~MY SANCTUARY~
A Caesar(POTA) X Human! Reader fanfic
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Word count: 4,661
Rating: Mature
Warnings: SA: inappropriate touching/groping/contact/rubbing, mention of gore, body horror, spiders, feeling paralyzed/unable to move, being unable to speak, overwhelming fear and helplessness, brief hysteria
If I miss any other warnings, please let me know so I can add it!
A/N- So sorry for delaying for a week! As I mentioned in my update post last Saturday, this month has been unexpectedly busy 😅 But, I was finally able to squeeze in some time to edit the next chapter! Hope y’all like it, cuz honestly I’m not entirely sure how I feel about this one 💀 Let me know what you think! If you’d like pfft.
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~Chapter 5~
The first thing I registered was the searing pain erupting from my abdomen, a rough and scalding hand exploring the space hungrily, my body refusing to move beneath a heavy weight above me.
My vision was blurred, barely making out a dark figure above me as their hands continued to explore my body, feeling as if they left my skin burned and blistered at every surface they touched. I tried to scream, but nothing came out of my gaping mouth, even as I felt an uncomfortable heat being pushed up against my bare pelvis.
No.
This can’t be happening.
Where am I?
Why am I here?
Who is-
As if a light had been flicked on, my vision cleared and I almost vomited at the sight above me, my skin crawling with spiders and veins freezing over.
The man.
He was bloodied and covered in large nasty bruises, his chest caved in as if he had been brutally pounded and crushed by something, ribs protruding from the skin and sticking out in unnatural and nauseating directions. His head didn’t fare any better— skull split wide open and skin hanging from the bone, blood continuously oozing from every opening, and a gaping black hole in place of his right eye.
I felt my entire body tremble in horror, my limbs frozen in place as if I was witnessing the moment out of the eyes of a doll, unable to do anything but watch and feel with extremely sensitive skin as he explored my bare body, my skin darkening as if it was decomposing at his touch.
I was hyper aware of everything that was happening, the noises he was making a disturbing distortion of gurgles and screaming— the feeling of thousands of spiders scurrying over me and sinking their fangs into my skin. Sweltering hands left their mark on my skin as they explored every surface of my being, the unwelcome and vile touch reaching into and invaded my insides, crushing my lungs and tangling up my innards, all the while a scorching and vile obtrusion rubbed almost animalisticly against my most private quarters.
It was too much.
Everything was too much.
I couldn’t take it.
Let me go!
Stop!
Please stop!
Then, I was suddenly hearing my voice let out a shrill scream, finally being able to feel my limbs as I frantically tried to push the man away, my hands making no contact as if he had been a ghost. I could feel tears streaming down my face, unable to catch my breath as I hysterically kicked and pushed with all I could muster, crying uncontrollably at the phantom sensations of hands gripping my arms. I could still see the shadowed silhouette of the man hovering over me, a thick and dark substance oozing from his wide eyes and gaping mouth.
I needed to get away.
I needed to run.
I needed to-
A hand that felt too warm and leathery against my sensitive skin was suddenly placed on my shoulder, followed by an incoherent noise sounding beside me, to which I let out a terrified scream, sobbing all the while I desperately pushed myself away from the touch, my back making contact with a wall.
I was trapped.
I didn’t even register the words that were bubbling out of my mouth, too hysterical to even take in my surroundings, instead focusing on desperately brushing off the phantom hands and spiders that were crawling over my skin.
I don’t know how long I had been doing that, but my ears started to pick up an almost silent and gentle noise coming from just ahead of me, to which I tried to focus on out of slight confusion and curiosity, lifting my head and trying to blink my tears away. Little by little, the deafening sounds in my head started to let up, the soft noise becoming more clear.
“… You… Are… Safe.”
The voice clearly spoke in a soothing tone, a gentle rumble following the words.
As my vision slowly started to return from my delirious state, heart hammering loudly in my chest, I then noticed pale-gold fur almost glistening in the dark. The sight of it was soothing and familiar, helping to gradually bring me back to reality.
I was in Ravi’s hut.
In my own nest that he had built for me.
He was sitting on the edge of my nest, fur sticking up in haphazard and messy directions, but looking as soft as silk. His expression was extremely worried, jade rimmed with gold flicking between my eyes, gently cooing and letting out concerned hoots, repeating over and over that I was safe in a slow whisper.
Realizing that I was not back at that camp— with that man— my eyes blurred once again, but this time out of overwhelming relief, feeling myself numbly scramble towards Ravi and desperately throwing my arms around his torso, squeezing as hard as I could as I frantically buried my face against the silky fur on his chest with the most heartbreaking sob I had ever heard come out of my mouth. The force of it shook my entire being.
Feeling long and steady arms wrap around me the instant I collided with him, I allowed myself to release all of the fear from my system, clutching his fur as I let out petrified, broken, and breathless sobs, pressing myself as close as possible to him as if yearning for him to rid my mind of the nightmare I had realized I just woke up from.
Skin still feeling overly sensitive, I could feel every brush and tickle of his fur as he held me, hearing his heart hammering in his broad chest as he took in deep breaths, his muzzle nuzzling against the top of my head. I felt completely encased by him, his short legs wrapping around my thighs and clutching his feet together behind me, holding me so close and so tightly— yet gently— that my fear eventually started to ebb away.
I was safe with Ravi, and this very moment had only solidified that fact.
Even from my own nightmares, my best friend would protect me.
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After that first night I had arrived— waking up from that terrifyingly real nightmare— almost all of the apes seemed to stare at me in worry the next day, to which Cornelia stepped in to stop them from staring, whisking me away to start teaching me what she had offered to teach, knowing the distraction would help my anxiety.
Now and then, as days and weeks passed, I would get similar nightmares— more those first few nights in Ravi’s hut— but the golden-furred chimp was always there for me, carefully bringing me out of my hysteria and comforting me afterwards, staying with me until I fell asleep.
During the day, I learned everything I could from Maurice and Cornelia in the safety of the communal area. I hadn’t stepped a foot out of the colony since I had arrived, determined to learn as quick as possible, and also scared at the possibility of running into any humans outside of the wall, even though I knew that I would some day have to accompany Cornelia and the other female apes to gather food for the colony. But when Cornelia and the females did leave, I always stayed with Maurice to listen in on his education for the young chimps, soaking everything up like a sponge and helping him with the rowdy children as best I could. Although it was difficult at times, I absolutely adored them, easily gaining their trust and allowing them to sit in my lap, on my shoulder, or even on my head if they were small enough, grooming my hair whether it was down or up in a ponytail or braid. I never minded if they messed my hair up, or got mud on me.
The times Cornelia stayed behind instead of foraging, it was because she was either too tired to go, or she had to stay to care for the sick and injured, as she was the head medic in the colony. I tried learning everything I could from her, knowing that the knowledge would be extremely useful, so any time I was free and she was needing help, I jumped at the chance to help. Sure, it was difficult guessing when she was explaining in signs what a specific plant did or how to apply certain pastes, but we managed, and I was able to learn a few signs for a few plants I recognized.
Oh, and at some point, I was finally able to ask Caesar about the clothing I wished to get rid of, to which he took from my hands without a word, surprising me but also making me feel grateful that I wouldn’t have to deal with them anymore. And at another point during the weeks that passed, after Ravi had once again pressed his forehead against mine before leaving to hunt with the group responsible for hunting that day, I had asked Caesar about it, to which he had responded that it was a sign of trust, of friendship, of family, and of love.
The gesture warmed my heart, and knowing that Caesar had done the same to me that day in the small alcove behind the waterfall— which had become my designated bathing spot— it made me realize that he trusted me enough to consider me as a friend, or even family. And after that day, I started doing the same to Ravi at times, placing my forehead against his when I was too grateful for words to express what I was feeling, or when I was simply greeting him back from his hunting trips with the others, always getting the chimp to beam happily at me, his mood improving immediately. It made me happy that he accepted the gesture, but lately I had also wished to express it towards another, my adoration for the ape king only strengthening as the days passed.
I wanted to express how much I trusted him, how much I was grateful to him, how much I wanted to follow him. I looked up to him as a benevolent leader. But, I was too shy and afraid of how he would react, so I decided not to go through with it whenever I was close enough to him and the thought came to mind.
I did start to include Cornelia and Maurice at one point however, feeling comfortable enough with them to express that I thought of them as a part of my family, trusting them and being extremely thankful to the both of them for taking the time to teach me everything I needed to know. And I was learning fairly quickly, according to Caesar and Ravi, who watched my ASL improve daily to the point I was able to sign basic words and start to understand bits and pieces of what others were signing.
It made me giddy, finally getting the basis of what Ravi was signing to me. And learning sign also helped me get closer to the other apes, to the point I was now accepted, as if I’d been with the colony since the beginning.
Of course, Koba still rather avoided me and shot me unpleasant looks, but everyone else became comfortable with me, sometimes even initiating conversations as I was mending a basket with Cornelia’s supervision. It made me happy that I was finally with a group who I got along with, who provided food for me, who worked as a community to get things done instead of putting all the work onto me, and who kept me safe.
I never wanted to leave the colony.
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“Wait wait wait. Hold on. You’re saying that all this time I’ve been with you… That I’ve sat right next to you for weeks as you taught me things… You’ve been pregnant? And you only just decided to tell me?” I asked in shock, moving my hands along now and then to sign the words I had learned as I spoke, blinking owlishly at the apparently pregnant chimp sitting beside me. There wasn’t even any obvious sign.
Said chimp seemed to smile in amusement, her hands deftly mending an animal skin blanket for a small chimp that was anxiously watching her work, a finger sticking into his mouth with wide impatient eyes. His friends wished to play with him, as they tried to get his attention with hoots and hollers, but he paid them no mind, hoping to get his blanket fixed as soon as possible. It still amazed me just how similar humans and apes could be as I spent time with them over the past month or so.
“Yes. —— — our first child. I —— ——— soon.” I watched her sign after she placed the blanket on her lap for a moment, trying hard to understand every word but missing a few of the signs. But, I got the gist of what she was saying.
She will be due soon? How soon?
“Your first child with Caesar?” I asked in surprise, feeling something slightly unpleasant in my gut. As if it had dropped into a chasm with my innards twisting uncomfortably.
Why did I feel that?
And what did it even mean?
Deciding to ignore the strange feeling, I smiled as Cornelia nodded, feeling extremely happy for her despite the discomfort in my gut. “Oh my gosh, congrats to you both! I’m so happy for you. I’m sure the baby will come out happy and healthy, and will grow up to be a strong and amazing leader like their papa.”
At my words and slowly improving signs, the female chimp smiled warmly at me, lifting her hand and brushing her fingers against my cheek, the contact lasting only a moment before she pulled back to sign.
“Thank you, sweets.”
I couldn’t stop my smile from widening at the nickname she had given me at some point as we got to know each other over the past month, the nickname coming from when I had randomly brought up sweets during one of our talks, telling her that I had sometimes missed the pastries my parents would buy for my family. I had a large family, so they often bought a lot when I was younger, my favorites typically being anything made with peaches. And that knowledge had been eavesdropped on and taken advantage of by-
“Peaches!”
Think of him and he shall appear.
Letting out a playful groan, I rolled my head over to look up at a muddied chimp, his canines exposed in a wide smile as mud dripped from his form and plopped onto the stone below, his arms spread wide open in expectation of a hug.
“Oh, hi Ravi.” I said in a deadpan, trying hard not to break into a smile as I got back to work weaving vines into a basket. Said ape let out a huff, pouting and furrowing his eyebrows at me, bottom lip sticking out as his arms dropped, hanging in front of him like deadweight.
“So mean. I… get back from… hunt and… best friend won’t… hug me.” Hearing the whine in his slightly raspy voice made me bite my bottom lip to stop myself from laughing as I turned my head away so he wouldn’t notice, catching Cornelia’s amused smile while she focused and worked on the blanket. She seemed to have gotten used to our antics and playful bickering over time, and sometimes even found them amusing, to which I was happy for since I preferred to be myself around the chimp I secretly looked to as my unofficial adoptive mother.
“Psh! As if I would hug a chimp covered head to toe in mud! Get yourself cleaned, sunshine, and then we can talk.” I huffed out, shifting in my spot to turn my back towards him, not even bothering to sign to him as I wanted to finish the basket I was creating before dinner.
Although I was improving in my basket weaving, I wished I could be as fast as Cornelia. She was so skilled at it.
Thinking that Ravi had decided to do just that at the sound of his leathery feet softly palming against the stone floor, I didn’t register his footsteps coming closer until it was too late. A cold and sticky body flopped right onto my back, causing me to jump with a choked gasp at the unexpected cold feeling, long, firm arms wrapping around my chest, smothering my clothes, hair, and arms in mud— and a few stray sticks and leaves.
“Ravi! I just washed this shirt!” I hissed out in surprise and slight frustration, trying to wiggle out of his grip, but to no avail. Gosh, these apes were strong.
“Come on! You… didn’t have problem… first day… we met!” The chimp spoke against my ear, as he had rested his chin against my shoulder, making himself comfortable against my back. From the sound of his voice, he sounded amused by my frustration.
Ugh, why did my best friend have to be such a menace at times.
“You know why I wasn’t bothered by getting muddy that day.” I mumbled mostly to myself, but Ravi was too close to hear as his hold on me slackened out of melancholy from my words, to which I impulsively took advantage of and pried his arms away from me, snickering at the surprised hoot I got from him.
“I missed you too Ravi, but now I have to wash up before dinner— because I don’t want to risk eating mud— which might take long enough that I will have to eat after you and the others have already eaten.” My words had meant to be taken sarcastically and as a playful jab at the ape, rotating my chest to face him and to poke his flat nose, but the look of guilt on his face made me pause, his brows furrowed slightly.
Feeling a pang of guilt through my chest, I let out a quiet sigh of disappointment in myself, smiling softly and apologetically towards him as I lifted my hand to place my palm against his cheek, wiping away some of the mud caked onto the spot sticky fur bordered the bare skin of his face.
“Sorry for reacting like that. Sometimes I say things I don’t realize may come off as rude— or may come off as me blaming you for something. I wasn’t trying to make you feel guilty, honest. You know I love your hugs, so even if I do get a little muddy, I still enjoy it. Don’t let my words or spontaneous frustration make you think otherwise, okay? And I’m sure I’ll finish as everyone is getting together to eat, so it’s not a big deal. I just overreacted. It’s okay. I’m not mad at you.” I spoke in a quiet tone, hoping that my words would perk him right up, feeling guilty for making him feel guilty.
Sometimes I wish I was mute. So I wouldn’t accidentally hurt the people I truly care about from what I say without thinking.
Shifting in my crisscrossed position to fully face and focus on him, I continued to wipe mud off the fur framing his face, hoping the brief grooming session would make him relax, and to my relief, it did. Shoulders sagging, he let out soft hoots, sitting himself down to allow me to pick a leaf off of the top of his head, before he smiled a tad sheepishly at me.
“Can… bring food to… you. Like first day.” He proposed, making me smile warmly, glad that he wasn’t taking my previous words to heart.
Gosh, why did I have to open my big fat mouth and make the sweetest and most compassionate chimp I’ve ever met feel ashamed.
“If I don’t make it before everyone finishes eating, I’d really appreciate it, sunshine.” Taking his face into my hands, I pulled him close and placed my forehead against his, both in gratitude and in apology. He gently pushed back, cupping a hand against the back of my neck as the both of us took in a soft breath. I only pulled away once he was ready to, offering him an apologetic smile once again, before pushing myself up onto my feet.
“Okay then, I guess I’ll go and wash up as quick as I can. Sorry Cornelia, I’ll have to finish the basket after dinner. And don’t you start blaming yourself for that, Ravi. I doubted I would’ve finished before then anyways.” I said, pointing at the light-furred chimp with a lighthearted glare, then gave a brief shrug at my last statement, to which a small smile spread across his thin lips, canines just barely peeking out underneath them.
“It is alright. It —— not need — — done today.” She signed with a gentle smile, seeming to have finished repairing the blanket during my talk with Ravi, as her lap was now occupied with a different animal skin blanket.
Nodding my thanks, I left with a wave towards the both of them, speeding off towards the opening to the topmost rock shelf beside the waterfall, where all of the huts and homes that could not fit within the communal walls were scattered along the shelves of the sheer cliffside. But, before I could cross through the threshold, a rough but light grunt sounded from behind, making me stop in an instant as I knew exactly who it was.
“I need to speak… with you… for a moment.” After all this time, Caesar’s pronunciations and vocabulary started to improve, the time we’ve talked on the occasion seeming to have helped in that regard.
Feeling a tad nervous as to what he wanted to talk about, but being too loyal and respectful towards him to find a way to slip away, I turned towards him with an air of meekness, watching as he walked up to me. I still could not get over the fact he was taller than me by five inches. I believe chimps were usually around four feet, or something.
Then again, I could be wrong. Which was a very common occurrence.
“… Yes?” My voice came out too quiet and hesitant for my taste, but Caesar didn’t seem to mind. Instead, his eyes softened from my obvious nerves.
“Don’t worry. You… are not in trouble.” He started in a gentle tone, emerald eyes taking in my tense shoulders relaxing. I was an open book to him. Though, I supposed I kinda was around the other apes too.
“It has been… thirty eight nights. I think… it’s time you go… with the females to… forage tomorrow morning.”
The words he spoke caused my nerves to spike up once again for a different reason, my hand instinctively reaching to the hem of my shirt to grip and pull down, to which Caesar’s eyes trailed down at the motion. His brows furrowed, brilliant emerald green shifting into a slightly darker hue, as if being encased in shadows.
“B-but, I’m not ready. I still h-have so much to learn here. I’m still learning sign. Still learning your history and learning-“
“There are no other humans.”
That clear statement made me pause, staring almost wide-eyed up at him. I had never heard him sound so tender.
“You don’t… have to be scared. You need… to step out and learn… outside the walls. Or you… will not improve.”
Although his next words were spoken in a gentle voice— words rumbling deep in his throat— what he said was a little firm compared to the tender way he previously spoke, making me snap out of my brief awe to tense up slightly.
He knew why I was scared of leaving the safety of the walls.
Of course he knew.
Remaining silent for a good while, Caesar patiently waiting for my response, I lowered my head until some of the long hair tucked behind my ear slipped down to curtain my face, anxiously chewing my bottom lip. “… But… What if I do run into another h-human. I don’t think I would be a-able to…”
To run.
I had a feeling I would freeze on the spot. That my body would refuse to move, to get as far away from the human as possible. I never realized till now, but just the thought of humans made me lock up, my heart hammering in my chest and my mind flashing through all of the pain I had gone through around other humans over the past two years.
“I will tell Ravi… to go with… you. We haven’t seen any… other humans… on our patrols, but… he will keep watch. You will be safe. But, know… there will be a time… Ravi won’t be able… to always keep watch. You will have… to learn not to be… afraid.”
Once again, his tone was gentle, but he also made it clear that I will have to go tomorrow, no matter what I said. It made my gut churn in anxiety, my grip only tightening on the hem of my shirt, hands shaking and heart hammering away in my chest.
But, despite my fear, my anxiety, I did not want to disappoint Caesar.
The ape I owed my life to.
My leader and the one I looked up to.
So, I gave a small nod, head still tilted down as I spoke in a shaky voice. “… O-okay…”
I knew that he was just showing tough love, but gosh dangit, I was really hoping I would never have to step foot out of the colony.
Before I could turn around and drag my feet down to my bathing spot, I felt a warm digit lightly ghost under my chin, almost tenderly, only to slowly push my chin up, my eyes lifting as my head did to look into Caesar’s eyes. The emerald green orbs were truly breathtaking… What the heck was I thinking?! He had a mate! A mate that I saw as my unofficial adoptive mother!
Get a grip, idiot!
“We will keep you safe. The females… will keep you safe. You are not alone… anymore.”
The sound of his voice, so soft and low as if he had purred out the words, made my knees go weak, but his words comforted me greatly as he lifted a hand to carefully tuck my hair behind an ear, closing my eyes when I noticed him starting to lean in. I couldn’t hold back a sigh when his forehead was placed against mine, his hand slipping under my hair to cup the back of my neck, holding me still and with great care.
It had been the first time he had done this since the time in the cave, and, for some reason, this time felt more special. More personal. It caused my heart to race and made my gut feel all fuzzy, filled with butterflies fluttering about. But I tried to bury the feelings.
It wasn’t right.
However, despite knowing that what I was feeling wasn’t right, I couldn’t help but greedily absorb the feeling of his forehead against mine, having wished to do this with him all this time but was too afraid to initiate it. So, I didn’t move until he decided to, enjoying every last bit of the moment, swallowing down the guilt I started to feel as the firm grasp on my feelings started to slacken.
Why did I feel this way? When did this start to happen? How could I stop this from getting worse? How could I feel this way, when he already had a mate? A mate that was so kind, patient, and was like a mother to me…
It had to be because of them… It made sense. They are horrible and greedy creatures… Always wishing for things they didn’t have…
Why was I born a human.
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Thank you so much for reading this chapter! And thank you to those who have been following along with this story so far 🩵 I really appreciate y’all q7q