i didn’t know happiness could feel like this — not loud or overwhelming or like something i had to chase before it slipped away. it felt… gentle. steady. like waking up and realizing the thing you’ve been reaching for is already in your hands. for so long, being in love with @fishercon meant wanting more than i could have, or pretending i didn’t. it meant confusion and timing and wishing the universe would give us one break, just one. but now, when i look at him — really look at him — it feels different. i don’t see the distance that used to live behind his eyes, or the walls he used so carefully to protect himself. i see him. the boy i loved at fourteen, the one who broke my heart at sixteen, and the version of him now — softer around the edges, steadier, like he finally stopped fighting the world and himself. and maybe the biggest surprise is how safe it feels. how natural. how right. there’s no knot in my stomach wondering what he’s thinking. no guessing. no walking around the parts of him he was afraid to show. he lets me in now. completely. and i didn’t realize how much i’d needed that until i had it.
sometimes i still catch myself waiting for something to go wrong, because that’s how it always used to be with us — a high followed by a fall. but then he reaches for my hand without thinking, or says my name in that soft, quiet way, like it’s a secret he’s finally allowed to keep… and the worry just disappears. we’re happy. we really are. and the best part is: it doesn’t feel temporary. it feels like something we built, something we fought for, something we grew into. conrad and i — we finally feel like the version of us we were always supposed to be. and god… i love him. not in the old, aching way, but in a way that feels like breathing. like home. like he’s not just part of my life — he’s woven into every piece of it. ❛❛ hey, ❜❜ i say, nudging his arm lightly, just because i want to touch him. ❛❛ you know… i keep thinking about how far we’ve come. how different everything feels now. ❜❜ he looks at me, that small smile he only uses with me tugging at his mouth, and i feel that warmth spread through my whole chest. ❛❛ i used to be so scared we’d always be this… almost, ❜❜ i admit. ❛❛ like we’d get close, and then something would slip through our fingers again. ❜❜ i shake my head, smiling a little. ❛❛ but we didn’t lose it this time. we didn’t lose us. ❜❜ his hand finds mine, and i squeeze it, grounding myself in the feel of him. ❛❛ i’m really happy too, conrad, ❜❜ i tell him softly. ❛❛ and i want you to know… i’m here. i’m not going anywhere. choosing you — being with you — it feels right. it feels easy. ❜❜ i lean forward, brushing my nose against his cheek. ❛❛ and i love us like this. i love you like this. and i love that we finally get to keep each other. ❜❜










