i talk below about The Thing That Happened
no cuz
i wanted to be friends too.
i am not even that sure what i did anymore. but i did want to be friends. i did. and...and...and. and it kinda stings a bit? seeing others being friends with them or wanting to be friends and. i. well. i cant. because im blocked.
but they genuinely seem like such a cool and amazing person to be friends with. and i...
i don't even know if i hurt them or not. whether they saw me got reminded of something and got scared. or concerned for their own safety.
ok let me explain the context first so.
there is Fren 1 who im moots with, I met one before I met fren 2, who I am also moots with and I met him after I met one. frens 1 and 2 are moots with each other so we're like a triangle and Moot is moots with Fren 1. fren 2 is a minor which is important and Moot and fren 1 are adults.
Fren 1 gains Moot and I'm like wow omg they seem so cool and this is like the beginning of Moot's escapades on tht blog so they hadn't even made an intro post yet so I interact with some of their posts ok? like just leaving likes n stuff cuz im not sure if i should say anything more
and they also sign anons as 👾 so I was Initjally like "whoa they stole my emoji" but then I was like "nah we can share custody" mentally
but they seem super duper cool n amazing to have friends with. there was one post they made where they were seeking advice on the topic of attraction (which I am absolutely no expert on) and I tried my best to provide what little advice I could (because I genuinely didn't know what to say except those two vague things but figured it would help and also just rlly wanted to talk to them ok? ok...) on that one and yea
then they update their pinned post and it says MDNI and I'm like oh ok. so I don't touch their blog any more. sometimes I check their posts (this doesn't happen very often I don't think) and even when Fren reblogs posts (like original posts of Moot's where it's like you're taking to each other in the reblogs) to one's account (any of them) I don't interact with those either no likes no comments no reblogs nothing
and then I see notifications in my Tumblr (occasionally) of Moot liking my posts and I'm like Huhh. so I update m my bio to make it clear that I'm a minor cuz yk maybe that's like important to them? considering the whole mdni and maybe they don't know? and I also complained about the mdni i's a lot during this time.
then I later realized that Moot wasn't liking my posts necessarily, but Fren 1's reblogs of my posts. so it was a proxy i the whole time and I'm like oh ok whoops
and I steadily get more confused about it but didn't take any action about it
then Moot likes my intro post and I'm like oh well they gotta know now. like there's no freaking way they dont—its my intro post right below where it says I'm a minor in all caps.
Then I rmenwbeed that when Fren 1 nickcnamed me one reblogged my intro post and yapped there to Nickname me and I was like. Oh. Ohhhhh Moot liked that post ohh.
somewhere in there there was also a post where Fren 1 tagged Moot and I to explain why we use the 👾 emoji. I answered first, idk what Moot said.
ok so then comes the other reblogs. Y'know those posts with thousands of notes that we reblog sometimes? i reblog them from everyone including Fren 1. So I began double checking who Fren 1 has reblogged those posts from. and a lot of them were from Moot. so I used to try to find the original post of those thousand note posts to reblog that in order to uphold the mdni. cuz I didn't want the notes filtering back to Moot.
then I was like "wait these are thousand note posts, so it probably won't even show up anyway in their inbox" so I reblogged those posts from one without rlly checking whether one reblogged those from Moot or not.
so it goes "thousand note post -> Moot reblogs -> Fren 1 reblogs from Moot -> I reblog from Fren 1"
and there is one instance where I reblog one instance of Dottolone fanart made by like someone else on here and there's other art inckuded in that bunch too. Moot hates Dottore so much and they don't want "dottore defenders" interacting with them either. i make sure to mention "they're so evil I love them" because it was good art yk and I love Dottolone so much because they're so fucked up and evil fucking people and I don't defend or condone what dottore did in any way shape or form, but I like him because he's a terrible villain who did terrible things and that he truly did go all the way there. does that make sense? i like him because he's so evil and he's a piece of shit and I hate what he did to everyone, not because I think he's actually secretly a good guy.
anyway after reblogging that fanart that's when I realize that Moot blocked me. i can't find their blog anywhere but they still evidently exist based on how I can still see posts of theirs being reblogged by Fren 1. i crash out because well it's me what did we expect. I am intentionally vague about it.
i tell myself I know why — it must've been those thousand note posts. part of me is confused and upset about the hypocrisy because they were liking all my posts and the other part is scared because they prolly have the mdni for a very good reason and maybe I by accidentally violating it (through the means of thousand-note posts bc again I don't remember interacting with their own posts) made them scared or triggered or something and I felt incredibly guilty about that
and I also wonder if it was the dottore fanart?
so I try my best to ignore but honestly most mentions of them cause little mini-spirals that I have to drag myself out of. ok fine wtv.
then Fren 2 and Fren 1 are having a reblog conversation and then Fren 2 made a separate post mentioning that someone with the username [Moot's username] (not tagging them) was also liking his posts and i was like whoaaa let me warn Fren 2 that they have an mdni but discreetly! and I tried to warn and fren 2 said he wasn't planning ok interacting anyway and fren 1 said that Moot has a MDNI for a reason and I just kinda left it at that (I also wanted to throw myself down a flight of stairs bc of that but uh well)
things just keep going on normally ig, I'll see posts from Moot that Fren 1 reblogged and ignore them and if I'm feeling well enough that day it actually won't bother me but on bad days it gets to me and I beat myself up for it
and then there was this long post about abuse tips that Fren 1 reblogged from Moot. Moot actually gave their own advice in the actual reblog section of the post and that advice was important so I wanted it to be kept there but also like. mdni. notes. etc. so I apologized before I added in my two cents on that one.
so it's going or whatever and then tonight Fren 2 posted a post about wanting more moots who like a certain character (who Moot is a very big fan of—its in the username) and how this person seems cool (they didn't mention Moot by name but everyone knew who he was talking about) but they have an mdni so he to wait several months to interact and Fren 1 replied with "yea, it could be a party when that happens!" and I just.
i was already having a bad night and I just started crying. it...yeah, there was jealousy in there okay? i hate admitting any of this because it reveals what a disgusting piece of shit I am but yea it was there. I started crying and I just hated myself so much. Because I fucked that shit up. I had to have fucked that shit up in order for Moot to block me. and I was scared this whole time to say anything because wouldn't the obvious choice be to block me? for Fren 1 to exclude me and abandon me after this has happened? and I didn't want that to happen so I kept quiet but this is more important.
so yea long story short they blocked me and i know it wasn't that they were blocking any minors they came across as proven by Fren 2 seeing them in his notes and Fren 1 likes them a lot obviously so yea there we go. There it is.
You can abandon me now. I've made peace with that. I understand. (genuine)
