A Letter of Apology
Dear Flameless Candles,
I need to apologize to you all. I’m sorry. I am really really sorry for all the smack I talked about you. And trust me, there was a lot. But honestly, you need to take a little blame for this, yourself.
See, I scoffed at the words “flameless candle,” cause really, you’re NOT a candle. I get the clever name and packaging, but your’e simply not a candle. You are a flashlight disguised as a candle. You’re a candle wanna-be. There is nothing candle about you. Candles are made of wax and have a wick; you are made of plastic and have a place to put batteries. You are as much a candle as I am a runway model.
And because of this, I rolled my eyes at you.
But then, something happened. I bought a Halloween decoration that required a candle and, in a moment of insanity, I bought one of you. I felt ashamed as I popped in your required 2-AA’s. I turned you on and put you on the mantle.
I stood back to examine the effect, and dammit, if you didn’t glow beautifully. And what’s more, I could leave the room without worrying about fire. It was liberating.
Everything suddenly made sense. All the pieces fell into place. I felt like Helen Keller spelling “w-a-t-e-r” for the first time. Except, you know, it was “f-l-a-m-e-l-e-s-s c-a-n-d-l-e-s.”
I ran back to the store and bought more of you. I even bought some of you that operated by remote. REMOTE. I am having a love affair with you now. I love you so much I want to marry you and have your votive babies.
Because in the end, I didn’t really NEED a candle; I needed a light. And a battery operated light is exactly what you are. So what if you want to appear as something that you aren't? That kind of thinking means you could do GREAT on social media.
So, in closing, I'm really sorry.
Keep shining, Flameless Candles. Keep shining. xoxo
(PS. Don't forget; this sort of was your fault, too.)
