former self, closed off, and alone. Deran says he stayed for them, that Adrian was safe but Pope knew the moment Adrian drove off, half of his brother left with him. He looks to his nephew wondering what the younger boy is thinking. These past months he has been learning that this boy was not to be underestimated, he is smart but also cunning which was a loaded weapon if not handled properly. Smurf was the same way and left on her own, she became a monster. J is still young, so there is still hope.
Pope grabs J shoulder to bring him in the room before closing the door. He walks quietly to his crying brother, placing his hand on Deran’s arm. Deran jumps at the contact, sitting up with fear and confusion in his eyes, reminding Pope of a scared cornered animal.
He slowly brings his hand to the phone curling his fingers around the device. Deran fights him, not wanting to lose the connection to Adrian but Pope wins and takes it away.
“Adrian.” He says into the device. “I need you to listen to me. Tell me exactly where you are.”
Deran looks over to J, seeing him leaning on the dresser with his arms crossed over his chest, watching them like he always does. He knows how he works. He observes before striking. He crouches in on himself, embarrassed to be seen like this.
Pope hangs up and watches as Deran stares at the phone. He has never seen his brother look so lost. He has always been guarded, all the times Smurf tried to mess with his head, when Billy became just another let down, when Baz was killed but this time it was different. These past months he has been so hard to get through but he guesses talking to Adrian opened the dam. Pope can see everything he has probably been holding back for months.
“Deran. Enough is enough. Tell us everything you know about Adrian’s case.”
Deran shakes his head as he tries to move away from him, bringing his knees up to chest hugging them close. “No. It is too late.”
“Maybe not.” J says from his spot in the room. “We might be able to keep him out of jail but it is going to take all of us. You were never going to be able to do this on your own.”
Pope grabs his brother by his shoulders, squeezing them to grab Deran’s attention.
“Deran, you stayed for us right?”
Deran sighs out, nodding his head before looking down at himself.
“Then let us help you.”
YOUR GIRL GOT A LP TATTOO WOHOOO
insert music note
:3
ghost river by nightwish
jesus christus by adam angst
remnants by be'lakor
social suicide by bad religion
and
what the water gave me by mishkin fitzgerald
IT'S BEEN A YEAR SINCE MY ONE DIRECTION CONCERT
As much as people joke about Tobey Maguire looking goofy in the Spiderman movies I really respect that he doesn’t do that Hollywood thing where he has to look pretty no matter how distraught, distracted or in pain he is. Like if you’re trying to slingshot a fucking train with your body you’re face isn’t gonna be in photoshoot-mode, you’re focus is gonna be on your body not tearing in half.
I'm getting a filling Not excited