Last Friday, thieves in Papa New Guinea robbed an armoured car carrying nearly 6.3 million kina ($2.5 million).
The PNG police believe it was an inside job, but I also have a list of subjects.
1) The American Government.
Everyone is talking about the shutdown. There are people out of jobs, couples not being able to get married in national parks, tourists not being able to spend money at the Smithsonian. Journalists are having a field day speculating what's going to happen.
My theory: it's just an elaborate distraction! While everyone is wondering what the American Government's next move will be, spies are secretly stealing money all around the world to help pay off America's debt and therefore there being no reason to raise the debt ceiling.
2) George Clooney, and the crew of the film Gravity.
Gravity, the space thriller staring George Clooney and Sandra Bullock took in $55.8 million dollars at the box office this weekend. Opening at 3,575 locations the film now holds the record for an opening weekend record in October. Now I’m sure the film is outstanding, hell I’m going to pay $20 to go see it. But we do have film evidence in both Oceans 11, 12, and 13, that George Clooney can pull of a heist. And it wouldn’t surprise me if Sandra Bullock knew how to break into a car.
My theory: George Clooney channelling his alter ego Danny Ocean, round up the crew of Gravity, taught them an elaborate heist, stole some money and spent it all on tickets to see Gravity in 3D.
3) Prime Minister of Australia, Tony Abbott.
Oh Tony, you still haven’t managed to put a foot right. This week’s scandal: spending tax payer-funded money on trips to colleagues’ weddings and sporting events. Now I know times are tough, hell you only get payed around $300,000, you have to deal with some idiotic people, and you’re not on the best of terms with the people and government of PNG at the moment. But could you pull this off?
My theory: Tony, using his ironman skills broke into the car, stole the money, and used it to pay off his trips. It’s a win-win situation for him, stealing from PNG and stealing from the Australian people all under the disguise of a true athlete.
Do any of my suspects line-up? Do you have anyone else that might need to come in for questioning? Let us know in the comments!
